Pastry of the Year posted:

Fart.Bleed.Repeat. posted:

sure, exposure to pigs kills black people every day, so it must be genetic, or something?

Tunicate posted:

Wife: “I’ll have the [Burger] with fries.”

Shangri-Law School posted:

BrigadierSensible posted:

B-Rock "The islamic shock" Super Allah Hussein Obama

Shangri-Law School posted:

quote:

This troper infamously sleep-chased a robber out of her house with a meat cleaver in one hand and a realistic looking toy gun in the other once. Another time, I fell out of the top bunk at my friend's place without waking up. Later on in the night, my friend rolled out of the bottom bunk and directly onto me, yet I kept on sleeping. The friend tried everything to wake me up and get me to go back into the bunk, I still didn't wake up. Then the next morning, she actually poured icy water onto me, but I still kept on sleeping soundly... until an hour later, when my mother came over to pick me up, and I woke up instantly at the sound of her voice at the front door.

quote:

My friends and I decided we spent too much time indoors playing video games and so we decided to form our own soccer team to participate in University soccer games. We went to the sport and recreation director's office and he asked us what our team name was, having not thought about it one of us just said 'Missing World Of Warcraft Raid' and that became our team name for the rest of the semester. Next semester we changed it to 'Freitag and the Mediocres' (Freitag being the person on attack... or whatever you call the person who scores the goals) and the semester after that we were called 'Aim For Fatty' (We had a rather rotund man as our goalie).

quote:

This troper's college intramural team named itself "By(e) *" so that was what popped up on the bracket. The idea was for other teams to think they had advanced freely and skipped a round, and lose to us by default. All that ended up happening was that the coordinator got angry at us. Another time we used the name "Ladies? (a guy's cell#)"

quote:

This troper once dressed up in sparkles and fake fur and face paint and a tail and ears and antennae for Hallowe'en, and proclaimed herself to be a Go-non.
Other partygoers: What are you?
This troper: I'm a Go-non!
Other partygoers: What's a Go-non?
This troper: Not much. What's a-goin' on with you?

quote:

This editor had to go to the school councillor after hearing that some of his classmates did drugs, and that the school football team burnt effigies of athletes from other schools in the area (and that some other students in his class supported it). Learning that the school you always thought was a great place was actually so full of wrongness can feel like discovering Azathoth controls the universe. It took 45 minutes for the councillor to make him feel better.

quote:

This troper with Asperger Syndrome had BSODs of varied intensity during middle school. Apparently the modus operandi for disciplining students in the special class she was in was physical restraint (which should never be used on people with autistic spectrum disorders) The most frequent response to any sign I was about to melt down was to immediately grab and restrain me. Note that this is as many as three full-grown adults holding down a five-foot-tall, 110-pound eighth-grader. Near the end of the year, anyone even grabbing my wrist sent me into panic mode. In the last class of the school year, a girl near me started shooting her mouth off. I got out of my seat and took a step forward. A small male classmate of mine had the brilliant idea to come up behind me and bear-hug me. Cue BSOD resulting in the kid nearly getting his finger bitten off.

quote:

This Tropette has a BSOD whenever people manage to sneak up on her and/or touch the back of her shoulders and back of neck. Often times it's accompanied with a violent reflex. So much so she once found her self turned around 180 degrees her fist flung out... and a male friend clutching his chest where she had whalloped him. And wound up making his dog tags leave welts of themselves on his chest. She had to ask what happened since she has no memory of it.

quote:

This editor had to go to the school councillor after hearing that some of his classmates did drugs, and that the school football team burnt effigies of athletes from other schools in the area (and that some other students in his class supported it). Learning that the school you always thought was a great place was actually so full of wrongness can feel like discovering Azathoth controls the universe. It took 45 minutes for the councillor to make him feel better. 

Khazar-khum posted:

School

BrigadierSensible posted:

When I see stupid letters like these, I wonder, since they went out of their way to make the fake rejection letters, why not post a letter that goes:

Dear guy,

We at the white house reckon you are ace and funny and poo poo, and as such will hire you to do your stupid finger snapping thing. Be sure to post this letter on teh internet so all those people who doubted your funniness and awesomeosity will be suitably chastened.

