Licarn posted:

My (25M) girlfriend (22F) has the emotional intelligence of a turnip

Smirking_Serpent posted:

WIBTA if I tell my wife I want to separate our finances due to the fact that she has fallen for a scam twice in one year?

teen witch posted:

I hate that A. those Nigerian scams are a thing and B. that people somehow fall for them.

It’s also really annoying that despite Nigerians being one of the most successful immigrant groups in America, this is what we get known for.

quote:

Hi relationships. I'm not looking for validation, just feedback on whether or not I was really being insensitive/petty/heartless. I'm cool with apologizing if so.

Anyways, sister-in-law (34) is single and lives by herself. Last year, she got fired and hasn't been employed since. She's also really gone on a downward spiral since then, and has pretty much "given up" in terms of taking care of herself.

So, in the year she's been unemployed she's: stopped looking for any sources of income, racked up nearly 13k in credit card debt, started chain smoking again, and adopted like half a dozen animals to "keep her company." On top of the two dogs and one cat she already had, she adopted three more dogs and we don't know how many more cats/rabbits/birds frankly.

It's been an uphill battle for my husband and his siblings (their parents have passed) in getting their sister back on track in past months. None of his siblings are high earners, so we've been personally giving SIL a monthly stipend for day to day expenses. They've now managed to keep her debt under control with a plan in place, and I think they're slowly convincing SIL to try mental services.

Last weekend husband told me that SIL is doing well lately and is receptive to the idea of seeing a mental health professional for the first time (she hated the idea before). Then, he said that she's been trying to adopt another dog after volunteering at the shelters, and that he's happy to see her excited about something again. I ask if her current FIVE dogs are still there, and he says yes but he thinks she takes good care of them and they provide her mental relief and a sense of purpose.

So, maybe I was a bit blunt but I bursted out "wow so we're just fully subsidizing her animal-hoarding habit now?" In the moment I was honestly taken aback. We've been giving her between $500-$1200 a MONTH depending on her needs. 70% of these needs boil down to "I need medicine/food/etc. for this and this dog/cat/bird/rabbit." I've put up with it for so long because I know husband is a huge family guy and will always want to help siblings in need, and we weren't hurting for money. BUT I felt like I had to say something finally.

Well, husband and I got into a huge fight over whether or not I was being petty and heartless. That if she's good at taking care of these animals and they bring her peace and a feeling of fulfillment, then what's my problem? My argument was that she should not be taking in MORE animals right now when she can't even feed and support herself. In my mind, pets are a luxury, not a need, and people who can't afford their own lives shouldn't be claiming others. Husband kept saying I was missing the point, that we should be doing all we can to make sure his sister is in a good place, and how much could one more animal cost?

I don't know. Am I being insensitive and petty? I am okay with helping out a family member, but I feel like this is enabling her more than helping her. Husband and I fundamentally disagree about her "hoarding" though and he thinks having animals to take care of is a good thing and therapeutic for SIL. Personally, I think it's irresponsible and only feeds her continued irresponsibility in her life. Ultimately, we both earn money and so we both have to agree on where to put our money. Husband has said he's willing to reassess the support we've been giving her if I'm no longer on board.

tl;dr: SIL has had a tough year with unemployment and mental health. Has adopted roughly half a dozen animals in the meantime. She's doing better recently and wants to adopt another dog. Husband is supportive, I'm not because I think we shouldn't be financially supporting her borderline animal hoarding habits.

cumshitter posted:

CBP seizure letter HELP!!!

cumshitter posted:

Lol this shouldn't surprise anyone, but the guy who wants to do clinical drug trials in his garage has a post history on various research chemical subreddits. He is absolutely trying to find a legal way to give people research chemicals and charge them for it.

I also happened to find this little gem:

CBP seizure letter HELP!!!


It looks like the OP and all comments made by them were removed, but from context this idiot illegally purchased a silencer from Wish.com which is really god damned stupid because when Wish receives a subpoena from law enforcement saying, "Give us the credit card information and address of everyone who purchased 'Space Gray Metallic Oil Filter Long Last Durable Hello Kitty Best Value'" they happily hand it over.

quote:

TL;DR: boyfriend is oddly controlling of almost every aspect of my menstrual cycle and our family planning.

