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I'm gonna do my best to sum this up without a wall of words. So a few years ago I found out I had Asperger's Syndrome, on top of my Overfocused ADD. This explains a hell of a lot in my life, but one of the main downsides is an issue with your brain processing new information, i.e. the part that makes you learn new stuff. So learning things in general has always been a huge struggle that I thought was considered normal, until I found out, oh no, it's actually way tougher than it should be. This resulted in me getting really burned out over trying to grasp concepts that most others figure out so much easier, and has made getting through school absolute hell on earth with any subject that I struggle with. I used to do art. Got really, really burned out after throwing myself at the wall, trying to get some concepts to 'stick', only to make little to no progress at all over very long periods of time. Most people improve at a steady pace; I didn't see any type of results until Year 6. Around my mid 20's I was able to figure out the magic medication balancing act; got prescribed an anti-depressant to help relax that part of my brain from working so hard, paired that with my usual stimulant, and promptly had about six years of buried concepts sorta just crawled out the woodwork all at once. It was a little bit of a freaky thing to experience, not really sure how to put it into words. However, I didn't get this worked out until after I had pivoted from that career path to something more financially stable, so it was a case of coming through far too late for when I needed it, which is a pretty good summary of being an Aspie! That job hunting experience took five years, I had to work multiple jobs doing interviews with no real help, it almost broke me. But finally, around two years ago, I made the jump into a working career with a stable position. Lately i've been going through this big 'ol book on how my brain works, this one right here:  The more I go through it, the more I learn about the many pitfalls that come with this, but more importantly, how to overcome them. I never got to finish my education, only got two years in before I had to stop. Now that I managed to finally get back on my own two feet without fear of being homeless, that mental performance anxiety that constantly tore my spirits down has gotten under better control, and I think I can try to bring it all together on my own. So I threw down for an iPad and decided to jump back into it. I used this little $5 app I downloaded on my 3DS called Colors. It keeps things nice and simple, doesn't overwhelm me with an assload of layers, fancy brushes, etc, which would trigger my Aspie anxiety like nothing else. Hard brush, soft brush, one texture brush, eraser, and that's it. You only get five layers max, a nice and easy program for my broken brain to wrap my head around. Here's some of the stuff I painted with it:          These ones were studies to help train my eye for color and value using a reference. I don't really count these as my art, they're more like technical drills, but I spent a lot of time working on them so I figured i'd put them somewhere instead of rotting away in a hard drive. I only worked them till I got enough of what I needed or just got bored:      Sometimes I like to color manga panels or animation frames, though it's been a while since i've done this. It's a good exercise to apply some of the concepts i've read about, see if I can build with my Mind's Eye, things like that. I might have done more but have no idea where they got frisbee'd to, maybe I can dig them up later in an old storage drive:    One of the main issues I have with my combo of Asperger's Syndrome & Overfocused ADD is that, for some reason or another, I simply cannot move past something I do not have confidence in knowing. That Aspie book I posted at the top goes over this a bit, gives strategies on how to overcome this mentality piece by piece, slowly work your way past that mental wall. Any time I try to build up via anatomy, I have to construct everything from the ground up, i'm sort of forced to take the long way every time instead of skipping to a finished product. One of the main drawbacks of doing this is your construction art gets very busy, too difficult to figure out which lines are for what, since you're stacking groups on top of one another. However, I was able to stumble upon a clever solution on how to get past this, maybe you might find it neat!   By using these cheap neon pens that glow under a blacklight, i'm able to set up my constructs on top of one another without burying the art, put on a finished line where the landmarks on the skin will show up, and get past that annoying mental performance anxiety wall. Now that i've been using this iPad I purchased recently I don't have a need to do this anymore, but it still looks nice so I might try doing this again in the future. Finally, this is a personal project of mine. I think I was reading how I have a hard time coming up with a bevvy of ideas? I can only come up with a select few, so this is one idea i've been working on, adding and refining over the years as something i'd like to put into animation one day. Sort of as a personal goal, you know? I use this project to help trick myself into learning new concepts without overwhelming my brain and getting burned out, helps me cross over that performance anxiety barrier. I have this character I made up:  He is a Djinn built out of graffiti and sound. There are nine of these djinns in total, each one is based on a famous character in literature; this one is my take on Dr. Jeckyl and Mr Hyde. He goes around, jumping from city to city, collecting any graffiti pieces he finds interesting. In his world graffitti IS what sound looks like, and he constantly emits this colorful, neon smoke:  Whenever he runs his sound through his graffiti collection, he is able to leave behind a trail of graffiti behind his path, running through the air. I like to call these Streamlines!  