UK Cunt Thread: bread and coffee wankers

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > UK Cunt Thread: bread and coffee wankers

fridge corn: Apr 2, 2003; NO MERCY, ONLY PAIN

learnincurve posted:

I have had so many many battles with sweaty gammons over fans. They sit there coughing and hacking with lovely little hand fans wherever THEY WANT to use them, and although I would like to have said “gently caress off mate are you loving stupid” multiple times I’ve had to give them a quiet chat about the spread of covid instead.

Trust me, fans will be blanket banned in hospitals to stop utter cretins getting their wives to move the nurse’s station fan to their bedside or bringing out the hand fans - Which is a thing that happens in normal times as well.

Thank god you're here to sort it all out for us

# ? Jun 16, 2021 11:47

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 04:04

NotJustANumber99: Feb 15, 2012; somehow that last av was even worse than your posting

If we pointed the fans at the covid people it would stop it from spreading from them. Pin it down.

I'm just sitting here not knowing what to do. Does anyone have any RSJs?

# ? Jun 16, 2021 12:22

fridge corn: Apr 2, 2003; NO MERCY, ONLY PAIN

NotJustANumber99 posted:

If we pointed the fans at the covid people it would stop it from spreading from them. Pin it down.

I'm just sitting here not knowing what to do. Does anyone have any RSJs?

I've got loads but they're all currently installed in the building I work in. I wont stop you if you want to come take them tho

# ? Jun 16, 2021 12:30

learnincurve: May 15, 2014; Smoosh

fridge corn posted:

Thank god you're here to sort it all out for us

I�m a carer doing volunteer work with vulnerable over 80s atm, I spend a lot of time in hospitals and vaccination centres :shrug:

# ? Jun 16, 2021 14:45

Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

genuinely thanks for reminding me to go to town for a cheap fan

# ? Jun 16, 2021 15:04

Gasmask: Apr 27, 2003; And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee

Ratjaculation posted:

genuinely thanks for reminding me to go to town for a cheap fan

remember to leave your window open to ward off fan death

# ? Jun 16, 2021 16:02

Gasmask: Apr 27, 2003; And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee

If you die of Fan Death the Sun will write a front page splash about how it's all your own fault.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 16:03

Looke: Aug 2, 2013

baby you rethe one you still turn me on you can make me whole again

# ? Jun 16, 2021 16:10

goatface: Dec 5, 2007; I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.; Grimey Drawer

I did not get promoted.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 16:18

Dr. Cool Aids: Jul 6, 2009

Looke posted:

baby you rethe one you still turn me on you can make me whole again

the lovely spacing at the start made me read rethe like the middle part of urethra

# ? Jun 16, 2021 16:19

NotJustANumber99: Feb 15, 2012; somehow that last av was even worse than your posting

goatface posted:

I did not get promoted.

Didn't get demoted either though eh? Must be doing something right.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 16:32

oh no computer: May 27, 2003

this very high pollen count can gently caress off. the last two days have been a nightmare

# ? Jun 16, 2021 16:38

learnincurve: May 15, 2014; Smoosh

Disappointing but with so many people on sick leave in the civil service they may not be able to promote anyone from a sick person above you in the chain downwards.

It�s to protect women on maternity leave because in the bad old days the civil service used to promote a man two places upwards and skip her if she was on leave. Now they have to wait for her to come back off leave before they sort the promotions out.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 16:50

Dr. Cool Aids: Jul 6, 2009

for the first time I've also bought a nasal spray to supplement the usual tablet. Could barely even do my job the other day I was so distracted by my nose and throat itching

# ? Jun 16, 2021 16:51

goatface: Dec 5, 2007; I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.; Grimey Drawer

learnincurve posted:

Disappointing but with so many people on sick leave in the civil service they may not be able to promote anyone from a sick person above you in the chain downwards.

It’s to protect women on maternity leave because in the bad old days the civil service used to promote a man two places upwards and skip her if she was on leave. Now they have to wait for her to come back off leave before they sort the promotions out.

