r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

duffmensch: Feb 20, 2004; Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!

StrangersInTheNight posted:

People who take it on themselves to be community watch are the loving creepiest, that guy deserves to be mega-owned by his community. Get a loving hobby rather than policing gay teens, goddamn. Like, even if it was a bike theft, the community doesn't need you on watch 24-7 to prevent such 'heinous' crimes, you're winding yourself up in your own idleness. I'm just glad people there see it as bad, bc in plenty of places in the US, hyper-anxious vigilance is considered not just normal but preferred

I left the neighborhood Facebook group because people were constantly winding themselves up about the dumbest poo poo.

Someone standing on a street corner in the middle of the day? Casing houses to rob or getting ready to kidnap people. Doubly so if they weren�t white.

Telling them if they were THAT concerned, they should consider calling it into the non-emergency line really pissed them off as they �just wanted the neighborhood to know�.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 17:52

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# ? May 2, 2024 03:42

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Me [30 F] with my husband [32 M] of 8 years, found possible evidence of cheating. I'm devastated.

quote:

I don't know where exactly to start. He is working late tonight (or that is what he says) so I thought I'd take some time to write in and ask for advice. Sorry for this being disjointed, I've been pretty emotional and crying a lot this evening.

We have been together since college, married for the last 8 years (right after college grad for me). We were perfect for each other. Many friendships have come and gone but we've always found contentment in each other. Both adventurous and did some travelling together when we were first married. We argued, but not a lot.

We had kids. First (planned child) was 6 years ago, second (surprise child) and last is now 3. Since having kids it's been tough to get time together - both of our parents live a few hours drive away, there aren't many babysitters we've found that can handle our rambunctious boys. Husband works a demanding, stressful job and has had to cancel vacation plans more than once over the last 6 years because of a terrible boss. We were seeing each other for what felt like minutes every day, and our children, while wonderful, demanded a lot of our time and energy.

His boss changed about six months ago. Immediately his hours became more reasonable and his stress levels went down. Still long hours and travel some days, but better. We had evenings together again but something was different. It felt like we were strangers, just roommates who had kids together. We were just so exhausted from the last few years that we must have spent a couple months using any spare time we had once the kids were in bed crashing, watching Netflix, etc. Just boring stuff, and all along I felt very disconnected from the man who was supposed to be my partner.

So we talked about it. I told him I missed him. We had a few conversations about feeling disconnected. We hired a sitter, went on some dates, and things started to feel better. He's been more loving and attentive. He bought me flowers again. I was feeling so hopeful, like I was getting my partner back.

About a month ago I noticed something I think I wasn't supposed to. He has been talking about this work trip coming up for a week in August - it's been a bit of a sore spot for me since in my mind summer is for family vacations, not work trips. But I've been being understanding. However when he was in the shower his phone beeped, and I saw an email from someone named "Alison" entitled "Our Trip!" I felt a little weird looking at it but when I asked him about it he checked his phone and told me it was a spam email. I didn't think of it after that, but since then I haven't seen his phone left out again.

I found something else about a week ago - It was a receipt for a jewelry store, and it was a sizable sum. Money has never really been terribly tight for us but even I was surprised by how much it was for. I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and (I admit) looked for his personal laptop to see if I could snoop through his emails. But he'd taken his personal laptop to work - something he'd never done.

I was getting nervous but somehow didn't want to bring it up with him. Maybe I was trying not to believe it. But this morning I found his credit card bill in his sock drawer.

Why was he hiding it you ask? There were transactions going back over the last month, all for stores that men typically don't shop at. I added them up and he has spent a few hundred dollars on what looks like women's clothing and lingerie. I haven't seen anything from these stores in our house, so who are they for??

He is working better hours but still away some evenings. He could be spending at least an evening a week with someone else. I don't know what to think but I fear the worst. Is there someone else? Was I too unavailable when our kids were younger? Is he going on a trip with them? Is it this Alison person? What am I going to do if he leaves me? He's buying her presents, for God's sake! Doesn't that usually mean a man is moving on or falling in love somewhere else?

I don't know what to do. I don't know any of his passwords so I can't snoop. I could call his office to make sure he is actually there when he says he is but if I talk to anyone I think I'm just going to start bawling again. He should be home in a few hours. What am I going to do?

I don't want to raise my kids alone. I don't want to be alone.

tl;dr: We've grown distant since having kids, recently I found receipts and saw an email that make me believe he is having an affair. I don't know what to do. Please help.