Yours Sincerely,

B-Rock "The islamic shock" Obama

Jerry Cotton posted:

Jerry Cotton posted:

cash crab posted:

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

My friend, what does it mean, this American word - holla holla get dolla?

cash crab posted:

hyperhazard posted:

I work right next to a stadium, so every so often the chit-chat will turn to sports. We're talking really simple water-cooler chatting that anyone could follow. There's always that one guy.

"Oh hey, is the team playing this weekend?"
"Yeah, they've been doing well so far."
"Oh that's cool."
"They're doing better than last year, at lea--"
"I just don't GET sports."

Every goddamn time.

ibntumart posted:

Smashmouth

Tunicate posted:

Owner Owning Up
Cafe | Denver, CO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink

Jerry Cotton posted:

Khazar-khum posted:

I know it's STDH, but come on. A baby opussum would need doll clothes, not kid clothes.

fish and chips and dip posted:

I don't get the STDH here, plenty of people I know keep a slang word list when learning a new language.

hyperhazard posted:

hyperhazard posted:

Jerry Cotton posted:

St Evan Echoes posted:

both sides are in English

quote:

I don't work at McDonalds, but once I was there waiting for my friend to get off work. He was arguing with a drunk guy who was demanding 200 chicken mcnuggets. They ended up selling him the 200 nuggets, when he proved he had the money. He proceeded to run outside and throw them at people screaming "YOU GET A NUGGET! AND YOU! EVERYONE GETS NUGGETS!"

Henchman of Santa posted:

Also who the gently caress is Robert Reich and why is he always in my feed?

https://twitter.com/adamjohnsonnyc/status/785265025418133504

RNG posted:

From a stupid clickbait article that lifted from askreddit:

quote:

This troper's favorite teacher ever, who taught Jr. High biology, was, if not a hippie, bordering on it. He played acoustic guitar for us on occasion, was in a band called the All Bob Band (none of the members were named Bob), taught the occasional lesson using old Star Trek episodes, and, when we had to dissect a squid, fried up the edible bits for us on a hot plate when we were done.

quote:

This troper was at school when someone he...strongly disliked came up and started being a dick, culminating in him yelling "Hit me, bitch!" which I did...and broke his nose...well, I was just trying to be helpful!

quote:

This troper's best friend was in a bar that had one of these "test your strength" punching bag machines. This absolutely enormous dude who's about to have a go at it turns to my friend and asks for a slap in the face. And another. And another. And then — cue battle roar, followed by punch Of Doom, followed by broken machine. My friend gives good slaps, apparently.

quote:

This troper was attacked by Something Awful back in February of 2008, and one of the most-used insults was that I "could double for Kathy Bates". Never mind that all they had seen of me was my (now defunct) You Tube videos, where I was only seen from the neck up. In real life I have actually been complimented on my looks. If anything, I look like the sort of girl that Robert Crumb would draw, and that's not too bad.
SA is full of Internet Tough Guys who have exacting standards on what constitutes feminine beauty — and 99.99% of them fail to meet the most liberal standards on what constitutes masculine beauty. FARK isn't any better. I would know; I used to be a Total Farker. My own wife weighs in a 150lbs, and depending on who makes the clothes, swings between a size 10 and a size 16. I've known the lady since 2000, and I still can't keep my hands off her.

quote:

See that real life video on the regular Hot Skitty On Wailord Action page? (The dog-raping-kid one) ....That actually happened to this troper when she was about seven.

quote:

SA is full of Internet Tough Guys who have exacting standards on what constitutes feminine beauty — and 99.99% of them fail to meet the most liberal standards on what constitutes masculine beauty.

Henchman of Santa posted:

Somebody made a twitter bot that writes precocious child STDH, and it's great.

https://twitter.com/darndesttruisms/status/780231172701892608
https://twitter.com/darndesttruisms/status/785123408895848449
https://twitter.com/darndesttruisms/status/784217437210152960

sweeperbravo posted:

"I look like the sort of girl Robert Crumb would draw, and that's not too bad."