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kitten emergency posted:also Jesus Christ where do babies keep all this poop, just had a diaper full of liquid poo poo the approximate color and consistency of Mississippi delta mud it really is unbelievable
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Aug 10, 2021 22:47
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my toddler is way more of an impressive eating machine than her sister ever was, when i pick her up from the highchair after a gorging session she feels significantly more dense the daycare ladies say that she recognizes the cook and will beeline for her chair lol
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Aug 10, 2021 23:15
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the birth of my second child was filmed for a documentary I was at uni at the time and one of the dudes must have watched it when it aired because he told me that he saw my wife’s snatch. thanks jade that same dude went all the way thru pharmacy school and got his bachelor of pharmacy but then found out that you can’t be a pharmacist if you have a criminal conviction and he had some kind of drinking in a public place charge against his name so he couldn’t do the intern year and actually become a pharmacist. he was also the only dude who did stripping to help pay for uni. he was a nice dude really just a slippery sense of morals anyway the director got pissed off at me because we had done an on camera pre birth interview and then before the birth itself about a week later I completely shaved my head with no comb on the clippers and he was like “there discontinuity in your look” or some bullshit so to answer the question, did you have a camera man in the birthing suite with you when your wife gave birth, the answer is yes
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Aug 10, 2021 23:23
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did they broadcast your wife's vagina on tv before or after the swinging because "as seen on tv" would've made a great personals ad
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Aug 10, 2021 23:30
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H.P. Hovercraft posted:my toddler is way more of an impressive eating machine than her sister ever was, when i pick her up from the highchair after a gorging session she feels significantly more dense lol that's great
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Aug 10, 2021 23:36
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H.P. Hovercraft posted:did they broadcast your wife's vagina on tv before or after the swinging ahahaha brutal but deserved
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Aug 10, 2021 23:38
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rotor posted:it really is unbelievable
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Aug 11, 2021 00:19
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H.P. Hovercraft posted:did they broadcast your wife's vagina on tv before or after the swinging lmao
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Aug 11, 2021 02:05
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kitten emergency posted:we didn’t get any of the birth classes stuff cuz covid. I was expecting a lot more tbh, they kinda just shuffled us out of the hospital with a cpr class and making sure we knew how to put her in the car seat you didn’t at least get linked a bunch of videos to watch?
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Aug 11, 2021 02:19
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hobbesmaster posted:you didn’t at least get linked a bunch of videos to watch? nope, maybe my wife did and didn’t bother sharing them with me
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Aug 11, 2021 03:35
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rotor posted:the Lamaze classes rotor posted:my favorite part of that class was when the nurse asked a roomful of expectant parents "ok, lets baseline this. What is the worst thing that could happen?" and people were like "oh i could miss the window for my epidural" or "i might have to get a c-section" or whatever and she let this go on for a couple minutes and then said "yeah all of those are inconvenient but the worst case is that both the mother and the child dies" and that shut everyone up real fast. Never felt so loving useless as towards the end of labor. H.P. Hovercraft posted:my toddler is way more of an impressive eating machine than her sister ever was, when i pick her up from the highchair after a gorging session she feels significantly more dense evil_bunnY fucked around with this message at 22:40 on Aug 11, 2021 |
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Aug 11, 2021 22:32
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This morning I had to use every possible strategy available to me to get my 2yo son ready for daycare and leaving the house. Left half dressed with no shoes and not having done his teeth, he changed his mind and made me go back to brush them to buy some extra time not going to daycare. Once we got out onto the street he asked for his shoes to be put on then he happily walked the entire way to daycare, walked right in the door and said goodbye to me. 
