Zulily Zoetrope posted:

You’re allowed to change your life plan if you find out you want to do something else, even if it means giving up on your current relationship which was built on your previous goals. That doesn’t make you an rear end in a top hat, even if it hurts someone.

quote:

I feel weird posting this, but I need an outside perspective on this matter.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months and he's probably the nicest guy I've ever been with. I've dealt with a string of abusive men, and to finally meet a guy who legitimately respects me and holds my opinions in high regard is refreshing to say the very least. He's a smart and talented man, very crafty and handy, and works a job that makes a better-than-average salary. However, things took a strange turn about a month ago.

I was over at his apartment and saw a 2liter bottle of what looked like urine stowed away near his desk. He told me that it was apple juice and looked very intent on changing the subject. He excused himself to the bathroom, and so I uncapped the bottle and sniffed it- it was definitely NOT apple juice. I told him what I'd done and he became (reasonably) upset that I hadn't left it alone, and assured me that it was just for "some dumb prank" he was going to pull on a friend. I dropped the subject and left him alone about it.

A few days later, I was using the bathroom at his place and saw a large package of Depends in his bathroom cabinet. His parents are no longer alive, and he's never made any mention of caring for an elderly person, so I don't know what to think about it.

About a week later, things started getting weirder. I found another bottle of urine- a different bottle (different color cap), and went to question him about it. I confronted him while he was in the kitchen, and found him peeing in the sink. Immediately, he was startled, tried to tuck his penis into his boxers and act like nothing had happened, but it was pretty obvious from how he was acting, not to mention a large urine stain on the front of his boxer shorts. I asked him what he was doing, and he reacted very defensively, telling me it was time to go home, that he suddenly had an appointment he needed to get to, and just trying to get me out of his place. Naturally, I left.

I wasn't using the bathroom, the toilet was completely open for use, and he still elected to pee in the sink, making me even more confused and wary about the whole situation.

I don't know what to do, guys. I like this guy- I'm pretty sure that I'm not too far from saying that I love this guy. When we first started out, I felt like a bird with an injured wing and he was nurturing me back to health (cliche, I know, but it's seriously how I felt). He makes me happy, he has a stable lifestyle and we're compatible on so many levels it's crazy... but I'm just not into pee. I don't have an aversion to urine, but I'm not comfortable with his hygienic habits and I'm actually a little worried he'll urinate in my own sinks if he were to visit my apartment.

Am I crazy? Am I immature for thinking this? Every time I think of him, I can't help but jump back to him leaning his pelvis over the sink, peeing into it like it was no big deal, or the idea that he might be wearing adult diapers beneath his clothes when we're together. I don't want to be a bully, but it's such a major turn-off for me that I can see this causing very real, very serious issues in our relationship. Any and all help, or suggestions with how to deal with this would be vastly appreciated.

tl;dr: My boyfriend pees in the sink and bottles instead of the toilet, and owns adult diapers.

EDIT: I REALLY didn't expect this to get so much attention. While I realize this is an out-of-the-ordinary situation, I suppose I wasn't quite ready for this much feedback. Thank you all for your comments and input. Most of you have been very helpful and have come at me with a spectrum of different ways to approach this issue sensitively. I'm going to speak to him about his aversion to urinating in the toilet.

Additionally, some people have been asking if he also stores his feces in such a manner- I'm not aware. I haven't seen any, feces in any kind of containers, bottles, etc, and I haven't really be looking for it. Last time I'd spent time with him, I wasn't ready to learn anything more about his hygienic habits, so I decided to actively avoid looking for answers beyond what was already in front of me.

I'm planning on posting an update to this. Thank you all, and wish me luck.

EDIT 2: I spoke with him BRIEFLY over the phone. I took the helpful advice of some of you and told him in very gentle, very non-judgmental terms, that I wanted to speak to him about his "bathroom habits." I explained to him that I wasn't going to judge him, and that I wanted to talk to him just to get some answers. He was reluctant, but agreed to talk to me "later." Rest assured, this will not be the kind of "later" that just gos away. I'm going to be asking him about this as soon as I see him next.

