r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

welcome to hell posted:

My (m34) pregnant wife�s (f26) male friend (m27) threatened me and told ME he loves her

I�m picturing this woman as Diane Foster documenting the mating rituals of two silverback gorillas.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 15:13

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# ? May 10, 2024 08:15

Zurtilik: Oct 23, 2015; The Biggest Brain in Guardia

I've posted a few in quick succession so I'll chill a bit now.

My girlfriend's dad is upset and uncomfortable that we are going to take an international backpack trip and I was hoping to get a bit of advice on what to tell him to ease him a bit

quote:

So this time next year, my girlfriend and I will be in South America doing some long-needed backpacking, soul searching adventures. I have been putting this off for 10 years now (I am currently 29 and she is 30) and I never thought I would find a girl as like-minded as me in the sense of wanting to travel and see the world, and being child free.

But that's besides the point... her dad is getting upset/angry that we are going because we are also quitting our jobs, losing our apartment (we figured we would rather have more money for traveling than pissing away $3-4k in rent when we would not even be using the apartment), and afterwards we will essentially have nowhere to go. However, we do do not plan on blowing all our money and are going to have some for when we return. Personally, I am not worried - I have a great resume and a bunch of skills.... I am not even worried about finding work afterwards. There are PLENTY of options to explore in terms of finding a place to live (Workaway comes to mind). So, in his mind, his daughter is going to be jobless and homeless afterwards. Keep in mind this guy is a 55 year old American...your typical stubborn, closed-minded 'this is how I think and that's that!' mentality. He is also upset, because he knows afterwards we do not plan on returning to Illinois (this state loving SUCKS) and he is worried he is going to be all alone; my girlfiend's parents separated years ago and really her dad's only reason to stay in the State of Chicago is for his parents and other family.

But the point of this post is I am looking for advice. I am looking for something to say, or to show him, that will ease his discomfort of his daughter "going to some third-world country" (we plan on going to Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, Chile....these countries are hardly "third-world") but again, classic 55 year old stubborn American who gets his information from the MainStream Media so what are you gonna do? I understand he is afraid for his daughter: we will be in a foreign environment backpacking, but we will also be together the entire time. I am resourceful and have good awareness and I do good research (Anthropology/Sociology major) and I love other cultures and languages and am extremely open-minded. I understand all you essentially have to do to gain respect of the locals is make an effort to learn THEIR LANGUAGE AND THEIR CUSTOMS and you will most likely be accepted (Source: 13 days in 4 capital cities in Europe back in September 2016).

This is making my girlfriend extremely upset because it's the classic, "why can't my dad just accept what I want to do instead of get defensive and mad about it because he doesn't know how to deal with his own insecurities." Any advice?

TLDR: Girlfriend's dad is very uncomfortable and angry that we are doing a backpacking trip out of the country and we are trying to think of stuff we can say or perhaps show him to ease his mind a bit.

EDIT: It probably seems like I have a low opinion of him and I don�t i was just trying to convey his mentality. I also added my girlfriend�s age (30). Also he is more so upset about the possible dangers of other countries more than that jobless and homeless thing - we will land on our feet.
EDIT 2: We are not dumb enough to spend all our money as to have nothing when we get back.
EDIT 3: I should have been more clear. It's not like we are planning on completely winging it when we get back...there is a lot of time between now and then and the entire time we are going to be planning and solidifying our plan once we return.
4th and Final Edit: I realized my post came off as an arrogant and insensitive millennial (a humbling taste of my own medicine calling out his generation?) and I want everyone to know that I am very sympathetic to her dad's feelings, I really am. Him and I get along great and I think he's a nice guy. However, the reason I specifically used his age and culture was to outline that yes, Americans around that age tend to be very closed-minded, stubborn, selfish and not understand of things outside of the paradigm that was crafted for them. I can honestly say though, I'm glad I got flamed for coming off as arrogant and insensitive to her dad's feelings because I now the answer is so simple, it's so clear - I must focus on taking his feelings seriously and provide him with a solid plan (and backup plan) and let him know I am doing everything I can to make sure his daughter stays safe. However, I could have done without the post history roast...if you really want to bring up my post history and call me out for not accepting the spoon-fed narrative we have been told our entire lives then that's your decision.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 15:18

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

Thinking about the couple with genetic issues wanting more IVF money, and I wonder if it's some munchausen by proxy poo poo. That they thrive on the sympathy of their friends after a miscarriage or baby death?