EDIT
The comments are making me very scared. I am thankful for everyone who is talking to me though, even when it's hard to hear. I've calmed down a bit (read: no longer sobbing) and I'm going to call my older sister to talk to a "real person" about this. She lives a couple hours away but we have always been close, and she knows my husband well. I will try and update again later. Thank you again to everyone.

Edit #2
I just had a... very strange conversation with my sister. I told her everything, was getting really worked up and emotional and crying again... she interrupted me and told me "Sis, it's going to be fine, you need to calm down and talk to (husband) when he gets home. I promise everything is ok. Hang up the phone, take a bath or something, calm down and wait for (husband) to get home." Then she said she loved me and she hung up.

What the hell is going on with my life today... I feel like she just blew me off. She didn't seem to react to what I was saying. But most commenters here seem pretty sure that something bad is going on. I feel like I'm going crzy.

Edit #3
Right after I posted my edit about my sister and the phone call, my husband texted. He said my sister had called him and he was on his way home.

UPDATE (added in the original post)

quote:

I immediately freaked out because I did NOT feel ready to talk to him. I was super pissed at my sister for calling him and to be honest I felt like the entire world was falling down around my ears. I broke down. I didn't even know where I was but when I heard the front door open I realized I was on my knees in the kitchen sobbing.

My husband skidded around the corner and when I saw him I just started crying harder. He dropped to the ground in front of me and started apologizing and I just lost it. I started shaking my head and saying "No no no no" over and over again, I couldn't even hear what he was saying. He tried to hug me and I held my arms out all stiff, like a kid does when they don't want a hug, just holding him back.

It took me a few minutes to register what he was saying, but he was repeating over and over, "I'm sorry for scaring you, please listen to me, you need to hear what's going on, I'm not cheating, please listen to me," just over and over. I finally stopped and just said "What...?" I just was so drained and confused.

It was good news. I saw some of the comments in the original post saying "maybe it was a surprise" and you folks get the grand prize.

The story all came out. After our big talks about reconnecting he called my sister for advice. My sister's idea was to have him spirit me away for a surprise weekend getaway while she and my BIL took the kids. She connected him to her friend, a travel agent (remember Alison?) to get the ball rolling. The plan evolved into my sister and parents trading off with the kids for the week.

The jewelry receipt is for a necklace, for me, to wear out to dinner on our trip. The credit card charges are for some fancy clothes and lingerie he got me for the trip (he took some of my clothes with him to get the sizes right and got a lot of help from the salespeople). He says they are my style but they could be bags for all I care at this point.

So why the surprise? My sister told him that it would be better if it was a surprise, because it would be romantic that way. She didn't count on me finding out early and assuming the worst. I have had mild anxiety issues all my life that have been worse since having kids, but this was the worst it's ever been I've never felt so totally out of control in my life.

He didn't tell me all of this right away. Some of it came out in that first moment in the kitchen, but when I realized it was not the end of my marriage I pretty much became incoherent with relief. This is embarrassing but I sobbed so hard that I vomited a little. At least it was on the linoleum. The rest he told me after I calmed down.

We talked until late last night. He showed me all the emails, showed me our destination, we got excited together. I am not mad at him at all - which he is relieved by, apparently my sister called him with a "red alert get home now before your wife calls a lawyer" message. She knows I have some anxiety issues, so I may have to get after her about the decision to keep this all a big secret from me. Right now I'm too relieved to be upset.

I am a little concerned by how unhinged I became. I think I need to work on that. It's not like me. What am I going to do if a real crisis comes along? Some people were saying that I am "codependant," maybe they are right.

But that's for later. For now I'm enjoying my day with the kids and looking forward to my trip.

Thank you to all the advise and good wishes from you all. I'm sorry for worrying anyone. You are wonderful people to spend your time ready to help a stranger through the screen. I hope your lives can all take an unexpected yet wonderful turn.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 17:59

AngryRobotsInc: Aug 2, 2011

With the bike "theft" picture combined with the "I just wanted to check if they should be out at night!" 'excuse', I wonder if she is also not white in a predominantly white area, but I figure that would have probably been mentioned.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 18:02

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

the united states was built by telling people "go live over there and kill everyone who defies our recognized order, they aren't really human"

these nextdoor snitches think they're being good people, because in their hearts they think they have the right to decide who lives and dies, and they still aren't directly killing the people* who deserve it, they're respecting all the rules! they're raising their hands and waiting for teacher to call on them! gold star, you genocidal fucks.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 18:06

Rescue Toaster: Mar 13, 2003

I want to put in a little camera to see the front of the garage (that's where they leave packages, and it's close to the street) but I'm trying to figure out an angle and such so it's NOT pointing out into the street or at my neighbors house. I really don't want to be one of those people.

