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dreadmojo posted:Posted without context in a thread about the definition of the legal term nolo contendere no me doxxado (my roommate is either home for a constant 48 hrs or not there at all for 72 hrs, so its super hard to predict when its ok to poo poo hard, not so hard, or real hard)
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Oct 7, 2018 10:24
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That's why god invented bathroom vent fans. Turn it on and open your floodgates.
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Oct 7, 2018 10:26
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If your roommate is disturbed by the fact that you poo poo in toilet, you should probably get a new one.
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Oct 7, 2018 10:28
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actually its mostly me being disturbed because i bought some lovely goddamn fastfood for the 33rd month in a row. its 100%: drops & blasts and a smooth loaf that needs to be cut in half with the brush or fingers wrapped. i prefer to get into all that when my roomie is out
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Oct 7, 2018 10:54
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Krankenstyle posted:its 100%: drops & blasts and a smooth loaf that needs to be cut in half with the brush or fingers wrapped this is raptastic
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Oct 7, 2018 13:37
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~<bathroom fartz>~ 
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Oct 7, 2018 13:59
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Heath posted:For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who (1/743)
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Oct 7, 2018 14:18
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This makes me wonder if there is a Twitter bot that will do the Galt speech for you.
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Oct 7, 2018 14:25
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And if not why not goddamn it!
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Oct 7, 2018 15:08
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If your poop is so dense and gluey that it won't flush without chopping it in half, you need to eat less fat
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Oct 7, 2018 17:38
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P p poop so dense & gluey Eat some mo it's gonn get gooey
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Oct 7, 2018 17:54
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Krankenstyle posted:actually its mostly me being disturbed because i bought some lovely goddamn fastfood for the 33rd month in a row. Why don’t you use the poop knife?
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Oct 7, 2018 17:56
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Glue poo for you 
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Oct 7, 2018 18:25
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fruit BOO!ts posted:Why don’t you use the poop knife? Honey, where is the poop knife at?
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Oct 7, 2018 20:55
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dreadmojo posted:Honey, where is the poop knife at? Why do you want to know?
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Oct 7, 2018 21:01
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I had the best poop knife but I lent it to my best mate jiminy poopet and he never came back 
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Oct 7, 2018 21:01
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just poo poo in a sock and throw them in the ditch outside your house by the road then you dont need to flush at all save that water bill 
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Oct 7, 2018 21:16
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Lemniscate Blue posted:Why do you want to know? Looks puzzled, makes slicing gesture
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Oct 7, 2018 21:44
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Would you like to know that a trebuchet can fling a 90kg projectile over 300m?
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Oct 7, 2018 22:36
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Guess the threadKrankenstyle posted:I had the best poop knife but I lent it to my best mate jiminy poopet and he never came back
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Oct 7, 2018 22:42
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DOD gay, do what
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Oct 7, 2018 23:02
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Dumb Lowtax posted:Guess the thread trump thr- 
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Oct 7, 2018 23:06
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Kitfox88 posted:trump thr- I was trying to turn it into an Incredibles thing but nobody got it.
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Oct 7, 2018 23:12
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Kitfox88 posted:just poo poo in a sock and throw them in the ditch outside your house by the road then you dont need to flush at all save that water bill How much are you spending on socks though?
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Oct 7, 2018 23:15
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SiKboy posted:How much are you spending on socks though? Just lol if you aren't using Enrique's socks.
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Oct 8, 2018 03:27
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uh you get socks for free from relatives at least twice a year???
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Oct 8, 2018 03:33
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Stairs posted:Just lol if you aren't using Enrique as socks. ftfy
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Oct 8, 2018 06:35
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cinci zoo sniper posted:If your roommate is disturbed by the fact that you poo poo in toilet, you should probably get a new one. Why should I get a new toilet? My roommate is the weird one
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Oct 8, 2018 07:07
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A knife? A knife?! Goddamn Philistines not using a corkscrew to extract a recalcitrant loaf. Smh.
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Oct 8, 2018 15:06
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Outrail posted:A knife? A knife?! i think you're unable to remember how the poop knife is used.
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Oct 8, 2018 15:15
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Spanish Manlove posted:i think you're unable to remember how the poop knife is used. Oh God. Dare I ask?
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Oct 8, 2018 15:27
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Outrail posted:Oh God. Dare I ask? You insert it into your rear end in a top hat and make an apple-coring motion, which causes the poo to slide out in a nice cylindrical shape. Try it and let us know how it goes!
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Oct 8, 2018 15:29
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Outrail posted:Oh God. Dare I ask? iirc it was a huge, opoid constipation poo poo that was needed to be cut in half before being flushed
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Oct 8, 2018 15:32
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incredible flesh posted:how do i summon jeb
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Oct 8, 2018 17:42
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Spanish Manlove posted:iirc it was a huge, opoid constipation poo poo that was needed to be cut in half before being flushed You remember kind of correctly. It wasn't "a" huge opioid constipation poo poo, it was an entire family that apparently had big opioid constipation-style shits so regularly that they had a communal poop knife that hung in the laundry room. They would have to yell for someone to get the poop knife for them, and the person who posted the story only found out this wasn't a normal thing the first time he clogged the toilet at a friend's house and asked him where he kept his poop knife, prompting his friend (and everyone else who was over at the time) to stare at him like "uh, what?"
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Oct 8, 2018 17:45
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^^ drat it too slow Spanish Manlove posted:iirc it was a huge, opoid constipation poo poo that was needed to be cut in half before being flushed Even better. It was an r/relationship post from a guy who's whole family took such earth shattering dumps they kept a knife on hand to break them up. He was posting because he humiliated himself asking to use a friend's poop knife after leaving a huge log in the toilet at a party and learning most families don't need to shank their poops to finish them off.
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Oct 8, 2018 17:48
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lmfao I just tried to GIS "poop knife" to share the story with a coworker, and apparently it's become A Thing: tag yourself, I'm Feces Falchion
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Oct 8, 2018 18:52
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Oh God
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Oct 8, 2018 18:57
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Son of Thunderbeast posted:lmfao I just tried to GIS "poop knife" to share the story with a coworker, and apparently it's become A Thing: I’m pooponett.
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Oct 8, 2018 19:08
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Son of Thunderbeast posted:lmfao I just tried to GIS "poop knife" to share the story with a coworker, and apparently it's become A Thing: I'm the suggestion at the top to add "fried" to the search phrase
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Oct 8, 2018 19:54
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