r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

LanceHunter: Nov 12, 2016; Beautiful People Club

Agrikk posted:

Ultimatums are the tool of an abuser.

I mean, usually. But then again there are things like: "you've got to get sober or I'm leaving", which is the kind of ultimatum that usually comes from the abused.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 20:59

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 21:07

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Heated gamer moments: the shutdown years.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 21:01

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

LanceHunter posted:

I mean, usually. But then again there are things like: "you've got to get sober or I'm leaving", which is the kind of ultimatum that usually comes from the abused.

I believe it was a reference to the Scripture of the Holy Pete.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 21:03

muscles like this!: Jan 17, 2005

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for trying to ground my son from Playstation for "gamer" language?

Kid is probably like 6 months out from regularly using slurs if he's already talking like that. So yeah, you gotta nip it in the bud.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 22:47

Cyks: Mar 17, 2008; The trenches of IT can scar a muppet for life

kimbo305 posted:

It's truly not clear to me that "job back" is the previous job, having not been previously mention, and then it's implicitly where OP Is interviewing? I'm all for reading the posts, but this was not that clear.

The OP specifically says she was let go from her current business and got an interview. There's nothing unclear about it.

I mean I guess it's possible that the employee who she let go on the 89th came back and got a job with HR at the same company OP was working at without OP knowing, the OP got let go and the company immediately changed their name without the OP knowing and then the OP reapplied for the position they were just let go from...

# ? Apr 16, 2020 22:48

iustorum_anime: Apr 4, 2016

I (23f) am days away from giving birth and my (37m) boyfriend just decided to tell me that he can't be at the birth--because he's married

quote:

Edit: thank you all. It seems like getting legal help is priority #1.

I'm just in shock right now. Like I almost feel numb, but I really appreciate everyone here for your help. I was really happy and looking forward to baby and I just feel really sad right now so I need to take a breather. Everything is ready for the baby and I'm still excited to meet them, but Jesus.

So first off I know the age gap probably should've been a red flag but I was stupid.

We've been together for two years but he lives in a different city. When I got pregnant, he said he was going to move to my city and we would move in together, he just needed to finalize some things with his ex wife. He told me he was divorced when we met and I never had any reason to question it. I knew that he had 2 kids with her as well, he told me the truth about that, just not that he wasn't divorced (or even separated).

So fast forward, I'm 39 weeks and he suddenly got uncommunicative which is less than ideal when you're literally about to give birth. Bear in mind that he was supposed to have been fully moved in here a month ago (blamed covid).

Today I found out I am going to be induced on Monday unless baby decides to come out over the weekend so I contacted him and I was like okay what's going on? And that's when he told me that he isn't actually separated or divorced, he never told his wife about anything, and now he felt like he was backed into a corner.

I don't feel sorry for him for that because that's his own fault, but obviously literally four days before giving birth isn't the time you want to get this news and I have no idea what to do now. Tell him to gently caress off, obviously, but what else? I feel like I mean I CAN take care of the baby but I was preparing to have a partner to take care of it with me, you know?

I don't even know what I'm asking for in terms of advice but any advice for moving forward and handling this is appreciated.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 22:59

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for sanitizing the truth of her history to my "child"?

quote:

I grew up in the slums of a very poor and disorganized country. I had two friends who I'll call Lara and Yasha. Lara took a long time to come home one night when she was 13, and 9 months later, she died in childbirth. I ended up taking the baby to a local hospital, but they refused to take the child into care unless I signed to being the mother. I did, and the child was then adopted by an American family.

Yasha and I ended up also getting out, and now also live in America. We are now married, and I cannot have children, not that we want them. We've thought about Lara's child often.

My opinions on what to say if the child ever tracked me down have varied over the years. At first, Yasha and I wanted to make a happier story for the kid and tell them that we were their biological parents, but that falls apart with these new DNA kits. So we decided to make up a happier version of the truth and say that Lara had been 17, had fallen in love with a local boy, and died in childbirth (and then I had to put my name on the paper to get the child adopted out). We have no paperwork for Lara as she was essentially an orphan and had made up her last name, so there's nothing I could show either way. Just a few group pictures with her in them.

