Non Serviam posted:

Wait... People would approach someone who had a uniform of a different store?

Some people are so weird.

Non Serviam posted:

I didn't defend this guy, I said that you, or whatever poster it was, was grasping at straws trying to come up with some racism to get angry about.
Honestly, it's more concerning for me that any stories about criminal hobos make you think of black people. I'm sure they appreciate your desire to carry the white man's burden.

Yestermoment posted:

But what I really came to post was this:

quote:

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes.” The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, “Here I am God. I’m still waiting.” It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and lifted up his arm to strike him.

At that moment the professor was transformed into a 7-foot grizzly, wreathed in a halo of holy fire. The bear spoke: "Blasphemer thou art, thou thinkst to take the place of God? Those who deny me face eternal fire, but you who knows my work and yet commits the sin of Satan I curse a hundred times over!" The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently picking at his boils. Then Richard Dawkins burst into the room, wielding a copy of The Selfish Gene and crying "Leave that boy alone, you pathetic atavism!" As the holy bear whirled around, terrible light flashing in its eyes, Dawkins shed his mortal form, raised each of his seven horned heads, and hissed. "It'ssss me you want!". And then the Lord and the Antichrist joined in the final battle.

The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

CharlestheHammer posted:

Is this for real.

Darth Windu posted:

Virtue signaling

Darth Windu posted:

Virtue signaling is really common on these forums unfortunately yeah

Equeen posted:

quote:

This troper knows a heavy sprinkling of martial arts, including capoeira, krav maga, and tae-quan-do from watching videos on youtube (what? Don't look at me like that!)

One day a man came up to me on the street, picking on me for my pale skin and shock of red hair. What he didn't know about me was that I could kill someone in 40 different ways (and that's before I actually take time to think about it!) and I told him as such. I raised my leg to kick him and it all gets blurry from there. Next thing I know, I'm getting Marshmallow Hell-ed by a cute asian nurse and called a very brave boy for the ordeal I went through. Take that, random mugger!

Noyemi K posted:

Tae-quan-do

Xen Tricks posted:

I would pay good money to see an idiot nerd attempt "capoeira" solely from watching YouTube videos

Xen Tricks posted:

I would pay good money to see an idiot nerd attempt "capoeira" solely from watching YouTube videos

Non Serviam posted:

Personally, I'd like to see an MMA fight between a trained fighter and someone who learned on YouTube.

Non Serviam posted:

Personally, I'd like to see an MMA fight between a trained fighter and someone who learned on YouTube.

Non Serviam posted:

Personally, I'd like to see an MMA fight between a trained fighter and someone who learned on YouTube.

Darth Windu posted:

Virtue signaling is really common on these forums unfortunately yeah

quote:

When this troper was in elementary school, he started to pick up programming from an old book about C. By the time I was fourteen, I'd already written a 3D game engine and a new method of drawing graphics that reduced GPU usage by a good 40-50% or so. Unfortunately it was open-source so some other developers started stealing the tech and now you have idtech 6 and Unreal Engine 4.

Horrible as that is, pretty smart for a 14 year old to save GPU usage by not drawing polys that aren't visible!

Noyemi K posted:

Game Engine


No one had the heart to tell him that's been done since before Crash Bandicoot (or that he's full of poo poo, but I don't know about that since it's from the pastebin and not the site with the comments)

Xen Tricks posted:

Holy poo poo lol how stupid do you have to be to think you invented backface culling/clipping, two of the most important parts of modern graphical rendering?

"UH DUH DON'T MAKE WHAT YOU CAN'T SEE STUPID, HOW HARD IS THAT? IDIOT GAME NERDS NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT HUH?? "

gschmidl posted:

I think this may be the stdh-iest thing to ever not happen. You may want to scroll up to read the original question.

BattleSausage posted:

As a Lance Corporal in USMC I played a war game where I was a Soviet armored column invading Okinawa (for what the gently caress reason). It was a computer simulation where we had our troops, teams, divisions, and whatnot. I was kicking everyone's rear end because I played it like a video game. I ignored all the stupid side objectives and drove straight for the American control center with my tanks and wiped out the American recon teams as they popped up to fight me. So because I was winning against American forces and the Commandant, General Krulak, was watching, I had to stop winning. They literally told me to stop winning, and that's how the commissioned officers perform war training.

