Chapo Trap House: Lmao I can not keep track of these New York failsons

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HannibalBarca: Sep 11, 2016; History shows, again and again, how nature points out the folly of man.

Slanderer posted:

Hopefully they'll mention this in an upcoming episode:

The Intercept: PENNSYLVANIA LAWMAKERS MOVE TO STRIP REFORMIST PROSECUTOR LARRY KRASNER OF AUTHORITY

Days like this that I miss Mic Dicta.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:01

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 14:56

Apoplexy: Mar 9, 2003; by Shine

Jonah Galtberg posted:

The Holocaust Industry is essentially a Cefte post in book form, it owns

I used to fly with Cefte back in the day and remember him exclusively as a Rhodesian NHS doctor in training. What, uh, kinda posting did he do on SA back in the day? He was a good guy leftist, I hope?

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:02

Apoplexy: Mar 9, 2003; by Shine

T-man posted:

The amber defenders have logged on

PS. If y'all ever wonder why online leftist spaces are rather white, upper class, and boringly cishet? It's you. You are the reason.

You're pretty loving close to getting me to unironically support trans-exclusionary posting spaces. Christ, I'd rather they be white, bougie, and 'boringly cis-het' if more of you is what's being offered as a positive alternative.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:08

DoctorWhat: Nov 18, 2011; A little privacy, please?

Apoplexy posted:

You're pretty loving close to getting me to unironically support trans-exclusionary posting spaces. Christ, I'd rather they be white, bougie, and 'boringly cis-het' if more of you is what's being offered as a positive alternative.

"If you continue to not agree with me and irritiate my snesibilities, I'll be forced to support bigoted policies against your marginalized group. Can't you just be civil?"

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:11

Gripweed: Nov 8, 2018; ASK ME ABOUT MY
UNITED STATES MARINES
FUNKO POPS COLLECTION

Apoplexy posted:

You're pretty loving close to getting me to unironically support trans-exclusionary posting spaces. Christ, I'd rather they be white, bougie, and 'boringly cis-het' if more of you is what's being offered as a positive alternative.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:18

Percelus: Sep 9, 2012; My command, your wish is

there probably should a containment thread for red scare and non chapo content related amber stuff though for idiots dumb enough to care about red scare

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:19

Apoplexy: Mar 9, 2003; by Shine

I just think we need to import some Black Israelites into this thread to balance poo poo out is all. Just having one obnoxious person with a bullhorn and an obsession with their own gender screeching every page about their trans-ness is getting stale. Maybe get Andy Ngo an account, I'm sure he'd make things a bit more interesting.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:19

Analytic Engine: May 18, 2009; not the analytical engine

this is all I know about Cefte and I can't see anything topping it

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3462638&pagenumber=28#post400702769

Cefte posted:

Attention Deficit Disorder

The afternoon sun angled through a tear in the tent. Ma Bao-Zhi grunted, then shifted his face towards the shade and screwed up his eyes. In the absence of light, the retinal burns from his always-on pupil-tracking HUD-halo danced before his field of vision. He sat up and stretched. It was a new day.

The corner of his visual field that was perpetually occupied by the DistroNet feed blinked. A major announcement was incoming from the most influential association of experts that he had ever been a part of: The Council Of Two Million With A Remit Of Everything.

The upstart replacement of last year's not-hegemon, the Coven of Eight to the Seven; Masters of Knowledge, the Council had, yesterday, consisted of just over 50.3% of the surviving inhabitants of what had once been Taiwan SAR. However, as he scanned the headlines, he noted that an overnight disputation on the meaning of Buddha-nature had resulted in nearly two hundred being purged from the membership roster, and, more importantly, from the Council's ReDistroList. Ma had never posted to any discussion regarding Buddha-nature, for which he was now extremely thankful.

Attention Distribution Cannot Be Gamed, he though, nodding to himself. It was a mantra every child knew, and it was obviously true. 'Gaming' would imply an illegitimate practice, and since the attention economy was inherently legitimate, any practice that arose thereof could not be 'gaming'. The use of randomly-assigned attention redistribution lists to strengthen the network-influence of an association of experts was one of the most powerful practices there was - without it, no modern association of experts could compete.