Hughlander posted:

Me [30 F] with my husband [32 M] of 8 years, found possible evidence of cheating. I'm devastated.

A travel agent sent an email titled "Our Trip!" ?

# ? Dec 9, 2021 18:09

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

StrangersInTheNight posted:

People who take it on themselves to be community watch are the loving creepiest, that guy deserves to be mega-owned by his community. Get a loving hobby rather than policing gay teens, goddamn. Like, even if it was a bike theft, the community doesn't need you on watch 24-7 to prevent such 'heinous' crimes, you're winding yourself up in your own idleness. I'm just glad people there see it as bad, bc in plenty of places in the US, hyper-anxious vigilance is considered not just normal but preferred

I was delighted to discover those assholes don't change one bit when you move into a neighborhood that gets actual crime either, stalk and harass anyone walking on the sidewalk and vanish like a loving ghost for a week when there's a shooting.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 18:12

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Rescue Toaster posted:

I want to put in a little camera to see the front of the garage (that's where they leave packages, and it's close to the street) but I'm trying to figure out an angle and such so it's NOT pointing out into the street or at my neighbors house. I really don't want to be one of those people.

A travel agent sent an email titled "Our Trip!" ?

You do realize that "our" could mean the trip that she, the husband & his sister set up...right?

# ? Dec 9, 2021 18:25

ranbo das: Oct 16, 2013

Rescue Toaster posted:

A travel agent sent an email titled "Our Trip!" ?

Travel agents are just sales people so they tend to use a lot of "we" and "us" so you associate them with the good trip and come back to them, because repeat business is the big moneymaker.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 18:29

ranbo das: Oct 16, 2013

Unless Deborah from Indianapolis was really into me in which case sorry I missed the signs but you're like twice my age 😟

# ? Dec 9, 2021 18:31

Barudak: May 7, 2007

I didn't know travel agents still existed, so I'd assume the worst.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 18:39

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

These days travel agents probably serve almost exclusively old people who expect that kind of language from service personnel

# ? Dec 9, 2021 18:46

sugar free jazz: Mar 5, 2008

Doc Hawkins posted:

the united states was built by telling people "go live over there and kill everyone who defies our recognized order, they aren't really human"

these nextdoor snitches think they're being good people, because in their hearts they think they have the right to decide who lives and dies, and they still aren't directly killing the people* who deserve it, they're respecting all the rules! they're raising their hands and waiting for teacher to call on them! gold star, you genocidal fucks.

are you ok

# ? Dec 9, 2021 18:57

Bruceski: Aug 21, 2007; The tools of a hero mean nothing without a solid core.

Rescue Toaster posted:

I want to put in a little camera to see the front of the garage (that's where they leave packages, and it's close to the street) but I'm trying to figure out an angle and such so it's NOT pointing out into the street or at my neighbors house. I really don't want to be one of those people.

Yeah, whatever the motivation that guy has a camera pointed at a playground and monitors it regularly. Even with the "best" of intentions don't tie your shoes in a watermelon patch, like my momma used to say.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 18:58

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

Rescue Toaster posted:

A travel agent sent an email titled "Our Trip!" ?

Presumably that was the subject line. If he showed her it should have been totally obviously a form letter or even contain her reservation.

Hi JAMES SMITH,

Your trip to MIAMI FLORIDA with CAROL SMITH on US AIRLINES is a go!

Click here to change or cancel your reservation
-Alison

# ? Dec 9, 2021 18:59

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

sugar free jazz posted:

are you ok

more or less, considering.

i did get a moderna booster yesterday, so maybe that's to blame if i sound loopy.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 19:06

Variable 5: Apr 17, 2007; We do these things not because they are easy, but because we thought they would be easy.; Grimey Drawer

duffmensch posted:

I left the neighborhood Facebook group because people were constantly winding themselves up about the dumbest poo poo.

Someone standing on a street corner in the middle of the day? Casing houses to rob or getting ready to kidnap people. Doubly so if they weren�t white.

Telling them if they were THAT concerned, they should consider calling it into the non-emergency line really pissed them off as they �just wanted the neighborhood to know�.

Neighborhood Facebook groups seem like the worst possible idea ever. All the annoyance of an HOA minus the fees, but with the addition of technically-illiterate morons posting things to the entire world.