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Aug 11, 2021 23:11
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toddlers troll their parents so hard
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Aug 11, 2021 23:17
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echinopsis posted:toddlers troll their parents so hard
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Aug 11, 2021 23:18
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evil_bunnY posted:Never felt so loving useless as towards the end of labor. so the story i tell is as follows rotowife was in labor for ~24hrs before they decided on c-section and for those who dont know, c-sections are local anesthetic only so the husbands job is to sit there and talk to the wife and make sure shes breathing and distract her from the fact that she is conscious and being cut open. So I'm sitting there talking to her trying to tell her that it was all gonna be ok and to breathe and after a minute i realized that i needed to up my game because she was not being distracted enough. So, knowing my wife, I pull out the big guns: "So honey I was thinking we should refinance the house, I heard rates are pretty low, what do you think?" and that managed to completely engage her because she's thinking about what rate we have and the payoff time and all these other things and after a few minutes the doctors, also being SF residents, were like "hm maybe *I* should refi" and "hey did you ever sell your house?" and so forth and it was all done and she was all sewn up by the time we'd started wondering what the Fed was gonna do next quarter, so they gave her a bunch of opiates and she finally got some rest. Anyway that's probably the single biggest success I've had as a father.
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Aug 12, 2021 00:05
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when my kid was born it was after 12 hours of my wife in labor. involving lots of scraeming and seemingly ineffective fentanyl. culminating in a late, botched epidural. then the uhhh something level wasn't where it needed to be and they were blasting her with something and saying if she didn't respond in the next 30 seconds she'd need an emergency c-section. well 10 seconds later she did respond. they then had to use the suction thingy to pull the kid out but it went very quick and worked on the first try basically it all went very agonizingly slow then very fast. by the end i was pretty shook after seeing what i remember as the equivalent of a rabbit get pulled out of a particularly bloody hat
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Aug 12, 2021 00:16
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ooo the suction cup a coworker had that happen, was the baby super coneheaded for a while?
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Aug 12, 2021 00:26
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rotor posted:ooo the suction cup she was a little bit coneheaded (it was more noticeable in photos than in person) for the first few monthsbut she also did have a natural birth which causes that anyway
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Aug 12, 2021 00:29
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ours was tongs. he had a cool red line down his face for a few days
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Aug 12, 2021 00:30
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my coworkers kid looked like an alien, seriously. head was probably twice as tall as it was wide, just wild. I guess its completely fine and everything returns to normal within a month or two but wow it was nuts
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Aug 12, 2021 00:31
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i think i mentioned it before, but when they were inducing our first everything started to kick off at like 4:30 am so i woke up to a buncha excitement and was given the job of helping brace the legs as they were giving her the epidural as the bigass needle is going in (which i never even saw) all the color starts to drain from my vision and the room suddenly gets really hot and then everyone is yelling my name it turns out that one of the ways you can make yourself syncopate is by going from a relaxed sleep to slamming a buncha adrenaline and stress chemicals into your system. this is broadly similar to when shaggy and scooby are surprised by a g-g-g-ghost fortunately the epidural wasn't screwed up and i didn't wake up in the ER and miss the delivery, though they told me that is a thing that happens sometimes and that their rule for it was if "they make it to the floor" (i recovered quickly enough to stay in a chair)
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Aug 12, 2021 00:32
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when we were hanging out in the nicu we'd listen to the nurses prep the other parents to see their kids and the most  one was when they had to get some people ready to see their kid with an IV line into the head for glucose
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Aug 12, 2021 00:35
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kitten emergency posted:when we were hanging out in the nicu we'd listen to the nurses prep the other parents to see their kids and the most
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Aug 12, 2021 00:36
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bobbilljim posted:ours was tongs. he had a cool red line down his face for a few days rotor posted:my coworkers kid looked like an alien, seriously. head was probably twice as tall as it was wide, just wild. anyway even though i had seen some pretty real photos i still wasn't ready for how much red white and blue there was in that delivery room lol
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Aug 12, 2021 00:37
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kitten emergency posted:with an IV line into the head for glucose
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Aug 12, 2021 00:37
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having a baby that needs medical procedures done is pretty great if you like to inflict trauma onto people though. we took kiddo to get some blood drawn (they couldn't do a heelprick due to volume required, had to be a vein draw) and when the phlebotomist realizes we're there to get the baby drawn the color drains from his face. we've been advised to specifically ask for pediatric nurses in the future.