Elblanco posted:

This reads like he got stabbed and woke up in the hospital.

walrusman posted:

"Stop exploiting bugs in our hastily-programmed training simulator with your mighty gamer nerd powers, and start playing the game as it's designed so you might actually learn something."

Darth Windu posted:

"holy poo poo" general Krulak whispered, "that kid is inhuman!"

Darth Windu posted:

"holy poo poo" general Krulak whispered, "that kid is inhuman!"

Doubtful Guest posted:

This troper destroyed 20 embedded artillery positions but two were too hard so I had my friend destroy them.

The cheese stdh sounds like the wacky sitcom pitch from someone who's read too much Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams.

Leavemywife posted:

MTV had a show called Bully Beatdown with a very similar premise.

quote:

This Troper's CC in Navy boot camp was five-feet-two and 120 lbs... and his forearms were larger than his thighs, and he played the mannerisms of the trope exactly straight. This Troper will never forget the day where one recruit, secure in the delusion that showing up on time for one's doctor's appointment was strictly optional, was instantly cured of this delusion when our CC concluded his lecture on the virtues of punctuality by picking up his desk and throwing it clear across his office.

quote:

I am very glad that I only had to take one year of P.E. in high school. The boys' P.E. coach, if I remember correctly, yelled at his classes quite a bit. He'd be another one-note "how did he get this job, again?" teacher if he didn't mock me the moment (and after!) I tried to report that some of his students had joked about RAPING ME. (To put this in perspective, I had and still have the body structure of a wet noodle, and am shorter that drat near everyone else in the school. You'd think he'd at least hear me out; it wouldn't be hard for anyone in his class to beat the poo poo out of me) Drill Sergeant loving Worthless. (Both girls' and boys' coaches made us run laps for up to eleven minutes, and if someone so much as stopped to tie their shoes or catch their breath, everyone runs for another minute. All it did was tire everyone out and give us huge stitches in our sides. Not particularly bad, until you consider that it was either sweltering hot or ballsack-shrinkingly cold in our gym) And when I got out of that godforsaken class, I got to take Health with my former coach—who always placed me near the misogynistic idiots and once made me think I'd be the one getting the shaft for reporting two guys who pretended to have sex with me, probably because she thought I hated men because of my problems with Sergeant Worthless's class and did I mention the RAPE AS COMEDY?

quote:

As this is Truth In Television for a great many people, sometimes it's more the circumstances behind the decision. In my case, it was Thanksgiving, and the kitchen sink was mostly stopped. My dad had thrown probably five gallons of drain cleaner down the sink in a vain attempt to get things flowing again, but to no avail— it was running just slowly enough to have the cleaner flow past without affecting the blockage. As it happened, it was just that one sink that was clogged, and conveniently enough we knew exactly which pipe in the basement was connected to it. So Dad gets the brilliant idea to cut that section of pipe out and use the plumber's snake from the other end to clear away the sludge. And guess who happens to be home that weekend to help. Long story short, I and my sister wound up covered in something much less pleasant than slime once the pipe got cut, but once everything was over that pipe was clean.

quote:

This troper once rode shotgun with a guy who was tripling the speed limit, playing chicken with a school bus, while throwing old CRT monitors out the window.

Khazar-khum posted:

Pipe

Khazar-khum posted:

Navy

Xen Tricks posted:

I would pay good money to see an idiot nerd attempt "capoeira" solely from watching YouTube videos

Hoover Dam posted:

I'm a capoeirista, and same. Specifically, to see some dork trying to escape a mugger by one-handed cartwheels and flipping on his side.

Either that or I like to picture the proper using the other parts of capoeira training to escape, like he's singing badly at the guy in Portuguese.

Non Serviam posted:

I'd like to see any capoerista dance his way out of a mugging in close spaces, to be honest.