With the saccadic grace of long practice, his pupils flipped to the updated, slightly smaller ReDistroList, and settled down to start his highly-encouraged ten hours of daily network-reinforcement. Ten hours - ten icons - each one painstakingly designed by the expert it represented. The Coven of Eight to the Seven had highly encouraged eight hours of ReDistroList attention, but the Council's superior attention ethic had led to an expert association network both wider and deeper in links, and thus, far more influential. The Coven defined their area of expertise too narrowly, and left themselves open to a ratio attack. It was a trivial task for the Council to dial down the attention ratio of key knowledge industries overnight, leaving the Coven rudderless and sinking. Ma had been a third-quartile defector, holding out longer than most; his punishment was to enter the Council with six month's half-ratio deficit. Half as likely to be randomly assigned to other experts ReDistroList, he counted himself lucky - the fourth quartile had been exiled entirely. As is, he was comfortably off in a deficit camp outside Taibao.

Ma shook himself; introspection was an audience of one. The first icon belonged to Tracy Liu: 166kg, pink highlights and moderator by acclaim of a yaoi fandom for the ancient classic, Glengarry Glen Ross.

The minutes ticked by, and as the completion bar for the first icon flipped over into green and Tracy's hand-drawn icon faded from sight - young Al Pacino gently cupping young Jack Lemmon's testicles on a bed of index cards - Ma decided that he would treat himself with an hour of free attention. He rucked the covers back from his legs and withdrew his 75MHz future-proofed laptop from its pouch.

Minutes later, halfway through the boot-sequence, Ma heard the unmistakable whirring of a Bother-Gyro. He dug rapidly through the contents of the tent for the thick blanket he'd found the week before, to muffle the fans of the laptop, but the blanket had been redistributed. It was too late anyway: the Bother-Gyro's tracking software had heard the fans.

"Go away!" shouted Ma.

< Hello Friend And How Are You And Woo! >

The Bother-Gyro hovered just out of Ma's reach.

"滚蛋!"

< Would You Like A Comestible?! Marmalade Is In This Week! >

"gently caress off."

Bother-Gyros were increasingly common, flying over the water from the Penghu Collective, and Ma had tangled with them before, when he was a high-ratio member of the Coven: an attractive target. The Collective were Min-speakers, and the language barrier was starving them of culture-based attention, and forcing them to desperate measures. He knew that while they would advertise to any moving object, their main purpose was to gain the attention of the victim. Even compared to the average camp member, Ma's influence ratio was low...

"Hey! Bot! There's a high-ratio family just over that wall! You can bother them all at once! Think of the attention gains!"

Unfortunately for Ma, the Bother-Gyro was also running off a 75MHz chip, which did not support voice recognition. Even more unfortunately, what little resources it did have to bring to bear were mainly concentrated on measuring the direction of gaze of the victim, and Ma's gaze had briefly moved from the Gyro to the wall he was gesturing at. The Gyro aimed a module at the RFID tag on Ma's halo.

*pffffsss*

"gently caress!"

Pepper-spray will catch anyone's attention.

Whilst Ma rolled around in the dirt, the Bother-Gyro gently settled on the ground next to him, conserving battery. Proximity was worth less attention than direct eye-contact, but it was still worth something. After a minute, the database updated the Gyro on Ma's uninspiring attention value, and it buzzed off in search of less deficient prey.

----

The afternoon was nearly over before Ma's eyes stopped watering, and the pupil-tracker started to update correctly. Luckily, his HUD-halo was undamaged - it could still receive and transmit audio, video, pupil-tracking data and, indeed, record everything that Ma did. Nine hours of ReDistroList remained on his schedule, but he had bigger things on his mind. Of all the places, his deficit camp was lucky enough to be in viewing distance of a celebrity battle.

It wasn't entirely by chance, of course. Celebrity Mechas were very power-hungry, and required tethering to the grid network, and deficit camps had the tendency to spring up in unused land along grid lines. While city dwellers might have had the massed influence to force such a destructive event outside their municipal margins, a deficit camp by definition could not face up to even the most minor celebrity's choice of land-resource.

This particular battle was between the gigantic robots piloted by a pornography magnate and a man who was extremely good at making videos of cats. Hovering cameras darted about the provided every possible angle around the machines, while in-cockpit vision was granted by cameras attached to both control modules. There were no adverts - the battle itself drew all the attention the participants needed.

The pornographer had outfitted his mecha with water sprinklers, providing the substrate for projected holograms of noted starlets and their riveting performances. The cat man, showing disdain for the practice of up-attending, had a far more stripped-down mecha, bowing to demand only by having a control module shaped like a cat's head. While his initial surge in influence had been off the back of a pet British Shorthair, his true power came from his decision to breed several thousand of the creatures and lock them in a vast complex filled with pastel colors and assorted common household items. Cuteness, too, can be brute-forced.

