|
wait so frances is both daughter and niece of holon? anyways > cast divination (get high)
|
#
?
Oct 25, 2020 04:52
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 16, 2024 15:46 |
|
|
Cry Havoc posted:wait so frances is both daughter and niece of holon? Yes. I don't even know what the gently caress. He hosed his sister
Zippy the Bummer fucked around with this message at 05:23 on Oct 25, 2020 |
|
#
?
Oct 25, 2020 05:21
|
|
|
Get disguises and go to Frank
|
|
#
?
Oct 25, 2020 15:00
|
|
|
Get high with Frances, advise her that becoming a furry is not a healthy way to deal with the shame of being an incest kid.
|
|
#
?
Oct 25, 2020 17:02
|
|
|
"Look," you say to Frances as you roll a blunt the size of a TP roll, "we have some words to exchange. Hit this poo poo, we need to find the plane." An hour later------------ "You play with words, you play with love You can twist it around, baby, that ain't enough 'Cause girl, I'm going to know If you're letting me in or letting me go Don't lie when you're hurting inside 'Cause you can't escape my Private eyes They're watching you....." you sing The two of you are high as balls, stumbling through the chilly desert. You happen upon Keebs taking a piss outside a shack in the woods at the end of a dirt driveway. The plane is parked nearby, covered with scrub and branches. Keebs seems despondent to the point of being catatonic, and looks at you without recognition. You shove the stub of the joint in his mouth and leave him. You walk into the shack to see Frock and Tim sitting by a wood stove, the officer cleaning her pistol. Frock has a case of beer, which you tear into. "This is Frances Holton, or Holon," you say between chugs, airs be damned. "She's a bastard of incest. Frank Holon is her sisterfucking dad, he runs a cult using kids as drug mules." You let out a long belch. "His thugs killed your uncles and aunt, Tim. Sorry. I guess you're the last of the Roofs. Better not collapse." Tim gapes at Frances. "You're Simba? I haven't seen you in years...." "Sorry I kidnapped you," she says as she grabs a beer. "I was in a dark place for a long time." You finish your beer and grab another. "Let's talk about what went wrong in the last twenty-four hours." "We killed a lot of people, blew up two gas stations, and an airfield. For starters," says Frock. "You bribed a bunch of people too," says Tim, "and assault and battery, grand theft auto, violating FAA regulations, trespassing, destruction of property, impersonating a police officer...." "Yes yes yes, but what I meant was, how do we find Frank? What cartel is he working with? Frances said he was their captive, but that's obviously bullshit. Why do the want Tim? What did they want with the Roofs? Or Jessica? Keebs is useless so far, unless I can hypnotize him or some poo poo." You turn to the ex-furry. "You have any idea where your dad is?" "I haven't seen him in years. We were living in Mobile when he up and left. I know my dad is a freak, but I didn't want him to die. Not then, anyway....I didn't think anyone would get hurt." She strips off her Simba suit and stuffs it into the stove. Frock finishes cleaning her gun. "We're out of weed, by the way. You're lucky I found this beer in the shack. And those choppers keep circling. Its only a matter of time before search parties start coming through here. And we're low on ammo. Ditch that absurd costume and find something else to wear." "Like what? There isn't a tailor nearby." >You can go literally any direction >_
|
|
#
?
Oct 26, 2020 04:00
|
|
|
>Cinderella style makeover on Holon
|
|
#
?
Oct 26, 2020 04:13
|
|
|
Zippy the Bummer posted:We're out of weed, by the way. >forget literally everything else, this is now priority number one
|
|
#
?
Oct 26, 2020 05:05
|
|
|
Zippy the Bummer posted:One fine evening as you toke up while tinkering on your Land Rover while waiting for your fish to cook, you hear someone stumbling up behind you. Wait. What happened with the fish?
|
|
#
?
Oct 26, 2020 06:57
|
|
|
Fozzy The Bear posted:Wait. seagulls have probably eaten it by now
|
|
#
?
