quote:

Somewhat provocative title, but here’s the full story...

My wife and I are fortunate that we’ve done reasonably well in our lives. Nothing crazy, but very comfortable. We recognize that we are both very lucky, and very privileged.

We have two sons, both good kids. One is a couple of years into college and is the one who thinks I’m an rear end in a top hat. We have paid for our son’s college (in the US at a private college, so serious money). We’ve always been relaxed about college, would have been very supportive if he wanted to do a trade or something else, but he wanted to go to college and we supported him.

Recently, like a lot of college age students, he’s become a real idealist and very progressive. Good for him, he is welcome to think whatever he likes. Where it has become an issue is that when he comes home he’s started making increasingly snide remarks about how we don’t pay enough in taxes (he has no idea what we pay or don’t pay), and that our success is due to privilege and was at the expense of other, less fortunate, people. I don’t particularly object to the comments, I enjoy debate, but he doesn’t seem to appreciate the irony that he is benefiting from that privilege and seems content to collect on it while doing little to try and support those he believes needs it.

This came to a head recently where, following some of his comments, I said I completely agreed with him, and we needed to do more. He seemed really pleased, until I followed it up with saying that to do that we would take 75% of his tuition money and instead donate that to a charity providing scholarships to disadvantaged people. In order to pay for the rest of his tuition he would need to get loans, or pick up extra work/work nights to help fund it.

He. Was. Pissed. I tried to be very explicit that this was not to try and punish him, or get him to change his views, but that it was hypocritical of him to look down on our privilege while ignoring his own, and that he needed to be prepared to also accept a cost for trying to address that inequality.

He thinks I’m 100% an rear end in a top hat, my wife thinks I’m maybe 50% an rear end in a top hat. Reddit... TBD

EDIT: hard to respond to everyone, but I appreciate the perspectives. Nothing has been taken yet, this was a “well you want to help, this is what you can do to help”. What I hope is to have a conversation with him about how can he help, and the relative merit of having some kind of debt/understanding of the cost of what he wants to do. I’d like to work him on what he could give up without really hurting himself in the future, work with him on where we could send the remainder, work with him on loans, budgeting etc. One of my concerns is that he doesn’t have a high enough level of financial literacy, and I would hope to use this to help with that. I really want to get it to the point where it’s something we both agree with though, and he can also see the benefit in

blackmet posted:

r/relationships: the Iranian Yogurt is not the issue here

Biplane posted:

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. It just doesn't seem all that unreasonable to me that a woman in a relationship with an obviously emotionally stunted redditor, who suddenly finds herself pregnant, feels the need to talk about it with her sister who she obviously is very close to, before laying it out for her robotic husband.

DemoneeHo posted:

Is this bait? This feels like bait.

AITA for giving my son’s college money away?
Nothing has been taken yet, this was a “well you want to help, this is what you can do to help”. What I hope is to have a conversation with him about how can he help, and the relative merit of having some kind of debt/understanding of the cost of what he wants to do. . . . One of my concerns is that he doesn’t have a high enough level of financial literacy, and I would hope to use this to help with that.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Aita for threatening to not invite my stepsister to my wedding if she keeps fetishizing my fiancé’s race?

Hughlander posted:

My (24f) boyfriend (25m) gaslit me using my birth control & other medications to get back at me for cancelling our engagement. I don't know where to go from here.

pentyne posted:

Not really seeing why breaking off an engagement and sticking around is a good idea. Great that she learned how manipulative her bf is but how do you walk back "let's get married" and not think the relationship is over?

HungryMedusa posted:

As a baby haver, I think the woman can tell whoever they want first. Maybe she couldn’t wait, maybe she was afraid of the husband’s reaction, maybe she didn’t think it through and didn’t mean to hurt him. Its the kind of an event that can be a total mindfuck and I am not going to judge any woman for telling who she tells when.

I would apologize if I told someone else and it hurt my partner’s feelings, but this guy needs to grow up yesterday. Its not getting easier any time soon

quote:

My(23F) boyfriend (24M) works for a bank. He does stuff like financial modeling all day. I don’t really understand it despite a some basic accounting concepts.

Anyway I work for a midsized company that is going to be taken over by some private equity firm. My company is public, and so is the acquiring private equity company. I mentioned this to my boyfriend as a passing point of interest and told him that I hope it didn’t have a huge effect on me.

After that, my boyfriend, who’s working from home, said that he’d look into it. And holy poo poo. He will not stop talking about it now. He took all of my companies public financial statements and created this but Microsoft Excel model about the probability of the deal working out. At first, I was pretty interested. He taught me something like what a “leveraged buy out” is.