As the two machines started to stride towards each other, Ma watched camp-dwellers who sought influence more than health run between the legs of the mechas. Like so much in the attention economy, it was a dual payoff. Simply being near a mecha guaranteed a proportion of the attention that the pilot was constantly exuding, and that was worth the risk of injury in itself. But, if a camera tracked by millions happened to autofocus on a lucky expert? Why, a single second's worth of attention was more than the expert might otherwise see in a lifetime.

The battle was joined, and as the mechas stamped to and fro, they came closer and closer to the western edge of the camp - the edge furthest from Ma. Even those experts in the camp whose lack of attention ethics had placed them dangerously close to exile from their associations could not help but pay heed. Lasers flashed, missiles flew, and clouds of smoke emerged even when not strictly necessary. In fact, the battle, like most battles, was more bark than bite: it was considered bad form to actually kill another celebrity, not least because it tended to alienate part of your potential audience. After all, who didn't enjoy both pornography and cat videos?

The din didn't just attract the attention of experts - from miles around, Bother-Gyros wheeled in, guided by the very human tendency to correlate decibels and attention. Ma gazed in wonder as a two flocks of gyros of different manufacture, bathed in the proximity wash from the mechas, each mistook the other flock as the source of attention. Overriding the normal guideline that led them to disperse for maximal coverage, the gyros spiralled madly in ever decreasing circles as they sought to increase that flow.

As he watched, the gyrating super-flock, consisting of nearly a hundred Bother-Gyros, whirled into the cloud of spray being produced by pornographer's mechanical contraption. A hundred automatic protection circuits flared into action, and the mass of gyros punched in the opposite direction - straight into the air intake ducts of the cat-mecha.

One gyro would have been unfortunate. Five would have led to an emergency shutdown. But no mecha-designer had considered such a freak occurrence as the emergent behaviour so briefly displayed by the gyro-flocks. Admittedly, QA and Safety were neglected disciplines ever since the advent of the attention economy - who would dedicate their lives to a discipline that involved something so unquantifiable as preventing rare occurrences? After all, it's not as though someone might lose their accumulated attention - just their lives.

With a massive crunch, the flywheels at the center of the cat-mecha broke apart, releasing a torrent of kinetic energy, and sending parts of the mecha in every direction. The pornographer tried to backpedal his mecha away from the burning debris, but his attention elsewhere, he stepped directly on one of the experts that had been trailing his footsteps. As his machine overturned, the pornographer clutched at the control panel, seeking the emergency eject key, but by chance also fat-fingering the steam overcharge system. The porn-mecha's control module blasted off the chassis - straight into the side of one of the few fixed-wall buildings in the camp. The steam explosion, while softer, was far more deadly.

Ma had hit the ground as soon as he saw the first gyro sucked into the air-intake - luckily so, as burning debris had taken out several of his neighbours. Now, his view obscured by what remained of the same three foot-wall he had urged the gyro to surmount earlier that day, he flicked his eyes to open a newsline. The events of the past minute had gone viral - his feed was already filling with commentary from the other side of the world. Every last survivor would soon be bombarded with requests for commentary on the death of the celebrities.

Celebrities plural? The feed from the cat-mecha was still active. In fact, the explosion had blown the control module right over the camp, landing to the east, far from the screams of the scalded and poisoned camp dwellers. Ma held a rag over as much of his mouth and nose as he could reach through his HUD-halo, and levered himself to his feet.

The cat man was alive. In fact, he was almost unhurt - a mere fractured collarbone. He was, however, trapped inside his module, and mouthing something - the audio feed from his cockpit had cut out. Ma tore his attention from his HUD-halo and looked out, directly at the smoking module in the distance.

Never mind proximity attention - to be the man who saved a celebrity from almost certain death? To be the only source of an audio feed for the sole celebrity survivor of what the international feeds were calling the Disaster of Taibao?

Ma started to trot towards the control module, avoiding the prone bodies of those less fortunate survivors, around some of whom flames still flickered. He tore his foot away from the grasp of one, whilst muttering thanks for the last few seconds of absolute attention they granted him. He stepped over a corpse, then briefly glanced behind him. The least concussed of the able-bodied camp survivors were already moving after him. Turning his back to the setting sun, Ma broke into a run.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:20

Gripweed: Nov 8, 2018; ASK ME ABOUT MY
UNITED STATES MARINES
FUNKO POPS COLLECTION

wealthy women having elective hysterectomies to make themselves lighter so they can win bicycle races.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:26

Percelus: Sep 9, 2012; My command, your wish is

im not religious but lena dunham's body trying to kill itself unless she removed her reproductive organs is the sort of thing that i see as divine intervention

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:29

Slanderer: May 6, 2007

Analytic Engine posted:

this is all I know about Cefte and I can't see anything topping it

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3462638&pagenumber=28#post400702769

This never gets old to me. What a good thread lol

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:41

Victory Position: Mar 16, 2004

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Wow I'm shocked shocked shocked that it's the woman chapo you don't like, quelle surprise. Big coincidence.

well I'm recording this trans gaffe :cripes:

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:58

Pharmaskittle: Dec 17, 2007; arf arf put the money in the fuckin bag

Looks like somebody really stepped in some Steven Universe drama

# ? Jul 9, 2019 01:06

T-man: Aug 22, 2010; Talk shit, get bzzzt.

