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Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

A roc and a hard place



The forest, and the beasts that lay there. Where do they come from? How was Rim able to build the wall? Is there a chance of regaining the whole wolrd?

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Grognan
Jan 23, 2007

Money And Power Through Homicide!



The Bureaucracy that regulates everyone's life and death certificates.

Outrail posted:

WTF, that's the exact opposite of what we were trying to do.

Don't let any dwarves into the factory. That was like, point number one goddammit.

Either Toil wanted thit to happen or he is the stupidest loving god ever. Either way good job buddy.

Incorporate that phasing monster thing. That would be a great thing to incorporate into a destruction machine. The thing I like most about the world is FOOF, and Burn Powder and Pressurized Acid. With regards to concepts about the world that strike me as significant is the randomness of life, how dangerous everything is and how things can change in an instant.

Consider that the golem wrangler did not have cash or resources to get things, he had golems. This way I think we just build instead of telling golems with molten crucibles of metal to get everything (probably starting many fires).

Grognan fucked around with this message at Jul 9, 2016 around 19:06

HBar
Sep 13, 2007

I LOVE THEM APPLES





Truly, there is no joy in life greater than Accounting.
Thorgrim was especially intrigued by the predictive power of the Quackeen Divining Jars.
And the greatest draw of monster hunting is the promise of immense profit. Modest investments in expenses and salaries can pay enormous dividends in loot.

An investment-predicting machine could make us fabulously wealthy, without putting the city at risk.

Well, unless it upends the existing economic order which leads to social unrest...

Theantero
Nov 6, 2011

...they shall march out of my laboratory and sweep away every adversary, every creed, every nation, until the very planet is in the loving grip of the Pax Bisonica. And then peace will reign, and the world, and all humanity, shall bow to me in humble gratitude...

HBar posted:

Truly, there is no joy in life greater than Accounting.
Thorgrim was especially intrigued by the predictive power of the Quackeen Divining Jars.
And the greatest draw of monster hunting is the promise of immense profit. Modest investments in expenses and salaries can pay enormous dividends in loot.

An investment-predicting machine could make us fabulously wealthy, without putting the city at risk.

Well, unless it upends the existing economic order which leads to social unrest...

No wait this is better than what I had.

Changing my input to this!

Green Intern
Dec 29, 2008

Secret Art: Toxic Crotch Whirlwind!

It menaces with spikes of Molten Iron

Waci
May 30, 2011

Let me axe you just one question.

Bureaucracy

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

Then you remember. You have a message to send.

Something everyone must know.

You have the power. You have the means.

Let it be known.




Waci posted:

Bureaucracy

It menaces with spikes of Bureaucracy

Waci
May 30, 2011

Let me axe you just one question.

HiHo ChiRho posted:

It accounts with spikes of Bureaucracy

Puppies are dicks
Jan 31, 2011

WHY YOU GOTTA BREAK A BROS HEART


Try not to think of anything dangerous which could screw this up, Ray.








Hoot.

Ubern00b
Nov 4, 2009


Bureaucracy!

Tran
Feb 17, 2011

It's a pleasure to meet all of you. Especially in such a fine settin' as this. Just need us some music an' a brawl an' we'll be set.

Outrail posted:

WTF, that's the exact opposite of what we were trying to do.

Don't let any dwarves into the factory. That was like, point number one goddammit.

Either Toil wanted thit to happen or he is the stupidest loving god ever. Either way good job buddy.

Incorporate that phasing monster thing. That would be a great thing to incorporate into a destruction machine. The thing I like most about the world is FOOF, and Burn Powder and Pressurized Acid. With regards to concepts about the world that strike me as significant is the randomness of life, how dangerous everything is and how things can change in an instant.

Naw, we disarmed it. Fel/Fey/Mysterious moods cause terrible madness if not completed. If the components are gathered successfully the result is an artifact of great value and quality.

Apocron
Dec 5, 2005


The Blue Cupcakes.

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



Grimey Drawer

Think about all the things people have talked about and then start to feel a bit lost and overwhelmed and then think about our friends and not-girlfriend and then feel good and happy and confident and ready to face any challenge.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Tran posted:

Naw, we disarmed it. Fel/Fey/Mysterious moods cause terrible madness if not completed. If the components are gathered successfully the result is an artifact of great value and quality.

Oh, then I'm quite happy with a terrible device with a catastrophic capacity for wholesale destruction.

hollylolly
Jun 5, 2009


Definitely most fascinated by the Astral Cupcakes, remnants of a god.

And vaguely wondering how to tame owlbears, or ask a frog in a date.

