ibntumart posted:

in my files this is aptly titled 'DUMB rear end SEXIST REDDIT POST FROM A RAPIST' posted:

First off, I want to express that I agree with a lot of content on here but there are things/rants that some people say that I don't agree with. That is neither here nor there, but potentially relevant later on.

I've been with my fiance for over three years. We now have a son, but shortly after pregnancy the sex stopped. I was okay with it up until the baby was born, but it continued after. That's when I began getting frustrated.

One month, two months, six months, then we had sex once. Another six months or so before we had sex again. Then a few months longer, near present day.

I started a job as an over the road driver a few months into the drought. While out on the road, I noticed I was getting a lot of attention from females. Tons of it. I began to rage inside. I could easily take any one of these women out on a date. I make great money, I'm confident, and great at social interaction.

"Now" I thought, "On a daily basis, I have at least one or two attractive young women hitting on me. So why the gently caress is my woman just refusing to sleep with me?"

It's important to mention that throughout the drought, I had an ungodly amount of sappy one on one conversations about why she didn't want it. What I could do to make her want it. Blah blah blah. Countless hours of talking, massaging, and HOPING something would become of my efforts. What do you think became of it? Jack poo poo.

I was on the phone with her one night just after having a social flirt with a cashier. I felt the frustration starting to boil as she just kept yapping away about redundant bullshit. I snapped.

I laid out everything. I told her I'm sick of not having sex, and that it was a deal breaker. I refuse to be in a sexless relationship and I told her quite a few different interactions I've had with other women whom had shown interest in me. I told her that sex isn't everything, and that I enjoy doing poo poo with her, but she'd better start loving me because I had hit my point of breaking. I made sure to mention just how easy it would be for me to go get laid elsewhere and how I was considering my options at this point. Something had to change. Though, I felt terrible inside, morally, but I was done. Beyond done with the bullshit. For the remainder of my time out, I was withdrawn from a lot of talking or texting. It was my way of showing her I wasn't messing around.

A couple weeks later I walked in the front door around 4am and just laid down in bed. Around 5, I felt a hand slide over my dick and start grabbing at it. I rolled over and went to town on her rear end. Literally.
I don't condone cheating, I think if you're going to look elsewhere for sex then you should man the gently caress up about your intentions ahead of time if your woman is under the impression that your relationship is monogamous. Don't be a sleezy piece of poo poo about it. For the record.

After its all said and done, I have no regrets. I make the money. I sacrifice my life at home for our family by being gone for weeks at a time. I let her make most decisions (mostly because I don't give a gently caress about what couch I sit on, what curtains look better, etc) and in turn all I ask for is a well kept house and a good gently caress when I need it. I'm a simple man.

Having said that, this doesn't define my entire view on women. But I'll be damned if she pulls some poo poo like that again.

Ryoshi posted:

Wanting to be intimate with your wife = being a rapist, you heard it here first folks!

Dude's an rear end in a top hat sure but Thin Privilege is a goddamn moron.

quote:

Preserving Life, 1-Up At A Time
RETAIL, VIDEO GAME STORE | CALIFORNIA, USA | TOP
(Note: Pokemon is a game with various creatures that simulate animals in it. When a Pokemon has no hit points, or HP, is is considered “fainted.” Many mistake this for something serious, but it is easily remedied by healing your Pokemon in a specific building.)

Customer: *storms up to desk* “I DEMAND A REFUND!”

(She slams a copy of Pokemon Platinum on the counter.)

Me: “Certainly, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My freaking fire monkey DIED! See?”

(She pulls the DS from her pocket, turns it on, enters game, and shows me that her Pokemon [a chimchar] has no HP.)

Me: “Well, I can…erm…revive your ‘fire monkey’ if you’d like.”

Customer: “What are you, some freaking Pokemon priest?! MY FIRE MONKEY IS DEAD!”

Me: “No, no, look.”

(I control her character to go to a Pokemon Center and heal up her Pokemon.)

Me: “There, all better.”

Customer: “THANK YOU! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY! HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU?!”

Me: “Um…no problem, ma’am. Glad to help.”

Customer: “AND SO HUMBLE! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY!” *leaves store*

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

Then don't.

quote:

Shaping Up To Be An Awful Night
Restaurant | MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work in a fancy little restaurant dealing with snooty stuck-up rich people.)

Customer: “Yes, I’d like the [Restaurant Name] salad, and I want the avocado slices on the left side of the salad.”

Me: “All right, we’ll put the order in and have your salads up in a few minutes.”

(Roughly 10 minutes go by. I grab the food from the kitchen.)

Me: “Here are your salads.”