I don’t think I need a throwaway because nobody knows I’m on Reddit anyway. We’ve been dating since July of last year. Lots of ups and downs, but thing is, he’s VERY stingy about us using protection. I’m not on birth control for personal reasons and he sheepishly agreed to use protection for the sake of me being comfortable, which is very caring.

However, he insists on buying the condoms himself. When I do buy them, he insists on having them in his house. One time we were going at it but no condom in sight; i offered to go to the pharmacy and buy some, but he declined. Another time I had one that my friend gave me as a gross joke (it apparently had been in his pocket since high school) and I suggested to my boyfriend that it could be useful (jokingly). He freaked out and screamed at how “I wasn’t taking our family planning seriously”.

He constantly monitors my cycle, even having the same app I use on my phone with my cycle info in it. He says it’s better that way because two heads think better than one. When I get my period he’s constantly asking about some details I would rather not give (i.e consistency, whether there’s clots or not, etc). When I’m ovulating, same deal: “how’s your mucus? Is it liquid? Do you know how to precisely locate your cervix position?” Yeah, I don’t know how to do that. Still weird

We have, however, had unprotected sex a lot of times (and I take full blame for that),with a few scares. He also has this icky habit of putting on a condom and taking it off last minute, saying “but it feels better!” and waiting for my reluctant “yes” so he can do it. I don’t like it, but whatever.

We’ve had two very long pregnancy scares (we usually have sex when I’m not ovulating, so we’ve never been scared-scared) and he recently told me that both times he’s told his MOM. HIS MOM! and that they couldn’t have been more ecstatic. He’s always said that he’s a family man and he wants kids, but mantained the “male feminist” front with me, telling me that’s he’d let me make the ultimate choice if necessary.

What broke the loving straw was, I recently got recommended by my doctor this new pills that won’t counteract with my other treatments and I was happy when I told him I had the doctors appointment. Went and got the blood exams too. Couldn’t wait for my life living worry free.

He freaked out worse than I’ve ever seen. Asking if it was the right choice, that I should consult with other doctors, that he wanted to come with me to the OB/GYN and that he should be more “involved” in this stuff. Should he be more involved? Should I let him into the doctor’s appointment? I’m really conflicted. Please help.

commenter posted:

He wants you to get pregnant. How are you not furious about this?

OP posted:

I’m sorry for being... descriptive, but if he did tamper with them, shouldn’t I be able to... feel it? Somehow? Or would I not feel it? Because if cannot feel it then I’m hosed.

commenter posted:

You wouldn't feel a pinhole, and you wouldn't feel ejaculate coming out of the pinhole either.

OP posted:

UPDATE] I really don’t know how to do updates. So, I really want to thank everyone for their input. I’m already reading the PDF some of you recommended me: so far it’s hitting real close to home.

I wanted to do this update because after posting this and reading some comments I came home and told my mom. all. of. it.

She flipped. She screamed (not at me) and cried and the whole shebang. She’s always been icky around him, she’s told me to leave him more than once. So she just... exploded.

Thing is... she called him. Herself. And he was silent, because it wasn’t me speaking, it was her. Now I’m grounded (yes, grounded as a 22 yo) but he’s blocked from every social media I have, my mom told my family and they all blocked him, and I told my friends (the ones I don’t share with him) and they all agree that he’s an rear end.

I am really, really heartbroken. But... relieved, in a way? I still can’t believe I’m grounded. Relief because even if I wanted to, now I can’t reach him. I’m gonna cry a lot now, but I really want to thank you.

(Also, thankfully my blood results are alright and I tested negative for HIV. On my OB/GYN appointment next week I’m gonna get the rest of the tests done)

I cannot stress enough. Thank you. Even if he wasn’t going to hurt me, he can’t hurt me now. And I’m so... free. And hurt. But free.

TL;DR: I told my mom and she ended up doing it so it all came to a halt real quick. But I still wanted to thank you. <3

Kitchner posted:

This started off as "OK this guy is paranoid about a girl putting holes in condoms to get knocked up which is a bit extreme but whatever" and quickly moved to "OK so he's the one doing that, the fucker".

quote:

It's a large age difference I know, and they've been long-distance for the past two years, but it seemed to be working for them. I guess not. How on earth do you deal with not feeling wanted anymore at that age? What can we advise he do now? Does anyone have any experience of something similar?