There are a lot of redditors here essentially telling me to just leave him, and that 5 months isn't that big of a deal. While I understand that I have my own issues to work through, and that 5 months "isn't that big a deal", he is still a person I care deeply about. I would do this for any of my friends, and quite frankly, I couldn't think of just up and leaving without at least trying to learn WHY he behaves this way, and at least trying to help him through it. I'm glad that everyone here is so confident in my ability to find a decent man who doesn't have this problem, but everyone has issues. I was lucky enough to find a guy who not only makes me happy, but shares a huge number of my world views, philosophies and beliefs. To just throw that away without even giving it a CHANCE seems so cold.

Looking forward to giving some sort of update, but I don't think I'm any longer looking for advice on the matter. Thank you all your responses, please wish me luck in resolving this.

sweet thursday posted:

o_o

quote:

He's a full-time student who works part-time in the summer. I have a full-time and part-time job (he studies a lot). We live together and mostly live off my pay while he stretches what he makes in the summer. Neither of us have ever owned a car because it isn't necessary where we live.

We both walk or take the public everywhere to save money. In the morning we stop at a corner shop shortly before splitting up for the day. He buys cigarettes and coffee. I buy fruit for my lunch and, on the weekends, lotto tickets.

He always makes fun of me for paying the "stupid tax". But I figure my indulgence is cheaper and doesn't come with lung cancer. Sometimes I jokingly tell him not to expect a penny when I win.

The day I won he answered me with "Fine, keep it all! It's not like I'm crying over a penny of nothing over here."

I showed him I'd won. He stared for a bit and then dismissively told me I'd probably spent more than that on tickets. In response I asked what I should blow his half on for myself. I was honestly joking at the time but he suddenly became angrier than I've ever seen him and I didn't want to admit I'd been kidding because he was so pissed off it pissed me off.

He wants a car, and I don't. He keeps trying to steamroller me so I'm refusing to share the money. In honesty I'm willing to spend or save the money for us but I don't want a car. I won't use a car and it will keep costing us money in parking and maintenance.

After weeks of him sulking and lecturing me about his "entitlement" to the money he took me to a car lot and tried to embarrass me into going along with him in front of a salesman. I threw a tantrum after we left without buying anything and I went to my mom's and paid our rent up to the end of the year and donated the rest to charity. He doesn't know.

I hosed up and don't know how to come clean.

Tl;dr: I haven't told my boyfriend I spent the money I won because I was upset he was being a dick. He's already angry at me. What do I do?

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

You’re allowed to change your life plan if you find out you want to do something else, even if it means giving up on your current relationship which was built on your previous goals. That doesn’t make you an rear end in a top hat, even if it hurts someone.

I mean, she needs to get away from that relationship ASAP, but even if he hadn’t been a garbage fire and holding her to a life commitment she made at loving 18, she’d be entitled to get out.

Miss posted:

I [23f] won $10,000 cash. My boyfriend [24m] of four years and I have been having a childish fight and I did something I can't undo.

Miss posted:

I [23f] won $10,000 cash. My boyfriend [24m] of four years and I have been having a childish fight and I did something I can't undo.

quote:

I've been with "Andrew" for a little over a year. We have a wonderful relationship and I cannot see myself with anyone else in the future, but of course we're not going to jump into commitments (living together, etc) for some time. He's a wonderful man, but has a bit of a nasty habit of self-aggrandizing sometimes. This happens only when he's with his friends, but I find it beyond annoying. He's been friends with this group since high school, so needless to say they're extremely close and hang out often, usually at his friend Jeremy's place.

Jeremy got laid off a few months ago and took a hit to his self-esteem, understandably, so Andrew and the guys have taken it upon themselves to visit him often (usually every Saturday at least) so he doesn't get too lonely. Jeremy has become a good friend of mine this past year and I thought this was wonderful at first, but after a while Andrew's bad habit began to pop up more and more frequently. He'd go on about how great he was at his job, how his boss totally has the hots for him, how many women flirt with him, yadda yadda all in front of me. I'd confront him about this and he'd say it's nothing more that trash-talking with his friends, since they all behave in a similar way, and he's fully committed to me. I don't suspect infidelity on his part, I just think this behavior is loving annoying. I'd just stay home, but I want to be there to support Jeremy as well.