The truth is that this person's father is gutter trash, and I doubt he would line up to take a DNA test. They will never realistically have any more information than what I tell them, they could only prove that we weren't their parents. We don't really like to talk about our childhoods, and we don't feel that Lara would want her/our trauma projected on a kid that would have had a normal, American life.

The adoptive parents have found us, and we gave the sanitized story, which they believed, but some of our friends think we should tell the truth.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 23:02

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

chemtrail huffer posted:

I (23f) am days away from giving birth and my (37m) boyfriend just decided to tell me that he can't be at the birth--because he's married

Private investigator, show up on his doorstep to tell everyone the great news.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 23:20

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Private investigator, show up on his doorstep to tell everyone the great news.

I think suffice to say, however it happens this isn't just going to blow over without his wife finding out.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 23:23

The Chad Jihad: Feb 24, 2007

it was swiftly deleted

# ? Apr 16, 2020 23:27

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for not telling people about my �downstairs� skin condition before sex?

quote:

Hey all. In case you�re wondering, no, I haven�t slept with anyone lately, I�ve just been thinking about it for unrelated reasons.

I don�t want to get into TMI territory here, but I have psoriasis around my �downstairs� region. It�s kind of itchy, red, and scaly. I can�t say it�s pretty, but it�s not contagious or anything. I�ve tried to seek treatment for it, but the only treatment that works is not great to use long term. Basically, I�m stuck with it.

I�ve had sex a few times, a few different partners, but never told them about my skin condition. My last boyfriend, the first time we slept together, he stopped as soon as he saw and outright asked me if I had an STD. When I told him no, he said it was looking �pretty gnarly� and said he would have appreciated some warning. I told him I didn�t think it was an issue that I had to bring up. He said that I was being a little disingenuous or unkind, leading men to think that they could be sleeping with a girl with an STD. And maybe pressuring them into not asking about it by keeping silent about it myself.

AITA for not telling him and my past partners about my skin condition before the clothes came off? WIBTA if I continued not to mention it?

# ? Apr 16, 2020 23:28

Pham Nuwen: Oct 30, 2010

The Chad Jihad posted:

it was swiftly deleted

When you think you're telling her she missed her shot, but you're really telling her she dodged a bullet.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 23:28

Mr. Fall Down Terror: Jan 24, 2018; by Fluffdaddy

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not telling people about my �downstairs� skin condition before sex?

seems like if you have psoriasis exclusively around your genitals (how very unfortunate/unlikely) you'd want to get ahead of it because 100% of people are going to see it, think you have an STD, and then decide if they believe an excuse about highly localized psoriasis

# ? Apr 16, 2020 23:32

bell jar: Feb 25, 2009

Agrikk posted:

Ultimatums are the tool of an abuser.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 23:34

GORDON: Jan 1, 2006; by Fluffdaddy

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not telling people about my �downstairs� skin condition before sex?

Hmmm. One is always on the lookout for signs of "downstairs" infection, with a new partner. If you don't want them asking about obvious signs, then you need to give them a heads-up, first.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 23:38

Seik: Apr 15, 2006; Yes, I am indeed purple.; Pillbug

pentyne posted:

Outing lgbtq people is one of those things that is never okay in any capacity but redditors love saying "well X deserves to know he/she is trans" whenever its a trans person in a relationship.

Are you joking? For one, you definitely deserve to know the sexuality of the person you're dating, and for another you can't compare what you deserve to know about someone when it comes to being in a relationship with them vs not.

luxury handset posted:

seems like if you have psoriasis exclusively around your genitals (how very unfortunate/unlikely) you'd want to get ahead of it because 100% of people are going to see it, think you have an STD, and then decide if they believe an excuse about highly localized psoriasis

Agreed. This person definitely has a chip on their shoulder about it for understandable reasons but it's really just a bad idea for setting up a good relationship with someone to spring this on them.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 23:40

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Seik posted:

Are you joking? For one, you definitely deserve to know the sexuality of the person you're dating, and for another you can't compare what you deserve to know about someone when it comes to being in a relationship with them vs not.

Yeah I don't know what they're on about. It's normal these days for folks to just put "I'm trans" on their tinder profile or whatever specifically because it just saves everyone involved a lot of time.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 23:43

tater_salad: Sep 15, 2007

Pham Nuwen posted:

When you think you're telling her she missed her shot, but you're really telling her she dodged a bullet.

