EorayMel posted:

naem posted:

fun story- my national guard unit had been doing our two week annual training, out in the woods in bfe for most of the two weeks, sleeping rough, hadn’t had showers or warm meals for most of a week at that point as we drove around in humvees pretending to shoot at each other etc. whatever was it was we training for that day

they called us in for a warm breakfast- metal trays piled high with like, scrambled eggs, waffles with real fake maple syrup, fruit cocktail, actual hot food in abundance.

everyone’s kind gross looking and happy as gently caress about hot food, standing in line to get it then standing off to one side, chatting and laughing and munching on real actual food, not pretending that bad guys might attack

everyone was SUPPOSED to be wearing all their web-gear (suspender based canteens and pouches and etc etc) including gas masks at all times but a lot had abandoned all that as we lined up for breakfast.

anyways someone yelled GAS and dropped an actual tear-gas grenade in the middle of our group.

what was SUPPOSED to happen was a team of highly trained and motivated high speed solders would drop their delicious trays of grub to the the leaf lined woodsy ground and whip out our masks, donning them in 15 seconds (or, whatever something like that) and then bald eagles would trumpet the anthem because WE’RE THE BEST OF THE BEST

what ACTUALLY happened was that approximately 150 grown rear end adult men and women in filthy camo pants yelled NOOOOOO and took off into the woods, clutching metal trays, grabbing syrupy handfuls of mass produced cafeteria breakfast and stuffing it into their mouths as several high ranking whoever-the-fucks cursed a blue streak at our lack of, I don’t know what team spirit

imagine a dog that has a giant mouthful of waffle it has stolen runs away and you chase yelling WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IN YOUR MOUTH as it’s eyes goggle you wildly while desperately chewing it’s impossible large wad of stolen breakfast, now imagine 150 of them, now imagine it’s people

I have a masters digree

Super Waffle posted:

Power Khan posted:

I saw a docu about how the military AI arms race is probably going to doom us all, and then i remembered that the rushed mainland AI is going to be a chabuduo AI with chabuduo parts and chabuduo coding.

UltraRed posted:

"Open the pod bay doors HAL!"

*doors open 1 inch*

"chabuduo"

yaffle posted:

Skynet with Chinese characteristics.

Collateral Damage posted:

Teketeketeketeke posted:

I am CCPO, fluent in over 5000 years of history

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

Outrail posted:

Literally a bug

purple death ray posted:

Super Waffle posted:

Charliegrs posted:

Oh yeah I'm pretty sure none of that happened. I think the plan was basically we will calvinball our way through the pandemic.

Calvin posted:

Verbing weirds language.

zer0spunk posted:

my tombstone better have truck nutz goddamnit

Zeeman posted:

Why were 8 year old twins sharing a king bed in the first place, what a bizarre sleeping arrangement

LadyPictureShow posted:

quote:

Because they wanted something they can jump on.

"And they can't jump on a twin size bed?"

quote:

Because a twin sized bed doesn't make a good wrestling ring.

Tashilicious posted:

hang on those are good points

smarxist posted:

https://twitter.com/theninjajwill/status/1270371713826590722

Dale finally turned left

BrianBoitano posted:

The referenced material is also funny:
slightly
https://i.imgur.com/cAoR2Qk.png

yo, world, what the gently caress

OwlFancier posted:

What the gently caress you living in a well for???

Lobok posted:

Living in a well is the best revenge.

Raiad posted:

miller's gonna use trump to announce the formation of the waacp

Jaxyon posted:

what do you think the "n" stands for in naacp my dude

fuzzy_logic posted:

Inceltown posted:

indeed

Platystemon posted:

Sheng-Ji Yang posted:

the lyin kween

tactlessbastard posted:

Data Graham posted:

I think I disapprove of "birth" as a verb when discussing food

Tashilicious posted:

paging elise

RedSnapper posted:

Leopold II? More like Leopold =

3D Megadoodoo posted:

It's an odd family tree; Leopold I, Leopold II, Leopold II again, and finally Leopold I_

Cat Mattress posted:

Leopold Old Slaver Scum.

The New York Times posted:

I was a grown rear end man when I first saw early SA and thought it was just a pile of monkeycheese. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough but checking back in years later it seemed like the kids had grown up enough for me to handle.

Trevor Hale posted:

Yeah I’m not surprised you loving whiffed on a scoop.

My Lovely Horse posted:

elise the great posted:

Just because my chili came out of MY vagina instead of a COW’S

zedprime posted:

Tactical fidget spinner is not a phrase I needed to read when having an existential crisis about the absurdity of the world in 2020.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

cumshitter posted:

This is what we call stolen glamour, or when heterosexuals present themselves as veteran gay men so that people will fawn over them. I recently attended a wedding where a man dressed in a Franco-Prussian military dress uniform was telling people that he flew a Fokker Triplane during his several tours of Stonewall.

I knew something was off about his story but I was having trouble picking it apart until he also claimed that upon returning to civilian life he became an Account executive for Capital Under Management. That's when I knew he was lying.

