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When I realized I was attracted to other men, I had decided to break up with my then-girlfriend because I didn't feel like it would be fair to anyone I was with to have this huge unexplored aspect of my sexuality out there while pledging monogamy. Some people come out as bisexual when they first realize the attraction to the same sex, and then when they have a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex they start to realize that being with that sex is much better for them than being with someone of the opposite sex. Some people try it for a while but ultimately end up with someone of the opposite sex. I was lucky my fiance was understanding and had been with women before because most women stigmatize men who've been with men and a lot of people consider bisexuals as unable to form monogamous relationships. Her understanding is something I really appreciate about her, and if she hadn't been as understanding it would have killed the relationship for me. As it is, it's something we really connected over. I think the husband in that story is getting a divorce soon if they don't figure out a way for his wife to explore that aspect of her self. Of all the responses he could have had he picked one of the worst.
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Feb 24, 2020 20:59
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Hell, this thread and its predecessor regularly have a parent going "My kid came out to me, I shrugged and said good for them, now the kid is pissed at me" as one of the recurring stories, and every time that comes up the thread agrees that even if the parent doesn't think it's a big deal, it's probably a big drat deal to the kid and they're looking for support and validation. It's no different when it's a spouse rather than a kid.
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Feb 24, 2020 20:59
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Sunswipe posted:Maybe I'm empathising with the man too much, but he's asking what this means and she's replying "I'm bisexual." Which, ok, great, but not actually an answer to what that means for their relationship. Does she want to start loving other people? Does she need to rethink their relationship? Does she just want to talk about what people they both find hot? It's on her to share what she's thinking. Maybe he could have tried to move the conversation on with his own suggestions, but I can't blame someone for being a little unsure how to react when their spouse just announces their bisexuality with no warning. Realize that she's coming out as bisexual. To her husband. In a straight marriage. Coming out isn't easy to begin with, imagine having to do that to your straight spouse. Pretty sure she was expecting more than a flippant, "so what?" edit: in case it's not clear, she probably had a hell of a time working up courage to say anything at all. I wouldn't expect her to have a full agenda for a discussion on her thoughts, feelings, expectations, and future of the relationship prepared. DaveSauce fucked around with this message at 21:08 on Feb 24, 2020 |
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Feb 24, 2020 21:00
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Sex Skeleton posted:I think the husband in that story is getting a divorce soon if they don't figure out a way for his wife to explore that aspect of her self. lol god listening to other people talk about their sexuality is extremely boring but you have to do it if you're married
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Feb 24, 2020 21:06
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I'm trying to ask this as non-snarkily as I can: do you people never get stumped when something completely out of the blue happens and just go "Ok" as your brain sits there going "File not found. Abort, retry, fail?" Just seems to me that your wife announcing she's bisexual isn't the sort of everyday event that most people will have thought of, let alone considered how to react to it.
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Feb 24, 2020 21:06
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Sunswipe posted:I'm trying to ask this as non-snarkily as I can: do you people never get stumped when something completely out of the blue happens and just go "Ok" as your brain sits there going "File not found. Abort, retry, fail?" Just seems to me that your wife announcing she's bisexual isn't the sort of everyday event that most people will have thought of, let alone considered how to react to it. hello welcome to the internet
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Feb 24, 2020 21:07
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coming out chat is great, but I think y'all missed something important: "I grab a spoon to pet it"
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Feb 24, 2020 21:09
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I think it's fair to say he may not immediately know how to react to that - but the default reaction to your wife telling you something she considers important should probably be taking it seriously, and not just saying "ok so what" and continuing to watch baseball or whatever. Like if she said "I got fired today" or "my dad died" or "I think I'm depressed" and he responded "ok so what" you know that'd be weird, right?
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Feb 24, 2020 21:10
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Sunswipe posted:I'm trying to ask this as non-snarkily as I can: do you people never get stumped when something completely out of the blue happens and just go "Ok" as your brain sits there going "File not found. Abort, retry, fail?" Just seems to me that your wife announcing she's bisexual isn't the sort of everyday event that most people will have thought of, let alone considered how to react to it. yeah but dude had plenty of opportunity to backpedal. Ignoring that his default response is to downplay the significance of the subject at hand and completely blow his wife off, usually the follow-up to this is, "I'm sorry I reacted that way. It wasn't appropriate, and I realize that now, let's talk." Instead, he goes on the internet trying to seek validation.