Oct 26, 2020 06:59
|
|
|
You wake up in the shack as the sun sets. Everyone is snoring around you. You hear distant helicopter noises fading in and out. You shake Tim awake. "Get the plane going. No shouts, no calls. Keep the lights off." He nods and leaves the shack. You rustle everyone else up, and crack open the last beer. "We need to get out of here, find some new threads, and score some bud." "The plane only seats four," says Frock, "and where the gently caress are we going?" "Crystal Springs. It's the nearest place that sells clothes," you say, as you look at Keeb's phone. Your party rousts Keebler and Frances, dragging them to the plane. The adults help you pull the branches and shrubbery off of it, and roll it into position for take-off. Tim has the engine started. "We can put Keebler in the storage compartment. He won't mind." "Good thinking, Tim. Way to use your noggin." "I want my phone back," Keebs mutters. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- After a very brief flight, your party lands on a narrow road in the dark desert just north of the Alien Research Center, a tourist trap on highway 375. You leave your four companions with the plane off the side of the road and hike a mile or so down to the little hamlet, which isn't much more than a rest stop.  It is closed at the moment, so you use the butt of your AK to smash the door open, and peruse. You find a wide variety of alien-themed clothing. You rip off your cop costume and put on some green jeans and a shirt that says "Welcome to Earth", along with a fleece-lined brown jacket. You gather up a bunch of random clothes and tuck them under your arm. The security system alarm blares behind you as you walk back into the desert. You come across a double-wide with some rednecks playing music and toking up around a fire, and throw a bundle of cash at them to buy all their weed, although they only have a few ounces. In consternation you start shooting up their trailer house until they finally give you the half-pound they had hidden, and then you punch the guitar player for good measure. When you get back to the plane, you distribute the clothes. "Put this poo poo on, don't worry what it looks like," you tell Frances, "it'll be better than that lion poo poo. Here, I got some alien-head beads and a necklace to go with it." You and Frock blaze. "Listen, officer. I have no loving idea where to go. Not proud of it, but there it is." "The plane is fueled up. It can go 500 miles in any direction," Frock says. "The closest airfields are...well, back toward Vegas, or Cedar City in Utah. Or Groom Lake." >Hijack a car >Fly to somewhere within 500 miles >Split the party and do both >Do something else >_
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2020 07:31
|
|
|
Obviously, now that you have alien-themed garb, you need to fly to Groom Lake/Area 51. Practice Naruto running first.
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2020 17:28
|
|
|
> reenact the attack on Area 51 from independence day
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2020 02:47
|
|
|
>steal a UFO
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2020 02:54
|
|
|
Tim lifts off and turns west toward Groom Lake. Frock rages and swears that you are going to get them all killed. You tell Tim to fly as low as possible, a mere hundred feet over the cold desert. He barely clears a fence, then gently glides over a vast salt flat. A bright light lashes over your plane, circles around, and explodes a few hundred feet behind you, rocking the Cessna and tossing it to the left. Tim wrestles with the controls and finally crash-lands on a flat plain. Many vehicles are driving toward you. The plane is hosed. The right wing is twisted and much of the fuselage is shredded. Your party struggles out of the destroyed plane. Keebs is weeping soundlessly. You quickly find yourself surrounded by HMMWVs filled with well-armed soldiers. An officer, identifying herself as Colonel Barrister, takes you all into custody, and drives you to Homey Airport under heavy guard, after relieving you of all your weapons. Once your party is placed in a holding cell, the colonel interrogates you, one at a time. You identify yourself with an eye roll and proclaim your mission. "I didn't know where we were. I was trying to get northwest, to Reno. Sorry. Officer Frocktom can confirm it." "Who is the kid and the man? Who is the woman? Why are they with you?" the colonel asks. "That's a, uh, need-to-know thing. We're investigating drug cartels for the DEA. And some odd unidentified lights in Death Valley. We think they might be choppers moving drugs in, somewhere near Crystal Springs. Don't suppose you have heard of a missing young woman named Jessica?" "Lights? Jessica? No.I am a bit interested in this half-pound of weed we found in your plane. Evidence for your case, I presume?" "Smoke some, and you tell me. Might just be oregano." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You gently step over the stoned guards and wander deeper into the base. It is very cold underground. A young guard challenges you, but you simply say that Barrister sent you. You come upon a huge hanger housing a large object, which looks like a huge torpedo, with many antennae and other things sticking out of it. There is one guard standing near the staircase leading up to its door. >_
|
|
#
?
Oct 30, 2020 07:33
|
|
|
>find the HVAC system, get the whole base high
|
|
#
?
