TSLA: When this baby hits 88 you're going to see some serious shit

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > TSLA: When this baby hits 88 you're going to see some serious shit

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Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

i appreciate all y'alls thoughts and prayers but like, the reason i am joking about the battery thing is i'm aware that it was a dumb move. it was several years ago and i wasn't quite as thoughtful as i am now and i didn't realize how easily i could have burned my car to the ground until i pulled the battery out and it was puffed up like a pillow. (though i still think i coulda yeeted it into the street before any major damage was done to the car)

but anyway because nothing bad happened i can joke about it, in the same way i can joke about when i ran out of gas deep on the bonneville salt flats in august with no water and no sense of how to get back to the road other than my tire tracks. if i had died in the desert, u can be assured i wouldn't be joking about it now.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 00:37

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 09:25

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

word, it's a good story and wonderful redneck engineering, and also funny because we see videos of some poor shlub blowing his dick off with a cheap aliexpress vape pen and you're like, hmm... better hook this up in line with the alternator

i'm glad it worked out and you're here to share this anecdote with us today

# ? Sep 17, 2018 00:42

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

i seem to recall getting underneath a car that was only held up by a lovely scissor jack at least once, so I�m not gonna point any fingers here.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 00:44

Samuel L. ACKSYN: Feb 29, 2008

u should have used nicd batteries

"Even with discharge rates as high as 50C, a Ni�Cd battery will provide very nearly its rated capacity"

"The batteries are more difficult to damage than other batteries, tolerating deep discharge for long periods"

the only danger is the highly toxic cadmium, nbd

# ? Sep 17, 2018 00:45

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

President Beep posted:

i seem to recall getting underneath a car that was only held up by a lovely scissor jack at least once, so I�m not gonna point any fingers here.

a regular customer at a place i worked at in my teens died like that.

killed by a loving aerostar. how you gonna die to a goddamn minivan?

# ? Sep 17, 2018 00:47

Samuel L. ACKSYN: Feb 29, 2008

ive seen videos on youtube of people making a "diy power bank" and they like solder together 18650s and they do it terribly, and the plastic sheathing is all cut and damaged and they are just, like, flippin the cells around and poo poo

# ? Sep 17, 2018 00:47

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

infernal machines posted:

word, it's a good story and wonderful redneck engineering, and also funny because we see videos of some poor shlub blowing his dick off with a cheap aliexpress vape pen and you're like, hmm... better hook this up in line with the alternator

yeh this was before the rash of exploding vapes and hoverboards and galaxies note 7 as well, so i don't think "lithium batteries blow up easily" was foremost in anyone's mind

while we're on the subject, have one of my favorite posts on the forums, about why you shouldn't buy the ~ultra light race lithium~ batteries for your car:

kastein posted:

Alright, I'm going to do something I rarely do now and poo poo all over a specific brand of aftermarket automotive component. Mostly because the level of ignorance and/or disregard for customers displayed in this product is... shocking.

I should note this is my personal opinion, and in no way connected with my employer.

Braille Batteries - gently caress you.

We start with our patient, a Braille ML7 family lithium ion racing battery which has failed: (I have four or five of these sitting here failed, ordered over the course of several years. This is not an isolated example.)

Since it's junk anyways and the engine manufacturer prohibits the use of lithium ion batteries unless they contain a charge balancing circuit I might as well find out why my $400 racing battery failed, right? Time to void that long-expired warranty and crack this sucker open.

Oh.
(Yes, the filament tape was cut by me.)
I'm seeing a lot of hamfuckery going on in here...

The vent is installed using what appears to be large gobs of gel cyanoacrylate. They didn't even get full coverage, there are gaps in a few spots.

Oh dear.

The terminal wires appear to have been soldered by me when I was nine. That looks remarkably like filament tape someone bought at the post office and electrical tape purchased at home depot, as well.
And what the gently caress is up with a 6ga wire in parallel with a 12ga wire? Just use the right size in the first place.