I'm devastated at the thought of him being lonely, my brother and I are obviously trying to be there for him as much as possible but he doesn't live super close and this is all still very fresh. He might come stay with me for a bit. It's hard for us too but I can't imagine how hard it is for him.

As a side note, he's still a very active man for his age. He plays tennis a couple times a week, always goes out walking, is very charming and smart. But what on earth does dating look like at that age? How do you even get him to come round to the idea? Where do older people meet eachother! So many unknowns.

Any advice / thoughts welcome.

TL;DR - my Dad is soon to be single. What does newly single life look like at that age? What can he do and how can we (his kids) help him?

teen witch posted:

I hate that A. those Nigerian scams are a thing and B. that people somehow fall for them.

It’s also really annoying that despite Nigerians being one of the most successful immigrant groups in America, this is what we get known for.

quote:

I'm a childfree (by choice) woman in my mid twenties. My sister is 10 years my senior, so mid thirties. She has two adorable daughters, aged 9 and 7. I often babysit them and I am planning to help them financialy with their college funds, as their parents cannot provide for them. Why? Because of my nephew (5).

Something went wrong with my sister's third pregnancy. The child was going to be born extremely disabled. We are talking no sight, no hearing, no mobility, epilepsy, would stay on the mental level of a newborn. Doctors strongly recommended ending the pregnancy. The whole family - me, my parents, our younger brother, everyone - felt terrible for her, but we also advised her to end it. Well, my sister shocked us all when she refused abortion and said, I quote: "God makes no mistakes. God will provide for our son."

So, my nephew was born - it was as bad as predicted, perhaps even worse. He is bedridden, blind, doesn't react to anything, not even touch. Moves only in uncoordinated spasms, has strong seizures. Both my sister and her husband had to quit their jobs to step up as 24/7 nannies/nurses (one takes over when the other sleeps). They did some courses for nursing, bought home equipment for their son. Right now all their money and savings are going to their son's treatment - I'm not sure how much longer they will be able to continue. This is why I want to pay for the college for the nieces in the future - their funds were used to help the nephew.

Well, here comes the AITA part. I still babysit my nieces. I do however absolutely refuse to have anything to do with my nephew. I am no nurse. You can't let your eyes off him since his spasms can turn into seizures in a moment. I now not only babysit my nieces, I often have them over on weekends and we go on trips, because in their household, they get ignored because the parents are busy with their brother.

I did something I know I am an rear end in a top hat for and don't seek judgement - when my sister confronted me about "spoiling" her daughters and ignoring her son, she told me that I'm an rear end in a top hat for not caring about my family. I flipped and told her that she said that "God will provide for her son", so why is she bothering me? I know this comment was uncalled for (her husband then told me off since as a childfree woman I can't ever understand the parents' love for their children). I do however wonder if I am being an rear end in a top hat for treating my nieces to nice things while absolutely refusing to even spend a minute alone with my nephew. I'm pretty sure the college funds are the only reason why my sister even lets me hang around with the nieces anymore.

(and more context: my other family doesn't babysit either - my parents are still working and live in another state, brother lives overseas. I on the other hand live in the same city as my sister. And they say that a professional caretaker/nurse is too expensive)

Beachcomber posted:

AITA for helping with my nieces but refusing to help with my severely disabled nephew?


I'd like to thank OP for giving those girls some semblance of a childhood. No doubt they're going to be made slaves for their brother once they're old enough to take care of him.

The Bramble posted:

My (22F) boyfriend (23M) has been weird about birth control in our relationship (7 months) and I need help






Good. She can have the privilege of being allowed to independently judge character back once she's had some time to think about how to properly use it.

quote:

AITA for not telling my son the truth about where his father was?
When my son was six months old, his father was sent to prison for 17 years.

I knew there would be questions as my son got older, and I was so concerned that at that young age he wouldn’t be able to understand that his father did a bad thing but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s an all around bad guy or that my son had any reason to feel badly or afraid about what had happened.

It’s just not possible for a young kid to fully understand what prison is or the reality of being in prison, and I didn’t want him growing up ashamed of his father, or worse, afraid for him or worried about what was happening to him, worried I’d go to prison, or anything like that.