You won't date me. Ha jokes on you I've got a closet full of crimson flags you won't get to see. Bye Felicia

# ? Apr 16, 2020 23:51

M.C. McMic: Nov 8, 2008; The Weight room
Is your friend

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not telling people about my �downstairs� skin condition before sex?

lol, yes. You are most certainly the rear end in a top hat.

You just gonna surprise someone who's practically bursting at the seams to get your pants off for the first time? Why would do that to yourself? Do you like seeing severe disappointment written all over someone's face as they stare at your crotch?

wtf.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:10

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

r/relationships: severe disappointment written all over someone's face as they stare at your crotch

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:24

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

Seik posted:

Are you joking? For one, you definitely deserve to know the sexuality of the person you're dating, and for another you can't compare what you deserve to know about someone when it comes to being in a relationship with them vs not.

Wasn't there a story in the old thread where the OP had a trans friend, and insisted on "revealing the truth" to the friend's boyfriend because they were sure the trans person was keeping it a secret? But it turned out to be not a surprise to the bf and they both thought the OP was just a creeper. I assumed this was a reference to that kind of busybody.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:40

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

DemoneeHo posted:

Classic Prudence - My Daughter’s Teacher Is Unwed and Knocked Up

And then op responds

reminds me of a weirdo in the indie rpg scene. i can't remember his name, but i always remember him bitterly complaining on a forum about how disney blindsiding his family with Ratatouille, and he can't believe how far they've fallen as purveyors of wholesome entertainment, and how many uncomfortable questions it could have raised with his kids

because, you see, we meet the cartoon rat's dad, but not his mom, and no character explicitly says that she's dead

i understand it must be tough explaining some stuff to your kids but i cannot understand trying to maintain a terror-fueled sacred secrecy around the institution of marriage

e: and why would you not want your child to know that people get pregnant without getting married?? wouldn't that help if you wanted to scare them into abstinence???

Doc Hawkins fucked around with this message at 00:46 on Apr 17, 2020

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:42

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

M.C. McMic posted:

lol, yes. You are most certainly the rear end in a top hat.

You just gonna surprise someone who's practically bursting at the seams to get your pants off for the first time? Why would do that to yourself? Do you like seeing severe disappointment written all over someone's face as they stare at your crotch?

wtf.

Please don't kinkshame.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:43

avoid doorways: Jun 6, 2010; 'twas brillig; Gun Saliva

Smirking_Serpent posted:

r/relationships: severe disappointment written all over someone's face as they stare at your crotch

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:45

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Seik posted:

Are you joking? For one, you definitely deserve to know the sexuality of the person you're dating, and for another you can't compare what you deserve to know about someone when it comes to being in a relationship with them vs not.

Don't out trans people, its not your loving business.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 01:13

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for not taking my girlfriend's side over a sexist tradition at a restaurant?

quote:

I (M26) am a second generation French immigrant to the US. I speak French and most of my family lives in France, so I try to make a trip back to France once or twice a year.

I have been dating an American girl (F24) for two years now. My girlfriend does not speak French at all. The actual events in question happened this winter.

I usually go to France around Christmas time. The most recent Christmas, my girlfriend wanted to come with me. I said sure as she had never been to France before and we'd been dating almost two years so it seemed reasonable.

My family comes from the South West, but I also have family in Paris so we stopped in Paris first. My gf wanted to eat at a fancy French restaurant while we were there, something with Michelin stars. Expensive, but not really a problem since I make pretty good money.

We made a reservation for a good restaurant, not the best but still good. We had to make it months in advance because it's a restaurant that's high in demand. As a very upscale restaurant, there was also a dress code and things like that.

We showed up and everything was fine at first. They took our coats, we sat down, the restaurant was beautiful, etc. The waiter then gave us our menu. I had to do all the communication as my gf doesn't speak French.

I was showing my gf something on my menu and she noticed that mine had prices and hers didn't. I had completely forgotten about this tradition because it's just not common at all in the US.

She asked me why mine had prices but not hers. I explained to her that it was just a tradition in many upscale French restaurants. She called it sexist and said it was ridiculous. I told her that it's just the way it is in these kinds of places, and that we shouldn't have come here if she was upset by this.