I tore his Iron Cross, Knight Commander of the Indian Empire, and Athenean Militia Leader badges from his sash and laid into him so hard he ran out of the wedding crying.

egg tats posted:

everyone always talks about the cats getting drunk bug, and they should because it's a funny story, but no one ever talks about my favorite bug: the time Toady put in the wrong values when he was setting minerals melting and evaporation points, so he loaded up a save and the entire ground immediately puffed away into a cloud of steam

scamtank posted:

didn't watch that, did they mention the update that had geese laying eggs that were actually iron thrones

Vengarr posted:

Someone in the Rimworld thread mentioned accidentally changing the boiling point of blood to the point where dwarves would literally explode when exposed to sunlight. Limbs and beards flying everywhere.

Shady Amish Terror posted:

The history of DF bugs is unbelievably wild and immense, especially if you use the expanded definition of 'bug' to include 'features that were intended but had unintended consequences which should have been obvious'. Originally, dwarves that created artifacts would haul them around possessively for a period of time that extended from 'a few months' to 'indefinitely', which is all well and good when they make an artifact andesite ring, but would lead the creators of artifact lead floodgates to frequently starve trying to drag their perfect, immaculate lodestone from place to place.

-Then there was the time dwarves were completely, consistently eating poo poo in combat because it turns out the math was wrong and they were half or less the size they were actually supposed to be.

-More recently there was Toady adding riding mounts, but it turns out that that worked by sending commands into their psyche and so undead mounts couldn't be controlled because there was no soul into which to input your riding commands.

-Occasionally monsters that took over civilizations would, as citizens of that civilization, grant you quests to destroy the monster that took over that civilization. (Proposing to call this 'pulling a Roger Muirebe')

-Then there was loyalty cascades, that might or might not be finally fully fixed, where kinslaying within a civ could set off a rage-virus cascade of conflicted loyalties (since the aggressor would become an enemy of your civ and then be attacked by members of your civ but then because they're a member of your civ that would make those that attacked them an enemy of your civ but also an enemy of theirs so you'd have factional civil wars).

-Then there was the time the boiling point of fat got set too low so everybody's fat boiled out and sloughed out onto the ground at the start of every embark, leaving wounded, fatless, but still-living dwarves.

-Then there was the time that some material (some specific kind of wood, I think) had an ignition temp set too low so sometimes your wagon would flashpoint into a raging inferno on embark.

-Then there was the period of time that the 'restricted' pathing weight literally made tiles inaccessible to the pathing algorithm, and since all entities follow the path weights (including invaders), you could make your fortress completely safe from invasion by sternly telling the opposing army that they weren't allowed in.

-Then there were the oft-previously-discussed undead sponges that could still charge and crush dwarves with their immense mass while being totally immune to beheading and thus, at the time, immortal.

-Then there was the period of time early in the 3d builds where you could embark on existing sites and steal all their stuff (or sap an enemy goblin tower by establishing a dwarven camp at the base and undermining it)

Hell, most of us have probably experienced bugs which we couldn't quite figure out how to even report and haven't seen or experienced since. One of my fortresses was attacked by a dragon that, after killing half the population and setting several fires, settled down and became a permanent, essentially neutral inhabitant that often hung out in the hospital or dining hall and which mutually ignored my dwarves.

Shady Amish Terror posted:

Also remembered how much I loved that a military unit that fell onto a spike could, at very low odds, critically succeed and successfully dodge, parry, or block the spike with a shield or armor. Since fall damage ramped up massively with distance, and experience rewarded was commensurate with the blow averted, this would instantly lead the unit to being something like Legendary+12 in whatever skill was used to escape death. Throwing your military conscripts off a cliff until one of them successfully developed superpowers and blocked the entire earth was a legitimate shortcut to power.

So Math posted:

If you're bringing up the mount code, you have to mention that dwarves carrying their babies were considered as mounts on the first iteration. So, the parent would follow the pathing AI of the baby (crawl on the floor randomly), until they starved to death.

An earlier version of the simulation knew what parts go in a body, but not where they are located. It was possible to pierce both a dwarf's eyes with a singe arrow and cause no other injuries. The game was calculating chance to hit for each individual body part, which also meant that dwarves who were already missing body parts were better at dodging attacks.

JacquelineDempsey posted:

cumshitter continues to be a national treasure.

Sleeveless posted:

I thought all the people whose idea of comedy gold were gimmick posters making walls of text without a single joke in them were run off long ago but alas.

Sleeveless posted:

I thought all the people whose idea of comedy gold were gimmick posters making walls of text without a single joke in them were run off long ago but alas.

Captain Hygiene posted:

lol have you ever posted anything that wasn't a complaint or tedious correction

Sleeveless posted:

I thought all the people whose idea of comedy gold were gimmick posters making walls of text without a single joke in them were run off long ago but alas.

Kitfox88 posted:

I think my favorite DF bug was parents using their kids as weapons in battle

Captain Hygiene posted:

lol have you ever posted anything that wasn't a complaint or tedious correction

Phlegmish posted:

I'm pretty sure I've seen him change opinions in the same thread just because the consensus had changed in the opposite direction. He is absolutely miserable and part of me admires that dedication to contrarianism, he is the goon who overanalyzes goons the way goons have always overanalyzed the rest of the Internet, a goon squared.

Freudian posted:

I feel like this is the least and most sexual thing I've seen all day.

The Mighty Moltres posted:

Turn on your monitor.