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you're going to possess whoever kills you aren't you
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Feb 28, 2019 21:01
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| # ? May 23, 2024 16:51 |
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Just found a spell to make any object into many tiny duplicates and make them stick to another object. I can’t think of any uses for it, so I used it to spread sprinkles on a donut 🍩 It’s aight
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Feb 28, 2019 21:15
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i put on my robe and wizard hat
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Feb 28, 2019 21:31
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DOA posted:i put on my robe and wizard hat That don’t make you a real wizard, you gotta put in work. 
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Feb 28, 2019 21:35
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i guess my profession could be jerking off people with my telekinesis ability
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Feb 28, 2019 21:46
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DOA posted:i guess my profession could be jerking off people with my telekinesis ability Go turn a frog into a log or something. 
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Feb 28, 2019 21:47
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 Feeling The Electro Ball
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Feb 28, 2019 22:14
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A Fancy Hat posted:You can trip balls all you want but I went to 700 years of magic school for a reason, so don't claim to be a magical expert just because you accidentally reached some higher planes of consciousness and talked to a goat. Buddy who do you think gave you those powers? Mescalito himself.
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Feb 28, 2019 22:16
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Vinny Possum posted:Sorcerer here. Trying to breed the perfect magical bloodline. I've got draconic blood but the gf has infernal. Am I better off staying with her, or finding someone with fae heritage? Or maybe double up on the dragon for maximum potency? never double up on dragon, i used to hook up with this draconic sorceress and my bastard daughter with her was born with the dragonsnout. i had to pay out the loving nose to get that surgically corrected. condition not covered by modern insurance my rear end. i knew i shoulda got into alchemy Fur20 fucked around with this message at 22:30 on Feb 28, 2019 |
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Feb 28, 2019 22:27
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If you want to be certain about your childrens bloodline, go for the original font of power. Don't risk it with mongrel mages, if you want your children to have that draconic bloodline go gently caress a dragon.
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Feb 28, 2019 22:33
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Sure you might get burnt to a crisp or sire *shudder* half dragons but if you can't stand the heat, get out of dragons lair.
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Feb 28, 2019 22:34
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You creeps better stay away from my Princess
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Feb 28, 2019 22:38
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So I'm still unsure if I wanna be an ice mage any more since going to the tropics. I'm kinda tired of the blue and white color scheme, but I discovered that I can use food coloring and change the color of my ice fortress. Problem is, those bottles of food coloring are pretty expensive and there's not a whole lot of resources in the North that I can make trade with. I wish I'd studied fire magic in college...
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Feb 28, 2019 22:40
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Just be a nice mage.
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Feb 28, 2019 22:58
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Lol Imagine spending hundreds of years studying a magic school you don’t like, and realizing it only after you’re finished Just lol
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Feb 28, 2019 23:01
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Feb 28, 2019 23:10
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This is a reminder that discharging Wizard Loans is against The Law. You must obey The Law, magic user. Proceed.
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Feb 28, 2019 23:19
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Oh hey thread, finally a place for magical people I recently graduated from Academy and am looking for my first job, possibly as a hired adventurer in a party, or a more of a steady court gig. I know court posts usually either get you executed for laying hands on noble women, or your liege dies and you get replaced because your style of magic isn't in fashion anymore, but theres something to be said about steady 9-5 job with zero executive responsibilities. Anyhow, I recently got myself a new magic instrument. Heres a pic: 
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Feb 28, 2019 23:41
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The books made summoning Succubi to perform sex magick sound much more attractive than it actually is. Firstly, they might be masters of sex, but they're all about Tantra and you end up just sitting around for hours breathing in and out, focussing on your chakras and poo poo. Secondly, they have seen like a million dicks and they are not even polite enough to fake-compliment my small wizard weenie 
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Feb 28, 2019 23:42
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Dude, you summon a succubus to seduce your enemies. Never summon a personal demon. It never works.
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Feb 28, 2019 23:50
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excuse me but there are some of us who are summoning personal demons for therapy and CBT (both kinds), do NOT mental health/kink shame now if you'll excuse me i need to bind parts of my soul into my pocket pussy collection for my next phylactery project
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Mar 1, 2019 00:01
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SavageGentleman posted:The books made summoning Succubi to perform sex magick sound much more attractive than it actually is. Firstly, they might be masters of sex, but they're all about Tantra and you end up just sitting around for hours breathing in and out, focussing on your chakras and poo poo. Secondly, they have seen like a million dicks and they are not even polite enough to fake-compliment my small wizard weenie Men  You know, Bathilda the Bawd makes some good enchanted toys for when you're feeling lonely. I got a dildo with a vibrating charm off of her. Talk about your Magic Wand! 