# ? Oct 29, 2021 15:20

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Your gofundme is making heaven too crowded

# ? Oct 29, 2021 15:21

Half of Dracula: Oct 24, 2008; Perhaps the same could be

Zurtilik posted:

My girlfriend's dad is upset and uncomfortable that we are going to take an international backpack trip and I was hoping to get a bit of advice on what to tell him to ease him a bit

Had to check this guy out because of the post history line and he posts full time in /conspiracy about just every kind of thing.

quote:

Sumeria/Babylonia > Egypt > Greece/Persia > Rome > Byzantine/Ottoman > Medieval Europe/Venice > Western Europe > British Empire > US Empire.

This is a very crude representation of how far back it goes and it’s the same group of parasites who have been controlling it behind the scenes the entire time.

And this list does not even cover India and China and eastern history

quote:

Interesting… I just looked it up quickly and apparently the first diagnosed case of ADHD was in 1902… Right during the exact time the Rockefellers were completely taking over all of Western academia and medicine.

It kind of sounds to me like another made up condition that big Pharma is pushing to make money over the last century

quote:

Dr Frederick GATES did the same ritual 100 years ago with the experimental vaccines and the Spanish Flu.

What a coincidence.

I used to think Pandemic 2 would wipe out all us dissidents who didnt get the shot....but now i think it really is that simple: get the majority of the population to kill themselves with this shot, just like the Spanish Flu.

These are within the last day

# ? Oct 29, 2021 15:34

Betazoid: Aug 3, 2010; Hallo. Ik ben een leeuw.

Yolo Swaggins Esq posted:

Stresses me out as someone who wants to have children one day, having to choose the correct and best name for a babby I haven't met yet, and both my partner and I already have so many rules about names that it's gonna have to be some mix of boring and weird, like a little girl called Richard or something. Because a girl has to have a unisex name, because sexism, and we can't name them too ethnic because racism, but we want to honour his heritage, and my heritage has the weird letters that English doesn't like, and it's all just such a fuckin headache.

At work yesterday, I attended a virtual panel hosted by a woman named Kings (last name). Too on the nose for your English husband, probably, but it was interesting. She completely looked like a Kings, too.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 15:42

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Half of Dracula posted:

Had to check this guy out because of the post history line and he posts full time in /conspiracy about just every kind of thing.

These are within the last day

Well good thing he's losing his apartment; less assets to deal with when OP inevitably catches covid on their trip

AITA for leaving FILs wedding after he kicked us out of family photos in favor of his ex wife?

quote:

I (23 F) am married with two children (3 M and 1 F) My MIL (46 F) has never met my children due to her going no contact with us before the oldest was born. She was completely unwilling to share her reasons for being no contact. She said she didn't expect us to understand but I did something which deeply hurt her and she couldn't get over it. My husband (22 M) did reach out, but she was unwilling to explain what I did. We never had a good relationship, but I can't think of anything I did to her, certainly not anything that would warrant cutting off her son.

FIL got remarried over the weekend and MIL was invited with her husband. That didn't surprise me, as they have always remained close friends. They did not do staged pictures, but they were going to take a family picture, so I got in it with my husband and kids. FIL told MIL to come over, because she is still family. I said she disowned her son and has never met her grandkids over some perceived slight, so I don't feel comfortable taking a family picture with her. MIL was going to move, but FIL said she's still family and I can leave.

I was just angry on my kids behalf, that their grandfather put her before them, when he knows she has totally shunned them. They actually are his family, but he was choosing his ex wife over them. don't get me wrong, it's cool for exes to be friends, but he was putting her before the two innocent kids she refuses to meet. I announced that if we are not family, we don't need to be there. I told my husband he could stay if he wanted, but I would be leaving. He left with us and apparently FIL and the bride were calling us dramatic and attention seeking. Some family has also said I was controlling and he can have MIL in a family picture if he wants to.

