PYF: Funny Forum Quotes: Kirk Johnson's didgeridoo-like farts

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF: Funny Forum Quotes: Kirk Johnson's didgeridoo-like farts

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Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

I hope somebody else out there finds this as funny as I did.

Drunk Nerds posted:

Yeah, being a robot is no excuse for not finding meaningful relationships.'so there's hope.
For instance , many people find me robotic, emotionally. Several of my closest friends often respond "beep boop beep;" when I say something, because my processes are pretty coldly logical to a fault.
Yet I have a wife; meaningful friendships; and engage with women who seem to find me attractive

The first step is to develop a personality. It's easier than it sounds for robots like you and I. For instance, humor is often easier for those who are coldly logical. Life plus logic equals comedy. For instance: in the ballet they have women dancing on their tip toes... Why don't they just get taller women? Life plus logic equals comedy.

Also, being oblivious is actually a desired characteristic from women, as it means they can trust I won't stray. Hell,'I don't even pick up signals from other women,'so I'm safe.

Shaquin posted:

im not trying to make you feel bad but this is one of the worst posts ive ever seen

# ¿ Jul 17, 2016 14:35

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 06:04

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Well at least there will be 17 years of peace between Godzilla attacks.

Are Japanese cicadas periodic? this is important

# ¿ Aug 3, 2016 16:13

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

w00tmonger posted:

Aren't they all?

I'm no entomologist, but I think most aren't.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2016 17:00

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Tiggum posted:

Meaning is created not just by an individual text but by its context and the assumptions that the reader brings to it. An interpretation isn't invalid just because the reader made different assumptions or saw the text in a different context to you.

By that definition validity doesn't even mean anything. There is no longer a discernible difference between valid and invalid, so you may as well use different terminology. Validity implies a sound logical basis, and we accept logic based on whether it can be corroborated by other minds. In this English lit fantasy land, you should probably also accept that somebody who believes they need to drink fresh blood of children to survive is justified and logical despite having no evidence beyond their own minds to support their belief, and therefore it would be wrong to attempt to prevent them from chowing down.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2016 15:44

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Blue Footed Booby posted:

Because you see, events in real life are exactly the same as a fictional narrative constructed to evoke feelings, present commentary on aspects of society, or otherwise convey an artistic message.

How is interpreting a text any different from interpreting an action? And even if you think it is in some way incomparable, it doesn't stop it being hypocritical not to apply the same argument. If you think every interpretation of art is equally valid, but every interpretation of human action is not then you are simply holding two contradictory positions.

Not to mention that in the "all interpretations are valid" camp, authorial intent is completely irrelevant, thus the fact that fiction is meant to convey any artistic message at all is meaningless, which makes the distinction between fiction and action even less clear.

Ozmiander posted:

You could say i love a dark horse.

ps pardon the glare, my lily white skin is usually protected by a thick layer of bramble and thatch.

Goon gets tattoo of an esports team after losing a bet on SA.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2016 18:47

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

mind the walrus posted:

This is better as a non-sequiter:

Thanks to this, I'll have the phrase and notion of a "purulent sigmoid colon" bouncing around in my head forever.

# ¿ Oct 10, 2016 14:25

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Separate from his maybe/maybe not racism, sometimes there really are "canned responses" in places. Might be to do with learning English in school. China is definitely a place where somebody would throw out a vague lie when asked about their interests, totally off the cuff. Especially in a strangers on a date setting. Reminds me in a similar vein, one of the funniest things about scam artists in lots of parts of the world is that they often have touchstone topics to quickly get in your confidence. They all seem to get it from the same place in some kind of scam training school.

Alternatively, lots of people in China love swimming and tennis?

# ¿ Oct 21, 2016 14:53

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Grandmother of Five posted:

how do you figure that's more of a Thing in China? people wanna make themselves sound interesting & active everywhere.

There's more of a cultural focus on being seen as good in China than many in the West would be used to, in my opinion. People pad the truth over here, no doubt, but telling outright lies about ourselves when asked is pretty uncommon, and being caught in a lie is deeply embarrassing. How people in the West might treat a CV is a pretty good way of imagining how some Chinese people view a first date.

To put this another way, if you've ever done oral examinations in a foreign language and get asked questions about yourself, you'll often find lying is the easiest way, rather than striving for total messy accuracy trying to tell the truth. There's probably a big overlap between being asked questions on a date in a foreign language and that, actually.

There is a lot of habitual lying in China, something that people in the West generally find shocking or disarming. But it simply doesn't have the same negative connotations it has in the Western tradition, and it's just part of what keeps the wheel turning. Everywhere is different.

e:

Stuntman posted:

He's from the China thread, they have a bizarre hate-on for non-western cultures over there.

am I?

