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quote:Even though we still can’t see him, sending the gift gave us a sense of power in this situation that dilfh can’t order us to stay out of his life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITgKLIWs5xY
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Jul 29, 2019 20:18
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Play posted:Maybe their shame is trying to tell them something No joke, this is some wise poo poo.
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Jul 29, 2019 20:44
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bonelessdongs posted:Use this one simple trick (DILs HATE HER!) So uh, this whole article seems to be written in a very... specific way. Like, it glosses over the battery charge and uses some fairly dismissive wording on the abuse allegation. I also get this weirdly racist vibe off it, like a “she’s stealing the White Mans baby” thing. Am I reading this wrong? It also uses some pretty explicit weasel wording in the headline.
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Jul 29, 2019 20:51
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Chairman Mao posted:So uh, this whole article seems to be written in a very... specific way. Like, it glosses over the battery charge and uses some fairly dismissive wording on the abuse allegation. I also get this weirdly racist vibe off it, like a “she’s stealing the White Mans baby” thing. Am I reading this wrong? I mean, the battery charge was against the mother and the father dropped it after a month; she also claims that she filed the restraining order under pressure from her mother, so I don't know how telling either one is. The woman's older kids were left in her brother's care, not her mother's, so that could be considered kidnapping. (It would certainly feel that way, at least.) There's only one allegation of abuse, which supposedly came from the woman's autistic son, and who knows if he was manipulated into saying it. The charge apparently wasn't investigated, so unless there was a preponderance of evidence that he/they were being abused, removing the kids from the home the same day the charge was filed is insane. It's hard to say how slanted or biased that article is, but the bare outline of it makes me side with the parents, not the grandmother.
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Jul 29, 2019 21:48
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The use of the word sudden to describe a child accusing both parents of abuse is setting off so many loud screaming alarm bells in my head though. Of course it’s sudden, what do you think would happen if they found out their kid was gonna snitch on them? Why was that put in the article except as a way to get you to read the events in a certain light?
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Jul 29, 2019 22:10
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Chairman Mao posted:The use of the word sudden to describe a child accusing both parents of abuse is setting off so many loud screaming alarm bells in my head though. Of course it’s sudden, what do you think would happen if they found out their kid was gonna snitch on them? Why was that put in the article except as a way to get you to read the events in a certain light? It was also "sudden" when my mom falsely accused my dad of physical abuse and tried to have him arrested, so 
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Jul 30, 2019 00:20
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quote:Ann, my bio grandson just turned 1. I am also right now not allowed to see him as my dilfh has rules I must follow. Long story short, after my narcissistic mother offended a friend of mine of fb and I defended my friend, my dil….one of my mother’s flying monkeys….said I can no longer see him. This story makes me so angry. The son and daughter in law did everything right. They sent a "thank you" card, so they are following all the bullshit social politeness frippery that grandma expects. Not only that, the kid is 1 year old, so they didn't write the card. So son and daughter in law actually went out of their way to make sure that grandma knows that she is a part of her grandchilds life, and wrote "I love you" from the kid. Also they live an hour away, which with a 1yo is ages away so it's reasonable to not visit often. But the thing that makes me the angriest is that grandma actively and literally says that she only sent her grandchild a gift to spite her son and daughter in law. The gift had nothing to do with love, or even familial responsibility. It was a weapon, designed to hurt and be used later to manipulate, ("I hope the grandkid associates these gifts with our faces").
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Jul 30, 2019 05:38
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Wouldn't you know it, our friends at Reddit have some future estranged children in the making:quote:My daughter has recently turned 16 and, for a couple of months now, has been constantly asking for a lock to be put on her door. She says it’s to keep her brother out - who barges into her room every now and then to bother her - but I’m not sure if the benefit is worth having the lock in place. quote:How can I convince her that she doesn’t need it? quote:My bathroom has a lock but the ones downstairs that she uses don’t. quote:My son is just a child and he enters her room unannounced quote:I think you’ve misunderstood the situation a bit. He’s not “trying to catch a peek” quote:I try to remember to knock but when I don’t I realise that I’ve made a mistake. quote:I don’t think a lock is necessary for privacy. quote:i’m TRYING to stop walking in without knocking. quote:I don’t “regularly” enter her room without knocking.