Something something missing reasons

# ? Oct 29, 2021 15:42

Alchenar: Apr 9, 2008

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA for leaving FILs wedding after he kicked us out of family photos in favor of his ex wife?

Something something missing reasons

'Kicked out' is doing a lot of work to describe 'I posed an ultimatum and the ultimatum got reversed and put to me to decide and I decided to walk'.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 15:56

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

AITA for telling my neighbours that their cat was actually mine?

quote:

Quite a few months ago now, a close family friend (J) passed away and left behind two cats - we�ll call them Boo and Miso - one of which he had willed to me. I was very touched and loved Boo from the first time I saw him, so I started making arrangements immediately.

One issue is that, at the time, Boo had an awful habit of spraying. I figured that because Miso bullied him, the issue would be resolved once they were living separately. I also spoke to cat behaviouralists and vets who said the same thing. However, I could not be sure so I kept him in J�s house (both my mom and I visited the cats regularly) first and planned to do a test trial before bringing him up to my flat.

One day I receive a call from my mom. As it turns out, Boo was rehomed a week before she called me. When she heard that our neighbours across the street had lost their cat, she figured that they could take either Boo or Miso. Naturally they took Boo as he is a pedigree and very beautiful, with a placid temperament. As I had suspected, once separated from Miso the spraying stopped immediately. I didn�t blow up at my mom on the phone, but I expressed that she should have spoken to me first and how hurt I was.

I went over to visit Boo yesterday and the neighbours were shocked at how clingy the cat is with me. They asked me why, so I told them the truth that I had spent a lot of time with him as I had adopted him after J�s passing. I did say that he seemed happy now and although I miss him dearly, it would not be fair to him to move him into an unfamiliar place again after he just got settled.

After i got home, i cried a lot. i said to my mother, "I wish you would have spoken to me first". she became very upset and screamed at me, calling me selfish, saying that this is what is best for Boo and that if i really loved him i would let him go.

I said i knew that he is happy now and i dont intend to ask for him back. i just wish she had spoken to me first and i just want her to acknowledge that. She became very angry and did not speak to me for the rest of the day.

Anyways, she found out what I had said as the next time she spoke to the neighbours, they said that they felt bad and had they known the situation, they would have spoken to me first. My mom went nuclear on me, crying and swearing� she said that I need to apologise for making the neighbours feel that way, and that I never considered how stressed she had been at that time. I knew how she had felt then, which is why I stayed calmed on the phone when she had initially given me the news.

I know that I should not have said anything and I only did so out of emotion - I feel like I�ve upset everyone over nothing and even my father is angry at me, saying that I�m being childish.

AITA for saying something? Should I have just kept it to myself and let things lie?

# ? Oct 29, 2021 16:00

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

Halloween Jack posted:

It's still stunning to me that people can not only blow thousands and thousands of dollars on toys, they can blow it on virtual toys in video games that will eventually vanish.

At that level it's indistinguishable from gambling, you just get to play a video game for a bit before it sinks in your money is gone

Not coincidentally, modern slot machines have basically become video games by now

# ? Oct 29, 2021 16:07

Peg Sliderskew: Jan 4, 2010

Betazoid posted:

At work yesterday, I attended a virtual panel hosted by a woman named Kings (last name). Too on the nose for your English husband, probably, but it was interesting. She completely looked like a Kings, too.

Surname better have been Cross, or possibly Lynn.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 16:12

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

Barudak posted:

Your ~~gofundme is~~ poisoned genes are making heaven too crowded

FTFY

# ? Oct 29, 2021 16:15

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

Peg Sliderskew posted:

Surname better have been Cross, or possibly Lynn.

Or Gambit

# ? Oct 29, 2021 16:16

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

Cythereal posted:

Bf (M25) doesn�t want me (F24) to model and uses offensive language

/r/r: When we were FaceTiming, I literally saw him zoom into a pic of a sexy model�s rear end through the reflection of his glasses.