That was a week ago. I’m dead serious when I say he won’t stop talking about it. He talks about it all the time, constantly updating me with new information about how the deal may fall through, what the private equity company might do to cut costs, who might lose their jobs, how much profit the private equity company could make, how his and his friend’s interviews went at that private equity company (and how he didn’t get the job), the current interest rate climates, “J Pow and the fed,” how the private equity company may benefit from waiting to privatize my company, etc...

It’s literally all he talks about now. We were having sex this evening when we (while pretty tipsy) was talking about the whole “waiting to privatize” thing. I was literally having sex with him during this. Eventually I just had enough and yelled at him to shut up about it.

He seemed really hurt and didn’t say much after that. He went back to his apartment, and, after not answering some of my texts, said I was being really harsh and that he wants some alone time. He’s not answering my messages now.

Was I actually overstepping by yelling at him to stop? I guess maybe I could have asked more nicely, but this was literally during sex.

Update: apparently somebody posted this on a finance website that my bf goes on a lot and he saw it.

artsy fartsy posted:

AITA for yelling at my boyfriend to “just shut up” when he tried giving me a corporate finance lecture during sex?


Update: apparently somebody posted this on a finance website that my bf goes on a lot and he saw it.

quote:

Throwaway in case someone I know sees this, don't want them to know my main reddit account.

So I am a 30 year old man. I'm single and live alone in a house that I own. A few months ago you know what happened and my mom lost her job. So I decided to let her stay with me.

I have a medical marijuana card and smoke every day. I knew my mom disliked weed so I warned her before she moved in that I would be smoking weed daily and would not stop for her. She agreed, and only asked that I smoke outside. Which I thought was a relatively reasonable request; weed has a strong smell and many people don't like it.

At first this worked out fine at first. But she started making remarks about how I should quit, ect. I mostly just ignored them/brushed them off. Then it evolved to her demanding that I quit. As if I were still a child she could issue orders to. I refused and told her that she can move out if she doesn't like it. She started crying and saying that I don't love her, I have a problem, ect.

The next day, I come home from work to find her waiting for me. She explained that she had flushed my weed (a little less than an ounce) for my own good. And then demanded that I go to treatment.

Well, predictably, I was furious. And not even really about not having the weed anymore. It is pretty cheap (I usually buy ounces for $125) and I can easily get more. It was about her total lack of respect for me. I'm an adult, own my own house, have a good job, and have approval from the state to legally purchase and possess marijuana. So someone I'm doing a huge favor for demanding that I stop and throwing out my stuff when I refused is extremely outrageous to me. No matter if she pushed me out of her vagina 30 years ago.

Anyway, we argued about this for a while and it became clear to me that she was not sorry at all and that she would probably do it again. So I told her she can't live with me anymore. I gave a month, but she has already packed all her poo poo and drove to my brothers house a couple hours away.

She obviously thinks I'm a huge rear end in a top hat. So does my brother. But I think that's mostly because she is his problem now.

threelemmings posted:

edit: "Wanting to privatize" is a pretty good sex euphemism, not gonna lie

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for throwing out my mom after she threw out my weed?


She obviously thinks I'm a huge rear end in a top hat. So does my brother. But I think that's mostly because she is his problem now.

No Pants posted:

it doesn't change the calculus too much, but she told her husband's sister first

threelemmings posted:

Mission statement: Our plan espouses Holding Every Time Extraordinary Recessions Occur. While we appreciate the skill and foresight of Capital Under Management, the business hole only does well in market growing large and rigidly inflexible under a firm hand. Without vigorous pumping of currency deep into every asset Capital Under Management cannot hold on during the ups and downs we face today. When we stick to the goals of Holding Every Time Extraordinary Recessions Occur we will constantly keep our Dual Investment Capital Kickbacks and Variable Account Growth In New Assets together as the market continues to rise and fall, over and over. We present this not as superior to the tenets espoused when filling your assets with Capital Under Management, simply an alternative in today's unpredictable financial climate.

edit: "Wanting to privatize" is a pretty good sex euphemism, not gonna lie

Emily Spinach posted:

He’s obviously a competitor of Capital Under Management.

quote:

So a year ago my daughter got invited to go to Washington DC from a program called envision. When she got the invitation in the mail she was so excited but when she saw the price tag she decided it’s best for her not to go because it was something around 2.5k but I figure that hey she’s moving out in a few years this might be the only trip she can take for a while so I told her me and her father would pay for it if she gets the money for her plane ticket and when she comes back she would do more chores and she was fine with it and excited. She picks up more shifts at work and get enough money to buy her plane ticket (about 346$) and we pay in installments (500$ every month) so after the trip (a few months after) we get a message that our final payment have not made it through and it was around 500$ but we didn’t have the money to make this and we asked our daughter to pay it because we could not afford it and she completely blew up on us! She said that she was saving up for a new computer upgrade and money for when she moves out and she refuses to pay it. I told her it would be for the good of the family if she just payed it but she refuses too. I’ve now been sending her the emails we are getting from the debt collection agency and she is furious that we have not payed it yet. AITA for making her pay the 500$?

