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Captain Monkey posted:Because neither one will ever take off. You deserve credit for this one my dude.
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Feb 20, 2020 09:51
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I once tried to give "Emus" as a farm animal in a game of Scattergories and came back to my friends the next day with a printed out article proving I wasn't making up that chapter of recent history.
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Feb 20, 2020 10:32
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infernal machines posted:see, the problem is they used to just pay the mangosteens right away and then the kind of flaky dipshits that write for SA would take them and gently caress off, probably bartering them for jenkem or box wine and horse tranquilizers. so now, the new plan is to withhold pay until they've written several articles and proved that they are a reliable source of humour. an old faithful of laughs. then they'll get paid
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Feb 20, 2020 11:24
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Ghost Leviathan posted:I heard emu farming was a big thing around then as well, there was a King of the Hill episode about a guy trying to get rid of his emus. Also, the way Americans, or at least Texans, pronounce 'Emu' is goddamn hilarious. It was and we actually had Emus as well but they weren't worth as much and are a lot meaner and harder to work with. At one point we bought some Cassowaries but those things are satan incarnate. Have to diversify your giant birds.
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Feb 20, 2020 14:15
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Another thing. Ostriches are dumb as hell. They can be dangerous with their powerful kicks, and as a kid I wasn't allowed in their enclosures without an adult around. When I did go in, I had to carry a broom held straight up above my head as high as possible. It turns out if you are "taller" than them they won't bother you. If you wave your arms a certain way it will trigger the males to do their mating dance and myself and 8 year old friends found it endlessly amusing that we could make the "gay birds" perform a mating dance on command.
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Feb 20, 2020 14:25
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There was a front page story about keeping ostriches on April Fool’s Day, 2003.
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Feb 20, 2020 14:31
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D-Pad posted:If you wave your arms a certain way it will trigger the males to do their mating dance and myself and 8 year old friends found it endlessly amusing that we could make the "gay birds" perform a mating dance on command. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbEk9yOdxyk
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Feb 20, 2020 14:35
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D-Pad posted:Another thing. Ostriches are dumb as hell. They can be dangerous with their powerful kicks, and as a kid I wasn't allowed in their enclosures without an adult around. When I did go in, I had to carry a broom held straight up above my head as high as possible. It turns out if you are "taller" than them they won't bother you.  thank you so much for this valuable insider infoD-Pad posted:It was and we actually had Emus as well but they weren't worth as much and are a lot meaner and harder to work with. At one point we bought some Cassowaries but those things are satan incarnate.
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Feb 20, 2020 14:37
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Mister Speaker posted:Do you know what a slant rhyme is? Dikkfor posted:Wow, it's called haiku you racist
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Feb 20, 2020 14:38
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"I need you to feed my Emoos, hank!" "Here, feed 'em with this" *hands him a rifle*
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Feb 20, 2020 14:41
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A yearly tradition
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Feb 20, 2020 14:57
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hallelujah posted:omg do you have any cassowary stories It's been so long and we kept them so briefly that I don't. I know that even my dad would avoid getting in their enclosure if at all possible and almost never alone because he never wanted to turn his back on them.
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Feb 20, 2020 15:22
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dick_bo_jism posted:I am new to this site and don't understand why he is allowed to "moderate" posts that are more worthwile than his? I imagine he is fat and dumb?
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Feb 20, 2020 16:24
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D-Pad posted:It's been so long and we kept them so briefly that I don't. I know that even my dad would avoid getting in their enclosure if at all possible and almost never alone because he never wanted to turn his back on them. What was the end goal on raising raptor birds? I mean wtf. Apparently back in 80s(?) Australian steak was a big thing in the US. Then one day the inspectors went down to the northern territory to have a look around and it turns out most of the 'beef cattle' were actually feral Asian water buffalo that had gotten loose. Why farm when you can harvest I guess?
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Feb 20, 2020 16:31
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Doc Hawkins posted:please never forget one man's quest to convince everyone to farm hippos Not farm: release, allow to breed wildly and then hunt as needed. Imagine the feral hogs tweet, but with hippos .