Oh, and the Nazis are gonna break up when they each find out they don�t hate the same people the exact same amount. �Why are you friends with Chuck? Don�t you know he�s one of the gays?�

# ? Dec 9, 2021 19:10

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

Nasty nosy busy bodies exist everywhere. In Russia they take the form of a gang of older ladies who would spend all day on chairs outside of the apartment door gossiping with each other and tracking and commenting on every single person that came and went. They would report everything they could to the authorities to get anyone breaking any sort of rule in trouble, and took delight in spreading rumours and causing fusses over petty minor poo poo. It was just pre-internet nextdoor. The same malicious gossip and snitching culture.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 19:15

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

haveblue posted:

These days travel agents probably serve almost exclusively old people who expect that kind of language from service personnel

eh i can see the appeal of having a person just do things for you. if i was planning something that required a lot of effort to set up and someone could do it affordably i'd consider it, and then do it myself. But i can see other people making that choice.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 19:20

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Bruceski posted:

Yeah, whatever the motivation that guy has a camera pointed at a playground and monitors it regularly. Even with the "best" of intentions don't tie your shoes in a watermelon patch, like my momma used to say.

Oh, I like that.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 19:24

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

Rescue Toaster posted:

I want to put in a little camera to see the front of the garage (that's where they leave packages, and it's close to the street) but I'm trying to figure out an angle and such so it's NOT pointing out into the street or at my neighbors house. I really don't want to be one of those people.

A travel agent sent an email titled "Our Trip!" ?

Could it be that the husband started the email thread with that subject?

# ? Dec 9, 2021 19:25

Kenshin: Jan 10, 2007

Variable 5 posted:

Oh, and the Nazis are gonna break up when they each find out they don�t hate the same people the exact same amount. �Why are you friends with Chuck? Don�t you know he�s one of the gays?�

Pretty sure they are both so miserable they don't have any friends. I mean from their own wedding announcement, they "won". Won what? We'll I'm assuming they think they "won" against all the people who told them they were too toxic to ever find someone to love them.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 19:32

The Glumslinger: Sep 24, 2008; Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?; Hair Elf

My Mom (60s) wanted to force a reconciliation between me (35F) and my sister (32) but it backfired. I don't know if I want her in my life anymore.

quote:

Background: I started dating my brother�s best friend when I was 16. We were together until I graduated high school when he proposed and I rejected it. There was a lot of drama, with my family asking me to reconsider because �we could have a long engagement� or make a promise to reconcile. My relationship with my brother (36) suffered for a while, but the one with my sister (32) never recovered. She was sure my ex was the best fit for me and became unbearable when she started dating my ex�s brother. My ex was invited everywhere by my siblings, even to some family holidays, but I didn�t say anything since he was their friend too. That is until my sister started to push for us to get back together.

My sister did everything from trying to get us on blind dates to making us share a room during holidays. No matter the occasion, my ex was invited to it. After a while I had enough and asked my parents to intervene, they were clear with my siblings and stopped inviting my ex to things or allowing him to tag along so much. It was slightly better but while my brother backed off my sister didn�t. It all came to a crash when I met my husband during a semester abroad. He was from another university but the same country and we just clicked, it was magical for me and we got engaged after dating for a year. My family was very happy for me, except my sister. She kept insisting I was in the honeymoon phase and will grow out of it, I clearly didn�t and after many many many (can�t express enough how many) fights and attempts to reunite me with my ex I simply let her know if she pulled anything again I will stop talking to her.

What does she do after that warning? Makes me her MOH and requests I spend all my time with the bridal party a.k.a. my ex AND sets one of her friends as my husband�s date. We didn�t realize until we were at the reception and the poor girl tried to make a pass at my husband, my sister said that since we are not married it was OK to explore things with other people. I left the party and the next day spoke with my parents and brother, explained that while I won�t make them choose I will NOT talk to my sister ever again and if they try to fix stuff between us I will simply cut contact with them too. My Mom was devastated and tried to negotiate, but my Dad and Brother said they would respect my decision and apart from 2 attempts from my Mom I haven�t spoken, written, or anything with my sister in the past 6 years.

My sister has tried everything to reconcile with me. From gifts to tantrums but I simply don�t talk to her at all. If we are at a family event or dinner I simply act like she doesn�t exist, at first she made snarky comments or tried to create drama but since nobody backed her up she gave up. She did have a meltdown when she was informed she was invited to my wedding but would NOT be part of any preparation. My brother says he feels guilty for going along with it for so long and his relationship with my ex has suffered since my ex, they still talk but they are not as closed anymore.

