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Inevitable
Jul 27, 2007

by Ralp


That sounds like a cool thing to do and I was thinking about trying it myself. does anyone here have Any hints or tips for success?

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DisposableHero
Feb 25, 2005
bah weep granna weep ninny bong

Start small.

Actually nevermind I think you've got that covered.

Fagmaster
Aug 21, 2004



anyone remember in what thread was the cum vase in?

Inevitable
Jul 27, 2007

by Ralp


here's the thread I read. Pro-click, it is good to remember our glorious history

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2409555

quote:

When I met my girlfriend, she seemed like a perfect match. She appeared to be a deep and caring person who could look past the physical handicaps I have. You see, I suffer from two severe abnormalities. The abnormalities, located in my chest region and gravely serious (gynecomastia and galactorrhea), severely damaged my chances of finding friendship and made me sort of antisocial. The day I met her, I practically skipped home.

I have some weird brain things, and I'm a bit of a packrat. This sort of helps to explain some of my motivations, I think. A few years ago I read a post on SA describing someone keeping their semen in a water bottle. I don't remember the exact circumstances surrounding this somewhat disgusting hobby/collection, but I was sort of intrigued. I wondered how long it would take, with my regular schedule, to fill up a water bottle with my semen. It wasn't really a sex thing to me; I was just curious as to how long it'd take to fill up. I kept it hidden deep under my bed and surrounded it with shoeboxes, magazines, and anything else disposable I could find, and I only brought it out when I... erm, "relieved" myself.

Now, I'd say me and my girlfriend had been dating for a little over a year when she decided to move in. She was having some trouble at home, so I felt the least I could do was accommodate her. At this point, the bottle was probably halfway full and had a strange smell to it, but I didn't worry too much because she wasn't sleeping in my bedroom and even if she went in there, it would be incredibly hard to find unless you were looking something.

And therein laid the one, fatal flaw that ruined everything.

Apparently she "lost" something, and went through my room while I was visiting my grandmother. She got pretty far under my bed and found my little experiment. When I got home, she had this completely ludicrous look of disgust on her face and just started yelling about "WHAT THE HELL'S THIS" and "GOD IF THIS IS WHAT I THINK IT IS". I was incredibly embarrassed, but I knew if I was going to come out of the situation cool, I had to act as if I was more offended than her. I knew that I had to act that she was the one in the wrong (which she pretty much was).

I lunged at her and screamed some sort of weird combination of "WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?! IS IT THAT BIG OF A DEAL?! WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO GO THROUGH MY PROPERTY?! CHILL OUT, BITCH!" She threw the bottle down, it cracked, and then she just stormed out of my house like that was the end.

It's been a day and she won't stop calling me. I know she probably wants to break up, but I am also certain that I can fix this. I mean, obviously nothing's going to work out in the long-term, but I can't leave this relationship without banging her at least once. So I have to ask you goons how you think I can fix this. Obviously, this seems sort of weird, and you might think I acted somewhat childish, but I didn't do anything wrong. I gave her a house. I have her food. I gave her love. Ignore all the strangeness that seems upsetting out-of-context, and look at this from my perspective.

I'm actually posting this from a fellow goon's house (who has asked to remain anonymous), because I'm afraid she's going to show up at my place before I get a strategy figured out. This whole situation is just utterly ridiculous.

donkey salami
Jun 28, 2008

donkey? donkey?


f I could save jizz in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every load
'Til the bottle overflowed
Just to share it with you

Inevitable
Jul 27, 2007

by Ralp


What does it do for a person to have a bottle of jizz? Is it just like you take it out and look at it and think, "Look at all that jizz."

1gnoirents
Jun 28, 2014

ASK ME ABOUT MY MICRO PENIS


the smell

















the smell

LifeSizePotato
Mar 3, 2005



Inevitable posted:

What does it do for a person to have a bottle of jizz? Is it just like you take it out and look at it and think, "Look at all that jizz."

the viral youtube prank potential is practically limitless

jalopybrown
Oct 11, 2012


i dont have a jizz bottle op but id start small with a jar or something and switch to a milk jug so you can pretend it's old milk youve forgot about

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO


Keep it in the freezer and if it ever gets found say, "Well I'm worried about getting ball cancer bc that's what killed Great Grampaw Theodore so I'm saving it in case I ever want children"

bonus : sympathy

flaw : can lead to "but I want your kids!"

Frisky
Apr 2, 2012

What turtle?

theres lots of hosed up poo poo you can find in the archives.

i remember this thread where a goon dad would rather spend his money on getting the latest pc gear than clothes for his daughter.

he posted a thread wondering why cps would contact him, because letting your 6 years old kid walk alone to school is a normal parental behavior.

gorki
Aug 9, 2014


i recently dun a wank in a empty cereal box. there were no tissues of any kind in the flat. was sugar puffs too. poor honey monster :(

jalopybrown
Oct 11, 2012


quote:

Frozen Cumsicle Recipe

1. Clean out an empty 35 mm film container. Make a slit in the lid to accommodate either a popsicle stick or a lollipop stick. The lid will hold the stick in place until the cum freezes.

2. cum into the clean container and immediately when finished put the lid on and put the container into the freezer to keep it fresh.

3. After recovering from the first cum take the film container out of the freezer and carefully remove the lid, being careful not to damage the stick. wank and cuminto the container a second time. Replace the lid and put the container back into the freezer.

Note: If you use a used lollipop stick that still has some candy on the end some of the candy will melt into the creamy cum before freezing occurs.

4. You can repeat the process of cumming into the container however many times is needed to fill it.

5. After the container is full and completely frozen, remove from the freezer and roll the container in your warm hands for a minute, your body heat from your hands will slightly melt the sides and the cumsicle will slide out of the container. You may have to gently squeeze the container slightly while pulling on the stick to remove the cumsicle. Once out you can pop it into your mouth and suck on it like a popsicle or a lollipop. You will be surprised at how good it actually tastes. As the cum melts in your mouth the texture and taste of multiple loads will be the same as when you or your donor shot the loads of cum days prior.

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO


quote:

But many women insist that diet has major impact on the taste of semen. Former porn actress, Annie Sprinkle, who tasted hundreds of men's semen, says vegetarians taste best, that eating fruit and drinking fruit juices a few hours before sex improves the taste, and that smoking, alcohol, meats, and asparagus make semen less palatable.

Internet discussions agree. Fruit juices are often recommended to sweeten semen, notably, apple and pineapple. Meanwhile, foods reported to foul the taste include Sprinkle's list and others: meats, dairy, deep fried foods, coffee, alcohol, and asparagus (which makes sense because of its well-known ability to alter the aroma of urine), plus one nonfood item, cigarettes.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003




Fagmaster posted:

anyone remember in what thread was the cum vase in?

Quantify! posted:

Got a huge vase with some fake plants in it from a girl I worked with, it became my official "cumvase". There was about 2 inches worth in there by the time I moved out. Saved a lot on buying paper towels though, which was my previous disposal method.

And yes, I left it there. In a closet.

bachelor thread

least goony post in that thread

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thunderspanks
Nov 5, 2003

crucify this


No joke there was a huge thread years back (maybe 2004?) about what diet & supplements were best for shooting MAX LOADS. This is a thing goons dedicated significant time to.

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