The nickel terminal strips seem to have been cut with a set of rescue scissors and a loose idea of what size they need to be rather than any sort of machine or die. The terminal spotwelding appears to have been done by a drunk or someone suffering from Parkinsons and the holes "drilled" (I'm being rather generous here) in them for positive terminal alignment appear as if they were chewed out by a rabid badger.

Other end of the pack.

Wait a minute, is that a logo I recognize?

Yes it is.

Southwire THHN. Excellent wire for home/commercial building plant wiring, not so much for a loving race battery.

One wrap of filament tape holding the whole shebang together before it gets jammed into the case.

And most importantly - ZERO evidence of any sort of charge balancing/management hardware. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Not only that, there are no inter-cell taps connected to a small charge balancing controller connector on the outside of the case, either. You can't do that with lithium batteries. They MUST be charge balanced regularly. If you don't, one set of cells will fully discharge and become impossible to recharge and/or present a fire risk. Every reputable manufacturer of lithium batteries for motorsport either builds one into their pack or provides a connector to which one can be attached occasionally to rebalance the cells before any dip below minimum charge.

The best part? Braille states that for optimal battery lifetime you should regularly use their charge balancing unit. Which is nice and all, but it connects to the same two external connectors any other charger does, and doesn't have access to the inter-cell taps since they didn't wire any such thing up, so it's physically impossible for it to determine if the cells are unbalanced, nevermind balancing them. Pure snake oil.

Even the guy in Florida home-building his battery housings from clear plexiglas and selling them from a website that looks like it belongs in 1993 on Geocities knows enough to build better battery packs than this. I'm disgusted - by Braille, not the other guy, he seems to have gotten the electronics right if not the packaging.

Cell pair voltages for this pack at present, positive to negative: 3.656V, 3.662V, 3.710V, 0.291V. One of these things is not like the others! (I wonder which pair of cells failed...)

Guess what? The best condition pack I had left caught loving fire today. Wish I had pictures of it for effect, but it was basically unrecognizable and got whipped into a dumpster and vigorously assaulted with a garden hose and is now gone.

Buy better lithium batteries that either explicitly state they contain a charge balancing circuit or have an external connector for one - unless you want to risk a fire and experience vastly reduced starting battery lifetime. Then, Braille batteries are right for you!

# ? Sep 17, 2018 00:49

Bhodi: Dec 9, 2007; Oh, it's just a cat.; Pillbug

Sagebrush posted:

i appreciate all y'alls thoughts and prayers but like, the reason i am joking about the battery thing is i'm aware that it was a dumb move. it was several years ago and i wasn't quite as thoughtful as i am now and i didn't realize how easily i could have burned my car to the ground until i pulled the battery out and it was puffed up like a pillow. (though i still think i coulda yeeted it into the street before any major damage was done to the car)

but anyway because nothing bad happened i can joke about it, in the same way i can joke about when i ran out of gas deep on the bonneville salt flats in august with no water and no sense of how to get back to the road other than my tire tracks. if i had died in the desert, u can be assured i wouldn't be joking about it now.

i highly recommend everyone pick up an emergency battery jump pack you just leave in your car, it's fantastic and totally works and you can give people a jump without having to pull up next to them, you can also use it like a large battery back and charge your phone, you're good as long as you charge it once a year, you can buy one for ~$60 and i was skeptical at first but i've used it a few times and it's been great

Bhodi fucked around with this message at 00:55 on Sep 17, 2018

# ? Sep 17, 2018 00:52

skimothy milkerson: Nov 19, 2006

infernal machines posted:

killed by a loving aerostar. how you gonna die to a goddamn minivan?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOoyaqLrZnE&t=84s

# ? Sep 17, 2018 00:59

Combat Theory: Jul 16, 2017

Not being abled to push away a model 3 due to Powertrain design is especially funny considering they use switched reluctancy motors that virtually have no braking torque when powerless so there must be some weird rear end mechanical mumbo jumbo in between the wheels and the motor that prevents pushing.

Oh nevermind it's just weird systems design that applies the parking brake when you switch into neutral.