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Mar 1, 2019 00:03
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My hubby said I’m like a wizard at pot roasts lol!! I’m gonna “magic up” two pot roasts for his birthday on Saturday LOL!!!
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Mar 1, 2019 00:07
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Aesop Poprock posted:My hubby said I’m like a wizard at pot roasts lol!! I’m gonna “magic up” two pot roasts for his birthday on Saturday LOL!!! ah, blood sacrifice cuisine. a fine tradition.
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Mar 1, 2019 00:09
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Sormus posted:Oh hey thread, finally a place for magical people Adventuring will you get laid way more, plus more money and treasure. Once you save the kingdom a few times, it'll be easy to retire to some noble court (nobles loving love having famous wizards around as a trophy to one-up their rivals) and you'll be far more untouchable for keeping a mistress in court.
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Mar 1, 2019 00:15
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Vernii posted:Adventuring will you get laid way more, plus more money and treasure. Once you save the kingdom a few times, it'll be easy to retire to some noble court (nobles loving love having famous wizards around as a trophy to one-up their rivals) and you'll be far more untouchable for keeping a mistress in court. Good point. However, I am a bard.
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Mar 1, 2019 00:49
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Sormus posted:Good point. However, I am a bard. Point still stands, actually makes it even easier to get famous since you can be your own publicist.
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Mar 1, 2019 00:55
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bards should never settle down, because it doesn't take long for everyone to get sick of their existence and start coming up with novel practical jokes involving human combustion.
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Mar 1, 2019 01:00
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The wily adventurers finally break the seal on the last room in my labyrinth. Inside is a small gargoyle with a note in its hand politely informing the party that the entire dungeon was constructed out of asbestos and lead paint.
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Mar 1, 2019 01:11
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Mar 1, 2019 01:47
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In my efforts to expand into the growing market for cross breeding I've inadvertently made a few beastiary discoveries that might sate the curious as to what all is available in the shadow glens just beyond our own noses. Obviously the below are not any of the creature's true-names but the diligent should have no trouble obtaining that once a suitable population of each life form is found and vivisected. Sun spots: Most never realize that those bright patches that appear after staring into a light source are entirely sapient and completely parasitic. Fully capable of communication and yes, lesser magick. The most important thing to know here is that after they find a suitable host they hide behind your eyes until you look at something sufficiently bright to catch their attention. They then bask inside your eyeball until such a time as the light source disappears and it becomes apparent they won't be able to sun themselves any longer at your expense. The determination that these were living beings also neatly explains the phenomena in which mages utilizing true-sight could find their vision blocked by these creatures with no remedy found via recasting, the spell is of course just operating as advertised and ensuring you see every being present before you. The simplest solution is of the removal of the eyeball up to the third ocular nerve ending and the magical ensnarement of the now accessible colony. General advice is to have a cleric on hand to fix the damage to the eyes but clever magi have circumvented this entirely by keeping a properly powerful healing spell bound in a scroll written in braille. Doxxy Flies: These look just like regular flies but they transmit everything they see up to the higher dimensions as a way to exercise remote control and ensure that nothing damages the pillars their dimension sits upon (that would be our own). Not much can be done about these because they aren't born in our dimension and I've yet to intuit any way of striking at the source without compromising the fabric of my own spiritual essence. Consider them on my to do list. Chop-Axes: These are trees that have challenged a lumberjack in pitched combat and won. Usually they carry the axe of the woodsman they fell but occasionally I see saws or branch clippers. Their main form of attack is waiting for you to turn around and bringing the axe down on your skull (they get sneak attack) so if you are going in search I'd suggest bringing a rogue with uncanny dodge to do all the hard work of sniffing one out. Pretty much useless as minions because they can't walk around. Bachelor Pads: These are lily pads that swing. Not much to say except these guys eat unaware frogs and gently caress alot. Booksmarts: These little fucks sneak into your library and start reading poo poo. Not so bad in its own right but each sentence they read vanishes from the book in question as it appears in the creature's memory. If you suspect this is why your library is full of empty books you almost certainly can find one asleep at a table somewhere. You might not have noticed it because it oft appears to look like an aging librarian. When spooked they transform into bookends and hide for months on end BE VIGILANT. Bloodcicle: This is an icicle made of potent arcane blood and thus imbued with awareness by the pulsating magical current. Gathering these for your dungeon can make for an incredibly potent defense as all detect magic attempts will light your ceiling up like a loving Chrissum Tree and better yet these guys are actually half decent at the first three declensions of blood magick. They absolutely do defend themselves if attacked and use any spilled blood to regenerate/recharge and if you spill enough, reproduce. It is not a pretty sight. Consider adding them to any icy properties you might consider defending. Brew Goblin: This is a goblin that has been in the under dark so long it has decided to become basically a dwarf. Beard like a dwarf, stumbles like a dwarf and farts like a dwarf you'd never realize it was a goblin unless you denote that it is actually green under all that filth and vomit. reignofevil fucked around with this message at 04:28 on Mar 1, 2019 |
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Mar 1, 2019 02:24
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Always check and double check when choosing a school of magic! Two years spent in correspondence classes and I'm now an accredited neccomancer. While the job placement office did get me a cushy job at the local candy factory it's hard to intimidate a band of uruk with floating sugar saucers.