Apoplexy posted:

You're pretty loving close to getting me to unironically support trans-exclusionary posting spaces. Christ, I'd rather they be white, bougie, and 'boringly cis-het' if more of you is what's being offered as a positive alternative.

If your support is contingent on me being nice to you, I don't want it. In conclusion, go gently caress yourself.

ps. I support all my shitposts, even the contradictory ones.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 01:17

MeatwadIsGod: Sep 30, 2004; Foretold by Gyromancy

Jonas Albrecht posted:

Yeah, Matt's history episodes deserve a wider audience.

Inebriated Past is my favorite Chapo content except for 2 or 3 episodes

# ? Jul 9, 2019 02:00

AnEdgelord: Dec 12, 2016

The recent inebriated past and age of napoleon episodes have me wanting more Christman rants, is there a good resource to find his guest appearances on other pods?

# ? Jul 9, 2019 02:03

Chakan: Mar 30, 2011

Apoplexy posted:

You're pretty loving close to getting me to unironically support trans-exclusionary posting spaces. Christ, I'd rather they be white, bougie, and 'boringly cis-het' if more of you is what's being offered as a positive alternative.

Please leave this thread. Arguably, the forums.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 02:11

KICK BAMA KICK: Mar 2, 2009

AnEdgelord posted:

The recent inebriated past and age of napoleon episodes have me wanting more Christman rants, is there a good resource to find his guest appearances on other pods?

I wanna say there is actually like a Google doc compiled by like Reddit but I can't swear I'm remembering that right. I just today listened to an episode of a podcast called Grubstakers that Matt guested on for an episode on... Jeffery Epstein like six months ago that popped up again recently for obvious reasons. I'd recommend, it was definitely one of the better episodes of some randos' podcast you're listening to cause of the more famous guest.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 02:16

sirtommygunn: Mar 7, 2013

"I sure am tired of this one person's posting gimmick, guess I'll support the mass killing of them and everyone like them" - a good person.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 02:31

Gripweed: Nov 8, 2018; ASK ME ABOUT MY
UNITED STATES MARINES
FUNKO POPS COLLECTION

I had a bad interaction on a web forum with a cis person so I broke into the Monster energy drink factory and dumped spironolactone in all the brewing vats

# ? Jul 9, 2019 02:33

ZenMasterBullshit: Nov 2, 2011; Restaurant de Nouvelles "À Table" Proudly Presents:
A Climactic Encounter Ending on 1 Negate and a Dream

"HEY Amber is saying dumb poo poo that makes me worried she might have some lovely leanings re: trans people"

"gently caress you I want to remove all trans people from posting"

It's like poetry.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 03:03

Trabisnikof: Dec 24, 2005

your all what is wrong with PSL

# ? Jul 9, 2019 03:08

some plague rats: Jun 5, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

sirtommygunn posted:

"I sure am tired of this one person's posting gimmick, guess I'll support the mass killing of them and everyone like them" - a good person.

If their gimmick is being insanely tedious and self-righteous then maybe i can see how you cou

# ? Jul 9, 2019 03:09

Gripweed: Nov 8, 2018; ASK ME ABOUT MY
UNITED STATES MARINES
FUNKO POPS COLLECTION

I still say it's wrong to call someone a TERF if they've never said or done anything transphobic

# ? Jul 9, 2019 03:11

uber_stoat: Jan 21, 2001; Pillbug

*reads a post I don't like, made by a black guy*

"Well I guess it's come to this then. I am now allowed to say ni-"

# ? Jul 9, 2019 03:12

Space Camp fuckup: Aug 2, 2003

Let�s talk about something less controversial. I think we can all agree that Glenn Greenwald is flawless.

Space Camp fuckup fucked around with this message at 03:22 on Jul 9, 2019

# ? Jul 9, 2019 03:16

Alfred P. Pseudonym: May 29, 2006; And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss goes 8-8

https://twitter.com/prageru/status/1148359300672131073?s=21

# ? Jul 9, 2019 03:28

Mons Hubris: Aug 29, 2004; fanci flup

HannibalBarca posted:

Days like this that I miss Mic Dicta.