I decided I would tell my son his dad was working in a foreign country without internet or phone. That way he wouldn’t be falsely put through the grief of thinking his dad was dead or that he didn’t have a father at all. We could look at pictures, I could read the letters when they came, he could send letters back.

Questions came up over the years, but I answered them. “What country?” “I don’t know. He can’t tell me because some of the work is confidential.” “Why can’t he come visit for the holidays?” “They don’t celebrate our holidays in that country so his off time never coordinates with ours.” “Why can’t we go visit him?” “It’s too far and too expensive.”

I figured then at the end of the 17 years, when he was older and could understand prison and crime and his dad was getting out, I could tell him about his dad and what he’d done and it could be his decision whether he wanted to reach out or not because he’d be nearly 18.

Well, surprise. My son is 15, his dad was paroled early, and he showed up at our house. My son is furious. But not for the reason I expected. I knew I’d take some heat for lying to him and thought it was one of those “at first he’ll be disillusioned, but when he’s older he’ll thank me.” Situations. But he said

“You let me go all these years thinking my dad was out there choosing a job over me. You let me think he was a deadbeat and that he didn’t want me. He didn’t have a choice! He was in prison!”

I hadn’t considered that. I took for granted that as an adult I kind of shrug off “you’ve gotta work when and where there’s work” as a sad but unfortunate reality. I never fully realized how it could sound to him, that he was a second priority.

Was I protecting him by not telling him straight away that his father was in prison, or am I the rear end in a top hat?

Licarn posted:

One day there'll be a post that starts with "I'm childfree" and then has absolutely nothing at all to do with children.

Cowslips Warren posted:

No poo poo for those poor girls. On the other hand, callous as it might be, will their brother survive that long?

gently caress I am getting Baby Faith flashbacks.

Cowslips Warren posted:

No poo poo for those poor girls. On the other hand, callous as it might be, will their brother survive that long?

gently caress I am getting Baby Faith flashbacks.

quote:

About eight months ago I got a new job. I hit it off with my coworker (17 at the time)

After she turned 18, we had sex and shortly thereafter began dating. Within two months of her birthday she was pregnant. She is currently five months pregnant.

She came to me one day to tell me we were having a baby and that there was nothing I could do to talk her out of keeping it. Naturally I moved her into my house.

We have been living together these past five months. However, tonight she had a mental break and admitted to me that she lied to me in order to get pregnant. She said she was worried I would leave her.

She admitted that she lied about being on birth control and also poked holes in the condoms she had for us. She said she was in love with me and didn’t want me going anywhere. She was afraid I would leave her.

She explained that she has been wanting a baby since she was 14 and wants to be a stay at home mom.

I am head over heels in love with this girl. I really am. I was over the moon when she told me we were having a baby. It was the kick in the rear end I needed to buckle down and get even more serious.

However I was pretty upset. In spite of that I still cuddled with her until she fell asleep tonight.

In the past five months she has been very hormonal and almost a little psychotic.

I need some serious advice.

How can I make sure I can get custody of my baby should it come down to it? She has threatened to run off and keep the baby from me a few times now. That would destroy me.

I really want to marry my girl, in spite of her trapping me. Should I? I am close to buying her a ring.

How can I be a good dad? I plan to fully take care of my child 24/7 as if I am a single dad (basically there will never be a fight over who has do something for the kid)

How can I combat everyone talking poo poo to her and putting her down? (her family is disappointed that she is a pregnant)

Why would she do this without telling me?

—-

Random questions

How can I keep up with her sex drive? Lately I’ve been working long hours and don’t have the energy. I am afraid to fall asleep mid-sex. She wants to have sex about 4/7 days of the week currently.

How can I make her feel better about herself? She has gained some weight due to the pregnancy but I really don’t care. She said she feels disgusting but I think she is beautiful.

To the men who have been in my situation (dated a girl like my girl) is there any chance this can work out for us?

How can I make her life easier while she is pregnant?

Is it bad that I will be a little disappointed if it’s a girl? I just really want a son to be honest.

cumshitter posted:

Wow. The same thing happened to me. My ex-wife got tired of asking me to have sex with her so she left. My straight idiot son told me she went to the farm so she could run and chase the rabbits. Then a few years later he told me she was happier at the farm and that she was going to stay there but to stay at the farm she needed to divorce me. I was really devastated when my son broke the news. I thought she was dead.