Swedish Thaumocracy
Jul 11, 2006

Strength of >800 Men
Honor of 0


Grimey Drawer

Mysterious Construction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfX3I-uYHmo#t=40s
Watch or have in the background for ambience.

CLANG

A wall of noise emanates from hammer on anvil, from steaming iron, from bending oak and slime. The sound paints the room with labour, telling all without of what they may find within.

CLANG

But though impressed they may be at the spectacle of creation, in truth they are blind. You know this, for only you can truly see. Feel. The spirits what have taken residence inside you guide your every motion, making every blow struck against the metal a masterwork on its own.
Any blacksmith worth his horseshoes would kill for ten minutes at your side, yet fear and not a little modicum of respect for the forces at play keep all such pretenders at bay.

CLUNK

Though you lack all training in such matters, having spent your life huddled in the safety of math, you do not miss nor blunder, do not ache or sore. Though the fires blister in a fevered, scorching rage, you find not a drop of sweat upon your brow.
Though you slave for hours, days without a wink of slumber, you tire not, every battered bolt and blow of bellow bringing your beguiling blueprint from the aether to the forge.

CLUNK

Your minds eye wanders as you toil, glimpsing truths most have forgotten. Seeing sights not meant to be. Dwelling soon though upon the real, of your own sordid history. The spirits in their fevered feasting must draw forth such vivid imagery and take heed to notice where you pause.
The howling of the furnace first, reminds you of your wards. Three mewling owlbear cubs and their fuzzy wussy paws. In the perfection you are sculpting from the oaken marrow then, arise naescant form.
An archer fair, with eyes of crimson, what must be embers or reflection from the forge. Stamped at perfect intervals, though with a logic none may see, holographic crest of Cupcake shimmering with glee.

CLANG

At last you lay your hammer and yourself to rest, for each grain and mote and cog and drop and sinew, yae each fibre has now found its place. With all thy work complete the spirits leave you one by one, flowing through your tools until all of them are gone.
You watch as what you thought as flawless becomes somehow grander still, mouth agape at all before you yet sovereign of will. For once obsession has found its purpose, no longer need it bind. Once The Craft has been completed, yes, everything is fine.

Thus exhausted, tears praising beauty streaming down your cheeks, your mood sombres for what more can be accomplished after such a feat? With all this weight upon your shoulders you collapse into a pile, all light now centred on the object by your side.

---


[Bonus rotating .gif]

This is ##Nåzom Stegëth## - a masterwork siege arbalest. All craftdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is made from iron, slime, oak and Ethereal RimRose cupcake. It menaces with spikes of iron. It contains several ingenious mechanisms. The gearwork is exceptionally well oiled.

On the artifact is an image of a lady frog and owlbear cubs in oak. The owlbear cubs are cheering. The lady frog is striking a dazzling pose.

On the artifact is an engraving of a gathering of people and kobolds in iron. The people are striking down the kobolds. The kobolds are screaming.
The image relates to the slaughter of the Kobolds of the Grüwian Silvermines in the year 347 by the mercenaries in the employ of The Ironscript Tyrannofauna Extermination Company.

On the artifact is an image of a dwarf and a stack of parchment in oak. The dwarf is writing important documents.
The image relates to the Ideal of Imperial Bureaucracy.

On the artifact is a series of minor engravings of cupcakes in cupcake, iron, oil and oak.
The images seem glow with an eerie light, even in complete darkness.

---

Awakening.
Month 3, Week 1, Day Seven

Four days have passed since you entered Harst, and as you open your eyes in what appears to be a lavishly decorated room at an inn, surrounded by your three companions you breath a sigh of relief as nothing appears to be on fire.
Kvelar looks worried, but then again he always does. Abigail is ecstatic to see you awake, and even Khami deigns to smile albeit most mysteriously.

Noises, such sound as can only come from uncared for youths, from outside the door tattle to you 'pon the fate of the urchins whom clamoured recently to your side. The looks on faces of your crew confirm, that the rabble have not left nor forgotten their new benefactor.

You learn much more from the tales spun by those few that reside within your room. Of great gratitude (though coinless such) of both state and church. Klaus'es fate, freed upon the fateless morn, but fired from his job.
No news from Braav, but that is to be expected. If all went well they would be celebrating with their newfound coin, and if not news travels slowly and at any rate you shall soon be home.




1: …. or shall you? For Harst is large indeed. With your fame now here cemented, what more quest may come to visit thee?

A: Go back to Braav / Someplace else.
Engage party-mode and await further contracts and or take one up that you heard about previously. New vote when ITEC is gathered.

