Clipperton posted:

Personally I'm excited Tim Burton is venturing outside his comfort zone with a movie about freaky kids who are shunned by society but they're actually sensitive and unique and amazing, not like those NORMAL people, I bet Miss Peregrine's Peculiar Children never shoved anyone's head in a toilet yelling ANYONE GOT ANY SHAMPOO FOR BURTON, HE NEEDS TO LOOK PRETTY FOR WHEN HE MAKES OUT WITH THAT ELFMAN KID

Gridlocked posted:

Dad: *chatting to friends online about imminent birth of child, wife is in the hospital. suddenly the phone rings*
Dad: Oh poo poo the hospital just called, somethings going wrong I gotta get there fast!

*drives car breaking the speed limit to get there, parks in the first available place and runs to the maternity ward*

Admin Lady: "Hello Sir how can I-"
Dad: "Where's my wife!? What's wrong? The doctor didn't say he just said to come fast. Please!"
Admin Lady: *sad sigh* "One second sir I'll call the doctor please take a seat."

*sits down and fidgets non stop till doctor appears nearly an eternity later*

Doctor: "I'm sorry, that 'minor problem' we noted a few days ago wasn't responding to the medication; we ah...."
Dad: "Tell me doctor"
Doctor: "We were forced to choose between her and the baby.... I'm sorry."
Dad: *attempts to hold back tears* "C-can I see her?"
Doctor: "I think she is still sleeping but come this way..."

*doctor opens door to let dad into room*

Wife: *weeping softly to herself rolled over facing away from the door*
Dad: *stunned into silence*

steinrokkan posted:

Can a train gently caress a rollercoaster? Asking for a friend

Ultimate Shrek Fan posted:

roller coasters are baby trains, you sicko.

Hogo Fogo posted:

You forgot about Aamtrak

SubponticatePoster posted:

"Experts said it was the first time a terrorism charge had been laid over violence tied to incels, a term that refers to self-described “involuntary celibates.”"

Even terrorism charges get laid before they do

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

We get swarms of bees invading our house sometimes in the summer and we pretty much do this to get them to move on. Close all the blinds so the house is as dark as possible, leave the front door open and just wait. They always move on after a little while.

My new housemate is an idiot so she'll probably try to swat them and make them fly into a murderous rage and then run away but not bother to tell the rest of us so I'll be sitting in my bedroom thinking "Hey what's that furious buzzing sound in the hallway?" and open my door into a BEE STORM

StrangersInTheNight posted:

..... where do the bees come from? Why...why don't you try to maybe...limit their entry point? You...you don't have to live with beestorm.

Platystemon posted:

“No way to prevent bee storm”, says only nation where bee storms regularly happen.

Zero One posted:

I was driving behind a truck yesterday that had a huge sticker across the back window saying "Booty Consumer".

I really want to know who in the process forced him to tone that down from what I am sure started as "rear end Eater".

madeintaipei posted:

Look buddy, I'm a Christian. I may consume the booty, but only after asking forgiveness from the Lord. Hail Mary, Mother of Butt. Thick be your hips, I don't want to talk about your kid.

Oh, well gently caress me. Bumper sticker that's the FOX emblem from MGS, but it's an rear end on lightning legs (maybe a lightning ladder?). "Assssss Eaater"

Thumposaurus posted:

You call it eating rear end I call it taking holy communion.

madeintaipei posted:

The booty and the blood.

Finger Prince posted:

and when He had given thanks, He shook it and said, “Take, eat; this is My booty which is shaken for you; do this in remembrance of Me.”

Applebees Appetizer posted:

And then he said.....lol you just ate my butt

quote:

We were already somewhat alarmed when the pictures of it setting off showed that the boat was barely visible under the large pile of steel lashed to its deck. After several weeks had passed with no word, investigations revealed that the boat had actually gone to Holland and loaded up with an additional cargo of high explosives.

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

Wow, where was this quote from?

Platystemon posted:

It’s from the East Asian Observatory’s history page linked in the tweet above.

Your Gay Uncle posted:

BLADE:

Quinn escapes Blade by jumping off the hospital roof and landing on an ambulance that was leaving.

Why would an ambulance be leaving the hospital?

HopperUK posted:

Just dropped someone off? Heading out to respond to a call? I just realised I don't know where ambulances live.

Morpheus posted:

I think maybe you're forgetting to say some detail about the scene or something because otherwise...I mean what happens when an ambulance delivers a patient to a hospital, then? Just scrapped immediately?

Phanatic posted:

...because otherwise we'd need an enormous supply of ambulances that go to a hospital once and never leave. The hospitals in turn would need to continually be building parking garages for all those ambulances.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Holy poo poo I can’t stop laughing.

Why would an ambulance want to leave a hospital? That’s where it lives!

Morpheus posted:

It's going to the ambulance farm where it can live with all the other ambulances and be free in the fields.

Queefer Sutherland posted:

Just ran outside and grabbed my Uber Eats. That motherfucker was LEAVING. The gently caress? They’re supposed to come TO my house!