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Feb 20, 2020 16:36
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Hippos are considered literally the most dangerous animal on the planet, and are the closest land-dwelling relatives to whales. Oddly enough there's actually crocodile farming in Australia, mostly for leather, though you can get the meat in some places.
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Feb 20, 2020 16:42
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Elfface posted:Not farm: release, allow to breed wildly and then hunt as needed. if there were herds of wild hippos around honestly I'd say it would be totally reasonable to keep a semi-automatic rifle handy, those fuckers are mean
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Feb 20, 2020 16:42
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cock hero flux posted:if there were herds of wild hippos around honestly I'd say it would be totally reasonable to keep a semi-automatic rifle handy, those fuckers are mean You’d need something a fair sight bigger than an AR15 for those, though, they’re huge. They’re big enough they’ve sank boats.
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Feb 20, 2020 16:56
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cock hero flux posted:if there were herds of wild hippos around honestly I'd say it would be totally reasonable to keep a semi-automatic rifle handy, those fuckers are mean I'm not sure there's a semi-auto in a large enough caliber to bother a hippo.
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Feb 20, 2020 17:00
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https://magazine.atavist.com/american-hippopotamus For some reason authors write endless stories about "what if the confederates won" but no-one ever writes about the world where this was done.
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Feb 20, 2020 17:03
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D-Pad posted:Another thing. Ostriches are dumb as hell. They can be dangerous with their powerful kicks, and as a kid I wasn't allowed in their enclosures without an adult around. When I did go in, I had to carry a broom held straight up above my head as high as possible. It turns out if you are "taller" than them they won't bother you. Even in the Bible, God takes a minute out of his rap battle with Job to dunk on ostriches for no reason: Job 39:13-17 posted:“The wings of the ostrich wave proudly,
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Feb 20, 2020 17:21
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Free dick_bo_jism.
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Feb 20, 2020 17:44
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Make dick_bo_jism ik of gbs.
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Feb 20, 2020 17:49
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DandyLion posted:I'm not sure there's a semi-auto in a large enough caliber to bother a hippo. I kinda want to see what'd happen if someone used one of those 50-cal anti-tank rifles on one. Presumably it'd be a race to chamber a fresh round and resight on several tonnes of rapidly-approaching furious injured hippo after the first shot.
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Feb 20, 2020 18:05
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Well poachers hunt elephants with rpgs so I imagine something even dumber would happen in the United States of Hippolandia. Rotary grenade launcher on every hip.
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Feb 20, 2020 18:10
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Outrail posted:What was the end goal on raising raptor birds? I mean wtf. I dunno. It was all part of the bubble in exotics and specifically giant birds at the time. I guess people assumed if they could make that much money off ostriches and emus then why not cassowary as well since they are smaller and you can fit more in a pen? They quickly figured out they are dangerous assholes nobody should be around. I mean the whole thing was stupid and a classic example of a bubble with no underlying good reason. Even if the American public had bought into the whole ostrich meat thing ultimately the type of money you could make would be about the same as cattle. The prices started out high because of the rarity and it kept going at that level until there were no more buyers. My parents knew this, but my dad got greedy and thought he could do it one more year before it popped. Edit: did a google search for ostrich bubble and there is a lot of good articles about what happened. Looks like the same bubble happened in the UK and Australia too. Ostrich and Emu are red meat and require less resources to raise than a cow and the meat is extremely lean so it was marketed as a solution during the low fat health craze of the 90s to be able to still eat red meat but healthier than beef. D-Pad has a new favorite as of 18:41 on Feb 20, 2020 |
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Feb 20, 2020 18:29
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Telsa Cola posted:They sell ostrich and yak meat at the grocery store down the street from me. Holy poo poo, that's like a half hour drive for me, going to have to stop by and get an egg for a big rear end omelette.
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Feb 20, 2020 18:51
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D-Pad posted:I dunno. It was all part of the bubble in exotics and specifically giant birds at the time. I guess people assumed if they could make that much money off ostriches and emus then why not cassowary as well since they are smaller and you can fit more in a pen? They quickly figured out they are dangerous assholes nobody should be around.