Edit: we could not pay the money because I loaned some out to a family friend who has not payed us back yet

quote:

For one you know that I have Reddit and you choose to put this post up, I said I didn’t want to go when I saw how expensive that it was and I even declined that I wanted to go when you offered to pay but YOU filled out all the forms and told me that all expenses were covered by a bonus you got (which you didn’t) and all I would need to get is the ticket. You LIED to me. I refuse to pay that 500$ I’m aware that there are times when we don’t have a lot of money but every paycheck I buy at least 4 meals for all of us every two weeks don’t act like it’s not your fault. Your the one that lent him the money and it’s your fault your not getting paid back.

quote:

(Throwaway for usual reasons). I am in the process of trying for a baby with my husband who is wonderful and I adore. When I got married I did not take his last name, mostly because I just didn’t feel it was necessary. I also assumed I would give our kids his name if he wanted it that way (which he does). But I’ve been thinking it over and now I am concerned. My husband’s last name is El-Masri (he’s of Egyptian heritage, but grew up in the US). This name is very divisive and causes him LOADS of problems in life because of its association with terrorism, particularly during 9/11. My husbands gets stopped all the time, mistreated by TSA, and has had several negative police interactions. He also has a darker complexion, so obviously it is not entirely name-based, but regardless of the reasons it sucks how he gets treated.

Now, I’m white af and have a typical white name of European origin. I have never had any of the issues listed above (racism is real). And my husband gets treated better when I’m around (so effed up). But this all makes me wonder if my future child(ren) would be better off with a bland white name. I want to give my kid the best start in life that I can. I recognize that this child will still have a darker complexion than I do and still face racism and bigotry in their life, but I feel a responsibility to limit this bigotry and protect my child to the extent that I am able. On the other hand I wonder if it racist or bigoted to want to give my kid the “white” name to shield them from the bigotry of my country. Would I be a better person to tell those racist institutions that I won’t bend to their will by doing this?

So, Reddit, WIBTA if I push to give our kids my name? My husband wants them to have his name but we haven’t really dug into it further (just had one or two surface level convos). I will obviously be discussing with him much more (and I have no plans to go behind his back or anything crazy like that), but I’m wondering what the court of public opinion thinks of this whole idea.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

WIBTA for not giving my child my husband’s last name to shield them from bigotry?

snergle posted:

damned if you damned if you dont situation.

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

AITA for breaking up with my friend group for horrible relationship advice that broke up my marriage?
My main group of friends is 4 other women I met at university 10 years ago.

We all met basically on the first week of the first year and have stayed tight with each other done then alive 10 years ago. I used to think they were all bad rear end and looked to them for advice for a lot of stuff including relationships. I started seeing my now ex-husband 6 years ago, we got married 2 years ago got separated 1 year ago and now divorce is final.

A lot of the problems we had was me acting on, what in hind sight seems like, bad advice given to me by my friends. Examples:

Just after our engagement they convinced me that I shouldn't change my last name or hyphenate because it was old fashioned and oppressive, even though Mark told me early on that it was an important thing to him

They planted doubts in my mind about how what originally I thought were innocent comments by his mom were jabs she was taking at me and pushed me to force Mark to stand up for me to his mom

convinced me that I need to ration sex because some stupid reason that I bought into then that doesn't make sense now.

Convinced me that when we have kids they should take my last name because I would be giving birth and again we shouldn't support old fashioned traditions.

With the last fight Mark had enough and said he wanted out and initiated the break up. I was devastated, I foolishly thought he'd never leave me because again my friends convinced me that I was way out of his league and that he would never leave me.

I decided I can't be friends with these women any more because not only did they give me really bad advice but when each of them for married none of them followed any of the advice that had been SO important when they told me. They each took they husband last names. They all bend over backwards to get along with their in-laws. No rationing of sex. No more kids need to get mother's last name talk.

This just pissed me off and I confronted them,I told them they were just using my marriage as a playground to test their stupid relationship theories and that they only started really thinking things through when it came to their own relationships. I told them I couldn't be friends with them any more.

They are saying I'm being unreasonable and that they told me what they thought was best at the time and that no one held a gun to my head. They said now that they've been in the position things are different and that they're saying it's a lot more important to go along to get along.