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Aug 12, 2021 00:39
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echinopsis posted:toddlers troll their parents so hard
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Aug 12, 2021 00:39
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H.P. Hovercraft posted:fortunately the epidural wasn't screwed up luckily the only side effect was my wife had a headache for about a week, which could be relieved with coffee. which she normally does not drink lol
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Aug 12, 2021 00:41
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rotor posted:so the husbands job is so speaking of, I forgot to mention what the PRIME JOB of the husband is during the caesarian section procedure: the husband must under no circumstances look over the privacy curtain they put over your wifes midsection. Never look over the curtain. Do not be tempted. I guarantee you there is nothing you want to see on the other side of that curtain.
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Aug 12, 2021 00:42
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my wife's epidural for c-section went ok but they had to do an arterial line to monitor her bp because she has some valve problem, anyway, I was trying to keep her mind off the dudes putting the line in and I noticed they loving missed on the first go-round and oh boy there was a lot of blood all of a sudden.
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Aug 12, 2021 00:42
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kitten emergency posted:having a baby that needs medical procedures done is pretty great if you like to inflict trauma onto people though. we took kiddo to get some blood drawn (they couldn't do a heelprick due to volume required, had to be a vein draw) and when the phlebotomist realizes we're there to get the baby drawn the color drains from his face. yeah we had this, the dude was like "ok yeah wait here let me go get someone"
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Aug 12, 2021 00:43
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kid's doing pretty good. we got a referral to early intervention stuff and they did an assessment, said her cognitive stuff is fine, bit of a delay on motor skills tho so we get like six months of in-home baby physical therapy, score.
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Aug 12, 2021 00:45
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didn't have the heart to tell them that she probably face planted when they put her on her tummy because she spent most of last night screaming rather than sleeping
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Aug 12, 2021 00:46
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kitten emergency posted:kid's doing pretty good. we got a referral to early intervention stuff and they did an assessment, said her cognitive stuff is fine, bit of a delay on motor skills tho so we get like six months of in-home baby physical therapy, score.
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Aug 12, 2021 00:47
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rotor posted:Never look over the curtain. Do not be tempted. I guarantee you there is nothing you want to see on the other side of that curtain. it wasn't a c-section but i couldn't help looking the most apt comparison i've heard was "it's like watching your favorite restaurant burn down" kitten emergency posted:having a baby that needs medical procedures done is pretty great if you like to inflict trauma onto people though. we took kiddo to get some blood drawn (they couldn't do a heelprick due to volume required, had to be a vein draw) and when the phlebotomist realizes we're there to get the baby drawn the color drains from his face.  had to have blood work done at like 8 months for allergies, specifically asked for a pediatric nurse. i kept babby from noticing through most of it, riiiiight until she glanced over at the end and was inconsolableshe still has the bear from that visit H.P. Hovercraft fucked around with this message at 00:53 on Aug 12, 2021 |
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Aug 12, 2021 00:51
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kitten emergency posted:didn't have the heart to tell them that she probably face planted when they put her on her tummy because she spent most of last night screaming rather than sleeping Aaah classic baby move
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Aug 12, 2021 01:11
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H.P. Hovercraft posted:the most apt comparison i've heard was "it's like watching your favorite restaurant burn down"
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Aug 12, 2021 01:15
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weak, i looked and it was fine. doctors get pretty sweet tools too, all stainless
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Aug 12, 2021 01:35
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the only thing I really recall from the actual c-section was that the doctors spent 90% of the time complaining about how they just changed over to epic from whatever their old EMR was and it struck me as hilarious that jobs are jobs at the end of the day
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Aug 12, 2021 01:38
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all the boomer doctors who hate emr and epic are hunt and peck typists lol like yeah there's apparently plenty to criticize, but i'll only believe it has merit coming from someone who knows how to use a keyboard
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Aug 12, 2021 02:48
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