Zurtilik posted:

Older brother [21M] stealing money for games from parents [53M,41F], while my parents are in a financial struggle, what should I [19M] do?

snuck in a bit of age gap math, too.

kimbo305 fucked around with this message at 16:45 on Oct 29, 2021

# ? Oct 29, 2021 16:23

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Soylent Pudding posted:

That's the part I don't get. Last time I saw my step mom in person was Christmas Eve and in the middle of dinner she suddenly blurted out a bunch of transphobic poo poo out of nowhere. It wasn't related to anything we talked about that day. It's like why are you even thinking about this when sitting down for dinner with family you haven't seen in six months?

One Easter the whole family (parents, 4 children, spouses) were sitting in the living room watching my infant daughter roll around the rug. She had just learned to roll and was enjoying the heck out of it.

Brother-in-law: "Would you still love her if she turned out to be a lesbian?"
(looks of blank amazement)
Husband: "Of course."

In fact, they grew up to be a nonbinary lesbian, so joke's on him. BIL was husband's sister's husband, loved starting political arguments for the hell of it, and eventually turned out to be a cokehead abuser.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 16:37

Solenna: Jun 5, 2003; I'd say it was your manifest destiny not to.

quote:

My (36F) husband (34M), married for two years and together for five altogether, used to be very affectionate with each other in a way that was playful, flirty and warm. A couple months ago he decided I was too "clingy" and that he wanted to be the one to initiate all physical contact from then on. (I do not think I was/am clingy. I initiated hugs and kisses a few times a day with a few other casual touches like a hand on the shoulder, but was very far from groping him every second.) I know he has also been coming to terms with some issues from a difficult childhood at that time (not physical abuse, more emotional abandonment/alienation issues with his parents) so I wanted to give him space and not make this about me, especially as he promised to continue being regularly affectionate. And he has done so, maybe a bit less than before but we still have some affectionate touches (initiated by him) every day and more intimate activities a couple times a week (used to be more like 3-4 times a week, but again, I know he is going through some stuff).

A few days ago, I found out at work I had gotten a big promotion and bonus. When I got home I was so excited that I threw my arms around him, thereby violating his rule that he needed to be the one to initiate contact. He immediately pushed me away and got extremely angry. (It was not a sexual hug at all, more like the kind you see sports team members giving each other when they win a big game.) I tried to apologize but he started yelling about how I am an abuser and traumatized him. He asked me to leave (I quickly packed a few things and went to a motel not wanting things to escalate further).

I understand from his brother that after I left he tried to go to the police to press charges but they said that a quick hug from one's wife, even if not really wanted/expected, was not the kind of thing they are going to prosecute. He is now threatening to call my employer to tell them I am am abuser who engages in sexual misconduct in my personal life. I am NOT asking for legal advice about that here - what I am asking is, honestly, would he be justified in telling my employer about what happened? I did make a terrible mistake even if it wasn't malicious. I believe people are allowed to determine that they don't want others to initiate touch and should have bodily autonomy. Just because I wouldn't be traumatized over a hug doesn't mean he shouldn't be. I am willing to accept that he may very well divorce me over this and that I may lose other important friendships and family relationships. But should I also lose my job? (My job is working with other adults in an office, not vulnerable people. I don't and have never initiated physical contact with coworkers except an occasional handshake or accepting a high-five.)

TL;DR: After getting great news I excitedly hugged my husband without consent (he requires being the one to initiate all physical contact). He was so upset he tried to press charges and now wants to tell my employer I abused him and I am seeking opinions about whether that is justified from an accountability perspective (not legal advice).