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Jul 30, 2019 06:47
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evilpicard posted:Wouldn't you know it, our friends at Reddit have some future estranged children in the making: One of the best lessons about people I learned from an engineering mentor: those who resist simple solutions have ulterior motives. I mean, I throw open the door sometimes to ask one of my PMSAS** something cuz I've done it a million times and I'm tired and I just don't think. So we put baby grade locks on the doors, something a butter knife would open in two seconds, but it's a physical reminder to respect their privacy without actually keeping us out if we need access. Why is this guy resisting the simple solution?  **precious middle school aged sons
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Jul 30, 2019 09:09
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Rockbear posted:One of the best lessons about people I learned from an engineering mentor: those who resist simple solutions have ulterior motives. This is a really good point to remember. My mom wouldn't allow me or my siblings to fully close our bedroom doors, much less lock them. We would get yelled at if we did. She also snooped around whenever she felt like it.
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Jul 30, 2019 12:28
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my kinda ape posted:Still not remotely as bad as a lot of people have it. I have no idea how you could retain your sanity if both of your parents were monsters. Not easily
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Jul 30, 2019 14:04
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Rockbear posted:Why is this guy resisting the simple solution? If you read the reddit thread a huge chunk of the replies are, unsurprisingly, "why do you want to walk in on your daughter masturbating so badly?" But, seriously, those "we don't lock doors in this house" people are weirdos, especially the ones with no door locks on the bathroom. I've been to houses like that and the combo of "HEY, OCCUPIED!" "Whoops, sorry!" is fairly common.
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Jul 30, 2019 17:39
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i wasn't even allowed to close the bathroom door
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Jul 30, 2019 17:50
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That level of mistrust is some deeper pathology.
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Jul 30, 2019 19:16
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My most vivid memory of the lock on my door was when my stepmother shoulder-charged through it and tried to wrap a garbage bag around my throat.
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Jul 30, 2019 19:24
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Clitch posted:My most vivid memory of the lock on my door was when my stepmother shoulder-charged through it and tried to wrap a garbage bag around my throat. Was your head in the bag, or was she just using it as a garrot?
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Jul 30, 2019 20:20
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Beachcomber posted:Was your head in the bag, or was she just using it as a garrot? The second one. Funny part to that story: I was blamed for the hole put in the drywall during the struggle. There's probably still a bare chalkboard patch in that room hidden behind a bookshelf.
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Jul 30, 2019 20:52
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I’ve been slowly making my way through this thread the last few weeks. Having dealt with these cases before, I’ll just say that you are not acting paranoid by keeping copies of the letters, text messages, etc. that your insane family members have sent you. It’s pretty insurmountable for abusers to talk their way out of a literal stack of abusive emails, etc. when you get to court (so long as the judge didn’t make up their mind before the case even got started). Also, there is little to no legal benefit trying to defend yourselves in the moment when you get these calls/emails/texts/etc; the best you can do is try to avoid sharing them with your kids and, if you do respond, to simply reply “stop contacting me.” Even then, abusers will put themselves in the poor house to continue to annoy you, because the injury to their ego becomes all consuming. I’ve literally seen a grandmother put in jail for contempt because of how she acted after losing her action for “grandparent’s rights” to her grandson in court. Sorry you have to deal with this bullshit.
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Jul 30, 2019 21:00
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^ Please tell more stories.
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Jul 30, 2019 21:21
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MasBrillante posted:^ Please tell more stories. My experience has been that you can’t really 100% trust anybody’s version of the facts in these cases; even victims lie, although usually they do so to avoid reliving/addressing some trauma they went through rather than as a means of “getting one over” on anybody. Also, people definitely do try to alienate their kids from the other parent when they get divorced, but many people over exaggerate what is intentional alienation (as opposed to just calling a spade a spade or refusing to make excuses for the other parent’s conduct, etc.). poo poo is super messy, and time/money consuming, but can be super profitable for attorneys and experts (psych, etc) since these are generally cases that not only don’t settle easily, but they get rehashed every few years when the abuser wants another bite at the cherry and thinks that maybe this time they’ll get a reasonable judge (i.e, a judge that is sympathetic to them or their position or can’t see through their bullshit). I have been involved with all kinds of treacherous people (murders, rapes, bank fraud, etc.), but narcissists with an ax to grind take the cake as far as sociopathy I’ve observed. E. By “involved with”, I mean have worked on cases involving such people/acts. Brother Tadger fucked around with this message at 21:47 on Jul 30, 2019 |
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Jul 30, 2019 21:40
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Also, the quote from the poster above re: simple solutions being rejected by people with ulterior motives is so spot on that I’m totally stealing it for my closing arguments.