This past Saturday, we were back at Jeremy's and Andrew was acting more obnoxious than he ever had before. The group would just keep on hyping each other up, as if competing for some kind of douchebag award. Once again Andrew was talking about his boss who obviously wanted his dick, and how he would "convert her to the straight side" since she's a lesbian. He then went on about how he could convert any lesbian, anywhere, because his dick was just soooo incredible. He just kept going on and on, and because I'd been drinking that night, this was pissing me off more than normal. While he went on, I blurted out "You've never even pleasured me, what are the lesbians going to be impressed by?". His friends laughed, but Andrew looked at me like I'd stomped on a puppy. He got quiet and stewed in his seat for a minute before excusing himself outside. I was still drunk and angry so I didn't go after him right away. When I got outside, he was still red-faced and teary-eyed, and asked why I humiliated him like that in front of his friends, how could I do that to him, etc. I told him he was getting on my nerves and needed to be brought down a peg, and that he should calm down. He didn't speak to me for the rest of the night.

Almost a week has passed since then and he's still giving me the cold shoulder. I still think he needs to get over it, but was I the one out of line? Should I apologize, or just let him get over himself?

TL;DR my boyfriend was being obnoxious so I told him off, a week later he's still mad about it

Miss posted:

I[23F] insulted my boyfriend[24M] after he spent hours being sexist and obnoxious. Was I out of line or is he overreacting?

Pirate Radar posted:

From Prudie:

Miss posted:

I[23F] insulted my boyfriend[24M] after he spent hours being sexist and obnoxious. Was I out of line or is he overreacting?

quote:

A little backstory:

I have had a few previous cats with at my family home before this cat. All of them were outdoor cats and 3 of them died from either running away, getting hit by a car, or eating things they were not supposed to. Because of this, I decided to keep my cat firmly inside.

When I was 16, I was very suicidal from bullying and family issues. My mom wanted me to go to an inpatient care for 2 weeks. She told me if she did, she would have a new kitten waiting for me when I got home to be a sort of therapy cat for me.

I know this may sound stupid, but this cat was my best friend. My boyfriend had seen how much I cared for this cat/how much he meant to me. I am truly heartbroken.

A month ago I began renting a house with my boyfriend. I brought my cat along with me. I had made it clear that I would assume ALL responsibilities for my cat and all I asked him to do was to please not leave the door open for more than a few minutes or to put my cat in a room with the door shut until he was done.

We moved into our new house and my boyfriend had some friends over for an impromptu house-warming party while I worked late. I got home and him and his friends had the back door open and were going in and out of the house with the door wide open. I went inside and asked where my cat was, boyfriend said he didn't know. I searched the whole house and we got in a fight in front of his friends. Him and his friends laughed and said things like "its just a cat, don't worry about it." I asked him to please come help me look around the neighborhood and he refused. I went and looked by myself until 3 am.

Over the next few days, I begged him to come with me to help ask the neighbors, to help me put up posters, but he always said no. I have been calling every local shelter. After a few days we got in a terrible fight where I told him it was his fault a part of my family was missing and that I couldn't believe that I asked one thing of him that he couldn't even do.

Since then I have been not as affectionate or loving with him. I wanted to forgive him but he did not take responsibility or help me or even give me anything other than a half-hearted apology. I understand that mistakes do happen and I know he didn't mean to lose my cat but I am angry and hurt.

Tonight it all came to a head when I got home from work and he brought out a new kitten. He said, "Here. Now we can move on from this, right?" I got so upset that I just started yelling at him that he can't replace the cat he lost, this isn't what I wanted, ect. He threw the kitten onto the couch (it was just a couch but... It's just a kitten) and stormed out. I took the cat, packed an overnight bag and am now at my friend's.

My friend fell in love with the kitten so I think I will let her keep him. I don't want another cat, I wanted the one I had/to have him help me. After seeing him throw a poor, defenseless animal I don't think I want to go back anytime soon. I just don't know what to do. Until we had moved into together everything was so great. Is there any way to forgive him/go back from this? Thank you.

tl;dr: My boyfriend left the door open and my cat escaped (after I explicitly asked him not to do that). He brought me home a new cat, I got angry, and he threw the kitten onto the couch. What do I do? I love this man but I am so upset.

