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Outrail posted:Ok fine, we're a monster and I want to skewer an innocent human with our soul cannon to see what happens. Moo?
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May 12, 2018 00:09
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 21:15 |
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Soooo, my hypothesis. When we cupcake fused ourself with Kvellar and something something reverse soulular mitosis we fliberdigibbeted the thingamadoodleatron that lets gods do stuff. This resolved itself with the shadoodle that we call ourself at this point. We're two people in the same body but our mind won out since our mind is infused with cupcake juice or some bullshit. Also Kvelar's brainsauce/mindjuice has ancestral memories of dwarrrow alchemy and so blabbity blah. This allows us to eventually challenge the forest to a Full Contact Croquet match where we make all the home runs but the forest gets a touchdown and we counter with a strike and then everything is on the line and Skvababt professes her love at the final push and we save the Empire by getting a hole in one and the Forest is convinced to become a slightly aggressive potted plant for all time in exchange for survival. Checkmate.
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May 12, 2018 00:29
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I suspect the Emperor was a Xhaositect like us, how else could he have bended the gods to his whim? We should brand ourselves as a successor to Emperor Rim once we get more control, we're Thorgrim after all.
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May 12, 2018 00:36
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super sweet best pal posted:we're Thorgrim after all. 
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May 12, 2018 06:32
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Slaan posted:Moo? I want a person, so they can tell us what happened from their perspective. As an aside, if the engine is depleted does that mean we can finally use it as a regular crossbow for murdering stuff?
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May 12, 2018 23:37
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Summon the skullduggery twins and request a tutor for learning cowspeak. Also a contact who knows how to make humidifiers. Pretty sure an undisclosed someone would appreciate one.
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May 13, 2018 03:35
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Blasphemaster posted:Summon the skullduggery twins and request a tutor for learning cowspeak. Also a contact who knows how to make humidifiers. Pretty sure an undisclosed someone would appreciate one. Or we could invest in a 55 gallon drum of water based
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May 14, 2018 20:48
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Outrail posted:Or we could invest in a 55 gallon drum of water based Por que no los dos?
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May 15, 2018 03:34
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Slice of Life - Clasification What goes through the head of a monster? Beyond the usual imperial answer of 'hopefully a sword, skillfully swung' there has been remarkably little study into the subject, in all probability because those curious enough to investigate have invariably ended up on the wrong side of the foodchain. What studies have been conducted are more akin to shared observations and anecdotes, carefully curated by The Imperial Monster Hunters Guild Entente and the various orders of Paladins, shared only with the select few that could incentivize some very specific advice into violence. Thus the typical entry in Monsters Monthly might read that a particular monster might prefer to attack in groups of three at night time, but rarely do they ever state why. It is, to put a finer point on it, a problem of lesser priority than the Empires survival. That is not to say that the philosophy of monsters is ignored entirely, indeed there are scholars who try to find the hidden patterns and make sense of movements both great and small, but they are few and have as of yet not produced much of value outside of the field of Slimegeneering, which admittedly is thriving. The Why of Animals is easier to comprehend. They act on instinct and seem to follow some basic rules. Eat things smaller that yourself and run away from things that are larger than you by volume, unless it is already dead in which case you are free to eat it. Fight, only if there are no other options, if your nest is threatened, if a rival needs to be disposed of or, in the case of cats and other intelligent creatures, if you just really feel like it. What truly separates monster from animal, then, is the lack of this logic in their interactions with other beings. A monster will attack regardless of the danger posed to themselves, regardless of their territory or hunger. They might even leave carrion be, what in the animal world regarded as a free buffet, in favour of living tissue, no matter the threat or nutrition it poses to them.  Where does this leave the humble niddler? Long famed as a flying nuisance, they received official monster classification a little less than one hundred years in the past, after the Empires expansion had reached and indeed breached the jungles they once called home to replace it with heavy industry, driving the critter into near extinction, forcing them to adapt or die. Unfortunately for the Empire, they were already pretty adept as flying, omnivore ambush predators, so when their prized papayas and delicious parrots were cruelly taken from them, they instead sought a diet more sinister in the form of innocent farmhands and imperial citizens. A monster of our own creation, then, but none the less one that needs to be dealt with.  -- [ISTEC] gathers around the northeastern section of the farm with ##Nåzom Stėgeth## in tow, there to set it up down an intersection of the many open pathways that litter the plantation, here for the purpose of overwatch. The plan, such as it is, is for a feast of papayas to act as bait, with Khami hidden in the greenery to swat any approaching Niddler to the ground where either Skvababt can pierce then with her arrows or for yourself to end them with a volley of your arbalest. The plan to use farmhands to chase the Niddlers into the open was shut down before it even entered discussion, as you have no money with which to contract them for their service and they have no experience, will or more importantly license to do it on their own accord. Additionally, as the threat posed by the local Niddler population is legally considered met by your presence here, the laws allowing the emergency recruitment of non guild-citizens has been rendered void. And so, the waiting game begins.