Oct 30, 2020 17:16
|
|
|
>Find alien technology that will fix your lovely shoulder
|
|
#
?
Oct 30, 2020 17:23
|
|
|
> Salute the guard, then confidently walk up the staircase and through the door into the “large object”
|
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2020 00:14
|
|
|
You look around for an air vent. There is one near the floor with a powerful suck. You place half the weed on the vent and light it with one of your matches. Smoke begins to billow into the duct-work. Then you walk up to the tube thing. You nod to the guard. "Keep it on, corporal," you say as you glance at his stripes, and return his salute, then walk up the steps to a sliding door, which you open, and shut behind you. As your eyes adjust to the darkness, you notice neon lights leading up and down a hallway. There are a few squat-bodied creatures, and some tall thin ones, walking about, as well as a few human soldiers. None of them pay you any attention. You duck into a closet with a bizarre symbol on the door. Inside you find what looks like a robot, but with a seat inside. You toke up and ponder a moment, then sit in the seat. The power armor immediately clasps around you, and a voice asks for commands. You fumble with the door lock, then simply smash it open with ease, accidently firing a burst from your wrist-mounted mini-gun into the wall. The laser beam from your other hand cuts an arc in the metal floor. You stomp around for a while trying to figure out how to work this poo poo. Your blunt has gone out, and you try to open up your weed bag. You march down the hall in your robot suit. Aliens and humans alike salute you with a fist to the chest. You come to a door that seems like it leads into a cockpit of some sort, but your robo-fingers are too big to punch the buttons, so you just grab the door-jam and rip it open. Inside are two creatures that look like giant bricks, with multiple tiny arms, hovering above a glowing orb that is floating in the room. They make vocalizations at you the crackle through your headset and gradually translate to, "Who are you? What do you want?" "I'm.....Admiral Qwan," you say. "Barrister sent me to take command. Open the doors and vent in the outer atmosphere. Its for scientific reasons." One of the brickliens seems unsure, and the other makes vaguely aggressive gestures. >_
|
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2020 02:36
|
|
|
this poo poo has gone so far off the loving rails, lmao
|
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2020 02:37
|
|
|
> enlarge suit
|
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2020 03:56
|
|
|
> Get the aliens high
|
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2020 05:13
|
|
|
>form Voltron
|
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2020 06:02
|
|
|
With the hatches open, the weed smoke drifts in. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OD3F7J2PeYU One of the brick aliens starts busking, so you punch it in the face, sending it hurling over the glowing orb and smashing into shards against the far wall. Everyone else on the craft spontaneously starts dancing. You approach the other brick. "Open all the holding cells, and bring them up on comms." The bricklien fumbles around with some buttons. "OK, they are out." "Alright Frock, bring Keebs, Tim and Frances to this hanger. Tim should be able to figure it out," you shout into nothing. "They aren't allowed," comes a womans voice." "They herrrnnnt, rawg forg the thng," You punch around with your robo fingers at the orb. Suddenly the....device....begins to shake and hum. Tim and Frances enter the cockpit, with Frocktom dragging Keebs. You direct them to the weird closet, where they all find power suits. The five of you clasp robo-hands and spontaneously start clicking and clacking into an even larger power armor robot, the limbs of which are controlled by each of you, with you as the head. You order the corporal to give your mecha-blazer the rest of your weed. He does so without question. You toke hard and burn it all down in one go. You have to crouch in order to move around the ship. Luckily all the aliens and human guards are high as poo poo and don't even notice. You have Tim access the control panel, which makes Keebler's head vibrate violently. "There's alot on here," Tim says, "most of it I don't understand. Maps of stars and stuff. There is a long list of names. Drax Empire. Uncle Roof is on here. And me. And Frances." "Anything about Jessica?" you ask. "No. Not so far." You order the voltron to pull on some random lever. The gigantic torpedo ship rapidly ascends and smashes through the ceiling, climbing rapidly into the night sky. >_
|
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2020 11:38
|
|
|
Zippy the Bummer posted:this poo poo has gone so far off the loving rails, lmao > if desired by the author, realize that all of this alien poo poo has just been a bad trip and the weed you got from the rednecks was laced with something. you've all just been sitting in the plane by the side of the road hallucinating for the past few hours
|
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2020 14:40
|
|
|
Moon Slayer posted:> if desired by the author, realize that all of this alien poo poo has just been a bad trip and the weed you got from the rednecks was laced with something. you've all just been sitting in the plane by the side of the road hallucinating for the past few hours Oh god no we need to ride this strange torpedo to the end
|
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2020 20:49
|
|
|
Do we have a location on the Drax Emperor?