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Mar 1, 2019 03:24
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Garth_Marenghi posted:Always check and double check when choosing a school of magic! Two years spent in correspondence classes and I'm now an accredited neccomancer. While the job placement office did get me a cushy job at the local candy factory it's hard to intimidate a band of uruk with floating sugar saucers. If you still want to study necromancy, you can combine the two and use Halloween candy to make candy zombies. It'll help you bridge the gap until your necromancy is up to snuff.
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Mar 1, 2019 03:41
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 my dark ritual is complete. i bound the prince of demons to my program and now it sends data packets over the internet
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Mar 1, 2019 07:25
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Halser posted:you're going to possess whoever kills you aren't you Don't tell them! I can't just study enough to become an immortal god like y'all.
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Mar 1, 2019 08:31
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The White Dragon posted:
Great, more infernal spam around, now I gotta set up more of expensive orgone pyramids around my 3d printer to make sure it's not printing out the craziest poo poo from Beyond 
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Mar 1, 2019 08:46
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who else misses ḿ̷̨͖̲͓͇̭̖͖͕̩͎̫̞̜͕̥̹̾̇̓ͦ͑ͯ͂͐̽ͩ͋̀̍̃͆͝ǎ̛̯̜͈̞̜̩̼͚̩̮̬̣̳̝̉̀ͣ͋͗̎͒ͩ̈́̉̽͛͗̓͊ͥ͋́̚͢ͅg̴̷̛͚̜̺̾ͭ̐͛͛͐̊͛̔̄̋̆̇ͣ̋ͤ̉ͮ̊͜͝ì̶̤̩̥̲̺̥̘͎̠̲̭̞͚̠̥̻̦̼͆̒ͤ̍̾͟͢c̴͎̻̪͓̳̟̗̰̘̙̫͉̤̙̟̰̯͕͂̇ͮͨ͊̒̀̒̾̑͛͊́ͅk̢̡ͭ̀̍̋͢͏̲̰̠̬̻.̊̒̃̑̎̅͗̊̆̈ͩ͐̃̋͏̴̮̰̪̻̖̲͓̲̻̀͢ͅc̷̡̛̞͖̹̱̩̍̇̌̑́͐͂͑͋͂͊̀͟ͅd̘̪̖̝̣̙͙͍̮̲̥̝̝͙̩̻̅ͫ̆ͦ̀͂̈́ͤ̄́͞ͅͅ for their rotes? i still use a corpse memory one i found to extract authentic paleo recipes from ancient worship sites
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Mar 1, 2019 08:52
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Alright, which of you knuckleheads was this?? https://www.cbsnews.com/news/fbi-speaks-out-on-seizing-artifacts-from-indiana-home-staggering-discovery-of-human-bones/ While seizing thousands of artifacts from an Indiana home, FBI makes "staggering" discovery quote:
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Mar 1, 2019 14:30
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So I'm in this boring town Llylgamyn and there's some talk in the tavern of a labyrinth? There's some dickhead recruiting people for an "adventure" to get "riches" and something about a sorcerer named Werdna? That's obviously just Andrew backwards to a child, dude must be dumb as poo poo if he thinks he can hide that way. What do you guys think?
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Mar 1, 2019 14:48
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| # ? May 23, 2024 16:51 |
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I visited an estate sale this week and picked up some great deals. Just want to brag a little for some magic folk who can appreciate what I found! 1) A screaming skull. Hell. Yes. From the corpse of a dead king, this bad boy is not only a screaming skull, but it's a rare FLAMING SCREAMING SKULL. I've got it patrolling my castle now. I love this thing and now I want to invest in some more screaming skulls. 2) An Armor of Unrelenting. This armor drains your life force constantly but gives you the strength and speed of 100 elves. I'll never use it but I plan to add some enchantments and clean it up and sell it. 3) 7 gallons of dragon's blood. Now here's the real deal. Because the guy running the sale just listed this as dragon's blood, nobody was really interested. But I cast a few spells to get the specifics and check this out - it's freaking Silver Dragon's Blood. I can make so many potions out of this. I already started brewing a vial of Immortus Sanctus and am looking forward to gaining an extra 100 years of life, all for the low cost of 50 Shenkars.
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Mar 1, 2019 15:01
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