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Critical posted:Welp just got told there are to be no checks cut this week due to "internal balance movements" and we have a "town hall" teams meeting with the president on Thursday. I estimate a 30% chance I get shitcanned via a teams call and 50% I get it on Friday.
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Apr 25, 2022 18:44
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Scientastic posted:iterative user experience. 
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Apr 25, 2022 18:46
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Another year, another regulatory and compliance course completed. I’ve got it down to 15 minutes from two hours now!
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Apr 25, 2022 18:46
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boar guy posted:grah! six sigma! employee book club! agile! GGOB! data audit! the green m and m! ebidta! ADP! onsite gym! bob seger's thoughts on stage! are we a company yet? grah! What no synergy?
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Apr 25, 2022 18:48
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Alright, before we continue this Agile posting, I'm going to need everyone to head on over to https://www.planitpoker.com/ and sign up so we can plan these sprints more easily.
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Apr 25, 2022 20:10
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My company's cloud service went 'Agile', so instead of releasing patches and updates when they were ready, they put out a new version every month. We've since broken our customers' service multiple times and had to scramble with next day patches and rollbacks. To me Agile just means quantity over quality and that's a big  from me.
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Apr 25, 2022 20:16
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agile's a wonderful system for showing how much everyone's doing, as long you never need to 'make concrete progress' on projects or 'finish things'
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Apr 25, 2022 20:22
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boar guy posted:agile's a wonderful system for showing how much everyone's doing, as long you never need to 'make concrete progress' on projects or 'finish things' The only finishing I do is going home at the end of the day.
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Apr 25, 2022 20:37
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One must imagine the Agile team happy.
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Apr 25, 2022 20:38
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boar guy posted:agile makes literally no sense outside of software development and people shouldn't try to apply it as such Invalid Validation posted:Agile just sounds like a buzzword managers use to make themselves sound important to a company run by boomers. boar guy posted:agile's a wonderful system for showing how much everyone's doing, as long you never need to 'make concrete progress' on projects or 'finish things' old bean factory posted:One must imagine the Agile team happy. You think you're exaggerating but  Batterypowered7 posted:Interview with an Agile Coach in 2022 - Part 1 (4* minute joke video) My company would give this man hundreds of thousands for years and never catch on. His handheld crappy slides are legit better than the ones our agile coaches use.
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Apr 25, 2022 23:12
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We get to have a big department meeting to address our communication problem. There is no communication problem, but we can't say that to the boss or he'll get mad he spent weeks of emotional energy on a non-existent problem. So we have to pretend to have this problem and then pretend we are solving it. This is a waste of time, but at least it makes me laugh.
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Apr 25, 2022 23:36
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Animal-Mother posted:We get to have a big department meeting to address our communication problem. There is no communication problem, but we can't say that to the boss or he'll get mad he spent weeks of emotional energy on a non-existent problem. So we have to pretend to have this problem and then pretend we are solving it. This is a waste of time, but at least it makes me laugh.
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Apr 26, 2022 00:04
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Animal-Mother posted:We get to have a big department meeting to address our communication problem. There is no communication problem, but we can't say that to the boss or he'll get mad he spent weeks of emotional energy on a non-existent problem. So we have to pretend to have this problem and then pretend we are solving it. This is a waste of time, but at least it makes me laugh. Reminds me of when one of our business unit people tried to start an adhoc year end “health report” on critical processes and started to pull in all these resources from across the company. A month of meetings go by before I get pulled in and immediately poo poo on the idea because we already have a team that does this exact type of work, analysis, and reporting and they have done it for years. I’ve never seen that business units director before but he turned like beet red and stormed out of the meeting. That dude tried to do more meetings about it for about a week before the VP finally forced him to give it up and just use the service health teams reports that already go to executive leadership. Just a colossal waste of time and energy. Why on earth no one told him about this before I got to the meeting is just sad.