Squidster posted:

Splicer posted:

Also everyone go read the thread the OP is doubling down

Squizzle posted:

standing in line for the third time this week, buying another pack of single-use ambulances. exasperated, i mutter to myself “gotta be a better way.....”

Squizzle posted:

just finished another shift at the hospital as an ambulance-dismantler. the work is rough, but i know im helping keep this country's healthcare system working

Squizzle posted:

we finish unloading the patient from the ambulance. as the sense of urgency subsides, i ask the driver: “where you off to now?” she raises one finger over her smile and winks at me, as if ive stumbled onto some great secret not to be shared. i turn to check on the patient for a moment. when i look back, the ambulance is gone, with only a pile of dried leaves swirling in the wind where once it was parked

Bussamove posted:

I work at a small startup building artisanal, locally-sourced, organic ambulances and it breaks my heart they're driven directly into the incinerator after they drop off their one and only patient. Beauty really is fleeting.

christmas boots posted:

I used to work at a hospital but I got fired and blacklisted after I suggest reusing them. The Big Ambulance lobby has a stranglehold on the healthcare system imo

Ror posted:

The ideal 3-car garage is an SSR, an HHR, and a Prowler.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

sebmojo posted:

Lemniscate Blue posted:

Ain't no master chiefs in the Navy that do what SPARTAN John-117 does, either. Mostly they transport oversized coffee mugs from place to place, keep other SNCOs from suffering any consequences for lovely criminal behavior, and tell junior officers who technically outrank them how stupid they are.

At least that's how it was on my ship.

iwentdoodie posted:

Submarines have a COB. Surface ships have a Command Master Chief. Field day is conducted every day, and I assure you that absolutely zero khakis clean a goddamn thing during it unless a camera is there or someone orders them to.

Heath posted:

The Garbage Ape is a super OP character in the Heathcliff EU

-Zydeco- posted:

Linking for minor NSFW
https://imgur.com/vVuMI7y

Armitag3 posted:

Mod forum is that way

PizzaProwler posted:

RFC2324 posted:

my brain always wants to parse it as 'Elrond Hubbard'

Elrond Hubbard posted:

Same

Pasketti posted:

My husband gets noting but ads for fried chicken because he started getting Zaxby adds when we moved near one, he didn't skip the ads because the chicken looked good, now all his ads are for chicken, he doesn't skip the chicken ads, it's an Ouroboros. He gets self conscious about it and I tell him to just skip the ad and stop letting the full 2 minute commercial play. But he says no, he can't skip the chicken once he sees it.

mallratcal posted:

Maybe it was the guy who filed a civil rights lawsuit against the site last week

https://dockets.justia.com/docket/illinois/ilndce/1:2022cv01808/414027

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

wtf

cruft posted:

Look, different people need different things from their cars. Take me and BWBD for instance.

I need a family car that's good on road trips, which can carry four people and a cat-sized dog, plus luggage. I also need 4-wheel drive since we get a lot of snow. Because we live in the middle of nowhere, a range of at least 200 miles is important, even after charging to 100% and then burning up the brakes going down a mountain.

BWBD wants a car with shiny wheels that can go from 50-100 in 4 seconds. It also needs enough room in the driver side for him to sit with his legs spread at least 45 degrees apart, and he needs to be able to not bonk the roof when his 4-foot torso is in the seat and he hits a speed bump at 80.

Naturally, we both got a Tesla Model 3, which is the only car anyone should consider buying.

bird with big dick posted:

you really get me

bird with big dick posted:

Ooops wrong smilie I was trying to do the hug one

Three Olives posted:

Not kidding, today the second homeless person did a double take of my Mach-E, pointed at the second set of doors, the Pony, smiled and gave me a thumbs up.

Ok Comboomer posted:

on Saturday I was trying to set up a new display in my guest bathroom (weather, news, itinerary for dinner guests, streamed content, etc) when I heard an ungodly racket from outside the window. Turns out some kids that I didn't recognize were using the condominium playground unsupervised. I did my best to discipline them from my condo and they eventually left.

That made me peckish, so I used my Google Watch to tell my husband to bring me a sandwich from the kitchen. I also told him to wear his Commander Riker pajamas for good measure. While I waited for "Number One," I used the hallway computer to dash off a quick email to the HOA about the hooligans in the playground. We live in a very multicultural community, despite it being Texas, and I would hate for one of the resident children to feel oppressed by these thugs.

Anyway, my husband finally showed up with a sandwich that was much too dry. I playfully upbraided him, and one thing led to another until we were making our way down to our 2023 Mach-E, to roleplay "Turkish Bus" in the backseat.

Unbeknownst to us, a homeless man that I had never seen before was loitering across the parking lot. I heard him say "oh god, not this rear end in a top hat again" and I was afraid that he'd seen us in our impropriety, but I did not recognize him. I quickly got out of the car and pretended to be looking for something in the backseat.

However he just pointed at the Mach E, grinned a hobo grin, and yelled "that's a mighty environmentally friendly jalopy! Hillary Clinton is my abuela!" Then he gave me two thumbs up, before disappearing into his hat, which flew away on a sudden strong breeze.