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May 16, 2018 17:48
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Swedish Thaumocracy posted:And so, the waiting game begins. Use Accountancy to 'sight in' the arbalest while we're waiting.
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May 16, 2018 19:52
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Trouble on the Rim, Book 2, Chapter 3 The City of Whale, Dorsal District Part Thirteen: Niddlers are the Worst Current Region: Huddik You need wait only twenty minutes until the silence is broken by an awful screech skyward from, and it takes considerable diligence not to reveal your ambush then and there, as the noise of the tangle of Niddlers is truly awful. What you first observe as three distinct shapes in fact turn out to be four, as the largest, probable alpha Niddler, is cradling the smallest, a youth, in its claws. It swoops down low and unceremoniously drops the runt by the baited feast, an act followed by even more screeching from the injured party and a hoarse hiccup like laughter from the larger flying ones. When nothing immediately fatal occurs to the youth, the three larger kin descend, the Alpha pushing the youth out of the way, grabbing it's (un) rightfully claimed papaya out of its trembling claws. With one swift motion, the papaya is crushed, the remains scattered over the soil, an action followed by more laughter as the rest begin to gorge themselves in a very peculiar manner. Each papaya is carefully plucked, knocked against a hard surface (the ground or another, smaller Niddler), before their thin claws reach into the fruit to rip out the seeds which are then either chewed into a fine paste and spat out, or flicked into nearby unguarded eyes to much delight and screeching. Indeed, the metaphorical table manners of the monsters ahead of you are so poor as to make you think they were deviously crafted by some malevolent deity. The creatures, having each had a pair or three of papayas (a single, shrivelled papaya for the runt) then burp with satisfaction and it is this simple emission that carries with it a stench powerful enough to water your very eyes. Blissfully, the odour shock lasts only for a short moment as the burping is replaced by screaming when the runt takes some hidden opportunity to pull on the scaly tail of the Alpha, stealing a ripe Papaya from it and taking off into the sky. 1: You... A: Give the signal, activate the ambush! B: Wait for the Niddlers to calm down a little before attacking. C: Wait for the Niddlers to leave, then try to track them to their nest. D: Wait for the Niddlers to leave and hope they come back in greater numbers. --
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May 17, 2018 08:31
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C
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May 17, 2018 08:54
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C, we were already told that the Niddlers liked to flee when threatened, so hopefully by finding the nest we can drive them out of the area.
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May 17, 2018 09:41
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C
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May 17, 2018 12:18
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C.Let's FOOF the nest. We have a reputation to uphold.
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May 17, 2018 12:51
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Vote: C; we're getting paid to destroy the next, no?Blasphemaster posted:C.Let's FOOF the nest. We have a reputation to uphold. Do we have any FOOF left? I might actually be onboard with this, if we can FOOF it safely.
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May 17, 2018 19:53
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Blasphemaster posted:C.Let's FOOF the nest. We have a reputation to uphold. This appeals to me. +1
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May 17, 2018 20:39
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CourValant posted:Do we have any FOOF left? I might actually be onboard with this, if we can FOOF it safely. Sadly, the authorities would not let you bring incredibly volatile high explosives to the capital after you had been arrested.
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May 17, 2018 21:02
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But the Right to Explode FOOF is right there in the Divine Scroll of Rights and Regulations!
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May 17, 2018 22:18
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Swedish Thaumocracy posted:Sadly, the authorities would not let you bring incredibly volatile high explosives to the capital after you had been arrested. Well, we are having drinks with Agents Spooky and Snooty tonight, maybe we can talk them into opening the FIB armory? I'm imagining this to be something akin to how we set Nekker nests alight in Witcher 3.