Power Khan posted:

When I took a hefty dose, I felt like I was a Vulcan.

[UPDATE]: [23M] my girlfriend [25F] is obsessed with psychedelics and her spiritual journey
Original post

It's been a few days since my post and since the post got a lot of traction I decided to post an update.

In the end, I made the decision to try psychedelics in order to try and understand my girlfriend's point of view better as I truly love her. I and my GF bought some magic shrooms from a trusted common friend and did it together in my apartment as I felt the safest there. We both consumed 3.5g each (total of 7g).

The trip was a blast (I figured as much) and we laughed, were intimate and had an overall great experience. It was unlike any other substance I've tried before but then again I'm the kind of guy who rarely consumes drugs or alcohol.

After the trip, I felt my GF was very focused on how my experience was and I could see her face brightened up with excitement as she asked me about the trip afterward. She probably wanted me to feel like this was some sort of spiritual thing just like she does. But in the end, I felt like this was just like any other drug in the sense that it's a drug that manipulates a part of your body/mind. I could see she felt disappointed that I didn't find this trip as spiritual and insightful as she does.

I also realized why my GF likes doing psychedelics and I also sensed during the trip that she was trying to deal with a lot of personal issues, I don't have to go into detail but it was regarding trauma, social anxiety and amongst other issues. I tried talking to her about therapy instead but she strongly refused, she says it's a waste of money and time and this way is better and more "fun".

We've talked for hours and hours and I came to the conclusion that she won't be stopping this "self-medication" and she has also planned for an out of country trip to take "stronger" psychedelics with a shaman in the future. I realized that our pathways in life don't align anymore and that her mindset isn't that of someone I fell in love with. I fell in love with this smart, outgoing girl that loved video games and animals but now she's more into spirituality and the afterlife than the present and science.

I knew breaking up would be difficult for both of us so I tried doing it in a sensible and calm way but she wasn't as understanding as I thought, she started by crying and then rage ensued. Currently, I've been avoiding her but she has been spamming me trying to get together again, ironically enough she has tried to get me to take DMT as she says that if shrooms didn't do the trick to "convert" me, DMT certainly will. I'm done.

thanks for all the replies in the previous post.

Beachcomber posted:

My (21/M) girlfriend (18/F) admitted to me that she got pregnant with our baby on purpose.

teen witch posted:

TheKennedys posted:

I am extremely unhappy that I read that story because that was also my first connection My mom was a special ed (multiply impaired) teacher for most of my life and even the thought of something like that happening to one of my kids made me absolutely freeze in terror for part of all three pregnancies until I was sure there was nothing wrong.

that kid has no chance at a life. he's baby faith. there's no right answer now and it completely sucks for every single person involved, on every level, and my heart hurts for them.

e: howdy MI-teacher-mom buddy

vortmax posted:

I know this is from pages back (I'm catching up!) but I checked out* the audiobook of this and it's fantastic! Thanks so much for recommending it.

_{*from Hoopla using my local library card}

chitoryu12 posted:

I can’t judge this one without knowing what dad got in prison for. Was he a black guy caught with pot? Did he kill a dude at the bar? Embezzlement?

DemoneeHo posted:

I'd be more understanding of OP if she was trying to shield her son from the knowledge that dad is a dangerous monster who should never contact the family again.

But she doesn't seem to care about that, only that she thought her son could never comprehend dad being in prison at age 7. So i don't think he did anything too terrible, if he managed to get paroled.

threelemmings posted:

You can totally do like six years or even less sometimes and be out again for a murder. 17 years is either federal crime or something bigger. Doesn't necessarily mean it was a violent crime but it's pretty likely.

Ugly In The Morning posted:

I know someone who got 10 years for trying to kill his wife, with associated weapons charges, and a history of violent offenses. 17 years is likely to be some Pretty Heavy poo poo.

threelemmings posted:

Yeah that's where it's hard to know depending on criminal history. If it's not from federal court it was something pretty heinous, if it was federal court could be anything their sentencing guidelines are totally different.

DandyLion posted:

Or he could just be black and have been arrested a third time for Marijuana.......