The issue: My Mom�s birthday was couple weeks ago and I finally announced we are expecting our first child, this is not the first grandchild but is the first granddaughter. Everybody was very happy except my sister. My Mom noted that and asked me for tea the other day, my sixth sense told me not to go but I wanted to be positive. The first thing I noticed when I arrived was my sister�s car, then as I entered the door there was my sister, her husband, my ex and my exMIL. They wanted to have an intervention since my childish tactic has gone for so long. My ex said that he was just trying to be romantic but he understands I couldn�t appreciate it, his Mom said I was just hurting my sister for wanting the best for me and she apologized already so I need to forgive her. I was just sending texts to my family (Dad, Brother, Husband) and looking at my Mom in disbelief. My BIL had the balls to tell me I was a hurtful person and I need to learn how to act like an adult since I am having a baby now. Then my Mom began reading a letter about how hurt she was her daughters weren�t close, how my sister was wrong but she was well intended, etc. Then my sister read her letter and began crying and telling me basically another version of what the rest did.

I said nothing to anybody, just sat there until my Brother arrived. He was angry beyond anything I�ve ever seen before, he grabbed my stuff and told them all he was really disappointed and disgusted. We went outside and sat in his car until my Dad and Husband arrived, by then I was just sobbing and he kept saying sorry. I am unsure what happened in there but I sent everybody (except Mom) an email with my lawyer�s number info attached and stated I don�t wish to be contacted by any of them ever again and if they do I will go to the police. Nobody has contacted me but I know from my Dad my Mom and sister are hysterical, they told him they hoped to repair things and for my sister to be able to be on my baby�s life, maybe possibly being a Godmother! My Dad is staying with my Brother at the moment, they support me but some others in the family don�t. I�ve erven had mutual friends call me since they are worried about my sister�s well being and asking me what happened since she is now going by the narrative my Husband is keeping me away from my family. I HATE having my business in public but I did go the public route and posted a loong FB post about everything that happened. Sister, BIL and ex are being dragged which even if it wasn�t 100% intended I feel is deserved.

Now, my Mom has been inconsolable which does make me feel bad but not as bad as she made me feel with her little intervention. I agreed to have a talk with her a couple of days ago and laid the ground rules for any possible future interaction, including: therapy, family therapy, clear boundaries, no sharing information about me with my sister, and separate holidays. Most important: if she ever pulls anything like this again she will for sure be cut off. She feels this is too much but is willing to do it, she thought it meant immediate access to baby news and it is all solved but I told her it is a process and she needs to prove she has improved. My Dad and Brother refuse to talk to my sister and they keep apologizing for not stopping it earlier. We�ve forgiven them since they were able to move on and grow.

My Husband supports whatever I decide but my MIL is unsure cutting my Mom�s access to her granddaughter is the way to go but says it is ultimately my decision.

I am torn about what to do with my Mom.

TL;DR! Haven�t talked to my sister in 6 years because of her obsession with me and my ex. My Mom organized an intervention on her behalf so we could reconcile and now I am unsure if I even want my Mom in my life anymore.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 19:48

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

AITA for saying it's my grandparent's fault I don't embrace my culture?

quote:

I (16f) am half Korean and half German. However I am white-passing, I don't look Asian at all, I look 100% caucasian. My mom was an addict, she and dad divorced when I was 2, mom left for Germany and left me with dad. I am my family's greatest shame. My father is the firstborn son, his marriage to my mom was his rebellious stage and while he could pretend he never married her, he couldn't pretend I don't exist. I am a reminder of his failure. He quickly married a nice Korean woman and they had my siblings, 12f,12m,9m,7m.

Growing up we lived with my grandparents. They blamed all my bad behavior on my white side. I always heard things like "we cant expect the white kid to behave, "rude just like westerners" etc. If my siblings did something bad and I was blamed as I was "influencing them with my western values" and "leading the nice Koreans astray". When Chuseok happened (Korean holiday) I was never allowed to participate and was told to stay in my room. For most of my life, I tried to be as Korean as possible, I dyed my natural blond hair brown, wore brown contact lenses to cover my blue eyes, etc. It didn't help that we lived in the rural area of South Korea and I was the only white kid for miles. The bullying was relentless.

My dad did nothing to help me, one time he tried to stand up for me my grandparents said: "This (referring to me) is your fault, if you had married a nice girl we wouldn't be dealing with this (pointing at me)". That was the first and last time he tried to stand up for me.

When I was 15 my mom came to get me, she had gotten her life together and was clean. They couldn't hand me to her fast enough. The good thing is I love my life in Germany, I love the culture and the people. I feel more at home in Germany than I ever did in Korea. I finally embraced my German side and stopped trying to be Korean.