UPDATE

quote:

So - things came to a head, but not in the way I was expecting. My husband's brother (BIL) continued to stay with him while I stayed at a hotel. After a couple days, I got a call from (BIL) asking me to come home so that we could all talk (he assured me I would be safe). Turns out - my husband has been having an affair with an intern at his company (21F) and is deeply in love and wants to be with her (he told BIL this shortly after I left). He wanted to make me the bad guy so first started with the "no touching" rule figuring I would get fed up with it, or that eventually I would make a mistake and he could use that to claim I was an abuser (that is what happened) so that I would be the bad guy. It was also a way to reduce intimacy of all types with me while he was falling out of love with me and in love with his affair partner.

So, he made up the stuff about trauma flaring up, and isn't actually having a psychotic break, although obviously has some level of mental problems to do something so cruel.

For what it's worth, he did apologize - sort of. Said he was just "so in love" with the other woman and couldn't deal with hurting me directly by leaving me right away (?!) so came up with this plan. And just got a little too caught up "in character" when I gave him the mistaken hug with calling me an abuser, making a police report and threatening my job.

We sat down and talked about everything (with BIL as mediator) and agreed to a cordial and quick divorce. Dividing assets 50/50. Thankfully no pets or kids. I know I could probably make things harder for him under the circumstances, but I really just want to move on as soon as possible and put this all behind me. I have a good job/income and don't need anything from him other than my freedom, ASAP.

I appreciate everyone who commented (and all who sent me messages, apologies for not responding personally to everyone but was a bit overwhelmed). Even though things went in an unexpected direction, it was so helpful to see that what was happening wasn't normal and also helped me to prepare for the truth when it came out. Thank you.

TL;DR: My (34F) husband (36M) said he was dealing with trauma and made rules about my not being allowed to initiate touching him anymore. Followed the rules perfectly for a couple months but slipped up and hugged him excitedly after getting a promotion, after which he accused me of abusing/assaulting him. Turns out he was just having an affair and wanted to find a way to make me the bad guy in the marriage ending. Everything is out in the open now and we are getting a divorce. It's relatively cordial under the circumstances and I'm feeling okay for now but will probably need a lot of therapy in the long-term.

If your convoluted plan involves accusing your wife of assault to make her look like the bad guy you are still, in fact, the bad guy.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 16:45

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Hello police?! My wife HUGGED me!!

# ? Oct 29, 2021 16:53

Malcolm Excellent: May 20, 2007; Buglord

Danaru posted:

Hello police?! My wife HUGGED me!!

One guy the police should have brutalized

# ? Oct 29, 2021 16:59

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009; Can't post for 7 hours!

Yolo Swaggins Esq posted:

Name kids weird fun poo poo for their first few years of life, then when they gain sentience a little bit let them name themselves. Then let them name themselves properly later on, and once more in adulthood.

My birth designation is Logan 6.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 17:02

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

axolotl farmer posted:

Gwyn sounds like a guy who's ready to go NC or throw his children under the bus at the slightest inconvenience, then sit around a campfire and mope until he gets his rear end kicked and his house burns down.

Not sure if :thejoke:

but this is literally the plot of Dark Souls

# ? Oct 29, 2021 17:13

Johnny Truant: Jul 22, 2008

kimbo305 posted:

snuck in a bit of age gap math, too.

aw fuuuuuuck :byodood:

# ? Oct 29, 2021 17:21

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

I love the idea of not hurting someone with a hard truth, instead letting them down easy with accusations of abuse, police involvement and interference in their career.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 17:21

Zurtilik: Oct 23, 2015; The Biggest Brain in Guardia

I didn't want to upset you with the truth about your wife's affair so I killed her and burned your house down.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 17:31

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

Zurtilik posted:

Could just be that the friend knew this person would likely be lovely and waited until the last possible minute to finally come out.

IDK.

I know the op never stated races but listen. People have zero problems dressing up in cultures that they do not belong to. Specifically white people, but everyone in general. People have no problem throwing on kimonos and tugging their eyelids back for costume parties like Japanese people are skinsuits. I remember a drag queen in the last two years got blasted for wearing ao dai without the pants, something common that fetishizes Viet women as exotic and sexually available in old propaganda and media. To say nothing of the racism that nonblack people can do towards Black people.

