quote:

Ok so im typing this on my laptop on the couch so bear with me.

Ok so here's some backstory when our kids were 3 months old (my son) and 6 months old (her daughter) we met and a month or two later we started dating and in the following year we got married. My late wife died in childbirth and her ex is no longer in the picture.

Ok so earlier today my (54m) wife (52f) and I were discussing our kids collage fund we have about 50k saved up for each of them or so I thought. While we were discussing separate collage funds from there grandparents and other relatives she brought up the fact that she had another collage fund for her daughter with about 30k in it. Well to say I was shocked. Just to add she has a job and makes a small amount and we each have our own spending money per month that were allowed to do so as we please so I guess that's were she got the money from. I told how come and she said that since its her bio daughter she decided that she wanted to save up more for her. To me that's entirely unfair. I thought she loved my son as her own and valued them equally as shes been in his life as a motherly role for about 17 years. I told her that. And she said that it was her money to spend and that I shouldn't be mad. I decided that I wasn't gonna stand by it and gave her 2 options a. keep the fund for her daughter but use her spending money to make a equal fund for our son (pretty impossible but fair in my opinion which is why im giving her the second option) or b. split the fund. She just huffed at me and went to our room locked the door and went to bed which leaves us to were I am now.

So reddit am I the rear end in a top hat?

UPDATE: Thanks for the advice im gonna take 15k from My daughters main fund and ngit in my sons and then I will likely break it off with my wife. I know one thing shouldent cause a divorce but I can stay with somone knowing they have favorties. Getting of will reply tmrw

ad090 posted:

AITA (Am I The rear end in a top hat) for getting mad at my wife for a collage fund for my stepdaughter that I had no idea about.

MarcusSA posted:

Yeah that is kinda hosed up since they have literally been together since the children were babies.

Sillybones posted:

She likes all dogs but she likes small dogs unlike me.

ad090 posted:

AITA (Am I The rear end in a top hat) for getting mad at my wife for a collage fund for my stepdaughter that I had no idea about.

Cowslips Warren posted:

Ah right into my veins.


A while ago my dad, who cheated on my mom nonstop during their marriage, was emotionally abusive as gently caress, and got a divorce set up that it would start right when I was no longer a legal child, asked me to come over for his birthday dinner. Sure, why not, get a nice steak dinner and make the rear end in a top hat pay. I've always been cordial to my stepmom (well now I am, twenty years ago she was a bitch and I had yet to realize it was better to play nice with both adulterers. Eventually I started talking with both of them, once it was clear the divorce had hosed my mom and us over royally, and I can bide my time to be the Good Daughter) and stepbrothers (no clue how they dealt with the divorce at first, other than they don't have contact with their dad anymore), and get to be the cool aunt to my stepnephews. Talk turned to work, and my dad asked if my new coworker friend Tra was 'more than a friend.'

At this point I have the nuke in hand. I am ready to throw it. To spike that fucker right in the middle of steak dinner and say "No, Tra is married, I'd never be the Other Woman and wreck a marriage."


I did not spike the nuke. Only because everything was so civil, and so nice, and while spiking the nuke right in my dad and stepmom's cheating faces would have been perfect....I've been biding my time for 20 years. I can wait a few more, wait until he's on his deathbed, and then tell him, with a smile on my face, there are two reasons I've never been married to some handsome man, or have kids: one is that after what he did, I can never trust anyone fully to that degree....and two, even better, is that I'm a lesbian.

But loving hell it is SO tempting.

Sillybones posted:

You want a detailed summary of what happened today? Alright, here goes:

My mom wanted to give it a try to both, myself and my sister took the temperature of the water in clorinated water it killed my sister. I didn't too.

quote:

I (M24) had an auto accident over 2 years ago that resulted in a left leg knee amputation, I thought that would been the end of my active lifestyle, I loved all kinds of sports as a kid and I still do. I had a very hard time adjusting to my new normal, my parents were able to get me a prosthetic leg that allowed me to get back to running and going trips with my friends like we always do every summer.

The guys were planning an RV trip on the weekend, we had already chosen a destination which was spending some time out in nature and getaway from stress.

My girlfriend asked if she could come along, I told her no, this is a guy's trip, Told all my buddies' girlfriends wanted to go but they were firm and put their foot down, she laughed at me for this Then tried to convince me to let her come cause she was feeling stressed out from being at home 24H, I already made up my mind, I wasn't going to ruin the trip just because she wants to be on a guy's trip, I promised her a trip when I get back, she got upset and didn't like the idea.