B: Send word to Braav that they should meet you here.
Skvababt is probably busy with leatherworking and the others are most probably carousing. They will listen, as their contract demands, but (again, probably), having just gotten home might laggard a day to see their well earned paycheck spent.

---

2: The Artifact is yours by Divine Right. None would be so foolish in Harst as to take it from you.Yet such a thing could fetch a pretty penny, if he right buyer was found.
With the right connections perhaps even the Imperial Army would be interested in your creation, but getting word out to them is bound to take time. You could always bring the matter to Quackeen though. If indeed you wished to sell.


C: Keep it.
It is far to unwieldy to use with sword or axe and shield; ##Nåzom Stegëth## demands a persons full attention. It could not be carried far, less carried so by horse or oxen, though it could be mounted to a cart with wheels attached and thusly moved.
You have never fired it, so you know not its range or force but suspect it further and stronger than it has any right to be. Take it with you. May it serve you well.

D: Sell it.
The thought to sell it makes you shiver, it would be like giving up your heart. Yet your purse lies empty and your needs are many - what would it take to make you part? You hardly know a soul living in this town, yet those few you know might guide you further or have something else to offer you. The Arch Constable, the Quackinite cleric, perhaps even the rabble? Or you could send your companions, that they might scour the taverns and public guilds and markets in your lust for gold.

---

[Wealth Summary]
You have [00] Wealth remaining. Down from [01]
At the end of this month, you will owe [07 wealth] in salaries and upkeep.

[Inventory & Travel Gear Summary]
Your rations are well-stocked and extra tasty.
Your supplies are adequate.
Your equipment is nearly adequate, in need of minor repairs.]
02 x Bottles of FOOF (leaving 03 behind) increasing your Load by 01.
02 x Flasks of highly pressurized acid (leaving 01 behind) increasing your Load by 01.
00 x Ethereal RimRose Cupcakes. Down from [01]. (leaving 07 behind.)
01 x Pouches of Flash-Heat-Powder (leaving none behind, though your other companions are bringing the rest of the bag with them when they return in a few days)
01 x Flash Dried Salmonster Jerky Rations
01 ##Nåzom Stegëth## Increasing your Load by 04 - essentially taking up a horse or two by itself.
For a total Load of [10], reaching the Overburdened Load tier, causing your band to slow down by a lot.

Party Thoughts:
Kvelar: *Concerned glare.*
Abigail: “Hey! Wow! That was SO COOL!”
Khami: “Take not the Gift of Gods for granted, lest for granted the Gods take you in turn.”
Street Urchins: “Show us a trickshot mistah!” Yeh, I bet that big ol' crossbow ye built can fire all t'way to Rim!” “Can I 'ave a go?” “Want us to find you a target mistah?” “I bet you could sink a ship with tha...'” “Can you all accidentally like try it out on Mr. Ellingworths haberdashery? He's ever so mean to us!”

hollylolly
Jun 5, 2009


We did it!

##vote
1 B
2 C

Theantero
Nov 6, 2011

...they shall march out of my laboratory and sweep away every adversary, every creed, every nation, until the very planet is in the loving grip of the Pax Bisonica. And then peace will reign, and the world, and all humanity, shall bow to me in humble gratitude...

1B

Yeah, they deserve a bit of down time, and I'd like for Skvab to do a good job as well so makes sense to give her time.

2C

We are lacking in money yeah, but this thing is liable to allow for missions we couldn't otherwise take. It is a huge asset that we should try and keep unless we absolutely need to part with it. Need some time to learn how it works, though. Thus:

Addendum vote: Train with the artifact whilst waiting for the team.

ALSO: Roll accounting to get some info on the usual rates Artifacts tend to go for, as well as the regulation surrounding artifact sales.

Theantero fucked around with this message at Jul 12, 2016 around 17:06

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



BC

Waci
May 30, 2011

Let me axe you just one question.

C - Keep it. You never know when you need a siege engine for personal use.

Nothingtoseehere
Nov 11, 2010



AC

We have Paperwork to do back home. Besides, we can come back in a week or so: most jobs arn't that urgent anyways.

Nettle Soup
Jan 30, 2010

Oh, and Jones was there too.


College Slice

Theantero posted:

1B

Yeah, they deserve a bit of down time, and I'd like for Skvab to do a good job as well so makes sense to give her time.

2C

We are lacking in money yeah, but this thing is liable to allow for missions we couldn't otherwise take. It is a huge asset that we should try and keep unless we absolutely need to part with it. Need some time to learn how it works, though. Thus:

Addendum vote: Train with the artifact whilst waiting for the team.