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May 17, 2018 23:18
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Bullshit!  Hmm... C. Wipe em out the traditional way. (repeated C vote do not count twice)
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May 18, 2018 00:35
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To the C
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May 19, 2018 05:58
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C
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May 20, 2018 17:22
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C
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May 21, 2018 05:22
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Woah Woah Woah hold up guys. Are you saying we no FOOF? Like, none at all? I feel naked. Leave, acquire FOOF and/or other high explosives and return
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May 21, 2018 17:38
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Trouble on the Rim, Book 2, Chapter 3 The City of Whale, Dorsal District Part Fourteen: When Niddlers Elope Current Region: Huddik You give the signal to hold, and to follow. Skvababt silently removes herself from her hiding place, keeping her eyes to the sky - not that her quarry proves overly hard to follow, what with the screeching and flailing. For you and Khami on the other hand, things are more arduous as you disassemble the fortified position of ##Nåzom Stėgeth## and remount it to your donkey and cart, graciously lent to you from the innkeep Ivana Sčndvic, your own all purpose adventuring wagon and terrorprone horses at this point a distant memory of how grand things used to be. Though she remains far ahead of you, you manage to follow in her footsteps largely thanks to the hidden message she leaves as she goes - twigs and rock placed in such a manner as to form arrows pointing the way. Your journey takes you some ten minutes as the horrible monkey lizard flies to the north, diverging a tad from their north east point of entry but not significantly so. Towards a hilly, lightly forested area at the base of the mountain chain that houses Whale. Skvababt greets you as your wagon creeks up the hillside, pointing with one beautiful arm towards the cresting mountaintops to your west.  "As far as I could, I followed, Mr.... Novas? Mhm, is this to be your name for now? We are ruled by slips of paper but for the passions of our hearts, Mr. Ironscript. Whatever your desires be, let it come from there." You blush, as you often do in her company, though it might just be the sweltering sun or the thrill of battle to come. "Regardless, they chased one another here like, young lovers in spring, mhm, and equally as lovers they quarreled. Yonder, then, the result of their embrace, a corpse free for ISTECs taking. But of the others? They flew, onto the perilous crags of the mountains. I thought it wise to stay behind lest I be overwhelmed by more of their ilk, surely roosting nearby." You throw the body on your wagon, wishing privately that all jobs could be this easy, that more monsters fight amongst themselves. Notably it was not the runt that perished, but one of the adult-hangers on. [+01 Niddler Corpse Get!] Pleasantries over with, you look towards the mountains..  -- 1: Hmm. Yes, well, finding them again might be a tad difficult... now where exactly did they go? A: To the Top! Skvababt thinks they roost as birds of prey, high in the mountains. Not somewhere you could easily bring ##Nåzom Stėgeth##, you'll have to make it the rest of the way on foot. Expect the climb to take an hour. B: To the caves! You spot some caves in the distance, not at the very top but certainly further than you are now. It's possible you could drag your siege-arbalest there with the aid of your donkey and crew, though it would take an hour or two. If the Niddlers are cowards, and by all rights you expect them to be, a good cave would offer them superior shelter and thus might make an adequate home for them. Though, of course, other terrors might lurk in such places as well. C: To the trees! They are mostly birds, right? Birds live in forests. Follow the mountain to the east, where the forest (lower case f) grows upon the slopes. As it is mostly down-hill, getting there should be swift and easy, even with your heavy load, though you'll have a hard time getting line of sight with any fliers when canopy covers the sky like a thick green quilt. You can expect other monsters to make the forest their home, but probably nothing overly dangerous this close to the city. Wargs perhaps, if the climate is right for them, or Dire-Goats or maybe even Toadias or Skeletoads. Ah, the life of a monster slayer. A never ending series of potential deadly meleés. D: Just Camp Them They passed through here to get to the plantation, did they not? Look around you for a suitable ambush spot and get in position for their return trip! Use some 'borrowed' papayas and the corpse as bait, they seem like the kind of monster to eat their own if the opportunity presents itself.
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May 24, 2018 09:24
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Dwe're not in any rush - let's see if they fall for the same trick again.
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May 24, 2018 10:42
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D We could probably figure out which place home is after another ambush.
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May 24, 2018 10:51
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D
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May 24, 2018 19:15
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Nothingtoseehere posted:Dwe're not in any rush - let's see if they fall for the same trick again. Yeah, alright, Vote: D; its just not a good idea to start tromping around the mountain, trying to drag the arbalest along.
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May 24, 2018 20:49
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Do not consider going back in caves for a long long time. What would happen if we FOOFed the cliff? Aside from good times of course.