It's not unbelieveable that a) person who isn't from the OP's culture to steal a ethnic name and b) mention it at the last second specifically because the OP would object as it's her dead sister's name and c) weaponize their transness as if that excuses them from being racist. It wouldn't be the first time someone has hidden behind queerness to avoid being called racist or problematic.

And since I'm engaging in this conversation I need to say I am Asian and trans. I know this poo poo well from my own community. That's all I have to say on this, sorry to drag it on for another x pages later.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 17:39

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

That is always the sheer WTF of cheaters: people will think what I did is bad, so I need to make my partner look bad, therefore what I did is not nearly as bad now!

AITA for making a budget to show how my niece how hard it would be if she married her fianc�?

quote:

My niece is engaged to her new boyfriend. They have been dating for 4 months and she is just 19. My brother told her that he will stop funding her life if she marries him. My niece is pretty spoiled. She visited me last week. I think she thought I would be supportive because I was also cut off because I refused to divorce my wife.

She was telling me who she knew it would be difficult but she could manage because she loved him. I asked her if she had a budget she said she didn't. I offered to help make her one and she was enthusiastic.

She didn't know how much he made and when she texted him about it he was being shady and not responding. So I assumed he would make 16 dollars per hour and work 12 hours per a day for 6 days and 10,000 dollars in tips and I assumed she would work the same hours and make the same amount.

I then showed her how much things will actually cost and budgeted them figures in. I also emphasized that these were very generous assumptions on my part and It is a rosier picture than reality. It still meant that she would have to make substantial changes to her lifestyle and I think it dawned on her how drastically different it would be to date someone without money and be actually married to them.

She asked me how we made it work and I told her that my wife and I had sat down for hours preparing budgets and getting ready to be cut off and we were cut off in our early thirties and already had two great careers and received other inheritances which had helped immensely/ She was sober and serious when she left my house.

She broke up with him and has moved back home. It appears she asked him about his salary and it was lower than my assumptions and that freaked her out and she broke up with him.

She is upset and she said I scared her and she really misses him. My wife said that I was a bit manipulative with my assumptions as I did know they were more generous than normal and she would freak out when she tried to make a real budget. I did know that and It does make me feel a bit bad. I feel like I played her here.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 17:46

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

Goddamn, breaking up with your boyfriend at age 19 since he's not earning enough. Woof, where even to begin?

I'm gonna go with: That girl better look absolutely stunning in a ballgown, if that's her plan in life.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 17:56

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

Zurtilik posted:

I've posted a few in quick succession so I'll chill a bit now.

My girlfriend's dad is upset and uncomfortable that we are going to take an international backpack trip and I was hoping to get a bit of advice on what to tell him to ease him a bit

If this is a "solid plan" I'd love to see what this guy would define as wingin it.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 17:56

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

Serephina posted:

Goddamn, breaking up with your boyfriend at age 19 since he's not earning enough. Woof, where even to begin?

I'm gonna go with: That girl better look absolutely stunning in a ballgown, if that's her plan in life.

Choosing to not be engaged at 19 years old is generally a good idea and should be supported.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 18:02

hazardousmouse: Dec 17, 2010

Serephina posted:

Goddamn, breaking up with your boyfriend at age 19 since he's not earning enough. Woof, where even to begin?

I'm gonna go with: That girl better look absolutely stunning in a ballgown, if that's her plan in life.

I think the good takeaway is that she's not marrying super young after only a couple months dating and now she'll have the opportunity to date more people and hopefully mature more

# ? Oct 29, 2021 18:02

Solenna: Jun 5, 2003; I'd say it was your manifest destiny not to.

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for making a budget to show how my niece how hard it would be if she married her fiancé?

quote:

My niece is engaged to her new boyfriend. They have been dating for 4 months and she is just 19. My brother told her that he will stop funding her life if she marries him. My niece is pretty spoiled. She visited me last week. I think she thought I would be supportive because I was also cut off because I refused to divorce my wife.

....

She didn't know how much he made and when she texted him about it he was being shady and not responding. So I assumed he would make 16 dollars per hour and work 12 hours per a day for 6 days and 10,000 dollars in tips and I assumed she would work the same hours and make the same amount.