Later on, before I went to sleep, I took my prosthesis off as I do every night, this is my second prothesis, I've already completed a wearing schedule during first year and had to get another prothisis to accommodate any physical changes I had.

I woke up in the morning and I couldn't find my prosthesis, I looked where I put it but it was gone, I asked my girlfriend who was doing heavy cleaning around the place, and she said she didn't see it, I was confused it was near my bed, I asked her to stop being childish and playing games and give back my prosthesis because I knew she took it.

She's a bad liar couldn't even deny it, she said she wanted to hide it so that I won't go on that trip and leave her alone. I got mad at her for this, I was stunned to find my prosthesis hidden underneath an auto part in the garage, it had been damaged, it was placed in a possession where it had a crack, it was abvious it no longer functions properly, I mean I could still wear it but can't put my whole weight on it cause it would break.

I yelled at her and showed her what she did, she said she didn't mean it, I told her she did mean it because she was being childish and jealous over a trip and now she caused me 7000$ worth damage, I told her she ruined everything, that she owed me a new one and that she needed to pay for a new one.

She got mad and left, I basically had to use my old crutches it felt absolutely horrible, I called the guys and told them I wasn't coming, it's been a few days, she's mad that I'm still asking her to pay for a new prosthesis and called me an a**** for not apologizing and preferring a "plastic leg" over her.

I had to call my parents today to tell them they told me she should at least help pay half the expense of a new prosthesis since she caused damage to it, and then consider my relationship with her.

Have I been an a**** to her ?

Edit: for those asking about where I am, I'm in Asia, From Philippines.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA For asking my GF to pay for a new prosthesis?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA For asking my GF to pay for a new prosthesis?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA For asking my GF to pay for a new prosthesis?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA For asking my GF to pay for a new prosthesis?

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Ho ho hooooly gently caress

What a horrible, horrible person that girlfriend is. immediately after getting the new prosthetic

E: Maybe I just have an excess of sympathy because of my own disability but if someone that supposedly loved me hid my cochlear implant, I would be absolutely livid. You do not causally take away what is essentially *part of their goddamn body* just because you're not happy with them.

Sillybones posted:

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA For asking my GF to pay for a new prosthesis?

quote:

Basically we were together for 10 years and she came out as a lesbian last year. It was a difficult thing to deal with, and not gonna lie I'm still struggling. But we have remained in contact mainly because we share custody of our senior dog. I wouldn't consider us as close as we used to be, but we get on.

We were talking the other day and she was talking about pride and a nearby city having a local celebration and because she missed the one where we live in lockdown, she was wanting to go to it. She asked me what I'm doing and would I go?

I said no, everything isn't as safe as I'd like. She said it was just an excuse and something like "if you were interested in being a good ally and a friend to me, you'd want to come." I was really pissed off by that and said "I'm not interested in being your ally sorry, go with your mates or something."

She made her excuses and left, but seemed really upset. But later on that day, her girlfriend emailed. E calling me a piece of poo poo. Then my cousin called me. It turns out they're also still in touch and she said I should do it because it sets a good example. Her son is gay and he would find it amazing if people in the family he looks up to like me set such an example. I made my excuses and hung up.

I mean I don't see what I've done wrong. My ex split up with me, and we have to be in contact because of the dog, but I guess she considers us closer friends still than I do. I'm not outgoing and am an introvert naturally - the thought of going out scares me to death.

AITA for how I dealt with it?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for telling my ex I'm not going to be an ally?

wheatpuppy posted:

Someone here on SA recently theorized that she was pulling her hair back to wring the water out of it.

Cloacamazing! posted:

I always figured she grabbed her hair and moved it behind her shoulders, like you do when you don't want it in your face. That would be the same movement as if she was going to put it into a ponytail, but wouldn't result in a ponytail, so that's why he calls it pretending. A normal person would have just said she moved her hair out of her face.

(In case it turns out nobody else does this, I don't have a brother and my mom has never used water to weigh me, but if she did I probably wouldn't enjoy it.)

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for telling my ex I'm not going to be an ally?

quote:

Amy gave him her number but it turned out to be wrong

quote:

Serban Raia painstakingly spent ten hours writing out the notes to the woman - known only as Amy - before posting them along the street where she told him she lived.

Mega Comrade posted:

Not r/relationships but feel this belongs here.

https://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/student-hand-writes-100-letters-18794615

Student hand writes 100 letters to find girl he met in park



Am i being just being incredibly jaded thinking Amy definitely gave this guy the wrong number on purpose? Cos hand writing 100 letters and posting them in every house that she vaguely told him she lives in seems kinda stalkerish to me.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not punishing my daughter for cursing and telling my husband my decision is final and he doesn't get a say this time?