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Feb 24, 2020 21:14
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Sunswipe posted:I'm trying to ask this as non-snarkily as I can: do you people never get stumped when something completely out of the blue happens and just go "Ok" as your brain sits there going "File not found. Abort, retry, fail?" Just seems to me that your wife announcing she's bisexual isn't the sort of everyday event that most people will have thought of, let alone considered how to react to it. the problem isn't that he failed to provide the correct reaction, it's that he failed to provide any reaction. he signaled very strongly that he doesn't care about his wife or her problems. whether or not he does care i don't know, but the story as presented seems to indicate that he dismissed his wife and this very big deal revelation she had about herself
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Feb 24, 2020 21:14
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Maybe it just plain isn't a very good marriage in the first place, and he only barely tolerates being in it, and thus has no interest in his wife's sexuality. For her part, she sees in him, who can say. Perhaps her sexual awakening will be a fruitful catalyst to liberate both parties
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Feb 24, 2020 21:17
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The story "as presented" presents very little other than two people who don't communicate very well.
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Feb 24, 2020 21:18
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Trapick posted:I think it's fair to say he may not immediately know how to react to that - but the default reaction to your wife telling you something she considers important should probably be taking it seriously, and not just saying "ok so what" and continuing to watch baseball or whatever. That’s a loving dumb analogy and you know it. Those are all extremely easy-to-read situations where your spouse is clearly in need of comfort and support. Without more context, her talking about her bisexuality might be A) something she needs comfort for, as coming out can be traumatic or she might need to work through, or B) she’s worked through it and wanted to share it with her spouse so they can check out babes together. Obviously this is overly simplistic, but assuming he’d immediately know how to process something which doesn’t have a lot of common cultural touchstones (my long-term monogamous spouse coming out to me) is silly. he was obtuse and dumb for not immediately following up when he saw she was upset, but I’d hardly call him an rear end in a top hat.
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Feb 24, 2020 21:19
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Chomp8645 posted:How is babby mourned? Wanted to get this in before yall change it again since this is the best thread title in the history of this website
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Feb 24, 2020 21:23
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sephiRoth IRA posted:That’s a loving dumb analogy and you know it. Those are all extremely easy-to-read situations where your spouse is clearly in need of comfort and support. Without more context, her talking about her bisexuality might be A) something she needs comfort for, as coming out can be traumatic or she might need to work through, or B) she’s worked through it and wanted to share it with her spouse so they can check out babes together. Obviously this is overly simplistic, but assuming he’d immediately know how to process something which doesn’t have a lot of common cultural touchstones (my long-term monogamous spouse coming out to me) is silly.
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Feb 24, 2020 21:24
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He is an rear end in a top hat for seeing how hurt she was and following up with 'why don't you go wank to some lesbian porn then!'
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Feb 24, 2020 21:25
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Trapick posted:I think it's fair to say he may not immediately know how to react to that - but the default reaction to your wife telling you something she considers important should probably be taking it seriously, and not just saying "ok so what" and continuing to watch baseball or whatever. Chomp8645 posted:The story "as presented" presents very little other than two people who don't communicate very well.
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Feb 24, 2020 21:25
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"cripes linda, i know that a multi-faced rat appeared in the mirror and told you that you were the reincarnation of a celestial being doomed to end humanity in terrible woe and fire, but can't it wait until friggin halftime???"
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Feb 24, 2020 21:26
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Cythereal posted:Hell, this thread and its predecessor regularly have a parent going "My kid came out to me, I shrugged and said good for them, now the kid is pissed at me" as one of the recurring stories, and every time that comes up the thread agrees that even if the parent doesn't think it's a big deal, it's probably a big drat deal to the kid and they're looking for support and validation. the difference is you can't respond to your spouse "hi bisexual, I'm dad."
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Feb 24, 2020 21:27
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Straight White Shark posted:the difference is you can't respond to your spouse "hi bisexual, I'm dad."
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Feb 24, 2020 21:28
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luxury handset posted:"cripes linda, i know that a multi-faced rat appeared in the mirror and told you that you were the reincarnation of a celestial being doomed to end humanity in terrible woe and fire, but can't it wait until friggin halftime???" is this a reference to something
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Feb 24, 2020 21:30
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purple death ray posted:Wanted to get this in before yall change it again since this is the best thread title in the history of this website Wow thanks. This is a real honor!