# ¿ Oct 21, 2016 16:23

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Taciturn Tactician posted:

Uh, what? Do you conceptualize all of the west as an idealized version of southern USA or something? There's absolutely habitual lying in Western culture, if people find anything disarming or shocking it would just be that what people reflexively lie about is different.

Sure, that expresses what I meant better. Thanks.

# ¿ Oct 21, 2016 16:46

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Laserjet 4P posted:

That's about the state of SA in general, not TCC specifically.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3749412&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=76#post461795189

Here, in this very thread!

I like the quote down the page about the guy calling the FBI because somebody said they were gonna shoot up a school in that Space Station 13 game.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2016 16:07

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

On discussing the perks of evangelical Christian marriage:

WampaLord posted:

All the no-foreplay, missionary-only, lights-off sex you want!

omnibobb posted:

Check your pms

# ¿ Nov 23, 2016 22:32

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

IUG posted:

My favorite thing about the quote thread is when people continue on the conversation from the quote, rather than clicking the link for the quote and talking about it there.

I don't know about you, but I'm not following a bowl of noodles into GWS just to discuss how offensive it is to put chopsticks in your photos.

# ¿ Nov 24, 2016 14:19

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Ratjaculation posted:

Divorce? Welp, better slaughter the kids

Sammus posted:

The dude gets a completely clean slate after his broken relationship, so maybe it's not as bad as it sounds.

Subjunctive posted:

Having your kids murdered isn't "a clean slate", it's a lifetime of grief.

Carrion Luggage posted:

potato, potatoe

# ¿ Nov 25, 2016 13:01

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Karate Bastard posted:

That's completely accurate. You see at no point did women intervene to stop this. What a shameful display of complacency and disregard for human life.

And who created all these men in the first place? Huh?

# ¿ Dec 12, 2016 22:01

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

It's exaggerated for effect, not some weird fedora-lite earnest criticism of exercise and praise of the benefits of the non-gym life. If that's not immediately apparent from the first paragraph, it should when it talks about analysing chapters of Ulysses and every line from that point on. Adjust your Poe's Law radars.

# ¿ Dec 29, 2016 12:05

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Because they would be fit and healthy enough to care for themselves in old age.

If only exercise decades in advance was any help, or indeed didn't probably hinder your ability to keep fit in your old age. Or that the reasons most people become decrepit and infirm is not because they refuse to exercise or go to the gym, but rather a plethora of degenerative and vaguely crippling illnesses of which many have no relation to whether or not they are healthy and active, in combination with your body falling to pieces under its own steam.

You can watch marathon runners and people who kept fit and active into their 60s and 70s confined to a wheelchair for the rest of their lives in a matter of months, and likewise see people who've never run further than to catch a bus be pretty spry into their 90s.

I wouldn't delude yourself into thinking your healthy and active habits in your 20s/30s and beyond will have more than a slight influence on your old age. Better to put all your money into laser powered exoskeletons for the elderly, honestly.

# ¿ Dec 29, 2016 15:26

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Solice Kirsk posted:

While I agree with some of that, mostly that disease can gently caress you up in old age even if you're active and healthy, how would being in good shape while you're younger hinder you in your advanced years?

Moderate exercise is pretty much objectively good for you, but high levels of exercise is highly correlated with heart problems and joint problems and all sorts of other things you could just put down to "wear and tear". Athletes don't live longer than the general population, or end up significantly healthier in their old age (talking past 75 or so). In fact, often the opposite.

# ¿ Dec 29, 2016 15:39

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

all dementia patients will be very swole, and communicate almost entirely in memes they shared on the internet in their teens and twenties, much like how current ones constantly sing the greatest hits on the wireless from the 30s

# ¿ Dec 29, 2016 15:43

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

I.N.R.I posted:

youre insanely wrong

go ahead, run yourself into an early grave. the faster you run the quicker you die.

# ¿ Dec 30, 2016 19:21

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

It's a shame, but Joyce's literary works will be occluded by his furious obsession with farts. It's actually impossible to read him if you make the accident of reading the letters first, because you become hypersensitive to any references to clouds, smells - anything that could be perceived as fart related in his books.

His very name conjures up "fart deviant" to me now, rather than respected author. Never record your secret kinks where posterity can find them, folks.

# ¿ Jan 16, 2017 14:07

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

We've come a long way towards interracial understanding, but whitey is still a long way from finding out those unspeakable Congo secrets.

# ¿ Jan 16, 2017 17:39

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

You just know this guy is gonna be the worst writer. Lesson one for writing: you are not your writing. If you take critique of your work personally rather than as the piece of work it is, you'll almost certainly never make good. Anyway I'm an aspiring artist and I'll be submitting my visual novel on Steam soon, so look forward to that.

e: wait does Steam have an "Art" category??