Combat Theory fucked around with this message at 01:12 on Sep 17, 2018

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:10

The MUMPSorceress: Jan 6, 2012; ^SHTPSTS; Gary’s Answer

Combat Theory posted:

Not being abled to push away a model 3 due to Powertrain design is especially funny considering they use switched reluctancy motors that virtually have no braking torque when powerless so there must be some weird rear end mechanical mumbo jumbo in between the wheels and the motor that prevents pushing.

self proclaimed car expert does not know what a differential is

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:12

Combat Theory: Jul 16, 2017

jit bull transpile posted:

self proclaimed car expert does not know what a differential is

A differential creates practically no braking torque as otherwise your wheels would lock if you lift your foot of the gas pedal.

The only types of transmissions that do are worm gears and screw type transmissions.

As someone pointed out before its the system design that dictates the car shall apply the parking brake when put into neutral

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:14

The MUMPSorceress: Jan 6, 2012; ^SHTPSTS; Gary’s Answer

Combat Theory posted:

A differential creates practically no braking torque as otherwise your wheels would lock if you lift your foot of the gas pedal.

The only types of transmissions that do are worm gears and screw type transmissions.

aren't teslas 4wd
wouldn't they have a locking center diff

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:15

Last Chance: Dec 31, 2004

ol qwerty bastard posted:

we did it friends

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1041469078194446336?s=19

elons tweets are getting harder to distinguish from those fake elon accounts posting bitcoin scams

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:17

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

jit bull transpile posted:

aren't teslas 4wd
wouldn't they have a locking center diff

don�t think all if them are. also, don�t the ones that are have two motors?

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:17

fishmech: Jul 16, 2006; by VideoGames; Salad Prong

jit bull transpile posted:

aren't teslas 4wd
wouldn't they have a locking center diff

they put motors on each axle separately

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:18

Combat Theory: Jul 16, 2017

jit bull transpile posted:

aren't teslas 4wd
wouldn't they have a locking center diff

Still the same. There's a verbal problem since in English there's often no differentiation between self locking and self blocking transmissions.

A worm drive is self blocking. A differential for a car can be self locking, which means it prevents its differential action by locking the turning speed of the wheels together, but never self blocking.

If you use a self blocking transmission in your drivetrain you would lock the wheels at 0 RPM every time you ease of the gas pedal.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:18

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

President Beep posted:

don�t think all if them are. also, don�t the ones that are have two motors?

yes. also the transmission is actually a weird 1-gear thing and per axle

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:22

The MUMPSorceress: Jan 6, 2012; ^SHTPSTS; Gary’s Answer

til

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:24

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

speed is entirely controlled by ac modulation too, iirc

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:25

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

Combat Theory posted:

Oh nevermind it's just weird systems design that applies the parking brake when you switch into neutral.

also weird in that there's no way to disable it without using the loving dash ipad. so i hope your 12v works and the car boots, because otherwise you're gonna have to put it on a flatbed

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:26

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

yeah no a differential would not prevent the car from freewheeling but teslas do obviously have a differential on either the rear or both axles (i think the D models are Dual motor, meaning they have a second one in the front. rest are rwd)

but it's still incredibly stupid that when you put the car in neutral it locks the parking brake. that is what Park is for. neutral should be...neutral. but i guess tesla has two kinds of park, and what every other manufacturer calls neutral, tesla calls "tow mode"

Sagebrush fucked around with this message at 01:29 on Sep 17, 2018

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:27

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

infernal machines posted:

yes. also the transmission is actually a weird 1-gear thing and per axle

infernal machines posted:

speed is entirely controlled by ac modulation too, iirc

So pretty much like a train then.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:34

Combat Theory: Jul 16, 2017

infernal machines posted:

also weird in that there's no way to disable it without using the loving dash ipad. so i hope your 12v works and the car boots, because otherwise you're gonna have to put it on a flatbed

To be fair that's not the biggest surprise anymore after this thread found how tesla basically dooms the rear passengers too when the 12V dies.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:34

PIZZA.BAT: Nov 12, 2016

ol qwerty bastard posted:

we did it friends

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1041469078194446336?s=19

definitely the behavior of a company that isn't struggling to sell

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:35

Combat Theory: Jul 16, 2017

iospace posted:

So pretty much like a train then.