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Feb 24, 2020 21:35
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Sunswipe posted:Yes, because those are all relatively "normal" things to happen. Movies, TV shows, books, all our media routinely presents these situations, so people have considered them, thought about how they'd react, maybe discussed them already with their partner. Your partner suddenly announcing their bisexuality is something most people won't have considered or seen in media outside of porn. OK so you go from understanding that this is a wildly abnormal situation to be in, and then follow it up by saying she's a poor communicator for not being able to easily discuss it?
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Feb 24, 2020 21:39
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This entire discussion makes me very happy that my girlfriend being queer and bi was out in the open before we started dating, so there was no confusion. Good grief.
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Feb 24, 2020 21:43
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Yet again one person arguing with the entire thread is convinced they're the only reasonable one.
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Feb 24, 2020 21:44
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Tater Love 
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Sunswipe posted:Agreed. His reaction at the time is, I think, understandable. That apparently neither of them has since then managed to communicate to the other what they're thinking makes them both really loving stupid. I hope they remain together so they don't make two other people miserable. All it would have taken was one of them to be communicative and they could have gotten over the hurdle. She was expecting a reaction from him, but did not communicate her purpose. He expected an explanation from her, but did not communicate his hesitation. Cause I get it, who knows what the motivation was. All of the following and more are believable... * I'm bi.... and I need to know that's ok with you. * I'm bi.... and I think I have feelings for [person]. * I'm bi.... or at least I think I am? * I'm bi... can we have a thressome? * I'm bi... and I don't know how to tell others. * I'm bi... and I just need a little support right now. * I'm bi... and I want to open the relationship. They never to go to what the point was, because they couldn't talk to each other. They each tried to get the other to define the conversation. She set up a football by saying "I'm bi", and expected him to kick it by saying... something. He responded by setting up his own football with "so what", and expected her to kick it by explaining her intent. They are two Lucy's with no Charlie brown, and they both took their own ball and went home rather than figure it out.
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Feb 24, 2020 21:45
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if you stay perfectly still, she won't end your marriage. bi vision is based on movement
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Feb 24, 2020 21:49
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Could have gone worse. He could have taken this as an invitation to share his closeted crossdressing habits.
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Feb 24, 2020 21:50
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Husband (31M) said something horrible about an overweight new mother and I (28F) can’t stop thinking about it. This past weekend my husband and I were with a group of friends which included a couple with a 1 year old baby that we have met a few times before. The mother is still nursing and is overweight. When we got home yesterday we were talking about the weekend and my husband started saying that even though they look happy he bets that the dad is secretly upset that his wife is fat now that she has a baby. He said “no wonder so many guys start looking at other women and fantasizing about them when they’re wives get pregnant”. I was upset and told him that that was bullshit and that her husband seemed to love her and find her very attractive, and anyways it’s only been a year since she had her baby and it often takes a long time to lose the baby weight, and even if you can your body is often never the same. To which he replied that that was just another reason not to have a kid. We don’t even want a baby right now but the idea behind his words, that if a woman gains weight then it’s ok for men to look elsewhere, shocked me. I mean I’m young and in shape but I’m starting to get some lines on my face and grey hairs, so will he think the same thing when I start getting old? What about if I can’t workout and gain weight? How can i ever even consider having a baby with him if he feels this way? I tried explaining to him how horrible I felt his view was and he said that while it’s taboo it’s what all men feel, and that He would never leave me if I had an accident or anything, but that he would expect me to keep in shape and lose weight if I gain any. I got overwhelmed by my emotions and started to cry (which unfortunately happens often with me) and we kind of ended the conversation like that and he went to bed early and then we didn’t talk much this morning before work. I can’t get his comments out of my head. He has said this exact thing before about this same couple and other overweight women and I have always told him I think it’s gross and he’s wrong but this time his comments hit me hard and I can’t get over my sense of disgust at him and fear that he is going to leave me as soon as I start showing signs of aging. Maybe because I feel insecure about my own looks recently. How can I approach this topic with him to make him understand how hurtful it was to me and just how sleazy and sexist it is in general (or is it not? Maybe I’m wrong about this)? He is a wonderful person in general and I love him but I’m only 28 and i feel like I’m only going to be going downhill from here and I want to be with someone who will love me no matter what I look like. Tl;dr my husband made some gross comments about an overweight mother, I am spiraling into insecurity and don’t know how to best talk to him about it.