|
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2020 21:20
|
|
|
> break warp 10 threshold
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2020 04:09
|
|
|
Juryrig a super bong out of incomprehensible alien technology.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2020 04:25
|
|
|
Keebler is completely unresponsive, making it impossible to control the leg he is piloting, and everyone else needs to piss. The ship is now in low earth orbit, according to Tim, who has been going through the ship's computer to find out whatever he can. For some reason, you aren't floating. Nobody is, including the toad-like creatures, and the tall thin night-elf-cosplayer-lookin freaks. The bricklien keeps making growling, indignant noises, which you ignore. The voltron breaks up, with Keebs sitting in the corner of the cockpit. Frock, Tim, and Frances leave to find a pisser. Meanwhile, you look over the control panel. Your suit seems to link up with the ship, feeding information into your earpiece and visor. "Priority: weed," you speak into your mic. This doesn't result in anything. As the earth turns outside the cockpit window, Frocktom returns. "If this insanity doesn't lead to anything, I'm going to kill you. Assuming we aren't already dead." Frances is watching some stoned aliens that look to be doing some sort of interpretive dance. Tim stomps in with his suit. "I had a look around. This thing is huge. Like oil-tanker huge. All the...whatever they are seem friendly enough. Actually they don't seem to care about anything, really. They aren't doing anything." "Did you ask them about Jessica?" "I asked them all sorts of things. I think they are too stoned. I did find some kind of hydroponics lab with plants and water. It even had palm trees. And there is a brig, with three humans and some other creature in it." You consider this. "Frances, take this to the garden," you say as you toss the last of the weed to her. "Maybe it will sprout or something." You hold back a dime and Tim helps you roll a blunt. "Little man," you ask him as you blaze, "can you fly this thing?" Tim looks at the floating orb. "I think the computer flies it. You just tell it what to do. I think. I'm really tired." ----------------------------------------- You mess around with the control panel while the others sleep or gently caress about. Multiple holograms show all sorts of data, anything from news broadcasts, to reruns of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, to random phone calls, to analyses of plate tectonics. There is a brief delay while the suit translates the bizarre symbols. You are about to give up and sleep when a list shows up. The passenger manifest of your ship indicates that there are ten humans on board (which you realize after a while includes your party), twenty creatures called Lin, thirteen called Drax. You tap on the Drax ones, which slowly lists pictures of the toad-lookin dudes. The orb suddenly projects a hologram of many stars. One is highlighted, so you touch that. It shows a planet, and even a series of planets, around the star Proxima Centauri. You look around the cockpit while finishing your joint. No one is watching or otherwise seems to care, except for the angry inscrutable brick dude. You tentatively touch the orb and say, "Go to Proxima Centauri." The Earth immediately vanishes from the window. >Explore ship >Interrogate folks >find a busker and punch them >check status of bud >kill someone >do something else >_
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2020 08:40
|
|
|
>ask the aliens or ship if they have something to perk up Keebs mother fucker needs to start pulling his weight
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2020 16:12
|
|
|
> it’s time to get all James T. Kirk up in here, scan the ship for sexy aliens who might want to meet the new captain
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2020 16:39
|
|
|
> reenact wolf 359
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2020 16:51
|
|
|
Cry Havoc posted:> reenact wolf 359 Until I can watch the episode, which seems to be Star Trek, I will keep this in the file for later
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2020 02:44
|
|
|