She wanted me to ask for a menu with prices for her. I refused because we already had the prices and I didn't want to make a scene. She demanded that I confront a waiter about it or she would walk out. I called her bluff and she ended up staying, but didn't talk to me for the whole meal, which was delicious by the way.

We've been back home for several months but she keeps bringing it up. I'm honestly considering ending the relationship over this because she will not stop talking about. She keeps accusing me of being sexist (I'm not) and has been making ridiculous comparisons.

AITA?

# ? Apr 17, 2020 01:14

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not telling people about my �downstairs� skin condition before sex?

r/relationships: In case of psoriasis, please give a 'heads-up' before getting a 'heads-down'

# ? Apr 17, 2020 01:14

Mr. Fall Down Terror: Jan 24, 2018; by Fluffdaddy

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not taking my girlfriend's side over a sexist tradition at a restaurant?

why didn't he just swap his man's menu for her ladies' menu? aside from that if they're still arguing about this then they should probably break up anyway

# ? Apr 17, 2020 01:27

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not telling people about my �downstairs� skin condition before sex?

I have pretty terrible psoriasis and I have been treating it for close to a decade because it's horrifying for me, my partner, and other people around me. I'm close to 95% free of psoriasis after treatment. This person is not only refusing to treat her psoriasis, which I'm sure she could be doing, but she's not disclosing it to her partners. What an rear end in a top hat.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 02:16

LanceHunter: Nov 12, 2016; Beautiful People Club

pentyne posted:

Don't out trans people, its not your loving business.

Yeah. Like, a trans person who hides the fact that they're trans from the person they are dating is being an rear end in a top hat, but that act of rear end in a top hat-ery in no way justifies the rear end in a top hat act of outing them.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 02:23

muscles like this!: Jan 17, 2005

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not taking my girlfriend's side over a sexist tradition at a restaurant?

I'm not sexist, I just don't care about an extremely sexist tradition. Those are totally different.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 02:42

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for telling my parents only boring stuff about my days at school?

quote:

I am a high schooler. I went to a public school up until about a month ago when school closed, and this is actually about an argument that happened when I was in school.

My parents are really nosy and invasive. They'd read my texts, my notes to friends when I was a kid, would just never give me any privacy. And it sucked, they always had opinions on my friends,my teachers, etc. They'd always interfere in stuff that I didn't want them to, like if I had a disagreement with another kid at school when I was younger they'd force a meeting about it even if I thought I'd resolved it myself. They were always micromanaging my school too, like the school has a set schedule for classes but they thought they knew better than the teachers and tried to get me into different classes.

Anyway, I've found the best way to stop it is to never say anything meaningful about my life or my friends. So I've made a set of "rules" for talking about my life when we have daily family dinners and they make me talk about my day.

Never mention the same person twice if I can help it. (I sometimes have to bring up the same teacher more than once because I see them everyday though)

Never talk about conflict

Talk about boring stuff in a lot of detail

So when they ask me to talk about my day it goes like this everyday...

"In first period I had study hall and I noticed my skin was very dry, and I thought about what kinds of lotion I might try. I asked this girl Anna what lotion she uses and she said it was Aveeno. (Ramble on about skincare for a while). In second period I had math and it was good, I like calculus a lot and math is my favorite subject. (Ramble about the day's math lesson). In third period I had history and we had a substitute teacher. She was very nice, and had a very pretty shirt on. I asked her where she got it and she said the Gap which surprised me because I usually don't like the Gap. My favorite stores at the mall are (ramble about a list of stores I like). In fourth period my teacher couldn't give us our packets because the printer was broken. The printer at school breaks a lot, I wonder why printers break so much.

... And on and on through 8th period.

It's worked OK for a while until about a month ago when my parents, my dad especially, yelled at me about how I never tell them anything, they don't know who my friends even are, I don't tell them poo poo.

I said that I tell them about my day everyday and I tell them a lot, about every class I have and all sorts of things on my mind.

My dad was really pissed off about it saying that every time he asks about someone I've told him about I don't have anything more to say about them. Don't I talk to anyone more than once?

I said that I just like talking to a lot of people and having a lot of friends. That's not wrong.