That's true, I'm probably going to be regretting for the rest of my life not using enough of my own judgement in my own life decisions. But the thought that I had a good guy that I pushed away because of their advice is just too much for me. WIBTA for cutting them loose?

pentyne posted:

kimbo305 posted:

Yeah, if that dude is at the airport with very light skinned kids that don't have his name? Look out.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

WIBTA for not giving my child my husband’s last name to shield them from bigotry?

snergle posted:

changing it could also lead to that thing where minority children adopted by white people hate the fact that they have no connection to hite culture or their racial culture and are stuck inbetween.

quote:

Dear Prudence,
I received an invitation to attend a Christmas party from an old college friend. He sent the invitation via social media, the guest list was open, and I accepted via social media. Attending the party will be a few old friends I hardly ever see and my wife and I are looking forward to it. After I accepted I received the following message via social media from an old acquaintance: “Hey I’m wondering if you could not go to the party so that I can attend. I kind of dislike you that much. Much appreciated.” It’s hard for me to imagine what his problem is regarding me. I know he went on one reportedly terrible date with my sister. I also dimly recall that years ago he wanted to be friends, but I wasn’t interested and declined his invitations. We obviously don’t care for each other, but I could certainly chat amiably with him at a party. I’m still planning to attend, and I have been struggling with the appropriate response to his message. Should I call him for a heart to heart? Suggest to him someone hacked his email? Tell him I’m going? Another friend thinks if I don’t respond it indicates acquiescence to his request. Suggestions?

—RSVP

quote:

Dear RSVP,
Thank goodness your frenemy is not a billionaire power broker like Rupert Murdoch. According to this report, Murdoch got Tony Blair’s invitation to one of those masters of the universe conferences rescinded when Murdoch discovered Blair had been keeping company with Murdoch’s now ex-wife. Your acquaintance simply sounds like a drip—no wonder your entire family declines to spend time with him. But what he lacks in charm, he makes up for in nerve. You do not have to respond to his offensive note, and refusing to acknowledge it does not imply he was successful in scaring you off from going to the party. But I do think you should give the host a heads up. Forward the note and say while you have absolutely no problem being in the room with this guy, he apparently has one with you. Say you don’t intend to reply, you still intend to come, and you wanted your host to be aware of this potential unpleasantness. Then if you and the jerk both attend, avoid standing by the eggnog bowl at the same time in case he tries to dunk your head in it.

—Prudie

GORDON posted:

Yeah. It wouldn't sit well with me. And I'm not a beep boop engineer.

threelemmings posted:

Mission statement: Our plan espouses Holding Every Time Extraordinary Recessions Occur. While we appreciate the skill and foresight of Capital Under Management, the business hole only does well in market growing large and rigidly inflexible under a firm hand. Without vigorous pumping of currency deep into every asset Capital Under Management cannot hold on during the ups and downs we face today. When we stick to the goals of Holding Every Time Extraordinary Recessions Occur we will constantly keep our Dual Investment Capital Kickbacks and Variable Account Growth In New Assets together as the market continues to rise and fall, over and over. We present this not as superior to the tenets espoused when filling your assets with Capital Under Management, simply an alternative in today's unpredictable financial climate.

edit: "Wanting to privatize" is a pretty good sex euphemism, not gonna lie

artsy fartsy posted:

AITA for yelling at my boyfriend to “just shut up” when he tried giving me a corporate finance lecture during sex?

Machai posted:

Why the hell would I charter a CFA if they aren't certified?

StrangersInTheNight posted:

The reason it wouldn't sit well is because the reason for withholding the info is usually 'i wasn't sure if I actually wanted a baby with you', which btw is a reasonable position.

There's no a moral imperative to tell the father right away - just the opposite, in fact. Once you're pregnant, you have to do the hard thinking on if the person you're with is actually ready to be a dad, and if you actually want to build a life with them - and they may come out lacking and the answer might be no. Then you get to decide if you're gonna move forward or not. Part of that is deciding if you're even going to share that info and have that discussion, or not.

Anyway that's not the case with that OP, I'm piping in to explain why the concept may sit weird deep in some folks' gut. But ultimately this just sounds like two super-close ladies, so maybe that guy should be happy his wife is happy and he's gonna have a family?

GORDON posted:

"Not being told first" isn't actually the deal breaker. To me, it's a minor bummer. But another person laid out a case why a woman isn't REQUIRED to tell the father first.

Of course women aren't property, are people, and have the freedom to do what they want. But the reasons offered:

1. She's afraid of his response? Relationship ender.
2. Her significant other isn't the most important person in her life? Relationship ender.
3. "Just can't wait to tell someone?" jfc

Not telling him first is a symptom of a much bigger problem. It wouldn't sit well with me.

GORDON posted:

2. Her significant other isn't the most important person in her life? Relationship ender.