Nah, it's not a contested promotion, it's the same job for more money because hypothetically nobody needs to check your work any more. There are an infinite amount of positions available at the level without anyone needing to move anywhere. They just didn't like the way I answered the fluff questions.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 16:58

Gasmask: Apr 27, 2003; And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee

lol at all the weaklings getting owned by plants loving

# ? Jun 16, 2021 17:07

NotJustANumber99: Feb 15, 2012; somehow that last av was even worse than your posting

I just smashed the poo poo out of some nettles and brambles so it's not all one way traffic.

Oh here comes the woke brigade to complain I've destroyed some fundamental to the planet bug habitat. Why yes I have been watching the Clarkson farming thing.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 17:13

Looke: Aug 2, 2013

NotJustANumber99 posted:

I just smashed the poo poo out of some nettles and brambles so it's not all one way traffic.

Oh here comes the woke brigade to complain I've destroyed some fundamental to the planet bug habitat. Why yes I have been watching the Clarkson farming thing.

same tbh, then i cracked open a stella and stuck gbnews on the box

# ? Jun 16, 2021 17:23

Bobby Deluxe: May 9, 2004

i havent had hayfever in years

now dust allergies

# ? Jun 16, 2021 17:24

learnincurve: May 15, 2014; Smoosh

goatface posted:

Nah, it's not a contested promotion, it's the same job for more money because hypothetically nobody needs to check your work any more. There are an infinite amount of positions available at the level without anyone needing to move anywhere. They just didn't like the way I answered the fluff questions.

Well they suck then boo to them boooo

# ? Jun 16, 2021 17:27

hemale in pain: Jun 5, 2010

I got the bird table and they're starting to eat from it!!! Some fat loving wood pigeons keep landing on top of it and rocking it about.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 17:34

Skarsnik: Oct 21, 2008; I...AM...RUUUDE!

Bobby Deluxe posted:

i havent had hayfever in years

now dust allergies

I'm on fexofanadine for that, great stuff

# ? Jun 16, 2021 18:22

NotJustANumber99: Feb 15, 2012; somehow that last av was even worse than your posting

Looke posted:

same tbh, then i cracked open a stella and stuck gbnews on the box

i am literally drinking a stella right now.

a dainty little bottle.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 18:27

Inexplicable Humblebrag: Sep 20, 2003

wood pigeons are pleasant

# ? Jun 16, 2021 18:50

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

hoooot hooooo hooooo

hoooot hoooooooo hooooo

# ? Jun 16, 2021 18:53

cynic: Jan 19, 2004

Patio coming along nicely. Who do I need to see about a gang tag?

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Jun 16, 2021 18:54

NotJustANumber99: Feb 15, 2012; somehow that last av was even worse than your posting

ooh i like your little robot wheel barrow

# ? Jun 16, 2021 18:56

goatface: Dec 5, 2007; I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.; Grimey Drawer

Tool envy.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 18:58

cynic: Jan 19, 2004

Ewww just opened a bottle of red wine to treat myself after a day of furniture moving and digging out roots from the garden and it's been so hot it's mulled wine temperature.

Robot tipper is fun, but it also runs off a dodgy lawnmower motor that belches out petrol fumes and now the whole house/neighbourhood stinks. From the sounds of the motor it's on its last legs, the tracks are just about worn through, but it's a rental so who cares.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 19:02

Looke: Aug 2, 2013

please say you didn't continue to drink it op

# ? Jun 16, 2021 19:03

cynic: Jan 19, 2004

Looke posted:

please say you didn't continue to drink it op

It's in the fridge and now I have a can of chilled Moretti so I'm mostly good.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 19:05

Inexplicable Humblebrag: Sep 20, 2003

hoot hooo hooo hooo hooo

hoo

# ? Jun 16, 2021 19:14

NotJustANumber99: Feb 15, 2012; somehow that last av was even worse than your posting

cynic posted:

the tracks are just about worn through, but it's a rental so who cares.

rented a little i dunno 1.5 tonne digger a while ago that had not great tracks on it. shrugged and got on with it. Track snapped, now this machines not only useless but also stuck in the way. Then the company made me pay for the replacement track. bullshit

so be careful.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 19:17

Salisbury Snape: May 26, 2014; While a grain platform can be used for corn, a specialized corn head is ordinarily used instead.

cynic posted:

Patio coming along nicely. Who do I need to see about a gang tag?