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Jul 30, 2019 21:48
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quote:In as much as I participate, texts somehow muddy things or make what is already strained less personal, if that is possible. Calls mean more, even if short. Visits are jewels. That is probably just my bent, desiring real time with others. Texts feel like crumbs off the table. Honestly, I’m thankful for some form of connection, but the other day I answered with one word. Selfishly I thought, ” you need to call”. My brain is conflicted. We can be totally not at peace with each other, but when there is a question or need, a text is convenient. It turns the relationship on & off like a switch. ( A switch my ED controls) I may respond with a polite text, yet feel so frustrated. I remind myself that I text others frequently, so why the messy feelings? What mom doesn’t want “more”? Just accept whatever it is…but oh how the heart of a mom loves/hurts… quote:Great post, Sihiya. My husband would agree with you totally. He can’t think quickly enough for text message exchanges and does better with phone calls or in person. Here’s my take: quote:Oh Sihiya! I completely agree with you! I feel the same way. I hate text messaging with a passion. It feels so intrusive to me. Sometimes it feels like my ED, who has been absent for months, just suddenly walks in the front door and demands my attention (when she sends a text out of the blue). No greeting- no “hi mom….” “are you busy? I have a quick question”….. It feels sometimes like she is just making a sudden demand or shouting at me. Going to manipulate people into calling me so they can’t CONTROL me with text message CRUMBS. 
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Jul 31, 2019 03:22
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Why yes, I am controlling what little communication I must have with you by using text, because the sound of your voice fills me with anxiety.
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Jul 31, 2019 03:54
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“My children won’t talk to me. They text all the time, but I don’t like texting, so it doesn’t count.” Also just  at the idea of being unable to keep up with texting, but being comfortable on the phone.
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Jul 31, 2019 04:35
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They sound like 19th century anthropologists marveling that the “natives” can construct a society with such primitive (not European) language.
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Jul 31, 2019 04:57
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quote:Honestly, I’m thankful for some form of connection, but the other day I answered with one word. Selfishly I thought, ” you need to call”. Lady just say this. Just say it out loud. Given that you're such a ~kind and loving~ parent, surely your kids would honor your request and want to talk to you. There's definitely no way that either a) you're expecting to have phone calls waaaaay more often than your kids are comfortable with, or b) you secretly just want to add your kids' texting to your Why I'm The Victim Always And Forever mental portfolio, right...?
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Jul 31, 2019 05:19
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1redflag posted:Also, the quote from the poster above re: simple solutions being rejected by people with ulterior motives is so spot on that I’m totally stealing it for my closing arguments. Steal away, it would be a sort of karma if anything I've said helps defeat the sort of parents I grew up with.  Someone asked earlier about what it must be like to be the "golden child". Well, let me tell you! I often refer to myself as a "mediocre genius". I started reading when I was 2 years old, was reading adult books by age 5, starting writing software by age 7, aced the SATs at age 12. I could have attended college at age 10ish, but I didn't revolutionize mathematics and speak 15 languages. So, just enough of a prodigy to be a pain in the rear end. My little brother is merely very smart, only the smartest person in *most* rooms. He could have went to college at 15, not 10. So my parents weaponized my intelligence against him over and over again, for decades. I was the "good son" and he was the "problem child". We were constantly pitted against each other. By the time I moved out of the house, I knew that my brother hated me. I shrugged that off as a combination of his jealousy and his lovely personality. I accepted that narrative for the first decade of my adult life. I honestly believed that they weren't bad parents, that they did their best, and my brother was just difficult. I got older. I studied zen meditation. I defeated my temper and repaired my self-esteem. I found a job I love and a circle of friends that taught me to be open and caring. I learned to like hugging! As I became a less lovely person, my brother held me at less and less of a distance. We eventually reconciled. I came to accept that he had different ideas of success and happiness. I stopped being a tool of control or criticism for my parents without really understanding that I ever was that thing. I became close with my brother and he even started spending time with my parents again as long as I was there to be a buffer. I chalked it up to my parents being old fashioned and just not "getting" him, a lovely Southpark "the truth is in the middle" perspective. Then something dramatic happened. My parents, post-retirement, had become heavy drinkers. Finally, after years of dealing with drunken nonsense from them, I set a boundary. One boundary. "Don't call me to help you with anything if you're drunk." And my parents lost their loving minds. The next day, they showed up at my house demanding that I return a Christmas present from 2 years ago. I'm not loving kidding. I live a very put-together life, I