Malachite_Dragon posted:

RomComs have irrevocably poisoned what people think is acceptable behavior.

GORDON posted:

Context is important. I always told my kid growing up not to curse, unless it was absolutely necessary. Then one day he got hit by a car, and a few of his adult teeth got broken. Later that day were at an oral surgeon, they are installing a bar in his mouth to help his fractured upper palette knit back together straight. At the end, in his haze of pain, he drops a massive F-Bomb. I was a already a nervous wreck that day, and stayed silent... but the nurse who was with us sort of chuckled and said he bore through that procedure like a champ, better than most adult patients, and he certainly earned that F-Bomb.

A first menstruation certainly warrants an f-bomb, in my opinion.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for telling my ex I'm not going to be an ally?

quote:

My wife wanted 6 chickens. So we bought 6 chickens then she wanted 2 ducks. So we bought those. Little did I know it wouldn’t stop there. She wanted a goat so we have a goat and then she wanted rabbits. We have 5 rabbits. She brought home two guineas And a turkey.

Things have exploded. We have 19 chickens, 5 ducks and 2 guineas and a turkey roaming around our 4 acres. She has 11 more chickens in the incubator and 9 duck eggs in another incubator. This morning she was frantically trying to adjust the humidity in the incubator with the chickens because they are due to hatch in 3 days. Literally panicking because she couldn’t get the humidity up.

I stood watching and then she comes back with a spray bottle and tests the water in her arm and starts pulling duck eggs out. She’s talking to these eggs and spraying water on them and telling them how good they are looking and how much she loves them... these are eggs.

I told her that she has gotten obsessed with these animals and that chickens and ducks do not love her like a dog would but she insists that they do as they come running up to her when she is outside. I told her since she’s now talking to eggs like they are people that she needs professional help because something is going on with her mental state. She’s outside now with a herd of chickens on her lap and not speaking to me. I’m trying to help. AITA?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for telling my wife she’s obsessed with her animals and needs to a psychiatrist?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA For asking my GF to pay for a new prosthesis?

quote:

Oh my gosh so glad I found this sub. Here we go: I can finally air my uncensored frustration about the night my engagement was single handedly corrupted by my entitled mother in law. (Let’s call her “Ellen” because she always reminded me of Ellen DeGeneres, even before all this recent news broke.)

Ok, so my girlfriend and I were really engaged to be engaged. We’d both agreed we wanted to get married, but I hadn’t done the formal proposal yet because we wanted to meet each other’s families first (neither lived nearby.)

I always thought the old trope about meeting the in-laws being a big fiasco was a myth, both because I was younger and more naive then, and because I’m lucky to have easy parents.

My girlfriend met them for a few hours. Once we were alone just me and them I told them my intentions and my mom asked, “Does she have any kids already?” And my dad asked “Does she have a good solid job?” And they both asked “You really love her?” And that was that, I had their full support for the marriage.

I thought meeting her parents would be the same. Some grilling was to be expected, but as long as I was honest and respectful, it would all be fine.

Relevant fact, they had my girlfriend when they were teenagers, by surprise, so now had a “do over daughter” (their words, not mine!!) who was just six years old.

My girlfriend and I made the trip up to their city and I met them for the first time over dinner at a steak house. It was pretty upscale, and we’d scheduled the dinner for 8:00pm, so I was surprised to see they’d brought the kid along with them.

I met everyone at once and the initial awkwardness settled once we’d sat down. We were making great small talk when the six year old said she was thirsty.

No big deal right? Well, all of a sudden Ellen starts screaming, “Water? Water! WATER?!” A waiter came rushing over to see what the commotion was and, without even making eye contact with the poor guy, Ellen went “We’ve been here forever and no one’s even gotten us any water. My daughter’s been asking.”

We had been sitting for about fifteen or twenty minutes without service, but they were visibly behind, and there were no circumstances that would’ve warranted that shouting.

I should’ve realized from how unfazed everyone else at the table was that I should be bracing myself for a long night, but I couldn’t imagine what was to come at that point.

The waiter rushed over with water and apologized for the delay, explaining a few very large parties had arrived all at once. The guy was seemed sincere, and quite affable, so I thought the water would just be an anomaly in an otherwise pleasant night. Then Ellen kicked into full gear.

“We’ll need a kids menu.” She informed the waiter. He said that they didn’t have a kids menu, but that the chef could simplify most dishes. “What do you mean you don’t have a kids menu?” Ellen replied in total disbelief, as though he’d said they didn’t have a fire exit.