Recently my 12f sister died, I can't say I'm sad about it, as all my siblings participated in my mistreatment so I never had a bond with them. Since she was the only girl and my stepmom can't have more kids my grandparents and dad have been trying to reach out to me. They convinced my mom to send me there to visit for the holidays.

When I arrived they were shocked to see me with blond hair, blue eyes, piercings, etc. I also refused to speak Korean, speaking only English or German. This morning my grandparents said how sad they are to see me turn my back on my culture. I exploded at them, cussing them out. I told them if they hadn't bullied me my whole life maybe I would be closer to my Korean culture. I said they don't get a do-over because my sister died. I said a lot of nasty things to my dad as well. My grandparents started crying, and my dad had tears in his eyes. Which shocked me because I have never seen them so sad. I feel kinda bad.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 19:53

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

I was curious what the comments were and what else the OP had to say. I found that the post was deleted for some reason? Would anyone mind explaining what the hell this means for someone who doesn't use reddit?

"This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below."

Why is there even a limit on comments? What the hell is karma? Wtf.

Anyways, some choice quotes.

OP posted "Yes we are almost the same age! The most ridiculous and scary thing is he still has the mix tapes (CDs) I made him when we were dating. Those things are about 20 years old and he still hold onto them."

The ex is loving insane. Honestly the crazy sister should just marry him. Though that might be incestuous since she married the ex's brother already.

NoBallroom4you posted "OP posted They wanted to have an intervention since my childish tactic has gone for so long."

Oh man... I can't believe the treatment you have received. Keep everyone on a tight leash, I'm betting your mom pulled this stunt without your father's knowledge otherwise it would have immediately stopped."
Op � She told him she was making me my favorite tea and sweets but he couldn't stay since we would have quality time together. My dad left to go hang with my uncle since he thought it was a nice sentiment from my mom. He is very pissed off.

What a way to confront how insane your wife and daughter is. Goddamn.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 20:02

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; Can't post for 12 hours!

Until I got to the "Issue" section, I was wondering where the ex-boyfriend is in all of this. Turns out he's a gleeful participant. He's stalking her, and I hope OP gets a restraining order because it sounds like she had a good case for it a long time ago. God only knows how much personal information her sister shared with him.

value-brand cereal posted:

The ex is loving insane. Honestly the crazy sister should just marry him. Though that might be incestuous since she married the ex's brother already.

OP posted:

My sister had this idea we would be best friends married to brothers.

It's incestuous on multiple levels.

Halloween Jack fucked around with this message at 20:11 on Dec 9, 2021

# ? Dec 9, 2021 20:08

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

packetmantis posted:

My cat absolutely loves golf, she goes nuts when they do a zoom in on putting into the hole.

packetmantis posted:

Oh gently caress my cat is bougie

Says the person watching golf :colbert:

She may be having a predator response watching the tiny white round mouse escape into the hole. Either way, adorable :3:

# ? Dec 9, 2021 20:24

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

Kuiperdolin posted:

It's not often r/relationships posts get a trailer.

yeah i am reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaallll curious what her "narcissistic attackers" have to say about their conflict with her.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 20:37

Ensign Expendable: Nov 11, 2008; Lager beer is proof that god loves us; Pillbug

value-brand cereal posted:

Why is there even a limit on comments? What the hell is karma? Wtf.

Karma is a scoring system, you can upvote or downvote a post and individual comments. "Reached a karma limit" is code for "this is getting downvoted to poo poo so we're going to take it down to curb the inevitable drama". Same thing for number of comments. Reddit is a massive website, so if people from outside of a subreddit catch wind of a popular post you can get a huge torrent of comments that the mods might be unable or unwilling to deal with.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 20:38

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

The Glumslinger posted:

My Mom (60s) wanted to force a reconciliation between me (35F) and my sister (32) but it backfired. I don't know if I want her in my life anymore.

I kind of skimmed this but holy gently caress, bringing in the ex and his mother to the "intervention" to a fully grown adult woman in a unrelated marriage about to have a kid...my first thought was that the sister was still angling to get the OP to leave her husband and get with the ex.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 20:57

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; Can't post for 12 hours!

Uh...is there any doubt?

# ? Dec 9, 2021 21:19

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

I've seen quite a few along those lines. People are dating and get to know the family, they break up and the family goes insane demanding they get back together. Like who you date isn't a personal choice but something the whole family needs to consent to. I always wonder if there's something more going on but can never figure out what.