and expand/contrast to the sound he is generating. He runs off of Drum and Bass music, so his streamline animations will sync with this. This is what happens when he spikes his tags with a bass drop:  I'd like to animate that one day cause I think it would look cool, but it's going to take a lot of time to do it. I think I can make it work in a few years, so that all depends on how much progress I can make with my anatomy studies. on top of that, for every deep bass drop he emits, his anatomy will, very briefly, glow through his entire outfit:  Lastly, the graffiti tags he picks up will change his outfits:  These are some scraps I might decide to finish at a later date; for now they are On The Bubble pieces:     And I guess that's about everything. Most days i'm doing more technical drills that aren't very post-worthy, but usually once every week or so I start taking that knowledge and applying it to old and new projects i'm working on. These are the three i'm working on ATM:   this one is really raw, started working on it the other day  Alright, i'm gonna close things off for now before I get too long winded. I kind of just need a thread or a place to workshop the kinks out, to help me navigate past my Aspie nature. This is more of an art therapy thread for me, just a way to help me fight off my mental demons and help prove to myself that i'm capable of learning something that is very difficult for me. Usually I don't do art threads cause i've had some baaaaaaaaaaaaad experiences in the past on other sites with some reall asshat communities, but i'd like to give this whole art community thing another shot. Now that i've finally gotten a better reign on this disability, i'd like to see if I can finish my education on my own. I'm a very slow learner, I move at a glacial pace, but eventually i'll get to where i'd like to be. I've already come this far, i'd like to complete the journey on my own, teach me how to become more reliant on my own learning abilities. Thank you for reading my long-winded summary!
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Dec 1, 2021 02:27
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 00:16 |
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Cool!
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Dec 5, 2021 07:28
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Hey neat, I found some other stuff I forgot about  There's this old cast drawing I did, it was sort of a pain to do  I'm trying to work on some more neon sketches but am having a hard time finding the right ones that glow well, seems they are tricky to get. But I did make a holiday thing 
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Dec 5, 2021 21:18
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Hey, I really enjoy your use of color. As someone who struggles through brain issues to practice and grow my craft, this is really inspiring!
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Dec 8, 2021 23:49
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Hey thanks, I like using colors too, it helps me figure things out. Not much to add, some more WIPs since it's been a busy work week    EDIT: Noooo I lost my favorite neon sketchbook 
White Light fucked around with this message at 10:04 on Dec 12, 2021 |
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Dec 11, 2021 04:23
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Parrotine posted:
Love those anatomical studies! What a cool way to do that what happened to your notebook?!
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Dec 12, 2021 10:19
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Hooray, I was able to find it again! 🎉 Someone at the bar collected it the night before from the floor, there was some good stuff in there too so I'm glad it made it               And then some more work on this thing 
White Light fucked around with this message at 00:12 on Dec 21, 2021 |
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Dec 15, 2021 11:02
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I just wanted to pop in and say that I finally made it to the 'Special Interests' chapter in my book! If there's anything about art or mental hangups, it's probably gonna be buried somewhere in here, so I'm pumped!
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Dec 20, 2021 22:14
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Wow it's been a minute  I''ll show up in another 3 or so months and dump some new stuff White Light fucked around with this message at 02:40 on Aug 6, 2022 |
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Mar 23, 2022 12:15
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All great stuff. Love the gelatin, sneaker design and figure drawings!
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Apr 7, 2022 19:43
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What's it been, a couple months or so? Time for another art dump. Turns out my Aspergers shares a certain family of traits with OCD, one of which is an Inner Perfectionist mental block, which explains a hell of a lot. I finally got my art block answer, huzzah! Anyways, here's some scraps/WIPs/some almost done but i'm too lazy to commit cause of my block.           Still looking for a new home, for now I will be a vagabond! I'm gonna go get drunk and draw some more.
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May 18, 2022 21:43
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great colours!
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May 18, 2022 21:50
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Thank ya very much everybody 
White Light fucked around with this message at 22:19 on May 19, 2022 |
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May 19, 2022 04:43
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I asked the OP if it was okay to post some of my art that I felt was on theme.  "Overwhelmed" 
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Jun 5, 2022 21:42
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Looks good! I'm gonna try a colors thing with it for funsies. I don't have anything to add other than that I'm gonna try to make a battle manga for kicks with these characters, I need to teach myself how to do the comic panel things first.