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Apr 26, 2022 00:25
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Escape From Noise posted:Looks like it's time for another Agile Fight! Full disclosure: I basically have no idea what it is. hth
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Apr 26, 2022 01:07
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I hate agile/itil so, so much. We actually have good results with it at our company and deliver a shitload of stuff to the business every PI but I’m in infrastructure, I don’t give a gently caress about your story. devmd01 fucked around with this message at 01:18 on Apr 26, 2022 |
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Apr 26, 2022 01:15
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Unfortunately, no one can be told what Agile is. You have to see it for yourself.
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Apr 26, 2022 01:19
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SubponticatePoster posted:All you really need to know is that there isn't a manual or guide to using Agile, but a loving manifesto. Anyone who writes a document in this day and age and calls it a manifesto is either the Unabomber or so far up their own rear end that even if they have a good idea it's going to be buried in insufferable prose and buzz words. Which lovely managers will then shout at their employees, regardless of applicability to whatever they're trying to accomplish. 20 years ago is this day and age?
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Apr 26, 2022 01:27
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Splicer posted:Unfortunately, no one can be told what Agile is. You have to see it for yourself. I'm shackled in a dark room. People move shadows back and forth on the wall, cast by hidden lamps behind me while some guy tells me how amazing the real thing will be when I finally see it for myself.
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Apr 26, 2022 01:31
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Agile is when a dog runs around on a course and goes through tunnels and up ladders and over jumps and stuff.
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Apr 26, 2022 01:38
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Splicer posted:The worst part of remote working is it's so much harder to steal office supplies. I had to buy printer paper and file folders for the first time in years.
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Apr 26, 2022 01:43
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https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi8C7TNs2ohrc6hnRQ5Sn2w/videos Dude's got videos for all flavors of computer touchers.
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Apr 26, 2022 01:52
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kdrudy posted:20 years ago is this day and age?
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Apr 26, 2022 02:14
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SubponticatePoster posted:Still younger than Something Awful Work is fuckin dumb 
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Apr 26, 2022 02:30
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Agile coaching is the highest margin engineering role from a salary vs how much work you actually have to do and be accountable for perspective. Except executive suite of course
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Apr 26, 2022 02:36
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All I know about Agile us what I've read here and in my "Computers in Business" CIS221 textbook, and even with the positive spin the textbook tried to give it, it sounded just godawful.
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Apr 26, 2022 02:55
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old bean factory posted:One must imagine the Agile team happy. drat.
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Apr 26, 2022 03:39
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Animal-Mother posted:We get to have a big department meeting to address our communication problem. There is no communication problem, but we can't say that to the boss or he'll get mad he spent weeks of emotional energy on a non-existent problem. So we have to pretend to have this problem and then pretend we are solving it. This is a waste of time, but at least it makes me laugh. Come in with a bucket of hard boiled eggs and eat them as fast as possible.
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Apr 26, 2022 03:44
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Scientastic posted:EBITDA has the distinct disadvantage of actually meaning something, even if most people who use it have no idea what it stands for or what half the words in the acronym actually mean. That has made no difference to any of the many pieces of science-type terminology that have been kidnapped and abused by business over the years, and it will make no difference here.
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Apr 26, 2022 03:44
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goatsestretchgoals posted:Come in with a bucket of hard boiled eggs and eat them as fast as possible. Smash them into your mouth.
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Apr 26, 2022 03:45
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Agile is what you need to be to escape the rollout into your business
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Apr 26, 2022 03:53
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Shoutout to all the poor fuckers currently working for Netflix who are currently speedrunning "stupid poo poo your works does" right into the loving ground. Next week there will be a bunch of C-suits standing around a smouldering crater wondering why their obviously brilliant ideas didn't work*. Sorry for the memey image, but this puts everything they're doing all together in one place:  * then they'll shrug, take their golden parachutes and move straight into another company owned by some guy they went to school with or play golf with and make millions of dollars a year and never look back.
