PallasAthene posted:

I dunno, see there's these commercials that sometimes come on after Adult Swim and apparently there have been some shocking advances in the world of over-the-counter ancient homeopathic sexual enhancement pharmaceuticals, and they're so confident about it, that anyone with a credit card can get a free sample...

quote:

I made a bid to do everything I could to lose my virginity in those few remaining days I had. With a tremendous amount of panic, I wondered what I could possible do. The only thing I could think of was to go out to the common areas of Isla Vista as much as possible. I had to put myself out there, even if it only increased my chances of having sex by one percent. One percent was still better than zero.

For those crucial twelve days I had left as a teenager, I walked over to the center of Isla Vista every day and sat at one of the tables outside Domino’s Pizza, hoping against hope that a girl would come up and talk to me. Why wouldn’t they? I looked good enough, didn’t I? Or did I not look good enough? Such thoughts flew through my head in frantic waves. For dinner, I always walked over to the healthy restaurant called Silvergreen’s. There were always hot girls there, but none of them deigned to even look at me. On every one of those nights, I walked home alone, with my head down in defeat.

I made no progress in school either. My geography class had no pretty girls in it, so I had no hope there. I spent a lot of time sitting in the cafeteria area, but all of the beautiful girls I saw intimidated me too much. One time, as I was walking across the huge bridge that connected the two campuses, I passed by a girl I thought was pretty and said “Hi” as we neared each other. She kept on walking and didn’t even have the grace to respond to me. How dare she! That foul bitch. I felt so humiliated that I went to one of the school bathrooms, locked myself in a toilet stall, and cried for an hour.

On one of my very last days as a teenager, as I was sitting at my usual place at the food court outside Domino’s, I saw a sight that shattered my heart to pieces. A tall, blonde, jock-type guy walked into one of the restaurants, and at his side was one of the sexiest girls I had ever seen. She too was tall and blonde. They were both taller than me, and they kissed each other passionately. They made me feel so inferior and worthless and small. I glared at them with intense hatred as I sat by myself in my lonely misery. I could never have a girl like that. The sight was burned into my memory, and it caused a scar that will haunt me forever. When they walked away, I followed them in my car for a few minutes, and when they entered a less inhabited area I opened my window and splashed my iced tea all over them. It was all I could do at the time, but at least it was something. At least I made some effort to fight back against the injustice. I felt sick with hatred that night. The hatred boiled inside me with burning vitriol.

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August 5th came quickly, and I prepared myself to be in a pleasant mood to meet them. Their names were Ryan and Angel, and to my dismay they were of Hispanic race. In addition, the two of them were already friends with each other, which meant that they could possibly gang up against me if any conflicts were to arise. They also seemed like rowdy, low-class types. My first impression of them soured me, but I tried to be pleasant and not show it. The two of them acted cordial to me on the first day, but after observing them for a bit, I had a bad feeling that they would be trouble to live with… And they were to be my housemates for a whole year! When I was alone in my room, I panicked to myself at how dire a situation this was. This was extremely disappointing. I was hoping I would get decent, mature, clean-cut housemates. Instead I got low-class scum.

On the second day, they started inviting their equally rowdy friends into my apartment, and we exchanged more small talk. To my indignant surprise, they asked me the question I always dreaded answering: “Are you a virgin?” I admitted that I was a virgin. I always admitted the truth about this. It was my life struggle, and I couldn’t lie about such a thing. They then had the audacity to tell me that they lost their virginity long ago, bragging about all the girls they had slept with. I particularly hated Angel because of his ugly pig-face. How could such an ugly animal have had sexual experiences with girls, and yet I haven’t? What was wrong with this world? I got so angry that I went to my room and punched the wall. They heard me and started laughing. It was almost a repeat of what I experienced with that black boy named Chance in the old apartment, except this time it was worse because these were my housemates for the year!

On the day after, I almost got into a physical fight with Angel. The ugly pig kept acting as if girls thought he was more attractive than me. Hah! I am a beautiful, magnificent gentleman and he is a lowclass, pig-faced thug. I had enough of his cocksure attitude, and I started to call him exactly what he was. I tried to insult him as much as I could, telling him how superior I am to him, and saying that he was lowclass. He tried to attack me, but Ryan, being the more mellow of the two, held him back. A pity, I was itching for a chance to hurt that obnoxious little animal. Though I suppose it was for the best… My life was too important to risk doing anything rash.

In a panic, I immediately called my mother as soon as I could and told her of the dire situation. There was no way I could live with those two imbeciles for the whole college year. They already ruined my weekend.