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May 26, 2018 03:37
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Trouble on the Rim, Book 2, Chapter 3 The City of Whale, Eastern Outskirts Part Fourteen: Ambush Attempt 2 Current Region: Huddik  Though you daydream of throwing FOOF, you still don't actually have any. So you wait. The mountain is better at waiting than you, having done so roughly forever. You make light conversation with your companions, but as you are attempting to hide your presence, you keep chatter to a minimum, lest you reveal your positions.  An hour passes of mostly waiting, until you hear movement from downhill.  Five strange, lock-necked animals appear to be grazing beneath you on the grassy hillside. An urchin wielding a shepherds staff soon follows them. They mind their own business, as you do yours. More waiting ensues. The long-necked-grazers eventually leave, their urchin in tow. More waiting, another hour, by now early afternoon. Hunger begins to creep in alongside everything else, and your mouth waters at the smell of the baitladen papayas. As you ponder digging into your rations, a light fog sets in, accompanying chill wind from the ocean to your south. Visibility is slightly reduced. Still no signs of Niddlers activity, however. --- 1: Well, they haven't come back down yet. Perhaps that was their only scheduled raid for the day? Or perhaps they take another route entirely when going back down. What do you do? A: To the Top! Skvababt thinks they roost as birds of prey, high in the mountains. Not somewhere you could easily bring ##Nåzom Stėgeth##, you'll have to make it the rest of the way on foot. Expect the climb to take an hour. B: To the caves! You spot some caves in the distance, not at the very top but certainly further than you are now. It's possible you could drag your siege-arbalest there with the aid of your donkey and crew, though it would take an hour or two. If the Niddlers are cowards, and by all rights you expect them to be, a good cave would offer them superior shelter and thus might make an adequate home for them. Though, of course, other terrors might lurk in such places as well. C: To the trees! They are mostly birds, right? Birds live in forests. Follow the mountain to the east, where the forest (lower case f) grows upon the slopes. As it is mostly down-hill, getting there should be swift and easy, even with your heavy load, though you'll have a hard time getting line of sight with any fliers when canopy covers the sky like a thick green quilt. You can expect other monsters to make the forest their home, but probably nothing overly dangerous this close to the city. Wargs perhaps, if the climate is right for them, or Dire-Goats or maybe even Toadias or Skeletoads. Ah, the life of a monster slayer. A never ending series of potential deadly meleés. D: Just Camp Them Some More You are in no hurry, apparently, what will some more hours cost you, really? E: Walk to Rim The trip will take you a very long time on foot, a year or more, and you will almost certainly be killed by monsters along the way. Still, you must go to Rim eventually or your head will probably explode. Maybe. The F.I.B seemed to think there was a way around this, but you'll need money to accomplish it and you aren't getting any money just sitting here on the side of a mountain. Go east. F: But before we do any of that..., eating does sounds nice. (Optional Add-on)
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May 28, 2018 08:50
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F, then C. If they are kind of like monkeys and kind of like birds, a forest does seem to be the likely place to find them. I'm unsure if we will catch them waiting here, as suggested they might use different routes, perhaps gliding down from somewhere, to get to the plantation, though then again, that makes me think they might like to live high up... crafty jerks.
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May 28, 2018 09:12
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Captainicus posted:F, then C. If they are kind of like monkeys and kind of like birds, a forest does seem to be the likely place to find them. I'm unsure if we will catch them waiting here, as suggested they might use different routes, perhaps gliding down from somewhere, to get to the plantation, though then again, that makes me think they might like to live high up... crafty jerks. I like this.
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May 28, 2018 12:05
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Captainicus posted:F, then C. If they are kind of like monkeys and kind of like birds, a forest does seem to be the likely place to find them. I'm unsure if we will catch them waiting here, as suggested they might use different routes, perhaps gliding down from somewhere, to get to the plantation, though then again, that makes me think they might like to live high up... crafty jerks. Thirding this!
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May 28, 2018 12:08
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F then A, climb to the top! Even if you don't find them, the view should let you get more info, maybe you can see their movements below?
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May 28, 2018 12:42
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D.what the hurry? Stay the course and be slow, methodical. Running after thing after thing is what gets us in trouble.
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May 28, 2018 14:50
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E
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May 28, 2018 16:46
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As much as I want to set everything on fire because it is technically an option...Captanicus or whatever's deal seems good.
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May 29, 2018 04:41
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 21:15 |
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Vote: F (our own rations) & D.
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May 29, 2018 20:49
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