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Feb 20, 2020 19:23
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D-Pad posted:I dunno. It was all part of the bubble in exotics and specifically giant birds at the time. I guess people assumed if they could make that much money off ostriches and emus then why not cassowary as well since they are smaller and you can fit more in a pen? They quickly figured out they are dangerous assholes nobody should be around. A dude in Florida who collected exotic animals was killed by a cassowary last year, the only other human fatality on record was 93 years earlier. In both cases the victim had fallen on the ground and the cassowary stomped on them and sliced them up with their huge claws and they bled out. For comparison, there's been at least three people killed by roosters in the last decade: there were two different dudes who were sliced open by their cockfighting roosters which had razor blades attached to their spurs, the third was when a rooster pecked an elderly woman in the leg and hit a varicose vein and she died from blood loss. Of course the real lesson we can take away from this is that we need to start up an illegal underground cassowary fighting tournament
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Feb 20, 2020 19:31
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I guess I owe the Jurassic World people an apology. People really are that stupid. Hey, you say this thing is attached to a six-foot-tall extremely territorial ball of feathers and anger? Better keep a dozen of them in my backyard. Don't worry, there's a fence
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Feb 20, 2020 19:59
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Snowglobe of Doom posted:there were two different dudes who were sliced open by their cockfighting roosters which had razor blades attached to their spurs
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Feb 20, 2020 20:07
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A classic from scapulataf, who was later banned by AATrek, with the leper colony entry being “Pretty creepy, dude”. quote:
I was so happy I found that.
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Feb 20, 2020 20:10
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Splicer posted:Are they lower greenhouse gas emissions per kilo of meat? Because if so, new bubble ahoy! Not sure about ostrich fart methane content compared to cattle, but I read they require 3 acres compared to 5 acres for a cow. From 2016: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.chicagotribune.com/news/breaking/ct-ostrich-farming-met-20160925-story.html%3foutputType=amp
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Feb 20, 2020 20:18
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this is officially my favourite derail ever
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Feb 20, 2020 23:27
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an emu farm with 2000 emus came up for sale (emus included) near me just a few months ago and it caused me actual anguish that i didn't have a spare million dollars lying around. i'm not interested in the oil or the meat (it's not kosher, i've had some great debates on the topic) but the eggs. the eggs! also i'm an ecologist, and post-apocalyptic rehabilitation sites suffer from a lack of large fauna to disperse fleshy fruits, so i had fantasies of commanding a thousand-strong flock of emus to replenish the earth
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Feb 20, 2020 23:28
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How much would just the emus cost? Buy them and then just raise them in the woods for free. Emus live in the woods right? I gotta admit, I don't know much about emus.
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Feb 20, 2020 23:40
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D-Pad posted:Looks like the same bubble happened in the UK and Australia too. There were ostrich farms even here in Sweden at that time. I distinctly remember going to my grandparents house, looking out the car window and seeing like ten ostriches running around on a farm just by the highway. Bizarre. To no one’s surprise it didn’t really last here either.
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Feb 20, 2020 23:45
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hallelujah posted:an emu farm with 2000 emus came up for sale (emus included) near me just a few months ago and it caused me actual anguish that i didn't have a spare million dollars lying around. i'm not interested in the oil or the meat (it's not kosher, i've had some great debates on the topic) but the eggs. the eggs! also i'm an ecologist, and post-apocalyptic rehabilitation sites suffer from a lack of large fauna to disperse fleshy fruits, so i had fantasies of commanding a thousand-strong flock of emus to replenish the earth Can I ask why? It seems like emus are pretty much just big chickens.
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Feb 21, 2020 00:15
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Ariong posted:Can I ask why? It seems like emus are pretty much just big chickens. Ostriches are specifically listed under "not kosher" which for legal purposes is obviously "close enough" to apply to emus. Edit: I'm not Jewish, I'll eat anything but I love a good debate. Mr. Bad Guy has a new favorite as of 00:26 on Feb 21, 2020 |
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Feb 21, 2020 00:23
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Mr. Bad Guy posted:Ostriches are specifically listed under "not kosher" which I think falls cleanly under "close enough" to apply to emus.
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Feb 21, 2020 00:25
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