AITA for not saying more meaningful stuff?

# ? Apr 17, 2020 02:51

Puppy Time: Mar 1, 2005

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for telling my parents only boring stuff about my days at school?

Hold up, this is the same account as the one that shaved her head because of her sisters' constant lice infestations!

# ? Apr 17, 2020 02:55

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

Puppy Time posted:

Hold up, this is the same account as the one that shaved her head because of her sisters' constant lice infestations!

Some people don't want to have to make a new throwaway everytime they get the writing bug.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 03:05

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

muscles like this! posted:

I'm not sexist, I just don't care about an extremely sexist tradition. Those are totally different.

Not caring and appreciating making a scene about it is pointless aren't the same thing.

Or maybe you're right, everyone would have stood up and clapped.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 03:05

avoid doorways: Jun 6, 2010; 'twas brillig; Gun Saliva

Asking for another menu isn't making a scene

# ? Apr 17, 2020 03:08

Seik: Apr 15, 2006; Yes, I am indeed purple.; Pillbug

pentyne posted:

Don't out trans people, its not your loving business.

Of course not. Was just confused by the weird equivalence.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 03:11

Invisible Clergy: Sep 25, 2015; "Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"

Malachi 2:3

Doc Hawkins posted:

reminds me of a weirdo in the indie rpg scene. i can't remember his name, but i always remember him bitterly complaining on a forum about how disney blindsiding his family with Ratatouille, and he can't believe how far they've fallen as purveyors of wholesome entertainment, and how many uncomfortable questions it could have raised with his kids

because, you see, we meet the cartoon rat's dad, but not his mom, and no character explicitly says that she's dead

i understand it must be tough explaining some stuff to your kids but i cannot understand trying to maintain a terror-fueled sacred secrecy around the institution of marriage

e: and why would you not want your child to know that people get pregnant without getting married?? wouldn't that help if you wanted to scare them into abstinence???

That is wild. When I was reading this, I assumed it would be about the far more scandalous (to Ned Flanders type lunatics anyway) and vital plot point of Linguini being a bastard.

The second part is straightforward enough (when it comes to Nazi doublethink anyway.) In op's mind, single mothers are ravenous goblinoid creatures who exist solely to engage in white genocide and steal her tax money for their mongrel progeny. They aren't normal upper middle class white people who she'll encounter in her everyday activities like her daughter's elementary school teacher. If her daughter discovers this discrepancy, it won't be long before she realizes op is full of poo poo about everything else as well.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I have pretty terrible psoriasis and I have been treating it for close to a decade because it's horrifying for me, my partner, and other people around me. I'm close to 95% free of psoriasis after treatment. This person is not only refusing to treat her psoriasis, which I'm sure she could be doing, but she's not disclosing it to her partners. What an rear end in a top hat.

Same. What treatment did you use? I haven't had luck with anything I've tried. Fortunately it's only on my scalp. I was wondering how op could have psoriasis only on her gooch, but then i remembered rule 1 of r/relationships: all the characters are much fatter than you're imagining them.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for telling my parents only boring stuff about my days at school?

Good on lice op for discovering gray rocking. Nothing really funny about this post but her example dialogue all sounds like year 1 of a foreign language course, which I thought was kind of amusing.

Invisible Clergy fucked around with this message at 03:21 on Apr 17, 2020

# ? Apr 17, 2020 03:16

tinytort: Jun 10, 2013; Super healthy, super cheap

spacetoaster posted:

I'm guessing these are kids?

Not sure about rear end in a top hat, but the friend absolutely should not out the OP, and I don't blame her if she's afraid her flamboyant friend might out her.

Teenagers, most likely, yeah. I'd say NTA, because she's pointing out a safety concern that means it isn't a good idea for her to bring someone who is openly LGBT around her family. It's not just "I'm afraid you'll out me", it's "I am afraid that my family will verbally abuse you, at best".

For the 'super localized psoriasis', definitely TA. There's no sensible reason to keep that sort of thing from a person you're planning on sleeping with.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 03:34

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 21:07

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

Licarn posted:

Asking for another menu isn't making a scene

Let me rephrase, it's a stupid thing to pester your server about to prove how woke your girlfriend is compared to their backward country and will come across as rude, which it is.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 04:22

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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