Depends on the train. A ton of trains still use brushed universal motors with voltage control.

Quite spectacular when they open the covers. The brush fire can reach around the entire rotor at times.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:36

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

Combat Theory posted:

To be fair that's not the biggest surprise anymore after this thread found how tesla basically dooms the rear passengers too when the 12V dies.

there's a good poster in the c-spam thread who just could not believe that the door handles on the model 3 only pressed a little electric switch, and that there's no mechanical linkages whatsoever for the rear doors (or the frunk)

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:36

Combat Theory: Jul 16, 2017

Hell I would not have believed it either if I didn't see the pictures along with the text.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:38

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

like, they made a thing that looks very much like a door handle, and ostensibly because it was cheaper than the popout ones on the s/x, but then went and made it some stupid-rear end all electric system instead of just using a goddamned mechanical linkage like every other car in the history of forever

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:38

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

Combat Theory posted:

Depends on the train. A ton of trains still use brushed universal motors with voltage control.

Quite spectacular when they open the covers. The brush fire can reach around the entire rotor at times.

Modern, US line locomotives are AC drive.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:39

Jonny 290: May 5, 2005; [ASK] me about OS/2 Warp

Sagebrush posted:

tesla calls "tow mode"

love too put fifty to seventy thousand dollars of actual money down on a purchase for a car that includes a tow mode

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:41

Combat Theory: Jul 16, 2017

High Voltage AC is generally too spooky for me. But there's some nice runaway diesel videos for diesel electric locomotives that look like they spit hell itself out of the exhaust.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:42

Jonny 290: May 5, 2005; [ASK] me about OS/2 Warp

It's yall ICE idiots that are the real problem. we're cybernetic futurenauts here *burns to death when my car drives me in to a fire truck and it turns out my batteries are half epoxy but that epoxy is half thermite*

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:42

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

Combat Theory posted:

Hell I would not have believed it either if I didn't see the pictures along with the text.

same. gives me the heebie-jeebies by proxy.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:43

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

all the external handles on every tesla (except the original roadster, which is a lotus) are purely electronic and don't work if the battery is dead

getting out from the inside with a dead battery is a different process for each car and seating position

model s front: pull the handle until it stops, then pull harder past that stop and it will pop the door
model s rear: fold down the carpet under the seat and pull a hidden cable

model x front: same as model s, pull the handle past the normal stop
model x rear: pry off the speaker cover inside the door and pull a hidden cable, then lift the door

model 3 front: find the secret lever hidden in front of the armrest and pull it. do not use this in normal circumstances as it will damage the door trim
model 3 rear: can't open the doors. crawl out through the front, lol

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:45

Ellie Crabcakes: Feb 1, 2008; Stop emailing my boyfriend Gay Crungus

Jonny 290 posted:

It's yall ICE idiots that are the real problem. we're cybernetic futurenauts here *burns to death when my car drives me in to a fire truck and it turns out my batteries are half epoxy but that epoxy is half thermite*

Internal Combustion: tired. Battery Combustion: wired.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:45

President Beep: Apr 30, 2009; i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

Peeny Cheez posted:

Internal Combustion: tired. Battery Combustion: wired.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:47

Combat Theory: Jul 16, 2017

Peeny Cheez posted:

Internal Combustion: tired. Battery Combustion: wired.

Musks combustion : Airforce unhired

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:48

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

Jonny 290 posted:

It's yall ICE idiots that are the real problem. we're cybernetic futurenauts here *burns to death when my car drives me in to a fire truck and it turns out my batteries are half epoxy but that epoxy is half thermite*

turns out bamboo splinters are actually quite flamable

# ? Sep 17, 2018 01:51

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 09:25

Schadenboner: Aug 15, 2011; by Shine

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

why not, AAA's usually pretty responsive when i've called

AAA owns.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 02:51

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > TSLA: When this baby hits 88 you're going to see some serious shit

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