make good money, I take care of my family and friends, and generally have a sterling reputation in my community. So the only angle of attack they could figure out, apparently, was "return your Christmas present." When I refused, my mother stood on my porch and screamed and pounded on my door like a rage zombie until I called the police. The following weeks were a nightmare of insane rage-fueled behavior from them. I suddenly started remembering things. Partly recovering memories I had suppressed, partly re-contextualizing remembered experiences. I realized, with growing horror, that my parents had been abusive to me, but massively abusive to my brother. And that I'd been my brother's abuser as well. After that, my brother and I had a series of very painful conversations. He filled me in on a lot of things my parents had done. He reminded me of a lot of things that *I'd* done. He also told me that he'd forgiven me years ago, even though I hadn't even known to ask for that forgiveness. He was so relieved that I finally could "see it". That I could see their actual nature, which he'd been grappling with alone his entire life, and not the friendly masks. I'm grateful for my brother's forgiveness, I'm crushed to realize who I'd been during the time when he most needed protection, and I'm loving furious with my parents for turning me into my brother's abuser. My brother remains one of my closest friends and now I'm completely estranged from my parents, 2.5 years so far. Every so often they post on Facebook during a blackout about how bewildered they are that their children abandoned them "for no reason". 
Rockbear fucked around with this message at 09:31 on Jul 31, 2019 |
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Jul 31, 2019 07:24
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Rockbear posted:The following weeks were a nightmare of insane rage-fueled behavior from them Fun additional note: remember the one lady who kept saying that her ex-husband was a drug addict and all that? My parents started telling everyone who would listen in our small town that my brother is a "drug addict". My brother, who is 6'2" and built like a brick wall, smokes a couple of grams of weed per week that he buys legally at the local dispensary. Truly in the grips of soul-crushing drug addiction.
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Jul 31, 2019 07:31
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quote:Saphire, don’t you find there are people in your life that your relationships are seamless. Then there are people, for whatever reason, you don’t hit it off with. I believe it gets down to personality differences and perceptions. I have a seamless relationship in varying degrees with four of my children. My estranged daughter is a different story. This is some of the creepiest poo poo I’ve ever read.
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Jul 31, 2019 09:31
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MasBrillante posted:This is some of the creepiest poo poo I’ve ever read. "The Seamless Children" sounds like the title of a chapter in one of those Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books.
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Jul 31, 2019 09:36
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Ok, so this pic in the cursed images thread got me thinking: overlap on weird Dad’s Rights guys and estranged parents?
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Jul 31, 2019 10:45
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teen witch posted:Ok, so this pic in the cursed images thread got me thinking: overlap on weird Dad’s Rights guys and estranged parents? "Fathers have sorry rights too ladies."
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Jul 31, 2019 10:49
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:"Fathers have sorry rights too ladies." Dads Rights vs Estranged Mom forums poster Two parents enter, one traumatized generation leaves
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Jul 31, 2019 10:50
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teen witch posted:Dads Rights vs Estranged Mom forums poster Asunder Home
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Jul 31, 2019 10:53
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:Asunder Home 
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Jul 31, 2019 11:05
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teen witch posted:Dads Rights vs Estranged Mom forums poster Get enmeshed in the action
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Jul 31, 2019 11:55
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quote:“You’re right Mom.”
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Jul 31, 2019 14:01
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Saint Drogo posted:hey guys I think I found the 'seamless child' cheat code. Just make sure you say it via hand-written letter or phone call, because texting is an act of aggression! e: "love and miss my little girl".
Rockbear fucked around with this message at 14:25 on Jul 31, 2019 |
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Jul 31, 2019 14:22
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A key thing with a lot of lovely parents is there's a point where they're just mad the kid isn't their cute little boy/girl anymore and resent them for growing up.
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Jul 31, 2019 14:31
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Not even that sometimes. Mine have told me they almost killed me multiple times as a 1 year because I was so fussy as a baby and told my little brother that he was a mistake and didn't intend to have him at all. The only one of us they seem to like is my older sister. They used to say those things to us like they were supposed to be "funny stories"
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Jul 31, 2019 14:40
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