I then showed her how much things will actually cost and budgeted them figures in. I also emphasized that these were very generous assumptions on my part and It is a rosier picture than reality. It still meant that she would have to make substantial changes to her lifestyle and I think it dawned on her how drastically different it would be to date someone without money and be actually married to them.

While the hours are pretty unlikely, that adds up to almost $140 000/year, how spoiled is this girl?

I mean getting engaged at 19 after 4 months is a terrible idea and she shouldn't do it, but not because of that budget, even if they were making literally half that.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 18:02

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Zurtilik posted:

I didn't want to upset you with the truth about your wife's affair so I killed her and burned your house down.

This isn't far off how people act in King Arthur tales. Knights are the biggest drama queens in the world.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 18:03

Admiralty Flag: Jun 7, 2007; to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022

Zurtilik posted:

I've posted a few in quick succession so I'll chill a bit now.

My girlfriend's dad is upset and uncomfortable that we are going to take an international backpack trip and I was hoping to get a bit of advice on what to tell him to ease him a bit

I love this guy, the storied world traveler: "I understand all you essentially have to do to gain respect of the locals is make an effort to learn THEIR LANGUAGE AND THEIR CUSTOMS and you will most likely be accepted (Source: 13 days in 4 capital cities in Europe back in September 2016)"

That's like 2 days per city, 3 if you're really generous around assumptions about flight schedules/overnight trains. But I'll rely on Mr. "If it's Tuesday, it must be Belgium" to tell me about travel.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 18:24

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

value-brand cereal posted:

I know the op never stated races but listen.

OP said she was Korean and her friend renaming herself was white.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 18:32

spouse: Nov 10, 2008; When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Half of Dracula posted:

Had to check this guy out because of the post history line and he posts full time in /conspiracy about just every kind of thing.

These are within the last day

quote:

we plan on going to Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, Chile....these countries are hardly "third-world"
I understand all you essentially have to do to gain respect of the locals is make an effort to learn THEIR LANGUAGE AND THEIR CUSTOMS and you will most likely be accepted (Source: 13 days in 4 capital cities in Europe back in September 2016).

at thinking going to, like, Amsterdam and Prague for a week preps you for navigating South America safely as a dipshit American.

edit: also, what kind of false presumptions does he have that he thinks it's "MainStream Media" instead of "mainstream media", what does the Stream refer to here?

spouse fucked around with this message at 18:38 on Oct 29, 2021

# ? Oct 29, 2021 18:33

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

hazardousmouse posted:

I think the good takeaway is that she's not marrying super young after only a couple months dating and now she'll have the opportunity to date more people and hopefully mature more

Also my take. OP didn't lie and their estimates were generous. Maybe they live in SF or something and 140k is barely enough to rent a room. There's way the gently caress worse reasons to break up than "ran numbers, financial situation didn't look good [enough]".

# ? Oct 29, 2021 18:34

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

Cowslips Warren posted:

That is always the sheer WTF of cheaters: people will think what I did is bad, so I need to make my partner look bad, therefore what I did is not nearly as bad now!

AITA for making a budget to show how my niece how hard it would be if she married her fianc�?

I don't know, maybe this will help the niece wake up and smell the coffee and realize that life is going to be tough if you're trying to go through it on the power of love-colored glasses.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 18:44

spouse: Nov 10, 2008; When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

lol

My husband still buys his ex wife flowers�thoughts?

quote:

I (26f) don�t know how to feel about my husband (26m) buying his ex wife flowers for Mother�s Day and her birthday every year. But doesn�t necessarily do the same for me granted we don�t have children together. What are your thoughts?

Edit: it bothers me because he makes an effort to go out of his way to celebrate his ex wife every year but doesn�t do the same for me. I have to beg him to celebrate my birthday. I don�t want to ask for flowers because it�s not genuine. It would be nice for him to consciously think about me and out in that same effort with me. I�ve told him time and time again how much flowers mean to me because it�s not about just receiving pretty flowers, it�s about him thinking of me and putting in effort and making me feel special as I do with him.

