Novorossiya RUSSIA.docx

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Novorossiya RUSSIA.docx

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

Wild T posted:

Bear stories.

I once had a cake rear end job driving construction crews around a US airbase in Kyrgyzstan, mostly little tiny Kyrgyz dudes and one gigantic Russian construction worker we named 'Bear' because, well, he was gigantic and Russian. Bear looked like a guy they'd hire to play the former Spetznaz hitman in an eighties action movie, but was laid back as gently caress and one of the coolest dudes we worked with there. He'd try to bum Kit-Kats and Rip-Its from us daily and say "Please, one Kit-Kat, one Rip-It! For my daughter! " Like ten minutes later Bear would be chilling out eating a Kit-Kat and drinking a Rip-It but we generally didn't give a poo poo because we had big stacks of free ones anyhow. If you asked Bear about his daughter, he would laugh and ask you for another Kit-Kat and Rip-It, and tell you that this one was "for his daughter, for real."

We had a black coworker, and when bullshitting around we asked Bear what he would call "a guy like him" in Russia. Bear looks at him and without hesitating blurts out, "Him? He's a friend of the family." To his credit he had no idea that it wasn't something you'd call a black dude in the US without a problem and felt really bad once he found out, but the dude in question was too busy laughing his rear end off to be offended. So Bear notices this and from then on out would greet the dude with "Hello, friend of the family, good morning! Please, you get me Kit-Kat and Rip-It for my daughter?"

One day a coworker was driving him to a work site and accidentally ran over some kind of big weird prairie dog looking Central Asian rodent. He stops to check it out and Bear walks calmly over to the mangled rodent, squats and stares closely at it for an uncomfortably long time. Then he just spins around, claps my coworker on the shoulder and exclaims "This is sad!" and jumps back on the bus. Bear was the loving man.

He didn't say friend of the family, he said negr, which is Russian for negro. They sound somewhat similar when said by someone who speaks lovely English, so its easy to confuse.

Blacks in Russia are called negr because theres no 'friend of the family' baggage like there is in the US. When someone is talking about blacks in Russia (word is cherniy) they're talking about Armenians or Chechens or some other ethnicity from the caucus mountains

# ¿ Jan 19, 2015 20:53

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# ¿ May 18, 2024 03:08

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

etalian posted:

The russian answer to gagnam style is pretty good:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgeOFqKe5MI

She's Ukrainian. Depending on how the Russian invasion of Ukraine is going to turn out she may end up Russian tho.

# ¿ Jan 25, 2015 18:05

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

im_sorry posted:

I imagine this guy's a comedian or something, but this video is awesome.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EbzUS0D5_0

Lol that's amazing.

His name translates at DJ Cucumber.

# ¿ Jan 25, 2015 21:08

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

Well they have been shooting each other up accidentally or because of turf wars but there's always more of them coming from Russia to fight the Ukrainian homofascist junta.

# ¿ Jan 28, 2015 17:06

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

Rouble?! More like rubble.

# ¿ Feb 1, 2015 09:17

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

Fojar38 posted:

i remember that someone said that russia is an example of a country that left the middle ages with basically no reforms whatsoever and i found that an apt explanation

Yeah that's it. Looking back at Russia from when it got started, you had several hundreds of years living under the Mongols, a people that will murder you for looking at them funny. Then you had several hundreds of years where you were a serf(literally property) under the all-powerful Tsars. Then you had the revolution where the Tsar and all nobility was murdered, followed by purges of intelligentsia and free thinkers during the USSR years.

Falling into line/keeping your head down has been the Russian survival mechanism since it began as Muscovy.

# ¿ Feb 5, 2015 02:34

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

huskarl_marx posted:

It's interesting to me that the nation that resisted a past age's modernity was the most susceptible to marxist revolution. i think it probably figures into why current communist states are professed marxist but are highly imperialist with exceptionally undemocratic methods of capital control, even more so than in capitalist states

what lovely devices they are, cheaper labor and the sheer propaganda of them

It's more of a case of the winners getting to write history. Looking back at what actually happened after the revolution, the Bolsheviks were just one party of many struggling for influence. They weren't the biggest nor the strongest. The Anarchists were actually the big dog at one point. But what the Bolsheviks did is they made alliances and pacts to give them time to get stronger, and then back-stabbed their allies when they no longer needed them to fight their enemies for them. They were vicious.

# ¿ Feb 5, 2015 03:05

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

No man, that kid's got POWERS!

# ¿ Feb 6, 2015 16:44

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

Yeah Moscow is not at all representative of how Russia is. If anything, there's an correlation between Moscow getting cleaned up/looking good and the rural areas of the country sliding back into the dark ages.

# ¿ Feb 7, 2015 21:28

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

Node posted:

I always love rereading this

It makes the reply of "Nuts!" in response Germany's ultimatum by general anthony mcauliffe look like amateur trash

For one word replies like that you can't beat ancient Sparta owning the poo poo out of Philip II:

Philip II: "If I enter Laconia, I will raze Sparta"
Sparta: "If"

:iceburn:

# ¿ Feb 8, 2015 09:05

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

etalian posted:

if russians managed to commoditize misery and depression they would never have to worry about going broke.

They are currently trying to export those things into Ukraine.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2015 06:25

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

Nauta posted:

you are pretty naive and stupid if you think slavery started and ended in america.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2015 07:19

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

Say Nothing posted:

Is that Russia? I thought all Russian gyms looked like this and were full of dianabol-fueled hulks.

If were talking outdoor gyms in Russia heres one from Ukraine, which may become part of Russia later this year:

Street Workout Motivation / Спортивный Киев: http://youtu.be/bvLQZVnz5WM

# ¿ Feb 18, 2015 07:11

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

Nah, the fat bald dude is just rich as gently caress. All there's to it.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2015 23:20

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

/\ /\ those three guys are from a famous comedy troupe.

# ¿ Mar 8, 2015 02:02

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

JaucheCharly posted:

Quite a cutie, eh? Sadly, she got disemboweled by a shell.

Such is life.

# ¿ Apr 14, 2015 16:39

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

Bitter Mushroom posted:

When I read this post 5 hours ago I couldnt read the letters, but now I can sound them out and have no idea what it actually means. петух is pyetooch? and this means cock? v important

Pyetooch is about right, ends in a H sound as in Hello.

It means rooster, but is also slang for the prison bitch that gets hosed in the rear end by other convicts. Doesn't mean cock.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2015 22:02

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

syscall girl posted:

I was listening someone explain how the U.S. really does have troops in Ukraine right now but we don't acknowledge it. NPR not RT fwiw.

In an advisory capacity I'm sure.

Last I heard the US was sending a bunch of army instructors to train the Ukrainian army. So yes?

# ¿ May 18, 2015 06:06

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

Lazer Monkey posted:

As organizations go, FBI is pretty loving boring and bureaucratic..

The russian education system is a complete failure though as STALIN is gaining popularity as a really cool guy..

Actually its incredibly successful as the people in power in Russia are aiming to cultivate that image through media, schools etc.

Its exactly what they are trying to do and its working

# ¿ Jun 13, 2015 03:18

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# ¿ May 18, 2024 03:08

Present: Oct 28, 2011; by Shine

euclidian88 posted:

Is he hoping to start using his hat as a glider at some point?

Army hats from former soviet countries are so hilariously massive because their second purpose is to serve as pillows in the field using the taut fabric.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2015 01:09

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Novorossiya RUSSIA.docx