DemoneeHo posted:

Short and sweet

[KS] I blew over the legal limit with an interlock. What happens next?

quote:

AITA for forcing a special needs child off my child's soccer team because of the actions of her mother?
u/olderthanilook111d
My husband and I are 54 and 56. We've been married almost 39 years. Yes, we got married at 17 and 19. Our daughter was a surprise late in life pregnancy when I was 49. For some reason, I've always looked much younger than my age. I'm usually estimated to be in my early to mid thirties. Gets annoying at times now, but it's okay. My grandmother was the same way. My husband looks his age. I worry about the severe generation gap and finding friends with similarly aged kids, so I try to keep up with younger pop culture and technology.

We signed our daughter up for soccer this year. We were at our daughter's soccer practice last Saturday, and a mom came up to me when my husband was off getting coffee. We talked, which went well. When my husband came back, she went stone cold and excused herself.

All this week, this woman has launched a campaign against me and my entire family. She thinks my husband and I have a 30-40 year age difference, which is "inappropriate". She thinks our relationship is based on money (?!), that it "sets a bad example for young girls" and I especially should "think about what my daughter is learning". The team parents were starting to be against me, and I needed to respond.

I was infuriated by all of this. I try to keep a mentality of "age only means what you let it" and care for my appearance and stay more modern, but I wouldn't think I'm trophy wife level. I sent a mass email with what I think is a toned down reaction to this woman's judgement and three things: my wedding announcement from 1981, my daughter birth announcement (which showed our ages), and a picture of me heavily pregnant, with my husband, at my 50th birthday party.

The woman was humiliated in front of all of the parents on the team, so much so that she had to leave because they all refused to work with her at all. Her child has special needs, and this is one of the most inclusive teams. Many of the leagues around won't allow special needs children because they "can't accommodate". I feel bad that now her child can't experience sports, but maybe she earned it? We're not leaving this one because it is more accepting of non-traditional families and works best with our schedule. AITA?

Edit: We married so young because we both had very...harsh homes and were in love (still are!). At the time, marriage meant automatic emancipation and you had better economic chances pairing up. We do have more money than most parents of young children because my husband and I are naturally not very fertile. We were essentially dual income no kids for over 30 years. We took an "if it happens, it happens" approach to kids and stopped preventing after we both had graduated college.

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Wasn't shouting FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! supposed to be probatable as it really adds nothing to the thread?

Maybe I'm just dreaming.

Miss posted:

I[23F] insulted my boyfriend[24M] after he spent hours being sexist and obnoxious. Was I out of line or is he overreacting?

Miss posted:

My [23F] boyfriend [28M] of 3 years lost my cat a month ago. I don't think I can get over this.

AmiYumi posted:

I was going to point out that BF definitely got rid of the cat and had the party as cover, and shock of shocks there was an update and that’s exactly what happened. Given away on Craigslist rather than murdered, and she broke up with him, so happy ending.

HardDiskD posted:

APSH (All parents suck here)

AmiYumi posted:

I was going to point out that BF definitely got rid of the cat and had the party as cover, and shock of shocks there was an update and that’s exactly what happened. Given away on Craigslist rather than murdered, and she broke up with him, so happy ending.

Old Binsby posted:

did she get her cat back though??

teen witch posted:

Miss posted:

I[23F] insulted my boyfriend[24M] after he spent hours being sexist and obnoxious. Was I out of line or is he overreacting?

Barudak posted:

It was mentioned earlier in the thread but just to clarify, Im not probating people just for saying "fake" as some of the best thread learnings have come from experts weighing in on where the story falls apart due to [x] wrong detail. Thats not an encouragement to whitenoise post though, and shouting "fake" can quickly fall into that.

Kitchner posted:

However, the boyfriend didn't lose the cat, the cat ran away.

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Lol what a stupid thing to say.

Yeah I left the back door open while babysitting your kid, I didn't lose him though he just ran away!

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Lol what a stupid thing to say.

Yeah I left the back door open while babysitting your kid, I didn't lose him though he just ran away!

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Also it turned out with the update the boyfriend actually gave the cat away on craigslist