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Feb 24, 2020 21:53
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Smirking_Serpent posted:Husband (31M) said something horrible about an overweight new mother and I (28F) can’t stop thinking about it. Normally I would say this kind of downward spiral of panic is unwarranted, but come the gently caress on man! You couldn't say you're gonna cheat on her any harder if you had left Tinder on your phone after getting married!
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Feb 24, 2020 21:55
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AITA for not wanting to let my daughter see her maternal grandparents anymore? Context - I am a widower with a 15-year old daughter. My late wife passed away from health complications when my daughter was 11. I've raised her by myself ever since. My wife came from a Chinese background, and her parents are Chinese nationals. When my wife was still with us, our whole family took annual trips to China for Lunar New Year. My wife made me promise to continue the tradition with our daughter after she passed, so every year I've taken my daughter to China to see my wife's family. Last year, my daughter's maternal grandparents told me I should let her be more independent and go alone. Fair enough; she was 14 then, and would only be alone in the airport and the plane, since my wife's family would pick her up and take care of her when she arrived. While my daughter was in China, my messages to my parents-in-law regarding when my daughter would return home when unanswered. NBD, probably just busy with the celebration, it gets hectic, I understand. I went to the airport on her return date to pick her up. And then my daughter failed to arrive. I cannot describe how terrified I was when I waited over 2 hours with no sign of her. I was loving scared out of my mind. I called up the airline, and was told my daughter never boarded the plane. I called my parents-in-law again for hours in a row, until finally, they messaged me back (did not take a call on purpose) and apologized. Said that my daughter had missed her flight by accident and everything was OK. I asked when I should book the return flight and was told how they would book the flight as it was their fault she missed it. 1 WEEK LATER they send me details about my daughter's return flight and I rushed to pick her up. She was in tears when she came out of the gate. Turns out, my parents-in-law spent the whole time in China trying to strong-arm her into staying in China for good. Her maternal grandmother kept telling my daughter how her health was failing and she wanted my daughter to stay by her side. I later learned they went as far as to review possible legal actions they could take to seize legal guardianship of my daughter from me - no such chance, thank God. I'm FURIOUS at them. I made every effort to let them have a relationship with her, and they repay me by traumatizing my daughter and literally trying to KIDNAP her. I now want my daughter to have nothing to do with her grandparents, but my family, and some of my Chinese friends, have taken issue with this, trying to use cultural differences as an excuse for her grandparents outrageous behavior, and telling me it's not right of me to withhold my daughter from her kidnapper grandparents... Am I really the rear end in a top hat here?
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Feb 24, 2020 21:59
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Man I'm taking that poo poo straight to the China thread lol.
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Feb 24, 2020 22:01
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Can you imagine some dude telling his wife that if she doesn't allow him to explore his heterosexuality that they've got to get divorced?
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Feb 24, 2020 22:06
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luxury handset posted:"cripes linda, i know that a multi-faced rat appeared in the mirror and told you that you were the reincarnation of a celestial being doomed to end humanity in terrible woe and fire, but can't it wait until friggin halftime???" About suffering they were never wrong, the old masters.
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Feb 24, 2020 22:07
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for not wanting to let my daughter see her maternal grandparents anymore?  no and anyone calling him an rear end in a top hat or using a cultural excuse is crazy and he should cut them out of his life
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Feb 24, 2020 22:17
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Smirking_Serpent posted:Husband (31M) said something horrible about an overweight new mother and I (28F) can’t stop thinking about it. Maybe you are crying so often because this isn't the first time he's doubled down on loving awful opinions about women? Ask him about male sexual value over time and then, whatever the answer, dump him.
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Feb 24, 2020 22:22
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quote:My mom (f48) messaged me about my bf (26m) and a nightmare she had about him. 
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Feb 24, 2020 22:28
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Smirking_Serpent posted:Husband (31M) said something horrible about an overweight new mother and I (28F) can’t stop thinking about it.
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Feb 24, 2020 22:29
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quote:My (29F) mother (56F) wets and soils herself on purpose  what in the entire gently caress
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Feb 24, 2020 22:33
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Better Than You posted:divorce him imo Mess with the zero adjust on the scale until he voluntarily leaves
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Feb 24, 2020 22:35
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