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We then went to the Palisades town center to have dinner. This time we chose to eat at Panda Express. While we were eating, some high school kids walked in. James saw them first,
and right when he saw them he said the words “We’re hosed”. James knew I would have trouble with them. They were popular boys who had a flock of pretty girls with them. One of them sat down with two of the girls, putting his leg up on another chair with a cocky smirk on his face. I was livid with rage, and I wanted to pour my drink all over his head. James knew exactly what I was planning to do; we had been through similar incidents before. He made a lot of effort to try to dissuade me from acting on my anger, pointing out that there was a security guard nearby. I did the only other thing I could do; I packed up my dinner and left the restaurant, fleeing in defeat and shame. James soon followed, and we decided to finish our meal at his house.

A dark and ominous aura clouded over our friendship that day. When the two of us got back to James’s house, I was still seething with rage. I didn’t understand why James wasn’t angry like me. The sight that we just witnessed was horrible to watch. To see another male be successful with females is torture for males like us who have no success with females. I was so angry that I told James of all of the acts of revenge I wanted to exact on those popular boys. I told him my desire to flay them alive, to strip the skins off their flesh and make them scream in agony as punishment for living a better life than me.

James became deeply disturbed by my anger. I wished that he wasn’t disturbed. I wished he could be a friend that felt the same way about the world that I did. But he wasn’t that kind of person. He was a weakling.

Once I had calmed down, the two of us had a long conversation in his room, and I ended up crying in front of him as I explained how hopeless I felt about life. Soon after that, I left his house, never to return there again. He will never invite me over after that incident, and our friendship will slowly fade to dust

PallasAthene posted:

I dunno, see there's these commercials that sometimes come on after Adult Swim and apparently there have been some shocking advances in the world of over-the-counter ancient homeopathic sexual enhancement pharmaceuticals, and they're so confident about it, that anyone with a credit card can get a free sample...

Toph Bei Fong posted:

Toph Bei Fong posted:

PallasAthene posted:

Not having a magnum dong? That seems to be the go-to insult against guys, coming from both genders, and it seems to upset the majority of them way more than being called fat or ugly or weak or broke.

Toph Bei Fong posted:

Toph Bei Fong posted:

Moridin920 posted:

a girl who gave me a handy with said my dick was small afterwards and told all her friends BUT the only other dick she really had experience with was a 10" massive donger so I feel like she was just being dumb there

it's average

Business Gorillas posted:

Haha remember when this thread was about nice guy pics and not about troposphere???

Chomp8645 posted:

Girls have no idea what size dicks are. Half of them don't even know about growers vs showers which can really lead to some hilarity.

Chomp8645 posted:

Girls have no idea what size dicks are. Half of them don't even know about growers vs showers which can really lead to some hilarity.

Chomp8645 posted:

Girls have no idea what size dicks are. Half of them don't even know about growers vs showers which can really lead to some hilarity.

Cthulu Carl posted:

"It shrinks?"

Pick posted:

This is straight up stupid, like do you think women don't like... Hear common language? Like if a person says "th-that's all, folks!" That women look at each other like, what, what's all, what??? Everyone knows about growers and showers dude


Well, you might not know much about showers

Chomp8645 posted:

What in the world are you talking about?

Pick posted:

Well, you might not know much about showers

SciFiDownBeat posted:

drat it Pick, I already made this joke!!!!!! No post stealing!!!!!!

Space Poodle posted:

Is that Nice Guy fanfic? WTF did I just read?

Pick posted:

This is straight up stupid, like do you think women don't like... Hear common language? Like if a person says "th-that's all, folks!" That women look at each other like, what, what's all, what??? Everyone knows about growers and showers dude


Well, you might not know much about showers

Fat Shat Sings posted:

some guys don't know about the difference because they think all dicks are like theirs and aren't curious enough about dicks to come across that knowledge very easily.

Moridin920 posted:

if you frown at my penis i will have you stoned

Decebal posted:

Everyone's focusing on length when girth is actually quite important.

Pick posted:

It's not like I don't like men, but I do hate how men don't realize how their behaviors come across to women and then blame women for it instead of realizing they might need to empathize with others

poo poo, I got flack in the Brony thread for saying I generally don't mind those guys because they're loving trying

Pick posted:

It's not like I don't like men, but I do hate how men don't realize how their behaviors come across to women and then blame women for it instead of realizing they might need to empathize with others

Fat Shat Sings posted:

you seem hyper defensive towards men for some reason.

Chomp8645 posted:

Who is blaming women for anything right now???? Like seriously, what are you talking about.

Moridin920 posted:

she's just talking in general weirdos calm down

taking everything all personal like