fruit on the bottom posted:

Does it count as necrophilia if you're jacking yourself off with a dead joke?

A Moose posted:

"It might be easy for you to type "just break up" but its just as easy for me to cover my eyes and scream SUNK COST FALLACY real loud"

fruit on the bottom posted:

Does it count as necrophilia if you're jacking yourself off with a dead joke?

fishmech posted:

July 3rd 2017, 11:39:54 pm · a minute ago

[Scene: a nervous-looking older man meets with a millennial in a darkened alley.]
Millennial: what's the target?
Man: I don't know if I want to do this.
Millennial: people don't come to us until they've made up their minds.
Man: Alright. Styrofoam cups.
Millennial: Six months and they're gone.
Man: Can millennials really kill styrofoam cups?
Millennial: we can kill anything, but not cheaply.
Man: I can pay. I work for a plasti-
Millennial: I don't need to know and frankly I don't care. One of us will deliver a routing number to a Zurich account. Two billion euros, then we start.
Man: Al..alright.
Millennial: It will be your last chance to reconsider. Once the money is processed you'll have no contact with us again.
Man: I understand. It has to be done.
Millennial: then it's sealed. The cups will join chain restaurants and diamonds in the void.
Man: Thank..thank you.
Millennial: We don't require thanks. Participation is its own trophy.

Sapozhnik posted:

quoting fishmech

trapped mouse posted:

I'm pretty sure that's not a fishmesh original, as far as I know this is the original source:

http://brainstatic.tumblr.com/post/162558774045/scene-a-nervous-looking-older-man-meets-with-a

trapped mouse posted:

I'm pretty sure that's not a fishmesh original, as far as I know this is the original source:

http://brainstatic.tumblr.com/post/162558774045/scene-a-nervous-looking-older-man-meets-with-a

Sapozhnik posted:

quoting fishmech

Tree Goat posted:

Modern language would also be way "simpler" and "easy" if the human race were exterminated like vermin down to nothingness; then the only lingua franca you'd need would be how to interpret the rustling of trees and the mournful cry of crows as they peck at our bleached bones.

Horrible Lurkbeast posted:

Eating the wrong things, pissing in public, loving up the simple act of loving.
How aren't 🐼 the official animal of the something awful forums?

fishmech posted:

The Beach Subway operated via giant fans in the sealable tunnel, where you would push and pull the cars by air suction in the direction of intended travel, without risking extreme vacuum for the passengers. There would have been fan pairs for each station to station segment in the final system instead of the single fan on the demonstration line and station

C.H.O.M.E posted:

i'm picturing a subway where everyone boards and their eardrums rupture before the car starts to slowly accelerate away from the station

flakeloaf posted:

Some of them fled, although they had been trained to cope with just such an unthinkable eventuality. The deaf-hearing face twitched and quivered. Claw hands beat and twisted and danced on the air; abruptly they descended and the thing that had been his son began to claw at its ears. "Louder than you think, Dad!" it cackled. "Louder than you think! Held my tongue when they gave out the earplugs! Wanted to hear! I heard! I heard! Louder than you think!"

fits my needs posted:

Spatial posted:

zuck has been rehearsing the routine for days. this poo poo is complicated son

*ZUCK looks down at his notes*

- contract facial muscle group 31, HAPPY
- clasp dried carbohydrate assembly
- raise right appendage 34cm
- sleep 550ms
- raise right appendage to primary mandible level
- insert assembly
- cycle primary mandible at 0.6Hz [continuous]
- retract appendage
- contract facial muscles 29 - 34 for 1600 milliseconds (tough one!!)
- blink exactly once

Munchables posted:

Every once in a while, good ol' @Bootleg_Stuff offers to do a few bootleg drawings for people, here's the one she did for me, a normal portait sketch on the left and the bootleg on the right:

https://twitter.com/MunchTheMetal/status/839704260933660676?s=09

goose willis posted:

I'm glad you managed to escape from LA

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

She's actually cool and good though.

xXAdmiralBekHarXx posted:

Theres more digital manipulation in this photo than Lena's kid sister suffered throughout her childhood.

Coucho Marx posted:

from one of several (?!) Lena Dunham GBS threads

Powaqoatse posted:

flakeloaf posted:

Some of them fled, although they had been trained to cope with just such an unthinkable eventuality. The deaf-hearing face twitched and quivered. Claw hands beat and twisted and danced on the air; abruptly they descended and the thing that had been his son began to claw at its ears. "Louder than you think, Dad!" it cackled. "Louder than you think! Held my tongue when they gave out the earplugs! Wanted to hear! I heard! I heard! Louder than you think!"

Coucho Marx posted:

from one of several (?!) Lena Dunham GBS threads

Sid Vicious posted:

Die in a fire lol just kidding I don't care how you die

SHOAH NUFF posted:

I need to find a way to drug or sedate my gf so I can play shadow of Mordor

Amy Pole Her posted:

4-6 minutes of sitting on it will probably make it numb for 10-15 minutes

FactsAreUseless posted:

Let's face it, anal sex has been big since the 1959 Godzilla spinoff Sodom and Gamera.

fruit on the bottom posted:

Guys you're going to summon Bitcoin evangelist, bootleg knockoff mirthless, and all around retard Ham Sandwiches to poo poo up the thread again.

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

bitcoinjuice! bitcoinjuice! bitcoinjuice!

Viva Miriya posted:

Ham sandwiches

fruit on the bottom posted:

You motherfuckers

Jandipoo posted:

I know this is from pages back but I'd like to point out that Walmart (at least the one I work at) gives bonuses to its employees based on low shrink numbers. So basically if you do steal from my store you are stealing money from my pocket and gently caress you.

maskenfreiheit posted:

walmart purposefully pays it's employees so little they need to get food stamps ( TAX FUNDED , so when you work at wal mart you are stealing money from my pocket and gently caress you

Chief McHeath posted:

Just lol if you haven't had a methed out JO sesh to videos of girls having model train sets run off the tracks into their gaping assholes.

numberoneposter posted:

When a tennis player gets married it usually fails because love means nothing to them.

counterfeitsaint posted:

Lowtax is that lovely dad who misses your birthday every year, but triple dog swears he's going to show up next year with the best present ever sport. You never actually seen him in person, only pictures and the rare voice on the phone. One time you got a card with a $5 bill in it.

Karate Bastard posted:

That's






...weirdly specific.

counterfeitsaint posted:

Lowtax is a bad father

ruddiger posted:

Chicago's super casually racist, so growing up, I always thought tank tops were called dago-tees because that's what people in my neighborhood (Italians and Mexicans) called them.

Either way, Bill no doubt had an impressive collection of them.

nickhimself posted:

Everywhere I've lived they've been referred to as "wife beaters".

Strudel Man posted:

Well, if you're talking to one in person, you should still call them Italian.

13Pandora13 posted:

I'm multilingual (German) and at one point he asked me why people didn't just speak English. I asked what he meant and he was like, "well like why do they bother to translate the words to speak another language when they can just say it in English?" He had a very, very hard time understanding that people didn't all *think* in English no matter how I explained it.

Sagebrush posted:

Sham bam bamina! posted:

thats the fakest poo poo and has been called out a million times

Trig Discipline posted:

no, women can actually be doctors

rope kid posted:

"Who among you knows this pop star, Ed Sheeran?"

Goon 1: *stands up, boldly* "Not I! I am not a normie!"

Goon 2: *stands up even faster, speaks with a more strident tone* "I can't even say the name Eaud Shear-han!"

Goon 3: *pushes the other two people out the way and shouts through a megaphone* "I've never heard music!"