I actually had a real life friend go through something a little like this. Dated a lady for a few years but the relationship wasn't good and the reasons of course were private. She really ingratiated herself with his family, specially the mom who already saw her as her daughter in law and the daughter she never had. They broke up for good reasons but it was all stuff the family didn't know about since its personal, but the ex kept her relationship with the mom and family. Next thing you know there's massive pressure to get back together and "How could you have been so selfish and not thought of me and MY relationship with my daughter in law!" poo poo from the mom. Guy ends up going low contact with his mom and family because they simply will not let up on trying to get them back together and the ex is invited to every single family dinner or event.

Eventually the mom and family figure out the ex was broken up with because she's loving nuts and just good at hiding it. Then get mad at my friend for not explaining why they broke up in greater detail and warning them that she was a manipulative psycho. He did of course explain a lot of that when they broke up but of course they didn't listen or accept.

In this case I understood what was going on, the mom saw the ex as the daughter she never had and always wanted and clung to that. In other cases though I just don't get it.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 21:21

Betazoid: Aug 3, 2010; Hallo. Ik ben een leeuw.

Baronjutter posted:

I've seen quite a few along those lines. People are dating and get to know the family, they break up and the family goes insane demanding they get back together. Like who you date isn't a personal choice but something the whole family needs to consent to. I always wonder if there's something more going on but can never figure out what.

...

In this case I understood what was going on, the mom saw the ex as the daughter she never had and always wanted and clung to that. In other cases though I just don't get it.

I went through something like this. I've told this story before on here... I dated my sister's very close friend for three years. I broke it off because we weren't aligned on children or religion, he was too dependent on his mom, he took me for granted, and I didn't think I should marry the guy I started dating at 18. (I wanted to go have a slutty phase.)

When I met my now-husband after a good slutty phase, my sister would not acknowledge his presence, not even say hello. I think she was just pissed at me for ending my relationship. When we got engaged, she sent a screenshot of my "I'm engaged!" text to my ex. They also gossiped about me a lot and made snipes at my husband.

14 years later, she's still never said a word to my husband. I always thought if she thought the ex was so great, SHE should have dated him. I ruined her image of him becoming her BIL I guess.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 21:31

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; Can't post for 12 hours!

AITA for asking my friend to not make carrots in the oven? (self.AmItheAsshole)

quote:

Me and my friends are hosting a dinner party for about ten people. We have only a small oven with one rack. I originally told her she could make her carrot recipe in the oven. However, after buying the ingredients it became clear that there was not space in the oven to make carrots along with roast potatoes and chicken. Given that of the three things carrots are the nicest to do on the hob rather than the oven (as agreed by everyone in the group we asked) I said we should do them on the hob rather than the oven. I even said I�ll show her a way to do them on the hob if she still wants to make something. She got very annoyed after I said there isn�t the space in the oven and said I was being selfish. I said there is just constraints when cooking for ten people with a small oven. Eventually I offered she makes them a few hours in advance and we heat them up. She agreed to this but is still angry with me, left our flat and won�t pick up my calls. AITA here?

This is easier than the puzzle with the fox and the goose and the grain and they managed to gently caress it up

# ? Dec 9, 2021 22:10

massive spider: Dec 6, 2006

Evil Willow posted:

Closet dude is back at it!

I (22m) accidentally left an AirTag in a box of my girlfriends (22f) stuff. She is accusing me of stalking her when it was an accident. How do I explain this to her without seeming more guilty?

I enjoy* the "im not a bad person" line. IMO being adamant about that is a subtle detail characteristic of a manipulative person.

Instead of the topic being about the thing they did, it becomes about trying to establish what kind of person they are which subtly drags the discussion to a place where they're the victim here somehow- Clearly it must be some kind of misunderstanding because theyre clearly not a person who would do that thing. How dare you suggest that theyre the kind of person who would etc etc.

Refocusing the stakes this way can be very effective since many people with a sense of pity are hesitant to say �you are a bad person� even to a person who has done a bad thing. It also means any action they take to remedy things will be focused not on repairing the damage they did or avoiding similar events in the future , but establishing to all parties they are a Good Person who Doesn�t Mean It - gifts and favours and so on that deepen the cycle of abuse until the next event.

massive spider fucked around with this message at 09:04 on Dec 10, 2021

# ? Dec 9, 2021 22:26

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

massive spider posted:

I enjoy* the "im not a bad person" line. IMO being adamant about that is a subtle detail characteristic of a manipulative person.

Instead of the topic being about the thing they did, it becomes about trying to establish what kind of person they are which subtly drags the discussion to a place where they're the victim here somehow- Clearly it must be some kind of misunderstanding because theyre clearly not a person who would do that thing. How dare you suggest that theyre the kind of person who would etc etc.