# ¿ Jan 19, 2017 01:47

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Hey this thread is p funny

VanSandman posted:

I do recall at one point it was possible to make Dwarfs immune to fire by setting them on fire then extinguishing them once all their fat was burned off, because only fat burned properly.

Angry Diplomat posted:

If I recall correctly, a goon accidentally did this by managing to rescue a magma-charred dwarf miner via a legendary doctor with adamantine bandages, and was surprised when she hopped out of bed around a year later. There was a screenshot of her wounds screen that showed how absolutely every part of her had burned away except her bones (which were now completely wrapped in adamantine bandages). The guy put her in adamantine armour and sent her off to join the military; apparently she was literally impervious to all forms of injury because she didn't bleed or feel pain and had no flesh to injure, and she was wearing so many insulating and deflecting layers of adamantine that nothing could deliver sufficient force to crack her shambling, mummified bones.

e: I think I remember the poster saying that being Anakin Skywalker'd in a molten inferno had only given her a moderate unhappy thought and she was perfectly happy in her new career as an invincible skeletal hell knight

# ¿ Jan 26, 2017 12:38

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Powaqoatse posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re2FFqBGDnQ

So, this is amazing?

# ¿ Feb 4, 2017 14:23

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

Anyway apparently my hosed up dick + gnarly balls flopped out of my trousers at some point during the proceedings and traumatised the attendant really bad, so now I feel like poo poo.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2017 12:23

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Pastry of the Year posted:

Which, in itself, is countered by the "Are people with false teeth even human beings anymore?" hypothesis

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 14:08

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Mycroft Holmes posted:

the Serbian terrorist group that killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand was called the Black Hand

That joke would have a better payoff if they were called the Black Hands. And that they didn't pre-date the mining of the uranium ore. I rate this gag 2/10 for historical and linguistic accuracy.

# ¿ Feb 23, 2017 13:02

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Sjs00 posted:

holy poo poo this is why I'm looking for that (hot) helium based life partner. Carbon based lifeforms are retardted.

# ¿ Feb 25, 2017 22:03

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Powaqoatse posted:

thanks for saving the thread

# ¿ Mar 3, 2017 14:33

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

How can arms do that

# ¿ Mar 8, 2017 01:52

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Enough of the awful pun trains in the funny quotes thread, honestly I camembert them any longer.

# ¿ May 13, 2017 23:17

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Olive Garden tonight! posted:

Smh if you didn't learn about the hikikomori rpg here on sa like 10 years ago

Hikikomori RPG? I'm playing right now.

# ¿ May 14, 2017 13:19

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Inspector Hound posted:

"cheese crystals" sounds like a drug you'd find in the South in the future

http://leg.state.fl.us/statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&URL=0800-0899/0893/0893.html

Tyramine is actually a Schedule 1 substance in Florida, categorised as a hallucinogenic. And according to Florida:

quote:

Unless specifically excepted or unless listed in another schedule, any material, compound, mixture, or preparation that contains any quantity of the following hallucinogenic substances or that contains any of their salts, isomers, including optical, positional, or geometric isomers, homologues, nitrogen-heterocyclic analogs, esters, ethers, and salts of isomers, homologues, nitrogen-heterocyclic analogs, esters, or ethers, if the existence of such salts, isomers, and salts of isomers is possible within the specific chemical designation or class description

Which would probably include tyrosine crystals in cheese.

# ¿ May 20, 2017 16:37

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

request namechange to daddy has a rock hard dick tia

# ¿ May 29, 2017 00:16

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

TheRationalRedditor posted:

imo it was sinatraa trying to meekly stammer his way through some trashtalk while locked in a rictus of submissive rainmain bodylanguage, only then to have the interviewer immediately point out his mommy in the crowd. that's the real poo poo esports is made of

Suddenly, a funny quote in an OW thread.

# ¿ Jun 17, 2017 10:51

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Dross posted:

What happened to Abe? I'm out of the loop.

As is traditional with moderators, eventually was turned upon and devoured as is right and natural.

# ¿ Oct 12, 2017 19:32

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

cock hero flux posted:

hollywood is controlled by clairvoyant pedophiles who molest children because it lets them see the future

Minor Report

# ¿ Nov 9, 2017 13:03

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Funny Forums Quotes: Eugenics through culling, which is my favorite kind

# ¿ Nov 20, 2017 16:42

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

That ibid thing is an extremely loving old university urban legend. So either this guy was trolling or the living incarnation of a pre-internet meme.

# ¿ Nov 28, 2017 18:47

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 06:04

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

This is the op cit of funny forums quotes

# ¿ Nov 29, 2017 00:41

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF: Funny Forum Quotes: Kirk Johnson's didgeridoo-like farts

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