Look 99, a real digger

# ? Jun 16, 2021 20:04

cynic: Jan 19, 2004

NotJustANumber99 posted:

rented a little i dunno 1.5 tonne digger a while ago that had not great tracks on it. shrugged and got on with it. Track snapped, now this machines not only useless but also stuck in the way. Then the company made me pay for the replacement track. bullshit

so be careful.

I took photos of the track when I started, got the truck driver to sign 'delivered with damaged track' on paper. This is not the first time I've needed a patio for... reasons.

(I started renovating shitholes when I was 18, now 44, I have put in SO MANY PATIOS).

Here some highlights (I have posted fully about some of these over the years), pretty sure I'm forgetting some;

Got firebombed by the nephew of the drug dealers whose house we just bought
Someone cut an emergency blowoff valve in a flat wall and our bedroom wall got exploded in the middle of the night by scalding steam.
An epic storm in Scotland took off a brand new greenhouse (which was very thoroughly bolted into concrete - the base frame remained and every single screw and bolt above that was just sheared off) and rammed the entire thing through a neighbours brand new audi (not to blame, act of god or whatever)
Had a neighbour undermine my garage to landscape his garden and it collapsed on his brand new Harley (which had flames painted on the gas tank and he never rode it, definitely deserved it). Garage was rebuilt and a year later totalled my newish car when the roof collapsed again, but in a different direction.
Rented a property out and the tenants husband died on the first day, she went loopy, painted the whole (newly decorated) house brown and adopted 12 stray dogs who proceeded to poo poo up the walls and eat the decking. Cost �10k in repairs AFTER the deposit was retained.
Started renovating a property on a stair between a Nazi squat and a nice Jewish family. Sold it unfinished to the son of a minor 80s celebrity for a honestly very respectable profit.
Found someone had wired parts of the 240v circuits with speaker wire in the past and if you attached a vacuum to it your skirting boards went on fire.
Found a sack of very, very, very old weed hidden behind a sink
Had a ceiling collapse on me in a very old property that had been insulated with fireplace ash and seashells. Very confusing and quite painful.
Found a WWII condom, used, next to some WWII pantyhose in the eaves of a Georgian place. Vintage cum, nice find.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 20:11

NotJustANumber99: Feb 15, 2012; somehow that last av was even worse than your posting

Salisbury Snape posted:

Look 99, a real digger

Ok. Now try picking up a pallet of bricks and moving them 100 yards. Or digging up sand from the pile in to a bulk bag and moving it up to the cement mixer. Or unloading a lorry at the roadside. Or pulling a lorry out of the mud. Or craning 5 and a half meter long beams into place. Or just looking like a real cool dude driving round in circles. I bought what I bought in a cool and careful, collected way. I very much know what I am absolutely doing. I am not threatened by this man's little robot wheel barrow.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 20:11

Dogatron: Jun 24, 2020

cynic posted:

I took photos of the track when I started, got the truck driver to sign 'delivered with damaged track' on paper. This is not the first time I've needed a patio for... reasons.

(I started renovating shitholes when I was 18, now 44, I have put in SO MANY PATIOS).

Do you keep a list of where the bodies are?

I'd keep a few back to bargain with the parole board when you are doing life.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 20:32

hemale in pain: Jun 5, 2010

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

wood pigeons are pleasant

They're alright. Someone's told me they mate for life so that's nice I guess.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 21:06

NotJustANumber99: Feb 15, 2012; somehow that last av was even worse than your posting

Pork kebabs on the BBQ a disaster. I have now properly condemned the BBQ. Will take it to site tomorrow and Friday it with the digger and bury it under the future patio

# ? Jun 16, 2021 21:06

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 04:04

NotJustANumber99: Feb 15, 2012; somehow that last av was even worse than your posting

hemale in pain posted:

They're alright. Someone's told me they mate for life so that's nice I guess.

Unlike some species!

# ? Jun 16, 2021 21:07

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