He explained they didn’t get too many child visitors and that there were enough plain foods on the menu that no separate menu had ever been necessary. Ellen sighed dramatically and waved him away. Literally, without saying a word, waved him off from the table.

I tried to give him an apologetic glance but, understandably, he didn’t look back our way. I was so glad the poor guy left and didn’t have to be subjected to her anymore.

Meanwhile she turned her attention on me, and I almost wished he’d come back. At least he was getting paid to be here. She was like, “So you’re a screenwriter?” And I explained, “Well, yes and no. I want to be, but it’s hard to get a job in that field that you can support yourself on, so I’m working at a non-profit right now. There’s a screenwriting component to the job though, so I’m really happy there.”

Ellen turned to her six year old and went “Hear that, hun? You want to be sure to snag a man who works *for* profit. Learn from this. It’s not too late for you.” I couldn’t tell if she was trying to be funny or not. So, I just let it pass, looking over to my girlfriend to see if she was even considering speaking up on my behalf. Nope.

The waiter came back, visibly nervous. That hurt, because he was so relaxed and personable at the start of the meal. He asked if we’d like to hear the specials before we ordered and Ellen said sure. Here’s how that went.

Waiter: First we have a lightly seared strip stea—

Ellen: Next!

Waiter: Oh... uh, ok. Then we have a broiled leg of grass fed—

Ellen: Next!

Waiter: Uh, we, uh, we have a pasta prima vera mixed with—

Ellen: NEEEEXXXXTTTTTTUHHH

And on and on until he’d gone through all seven or ten specials, even though she ultimately ordered off the menu, a plain ribeye, well done.

She tried to order her daughter the same, but the kid said she just wanted plain mashed potatoes, so Ellen let her get mashed potatoes alone for dinner. Then... she sent the waiter away! The rest of us hadn’t even ordered yet! And everyone else just sat there like it was entirely normal!

I waited for someone to say something, thinking it was more her older daughter (my girlfriend’s) place or her husband’s, but when no one did I couldn’t help myself. “I, uh, was the one steak and potatoes going to be for all of us, or?” My girlfriend explained, in the tone you’d use for a tourist violating a sacred local taboo, “My mom always has the waiter put the kid’s food in first, so it can get started right away. We’ll order once the kitchen has hers.”

I thought she was joking, since Ellen didn’t just order her kid’s food, she also ordered her own dinner too. So I laughed. “Something funny?” Ellen asked. Then I realized she was serious, and I shut up.

Thankfully her dad at least recognized that what was normal for them might not be as regular to me and tried to lighten the mood with a change of topic. But not even ten minutes after we’d ordered (I guess technically five minutes after *we’d* ordered, ten minutes after she and her daughter had ordered,) Ellen started in again.

Another table, that had been there long before we were, got a side order of mashed potatoes with their meal. Ellen threw a total conniption. She was sputtering so inaudibly that none of us could figure out what was wrong at first.

Finally she managed to flag down some bus boy who barely spoke English and began laying into him like he’d just side swiped her on the freeway. He kept trying to explain he wasn’t a server and he could go get one, but she wouldn’t stop to breath long enough for him to find someone who could actually help.

All the while I kept looking at my girlfriend for signs of embarrassment, or at the very least irritation, but you wouldn’t have known if she was even hearing any of this.

Our waiter came over, somehow still feigning a smile despite knowing what he was walking into, and Ellen actually goes “Why did that table get mashed potatoes and ours haven’t come yet?”

The waiter kindly but concisely explained, “Well Ma’m, those people ordered potatoes before your party had placed their order.” Ellen looks this man dead in the eye (finally) and says “Well it doesn’t matter when they ordered it. My daughter is the youngest one here! Her food should come out first.”

You could tell the waiter was working hard to restrain himself at this point. He explained it was a first come, first served, policy and age didn’t help one way or the other. He offered to go check on the potatoes, Ellen agreed, or more specifically she said, “Yah, you better!”, but I was clocking him and he went right back to his server station (because we had only just ordered a few minutes ago!)

Three or five more minutes passed, during which we could have no other discussion at the table except how awful this restaurant was, how hungry the poor baby was (who hadn’t said a word about being hungry this whole time and was contently playing her loud iPad game, without headphones, disturbing all the other diners around us), and how America has lost all respect for motherhood because it’s just a “me, me, me” culture now.

I chimed in, “I’m with you on that last part.” And to my utter shock, instead of laughing at my joke, my girlfriend seemed annoyed with *me!*

So after a few minutes the waiter comes back and says the potatoes will be out very soon. Ellen then goes and does something that, again, I thought was just a myth.