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Apr 26, 2022 05:26
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Does Agile involve last minute changes to the production schedule? Because it sort of sounds like a former boss was trying to apply Agile to brewing. He'd have me rush production on beers with ingredients I wasn't sure of claiming we'd change it next time we made it if things needed improving. Of course whenever I tried to correct issues or stop using bad ingredients I was told it couldn't change because "the customers love it!". They just released a "beer" with carrots, apple, banana, and ice cream.
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Apr 26, 2022 08:13
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The ads on netflix is weird to me because assuming they make around $10 per average user I cannot fathom they'll get the advertising interest to offset that
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Apr 26, 2022 08:24
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Escape From Noise posted:Does Agile involve last minute changes to the production schedule? Because it sort of sounds like a former boss was trying to apply Agile to brewing. He'd have me rush production on beers with ingredients I wasn't sure of claiming we'd change it next time we made it if things needed improving. Of course whenever I tried to correct issues or stop using bad ingredients I was told it couldn't change because "the customers love it!". They just released a "beer" with carrots, apple, banana, and ice cream. is your boss picking ingredients based on what he finds in the grocery store dumpster
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Apr 26, 2022 08:25
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i just found out a former employer of mine unsuccessfully tried to buy loving NSO Group just.....wow. glad i got out when i did and dragged my severance kicking and screaming through it
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Apr 26, 2022 08:35
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blatman posted:is your boss picking ingredients based on what he finds in the grocery store dumpster His whole thought process was "We need to add something interesting (i.e. off the wall) in order to sell!". That was every production meeting. "How about a stout?" "What's the selling point?" "Uh. It'll be getting colder soon and that's when people drink darker beers." "No. It's too common. I got it! We'll make it taste like Boss Coffee! What if we put canned coffee in it?" Slightly exaggerating, but it was stuff like this all the time. Actually canned coffee is too close to the original style. I don't know how many times I had to explain to him and "clients" that any fruit you add to the beer is going to taste different post fermentation. Dude was making me make a milkshake IPA with canned peaches because it was "based on" Osaka mix juice (kind of a smoothie thing) and that's what they used in the real thing. I mean, we're talking about a brewery that made a beer that was supposed to taste like okonomiyaki sauce. He kept talking about making a beer with okonomiyaki sauce when I worked there so I know that was 100% him.
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Apr 26, 2022 08:35
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Just keep in mind that sometimes the general public really does want some really stupid things. Not saying in this case necessarily, but dismissing a consumer product idea because "it's loving stupid" may mean missing opportunities.
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Apr 26, 2022 09:35
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I'd say maybe try to get your boss to agree on a certain mixture of traditional vs "off the wall" stuff, Noise. As Atopian said, sometimes the really stupid stuff is what people want. Try to set a schedule of "Okay, we have X amount of space for production. If you let me use Y for the stuff that will likely pay the bills, I'll use the remaining Z for your crazy ideas so we can see if we can find an absolutely disgusting tasting goldmine."
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Apr 26, 2022 09:47
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I will admit to being the kind of disgusting philistine who's making your life harder because I'd at least try some of those beers, out of morbid curiosity if nothing else Also, I'm pretty sure coffee stouts are a) a thing, so he wouldn't even be able to say it's unique, and b) more involved than dumping a can of cold brew boss coffee in the mixer
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Apr 26, 2022 09:53
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Ichabod Sexbeast posted:I will admit to being the kind of disgusting philistine who's making your life harder because I'd at least try some of those beers, out of morbid curiosity if nothing else When going to parties, alongside actually good drinks I'll also typically pick up a bottle or two of the beer with the most adjectives in its name to foist on some poor fool, so there's a chance I'd grab a couple of your yoghurt-fruit-salad-milkshake-double-stout-triple-IPA-choca-loka-yaya-ma-ma beers.
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Apr 26, 2022 09:58
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