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Jun 8, 2022 06:10
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K I don't wanna work on this no more
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Jul 4, 2022 04:35
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Hey, looks like I have the unique ability to read the colors of sound, how neat! This sure explains a heck of a lot with my color choices Getting close to wrapping this one up, I'll post the finish render whenev
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Jul 24, 2022 21:20
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Aug 10, 2022 01:53
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Maybe I can save this piece, who knows
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Aug 15, 2022 01:15
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Finally figured out the cocktail mix to my lifelong art block issues: Monotropism. It's a case of monotropism + OCD extreme perfectionism syndrome. I don't have any new poo poo to add, I'm just making a note of this before I forget. Gonna workshop a workaround in the coming months.
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Oct 23, 2022 04:21
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This is all really great stuff. Thanks for being open about your challenges, it’s really helpful for others who get stuck trying to create, even if their mix of obstacles isn’t exactly the same. Keep ‘em coming!
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Nov 5, 2022 22:22
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Thank you friend, I appreciate hearing that. I was gonna post some more stuff but I'm honestly pretty worried about this whole AI Art thing that's been spreading around like wildfire. Seeing an algorithm take something I spent the better part of a decade working towards, scalp it and reproduce in seconds can really cut you down. I'm not sure what to think these days; there's no discussion thread about this on these boards to workship these thoughts, so I'm running around worried the sky might be falling for guys like me 😅
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Nov 27, 2022 17:20
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White Light posted:Thank you friend, I appreciate hearing that. The GBS thread seems to touch on that topic a lot, at least.
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Nov 28, 2022 02:56
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White Light posted:Thank you friend, I appreciate hearing that. I think in general artists shouldn't worry about AI art; AI art overwhelmingly seems catered towards making pieces that in a vacuum look like impressive illustrations (aside from the ones that are just seeing how cursed you can take funny prompts); but I think in the grander context of commissions, the AAA video game industry, professional art jobs, AI art is still woefully incapable of actually satisfying any kind of project requirement that traditionally relies on things only a human can provide. Like an AI probably can't produce a manga that makes you feel emotion and get you deeply invested into the story. The short of it is it might displace some commissions in the very low budget range, but overwhelmingly when it comes to personal art commissions for things like OCs, fursonas and the like, half the fun of even requesting the commission in the first place is actually sharing details and lore about your oc with the artist. An AI can't care about your OC, can't react, "Wow that's so COOL!!!!  " As a client, your dopamine comes in three parts, the artist reacting positively, the artist bringing it to life, and then lastly from seeing all the likes and retweets once the finished result is posted! You can't get as much Cool Vibes from an AI! This lack of satisfaction will drive anyone who does have the budget for commissions who is currently experimenting with AI art to go back to human produced art quickly.To me, AI art presents an interesting opportunity to have a new tool under my belt in which to iterate through poses, expressions, props, and costuming, and to a lesser extent composition before handing this compiled set of references to the artist. Instead of spending 24 hours scrolling forever through pinterest opening 100 tabs gathering references. But to me, it can never replace an artist; an AI can't add tiny details and flourishes that a human artist who has the right knowledge can add; an AI can't go the extra mile out of determined motivation to produce an awesome character design because they're super into the concept; an AI doesn't have motivation, it doesn't have passion; it can only interpolate a simulated approximation of passion, at best. Which might be good enough, for some people, but that's going to be a very small minority of people. So don't give up! Keep polishing those skills! And consider what things AI still clearly has a weakness in.
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Nov 28, 2022 04:30
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Fuschia tude posted:The GBS thread seems to touch on that topic a lot, at least. EDIT: NVM looks like I jumped the gun, thanks for the link. Yeah at this point it's more of an Age of Uncertainty than Chicken Little. A couple of my good friends have already lost half of their commissions already (some of them long-term repeat clients which are hard to secure these days) so they are definitely hurting from it so far. I'm sure it's a great tool but it sure seems to be doing more harm than good at this point. Whatever the case, that genie's out of the bottle and never going back in, guess we gotta deal with it and hope for the best?  Thank you for your effort post! 🙏 Anyways, only thing I've been doing is working on anatomy drills in my scratchbooks that ain't worth showing, I'll just throw some of the collages I posted in another thread on here for now, put up some new stuff at a later date:    
White Light fucked around with this message at 18:29 on Dec 2, 2022 |
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Dec 2, 2022 18:13
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EDIT: I'll see how it plays out
White Light fucked around with this message at 01:40 on Dec 8, 2022 |
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Dec 5, 2022 04:44
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Feeling a bit hosed in the head these days but I don't wanna talk about it, gonna do some more blacklight art till it goes away for now   
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Mar 1, 2023 09:28
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