The space outside the windows is filled with streaks of light; you can't decipher anything. You stomp your suit down the main corridor, having a look around. A few of the tall aliens are lounging around a table. Without thinking about it, you ask them, "Where is the garden?" though the noise your mask makes is totally insensible to you. One of the creatures just points and says something that the suit translates as, "That way." "Do any yall have any uppers?" you ask. "Speed or anything? Meth?" "The ship is going very fast," says another. You think for a moment. "Amphetamines. That is what I need." Your suit immediately says something in a different language. You feel something being injected into your rear end. The effect is very rapid. "poo poo, gently caress, no not me, I just need a dose for someone, oh poo poo, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA." Maniacally your run back to Keebler and lift him bodily by his chest plate. "Say 'Amphetamines' Keebs. Sayitrightthefucknow." Through bleary eyes he stares at you. "Amphtmsnss. FUUUUUUCCCCCKK!" He begins to thrash around. "Listen, Keebler. We need to do two things. I want weed, and I want to party. I'll take care of the former, you arrange the latter." He sprints off into the bowels of the ship. Meanwhile you follow the alien's direction to the garden. It seems bizarrely, impossibly large, larger than the ship itself. You search through the mist, looking for bud. At first you don't recognize it when you see it. The weed plants tower over you, dozens of them, with leaves the size of dinner tables. Your eyes well with tears. "Oh...oh, my God. I don't deserve this...." You rip off several leaves and bundle them up, then leave the garden and wander until you find what looks to be a large common room. Keebs, Frances, and Frock are assembled there with several aliens, listening to music that smells wonderful. You throw the weed onto the floor and shoot it with your laser until it smolders. The room fills with smoke. --------------------------------------------- Time ceases to have meaning. You are vaguely aware of a lithe creature doing something sexual to you, as it asks you, "are you a great king on your homeworld?" "Yes. Yes I am. One time I even spoke to our God, who told me that I would one day possess all the shrooms, and be given dominion over their harvest. In perpetuity." A single loud klaxon sounds. Your suit informs you that the ship is slowing into an orbit around Proxima Centauri. >_
|
|
#
?
Nov 3, 2020 03:29
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Nov 5, 2020 01:54
|
|
|
>moon the planet from orbit
|
|
#
?
Nov 5, 2020 02:02
|
|
|
Challenge Drax emperor/leader to a drinking competition. Or just drink a lot of alien booze, whatevs
|
|
#
?
Nov 5, 2020 02:10
|
|
|
> declare victory
|
|
#
?
Nov 5, 2020 02:45
|
|
|
> scan planet for tequila
|
|
#
?
Nov 5, 2020 04:40
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 16, 2024 15:46 |
|
|
You order the ship to queue up "Africa" by Toto, but on -4 speed, while you continue to blaze as an alien writhes around your crotch. Tim barges into the room and informs you that something is happening in the cockpit. When you arrive, you see a huge hologram of a giant toad-lookin dude with an elaborate silver diadem on its head. The ship tells your suit that a hostile challenge has been issued to it by a huge Drax warship Horjan, approaching from Proxima Centauri B, accompanied by several other smaller ships. You turn around and bare your rear end at the toad man. "Ship," you ask, "what weapons do you have?" "I can hear you, fucker," says toad man. "Here's the deal. I see you have stolen one of our scout ships from your idiot Earth planet. I didn't think anyone there was smart enough to do that, but here we are. State your purpose or we will fire on you." After a moment, you silently mouth to Tim, "Is there a way to, you know, mute this?" Tim fusses around with some buttons on the control panel. "I think he, they, can't hear us now," he says. "Maybe." The ship scrolls a list of its weaponry across your visor. Six nuclear missiles, twelve flack cannons and a hypervelocity gun for point defense. You take a minute to process this. You turn back to the hologram and gesture for Tim to un-mute it. "I am Kurt Qwan, Private Detective," you say as you toke, "I'm looking for Frank Holon. Or Jessica Keebler. Do you have any information about them? Who are you?" The ship takes a moment to translate this. Toad dude turns away and says something to someone offscreen, then turns back. "Holon is none of your business. You are in the territory of the Drax Empire and unwelcome. Lord Emperor Kagain demands you allow us to board and search your ship, and if we do not find anything amiss, we will let you return to your barbarian homeworld." You finish your blunt in one huge toke. "Do you have tequila on that planet? Or on your ship?" You take off a robo-gauntlet and wave it around before tossing it on the floor. "Board us. I challenge your Emperor to a drinking contest." A much taller and thinner frog-person wearing a giant crown appears on the hologram. "Bring it, bitch. Our booze, your rules. Such is the law. If you win, I will give you Holon. I am Kagain, I have spoken." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Flip a coin >_
|
|
#
?
Nov 6, 2020 03:35
|
|