ALSO: Roll accounting to get some info on the usual rates Artifacts tend to go for, as well as the regulation surrounding artifact sales.

+1, show off to the Urchins a bit too.

jazzyhattrick
Jul 1, 2010

Screw you OP, ain't nobody gonna change my avatar.

1A
2C

Fill out the necessary paperwork to get ITEC licensed to work as mercenaries in addition to monster hunters.

On returning to Braav send word to the imperial army that we have developed a uniquely effective siege weapon and that we would like to make our services available to them as independent military contractors. Tell them that we cordially invite them to send representatives to witness the capabilities of our new weapon at first hand and promise that they will not leave disappointed.

Lazaruise
Jan 25, 2009


jazzyhattrick posted:

1A
2C

Fill out the necessary paperwork to get ITEC licensed to work as mercenaries in addition to monster hunters.

On returning to Braav send word to the imperial army that we have developed a uniquely effective siege weapon and that we would like to make our services available to them as independent military contractors. Tell them that we cordially invite them to send representatives to witness the capabilities of our new weapon at first hand and promise that they will not leave disappointed.


This

Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

A roc and a hard place



jazzyhattrick posted:

1A
2C

Fill out the necessary paperwork to get ITEC licensed to work as mercenaries in addition to monster hunters.

On returning to Braav send word to the imperial army that we have developed a uniquely effective siege weapon and that we would like to make our services available to them as independent military contractors. Tell them that we cordially invite them to send representatives to witness the capabilities of our new weapon at first hand and promise that they will not leave disappointed.

Sure+1

Unsless the license costs gold, which we do not have. We should take a mission close to Braav, with any luck one in which we can train with the weapon, training a bit beforehand.

Mr. Nemo fucked around with this message at Jul 12, 2016 around 20:47

Waci
May 30, 2011

Let me axe you just one question.

Remember how we were told on the way here about a large, well-armoured monster that usually requires large groups of people and traps to kill, but has very useful parts?

We should lure one somewhere where it can serve as target practice.

Waci
May 30, 2011

Let me axe you just one question.

Swedish Thaumocracy posted:

Tortaur
The Impervious Amphibian

Threat Level: Low/seasonal.
Type: Chimaera
Size: Huge -> Gargantuan

The Tortaur makes its nest deep in the lakes fed by our great river. There they lie dormant for two seasons of the year, rising only from their watery fortress for a few days to feed on and destroy everything in their path until they once more submerge to slumber.
Predicting their rampages is easy enough, as the surface of the infested lake will rumble most unnaturally as much as a week beforehand. Dealing with the monster is another thing entirely, as its tough shell seems impervious to most common implements of war.

Aside from the shell, the Tortaur sports massive lighting fast jaws and strong behooven legs. Engaging it in meleé is folly, and most ranged attacks (short of maybe military grade siege engines) is likewise bound for failure.
The most common tactic deployed by those who have successfully engaged it boil down to large crushing traps and deep kill-pits, where the monster is either starved to death, roasted or less commonly stabbed with war pikes from behind battlements dug into the sides.

The shell is highly prized by armour-smiths and some factions within imperial industry and a fine reward is sure to await all those that obtain one without too much battle damage.
As for the rest of the corpse, Tortaur-soup is said to be delicious, though considering the lengths you have to go to obtain it a decent meal hardly seems worth the effort.

As long as we monster hunters remain vigilant or the Imperial Army is alerted ahead of time keeping these beasts in check is a difficult but ultimately doable enterprise.

I would nuggets we hunt down one of these, and try to kill it with only localised damage to the shell, sot hat we can use the shell to build an armoured wagon for ##Nåzom Stegëth##.

Theantero
Nov 6, 2011

...they shall march out of my laboratory and sweep away every adversary, every creed, every nation, until the very planet is in the loving grip of the Pax Bisonica. And then peace will reign, and the world, and all humanity, shall bow to me in humble gratitude...

Going to vote NO on the mercenary bid because this is a monster hunter LP and not a 'hunt secessionist and bandits' LP or whatever.

Waci
May 30, 2011

Let me axe you just one question.

Spite-voting to become a secessionist-hunter.

Swedish Thaumocracy
Jul 11, 2006

Strength of >800 Men
Honor of 0


Grimey Drawer

A Note on Mercenaries

jazzyhattrick posted:

1A
2C

Fill out the necessary paperwork to get ITEC licensed to work as mercenaries in addition to monster hunters.

On returning to Braav send word to the imperial army that we have developed a uniquely effective siege weapon and that we would like to make our services available to them as independent military contractors. Tell them that we cordially invite them to send representatives to witness the capabilities of our new weapon at first hand and promise that they will not leave disappointed.