How DARE you imply I'm the kind of person who would do the thing I did

# ? Dec 9, 2021 22:41

A Moose: Oct 22, 2009

so, with that psycho sister and ex story, who wants to bet OP didn't marry white enough or rich enough?

# ? Dec 9, 2021 22:43

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; Can't post for 12 hours!

Speaking of which...

AITA for confronting my Ex about him abandoning his child for 6 years suddenly?

quote:

I(40f) got married to Matt(39m), my ex-husband when we were 19 as were highschool sweethearts after he joined the military. I got lonely and had an affair with Max (42m) around the time our daughter was conceived, Emily(19f). I never told Matt as it was only once. When Emily was 5, he was honorably discharged and disfigured being a SAHD to Emily with no intimacy. When she turned 12, he asked me Emily ours and I said she Yes but Matt pulled out paternity tests results and divorce papers.
I tried explaining but he wouldn't let me and he left with the help of his ex-sergeant. I tried to make amends, even had his family and my family together to apologize and admit I had done him wrong but I hadn't thought she was Max's. I tried to do right by filing for support from Max and it was a battle all with dealing with that and Matt leaving. It took a year for everything to go through and while I don't owe spousal support, had full custody of Emily and had child support from Max. We didn't have Matt. He just vanished and his family wanted nothing to do with us so we were on our own with minimal effort from Max whom just took Emily to family reunions and vacations.

Now six years later, I'm still single and Emily wants to go to school to be an Engineer. She was going through some type of site and she sees Matt's Linkedin. She shows me and he's changed his name but the face is unmistakeable. I then pulled up all his social media while it's blocked I got his address and Emily has been down since. So I to her for a road trip and we made it to his residence unannounced. I could tell by the look on her face she was hurt like I was and it only got worse when a pregnant black woman answered the doorm I introduced myself as Matt's ex and Emily as his daughter that we were here to see him . She let us in after a moment saying he was getting ready and that she didn't know that I was still in contact with him. She stated the she was his wife.
It filled me with anger when Matt came into the room with a little girl smiling, Emily had tears in her eyes. Matt was surprised and looked off when he seen us. Emily got up to hug him and he stopped her telling her No. I immediately got up and went off about how he disappeared, how he left his daughter and how he never called nor responded to anything. He just left after talking to her twice. Emily demanded to know why she was left behind. He explained that looking at her made him feel like his life was a lie. And it was. He couldn't stomach looking at her knowing what he knew and while he loved her. He couldn't nor could be around her without it being painful. So he left. Emily cried going to the car. I lit into Matt at how he was a miserable POS among other things l then left.

Emily hasn't spoken to me since and when I told my friends they are split on whether I was an rear end in a top hat especially when they knew what I said.

So Reddit AITA for confronting Matt on him abandoning his daughter?

Edited to add: Emily knows matt isn't her Bio-Dad. She wanted to go see him cause she missed him and I just paid and organized the trip. It was supposed to be a sweet and grand gesture from her but it didn't go as planned. Also, I did not know that Max was her father as a condom was used.

Edit2: I mentioned black because we don't have much African Americans where I live at much less ones with white partners. I just found it shocking. She was very sweet and welcoming though

# ? Dec 9, 2021 22:52

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Halloween Jack posted:

Speaking of which...

AITA for confronting my Ex about him abandoning his child for 6 years suddenly?

lol "I love you but looking at you is painful therefore I left you 100% unsupported and struggling after 12 years of being in your life"

there's like a 50% chance this starts one of those derails about making paternity tests mandatory at birth

# ? Dec 9, 2021 23:05

Thundercloud: Mar 28, 2010; To boldly be eaten where no grot has been eaten before!

pentyne posted:

lol "I love you but looking at you is painful therefore I left you 100% unsupported and struggling after 12 years of being in your life"

there's like a 50% chance this starts one of those derails about making paternity tests mandatory at birth

I think there's some missing reasons there given he moved to a different state and changed his name, she mentions she's still single, and she doesn't do any intermediate steps between finding his new identity and turning up on his doorstep. Looks like the cheating mom had a fantasy of putting the family back together as things didn't work out with the bio father, who the daughter sees but is a bit of a dead beat.

I think it's a bit different with a situation where people are actively supporting someone leaving you and then you stalk and ambush them in their own home six years later.

# ? Dec 9, 2021 23:37

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# ? May 2, 2024 03:42

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

Halloween Jack posted:

Speaking of which...

AITA for confronting my Ex about him abandoning his child for 6 years suddenly?

quote:
and disfigured being a SAHD to Emily with no intimacy.

Uh?

# ? Dec 9, 2021 23:39

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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