Selected comments from OP:

quote:

I don�t get anything. I have to plan my birthday myself. That�s fine but I still get ✨nothing✨

I don�t think he�s over that marriage. I�ve once heard, if the child is under five, the love is still alive. I don�t think he is truly over their marriage. I think he gives her more importance than he does with me.

He doesn�t arrange anything for me. He doesn�t believe in gifts�what he told me. Yet he�s out here buying her flowers. He was actually a little better before our marriage.

When I bring things up about things that bothers me he always twists my words and tell me think what you want to think. He has no problem trying to point out my flaws and demands an answer. But when I try to point out his problems it still becomes my problems and he doesn�t need to prove anything to me.

6 days before:

quote:

Thoughts on lack of intimacy in your relationship.

I view intimacy such as sex or physical touch a form of validation. My (26F) husband (26M) is not a very sexual person. He states he is not a sexual person but watches porn to get it off instead of doing things with me. I�m always the one to initiate anything physical. Can it be that he is getting his needs met elsewhere and just saying that he watches porn? The lack of intimacy really bothers me because it makes me feel like I�m not good enough or that he isn�t attracted to me. I�ve heard that lack of intimacy in a marriage can result in divorce. I�m not one to go off and seek attention elsewhere. I just don�t know what to think or do. What is your take on lack of intimacy in your relationships?

Edit: we have been married for a year now.

Everything's fine.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 18:45

Zurtilik: Oct 23, 2015; The Biggest Brain in Guardia

value-brand cereal posted:

I know the op never stated races but listen. People have zero problems dressing up in cultures that they do not belong to. Specifically white people, but everyone in general. People have no problem throwing on kimonos and tugging their eyelids back for costume parties like Japanese people are skinsuits. I remember a drag queen in the last two years got blasted for wearing ao dai without the pants, something common that fetishizes Viet women as exotic and sexually available in old propaganda and media. To say nothing of the racism that nonblack people can do towards Black people.

It's not unbelieveable that a) person who isn't from the OP's culture to steal a ethnic name and b) mention it at the last second specifically because the OP would object as it's her dead sister's name and c) weaponize their transness as if that excuses them from being racist. It wouldn't be the first time someone has hidden behind queerness to avoid being called racist or problematic.

And since I'm engaging in this conversation I need to say I am Asian and trans. I know this poo poo well from my own community. That's all I have to say on this, sorry to drag it on for another x pages later.

I'll be 100% honest I had not read the OP when I replied and just assumed it was some lousy friend getting made at their trans friend. This story is uhhh... prickly to be sure.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 18:54

Zurtilik: Oct 23, 2015; The Biggest Brain in Guardia

People think I'm [23/M] either trans or gay because I choose female characters/avatars in video games

quote:

I'm a straight guy. I feel perfectly comfortable being a man and do not have any desires to become a woman in real life nor do I have any desires to be with another man.

When I play games, I like to choose female characters. Especially when you have to create your own characters. It's just more fun o play as a female character. I don't feel the need to "relate" to my avatar, I enjoy the fantasy aspect of it just being fantasy and nothing to do with real life.

My friends used to make fun of me in the beginning with games like World of Warcraft many years ago. It didn't bother me one bit cause that's how we all treat each other, we make fun of each other and tease each other and it was all fun and good.

However, with the recent Pokemon GO app things have turned weird. I picked a female avatar like I always do and some of my friends who usually don't play games started playing as well. They found it weird that I had a female avatar. Some of them started asking me intimate questions like "are you feeling okay with your gender?" or do you have any problems that you are too ashamed to mention? They all refer to my avatar and how strange it is. I keep denying it but they never believe me. What can I tell them?

TL;DR: I like having female avatars in video games. People don't get it and thing I want to change my gender or question my sexuality.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 18:58

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# ? May 10, 2024 08:15

kntfkr: Feb 11, 2019; GOOSE FUCKER

femshep4life I always choose girl avatars too

# ? Oct 29, 2021 19:00

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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