Theantero posted:

Going to vote NO on the mercenary bid because this is a monster hunter LP and not a 'hunt secessionist and bandits' LP or whatever.

Could you really kill another fellow, sentient citizen of the Empire? Wild beasts and monsters are one thing, even though some may lay claim to sentience. Bandits, perhaps in self defence? Though doubtlessly such deeds would weigh heavy on your heart. You are an accountant, have been all your life. Whilst the people under your employ have lived very varied lives, truth be told you are no merciless murderer. At least not yet.

The Army has its fill of mercenaries, ones beholden to them and not some other guild, people whose loyalties cannot be questioned. Belonging at once to both organizations would be almost impossible, for there aren't enough hours in the day, never mind the difference in structure and organisation. Running your own Company of Monster Hunters grants you unparalleled freedom in exchange for fronting all of the cost and having to do most of the dirty work yourself. Whereas the Army requires total obedience, dictates all terms and provides all supplies.

There might however be specific, one-time missions provided by the Imperial Army should they have need of more specialized and experienced Slayers, where their own divisions and tactics are not sufficient. Though such threats as the Army cannot obliterate might be best left to the likes of Paladins.

Now, as for selling the weapon to the army? You are free to propose whatever deal you see fit. From what little you know of them they would probably be interested, yet amazing as ##Nåzom Stegëth## (probably) is, it is but a single weapon, and wars when fought need many thousands more.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Waci posted:

I would nuggets we hunt down one of these, and try to kill it with only localised damage to the shell, sot hat we can use the shell to build an armoured wagon for ##Nåzom Stegëth##.

Yeah this, I would also nuggets on this proposal.

Let's get back to what we set out to do, murder things for fun and profit.

Can we attach a jar of FOOF to one of Nåzom Stegëth's projectiles?

Swedish Thaumocracy
Jul 11, 2006

Strength of >800 Men
Honor of 0


Grimey Drawer

Gnomeing intensifies.

Outrail posted:

Can we attach a jar of FOOF to one of Nåzom Stegëth's projectiles?

Sure. You can do whatever you want. Though the delicate containment vessel holding the FOOF in place will probably shatter the moment the bolt is released.
##Nåzom Stegëth## will probably survive this. No guarantee for whoever operates it.

Essentially, you are running into the same problem as with the nomb you discussed with the Gnomeish Alchemist earlier.
You'd need a stabilizing agent (such as the slime present within an Ankheg) to make sure the payload is delivered without issue.

HBar
Sep 13, 2007

I LOVE THEM APPLES





AC. Keep an ear out for any reports of Tortaur rumblings.

Waci
May 30, 2011

Let me axe you just one question.

Ok, add Ankhegs to the list of critters to hunt. Then, with tortaur shell armour, a mastercrafted siege ballista, and stabilised FOOF ammo, we will have a proper wagon.


We should train the owlbears to pull it as they grow up.

Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

A roc and a hard place



Yo, check on our mates the city leader and factory foreman and ask why the hell they fired Klaus (?). He was the victim, no need to punish him.

Can I get some support on this? It seems very unfair.

Theantero
Nov 6, 2011

...they shall march out of my laboratory and sweep away every adversary, every creed, every nation, until the very planet is in the loving grip of the Pax Bisonica. And then peace will reign, and the world, and all humanity, shall bow to me in humble gratitude...

Mr. Nemo posted:

Yo, check on our mates the city leader and factory foreman and ask why the hell they fired Klaus (?). He was the victim, no need to punish him.

Can I get some support on this? It seems very unfair.

That's something I noted myself in IRC, actually. So yeah, ask away.

Also, maybe as a bureaucrat we have some knowledge on the rulings concerning spirit possession of the workforce ourselves, too?

Nettle Soup
Jan 30, 2010

Oh, and Jones was there too.


College Slice

It does seem a little unfair to fire him...

Wentley
Feb 7, 2012


Maybe we could hire him?

Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

A roc and a hard place



Wentley posted:

Maybe we could hire him?

I mean, based on RPG tropes, yeah. Helping an unfortunate person, and having it later join the party sounds very reasonable. But it should've been one of the first missions. Now we already have a full crew and he doesn't have any valuable skills, that we know of.

Swedish, do we remember any of the skills we used to build the weapon? Or did the knowledge fade away?

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Grognan
Jan 23, 2007

Money And Power Through Homicide!



We need to build/buy a golem that can handle the artifact and have the wrangler pilot him so we have heavy artillery for things.

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