Charles has been doing basically a spinoff of Mic Dicta on This Week in Atrocity over the past month

# ? Jul 9, 2019 03:29

Henchman of Santa: Aug 21, 2010

Wasn't Mic Dicta's collapse really just one person locking them out? I don't know why they can't just reboot it other than it being a pain in the rear end to coordinate their schedules.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 03:34

Human Tornada: Mar 4, 2005; I been wantin to see a honkey dance.

AnEdgelord posted:

The recent inebriated past and age of napoleon episodes have me wanting more Christman rants, is there a good resource to find his guest appearances on other pods?

I think he was on The Sitdown talking about assassinations throughout history, and on some QAnon podcast, but be prepared to do a lot of skipping to his section on that one.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 04:02

terrorist ambulance: Nov 5, 2009

Felix had his best ep since hot couch on this one

# ? Jul 9, 2019 04:33

Jonas Albrecht: Jun 7, 2012

Alfred P. Pseudonym posted:

https://twitter.com/prageru/status/1148359300672131073?s=21

Cursed Image

# ? Jul 9, 2019 05:10

Saagonsa: Dec 29, 2012

Apoplexy posted:

You're pretty loving close to getting me to unironically support trans-exclusionary posting spaces. Christ, I'd rather they be white, bougie, and 'boringly cis-het' if more of you is what's being offered as a positive alternative.

Lmao christ

# ? Jul 9, 2019 05:13

Apoplexy: Mar 9, 2003; by Shine

Oh. I guess the intrinsic silliness of making a 'posting zone' that doesn't allow trans people in because one in specific was being annoying wasn't innately enough of a joke. I guess I inadvertently implied that we'd be genociding trans people on top of that and said they're subhuman filth? I said a lot I didn't mean to with so few words there.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 06:16

BBJoey: Oct 31, 2012

Transphobia is very rare, so it is hard to see how your transphobic joke could have been misconstrued

# ? Jul 9, 2019 06:58

Autism Sneaks: Nov 21, 2016

Apoplexy posted:

Oh. I guess the intrinsic silliness of making a 'posting zone' that doesn't allow trans people in because one in specific was being annoying wasn't innately enough of a joke. I guess I inadvertently implied that we'd be genociding trans people on top of that and said they're subhuman filth? I said a lot I didn't mean to with so few words there.

I know they can't dig this hole any deeper for seven days but a morbidly fascinated part of me really wanted to see them try

e: new ep is okay but it's mostly dragging Biden's surviving kid, which is a silly and infuriating story but ultimately who gives a gently caress, and there's no Virgil but lots of Amber for those who were hoping she got put in time-out as well

e2: seriously what kind of loving psycho proposes after 6 days, never mind gets matching tattoos. I hope targeted genetic bioweapons become a thing just to wipe out the loving Bidens

Autism Sneaks fucked around with this message at 07:43 on Jul 9, 2019

# ? Jul 9, 2019 07:17

Kobayashi: Aug 13, 2004; by Nyc_Tattoo

Autism Sneaks posted:

e: new ep is okay but it's mostly dragging Biden's surviving kid

If anything, they treated the dude who offered his ex-wife $37k PER MONTH in alimony with kid gloves. gently caress �em.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 08:12

Analytic Engine: May 18, 2009; not the analytical engine

Kobayashi posted:

If anything, they treated the dude who offered his ex-wife $37k PER MONTH in alimony with kid gloves. gently caress �em.

I haven't yelled at an episode in years. Kid gloves is right, this guy has 5x the personal wealth of the richest middle class failson. Even trust fund kids would hesitate to shell out that much post-tax cash

# ? Jul 9, 2019 08:19

Joementum: May 23, 2004; jesus christ

terrorist ambulance posted:

Felix had his best ep since hot couch on this one

He�s always saying that about horizontalism!

# ? Jul 9, 2019 09:32

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 14:56

crepeface: Nov 5, 2004; r*p*f*c*

prefect posted:

This latest Inebriated Past is good stuff. Matt would have been a kick-rear end teacher.

It rules. I hope they release it for free because I really want to send it to my convertible centrist friend. I accidentally sent the Conspiracy Theories one instead, but he liked that.

Also, is Sam Harris a CHUD? All those kinda names blur together for me.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 11:23

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Rapidly Going Deaf > Chapo Trap House: Lmao I can not keep track of these New York failsons

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