She took three singles and a five out of her wallet and put them on the table in full view of the waiter. Then she took one single away and said “Every table I see getting potatoes before us is a bill gone.”

I was absolutely mortified. The waiter, to his unending credit, just took a deep breath and said “I don’t have control over the order in which the kitchen fires tickets, but what I can tell you is it should be out any minute.” And left without saying anything disparaging.

I had been holding my tongue all night as well, in the name of my relationship, but once the tip hit the table (the $8 tip for a $100+ bill, on top of all else) I figured if my girlfriend was half the woman I thought she was then she wouldn’t mind my speaking up at this point. If anything, she’d be supportive, right?

So I scooted my chair back a bit and said, “Listen I know what you’re doing with the cash on the table, but that kind of thing makes me really uncomfortable, and it’s just not called for. Please put the money away or we can just continue this some other time.”

My girlfriend’s dad spits back, “What? How cheap do you have to be to not believe in tipping service workers?” Before I could process whether he was serious or yanking my chain, Ellen shocked me with, “No, you know what, you’re right, this isn’t necessary.”

I should’ve known better than to be relieved. She folded the bills back into her wallet, patiently waited for the next plate of mashed potatoes to be carried out, and when it wasn’t delivered to us, (it was a very common side dish at this place, a steak house,) she went right up to a stranger’s table and *picked it up off their table.*

She half explained something about her daughter “starving to death,” as she was walking away with the stranger’s food, but unsurprisingly, that wasn’t convincing enough for them. The old lady she took it from followed her right over to our table and tried to take it back.

I was already searching for my coat tag in preparation to go, but a shoving match was beginning to unfold between Ellen and an elderly woman with a tennis ball walker, and far be it from me to sit through all that had happened only to leave just as the night was getting interesting.

The elderly woman was like “Give me back my potatoes!! Who are you??” And the poor little girl was like, “Mommy, it’s ok, don’t take someone else’s potatoes...”

But it all fell on deaf ears. Ellen yelled at the old lady, “How could you sit there and eat these when my daughter hasn’t even been served yet? She’s sitting here hungry, just a little girl, and you’re over there stuffing your face? Come on, other potatoes will be out any minute.”

And the old lady, got to love her, was like, “Great, if they’ll be out any minute, then what’s the loving problem?!” To which Ellen still found holier than thou ground, gasping, “Language, please!”

Finally the waiter, and this time someone higher up as well, I think the manager, thank God, came over to separate them, as they had begun to raise their voices and cause a disturbance.

Staff had already asked Ellen to turn down her daughter’s iPad multiple times without heed, and I’m guessing the waiter informed management about the “tip on the table,” stunt she pulled, because this was their final straw. They told us we were going to have to leave the restaurant.

“But we don’t even have our food yet!” Ellen complained at the guy. This was clearly not the manager’s first rodeo. “You can take the food that’s already been served free of charge, everything else will be cancelled. Please leave immediately.”

The old lady didn’t miss her chance to knock the potatoes right onto the floor so we couldn’t try to take them with us. Nothing else had been served yet, so, we had to leave without any food.

When my girlfriend and I were finally alone in our car she said “Can you believe that?” And I said, “Not at all. And I really can’t believe you didn’t warn me!” And she went, “How could I have known about any of that?” And, confused, I asked, “Is she not usually like that?” Even more confused than me, my girlfriend asked, “Who?” “Your Mom!” “What’s my Mom got to do with the terrible service at that place?”

That was the beginning of the end of our relationship. The fact that she didn’t see anything wrong with her mom’s behavior, and that I’d be marrying into that situation, shook me too deep.

We both dodged a bullet in more ways than one. In hindsight, we weren’t right for each other, regardless of who her family was. Her mom saved us both a lot of time and heartache, helping me realize in one night what would’ve probably taken us years otherwise. Within a month we’d moved into separate apartments and gone on a “break,” that ended up lasting forever.

I’m not sorry I won’t see you again, Ellen. I am sorry any waitstaff ever will, though.

Quantum of Phallus posted:

TLDR man come on

Organic Lube User posted:

If you ever punish another human being for cursing, YTA.

Propaniac posted:

This is from /r/entitledparents (EM is Entitled Mother). I believe this one based on OP's extensive (but not very interesting) participation in the comments; if it's fiction, he's done his homework.

EM ends my engagement and gets me banned from a steak house all in one night


OP does say in the comments that he saw on Facebook the girl later got engaged to someone else, but the wedding and relationship subsequently vanished without explanation.