Customer: “What the h***l is this! I SAID I WANTED THE AVOCADO ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE SALAD!”

(I notice that I served him his salad with the avocado on the right.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, just let me rectify this.”

(I proceed to spin his salad around for him so now the avocado is on his left.)

Customer: “WELL, NOW ALL I HAVE IS A BACKWARDS SALAD! I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER! I’M GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU GET FIRED BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE THE MOST INCOMPETENT WAITER THERE IS THAT YOU CAN’T LISTEN TO SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS AND KNOW YOUR LEFT AND RIGHT!”

(I walk to my manager, quickly explain the issue, and he walks over to the customer.)

Customer: “Your employee here is an absolute disgrace! I can’t imagine why [Restaurant Owner] hired them. They don’t even know their left from right! I demand reconciliation and the cost of the rest of my meal be compensated for this vast incompetence.”

Manager: “Well, sir, I’d like to explain a simple fact. We are not going to be comping your meal; your argument and complaint is absolutely ridiculous. The salad is on a circular plate, there are no sides to a salad. It cannot be backwards. I apologize for your problem with shapes and hope you have a wonderful night.”

Me: “So, what would you like to order for entrees, or would you just like the bill?”

quote:

No Holding Back
Call Center | Webster, NY, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [company] support, can I have your employee ID number, please?”

Caller: “Yeah, can you put me on hold?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “I called before and complained about the awful hold music you guys use. I want to see if you changed it.”

Me: “Hold on just a minute.”

(I put the caller on hold for a minute.)

Me: “Hello, are you still there ma’am?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m here.”

Me: “So is the hold music any less awful?”

Caller: “No, not really. Thanks.” *click*

quote:

Snide Salad
Restaurant | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am a customer at a restaurant. I overhear an exchange while I am waiting for my pickup order.)

Customer: “Waiter?”

Waiter: “Yes ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Where is my side salad?”

Waiter: “Uh, ma’am?”

Customer: “I said, where is my side salad?”

Waiter: “You ordered a salad, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, I know.”

Waiter: “Salads don’t come with side salads.”

Customer: “But it said on the menu that orders came with side salads.”

Waiter: “It said in the entree section that orders came with salads, not in the salad category.”

Customer: “I WANT MY SIDE SALAD!”

Waiter: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t give you a side salad for your salad.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable. Every time I’ve come here, I have received a side salad.”

Waiter: “Have you ever ordered the salad as a main course before?”

Customer: “No, but—”

Waiter: “Exactly. We only provide side salads for things that are in the entree section. We do not give side salads to people who order salads.”

Customer: “BUT WHY NOT?!”

quote:

(I’m the only employee still working a cash register late one night. I’ve got a long line, and the next customer keeps glaring at me.)

Me: “Hello, miss, sorry about the wait. Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “I’m so sick of you people.”

Me: “Of who?”

Customer: “First, that awful girl stacking the shelves with the pink hair, and now you with that… thing on your face! Why are you brats so desperate for attention?”

(Two years ago, I lost my right eye in an accident. I wear an eyepatch now.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a fashion statement, I really need—”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me!”

(Without warning, she lunges across the counter and grabs the patch, snapping the cord and pulling it off. She laughs with triumph for about a second before she sees my empty eye socket.)

Customer: *screams and runs out of the store, leaving her items but taking the eyepatch*

(That customer never came back. Fortunately, I have a lot of spare eyepatches, but I had to finish the rest of my shift that night with a paper bandage over the socket.)

GOTTA STAY FAI posted:

STDH stories/urban legends run rampant in hospitals. It seems like every nurse in America was on shift when the woman came in with a chicken in her vagina or when the guy showed up with his dick stuck in a poodle. It's surprising that the stories haven't started running together yet, resulting in tales where La-a has a chicken up in her junk and brings in her son Orangejello because his dong is stuck in a dog. And that dog's name...

...was Albert Einstein, suffering from diarrhea after someone put Visine in his coffee and also had cockroaches in his mouth from when he licked an envelope

flosofl posted:

I know they're just nerd fantasy. But every single time, they manage to piss me off. Every. Single. Time.

quote:

Then he told me to “stick to your programming and let the lawyers handle the law” – the equivalent of “get back in the kitchen”.

Tired Moritz posted:

let me tell you about a world called child-free

quote:

Goddamn I am so loving pissed off right now. I've been looking forward to Fantastic Beasts since it was first announced. Today was the day I could see it. I bought a ticket to a matinee showing at our towns upscale theater, the only one with 21+ only showings. They have normal all-age showings, too, but this showing allows alcohol and guarantees no goddamn children ruining the movie, so it's worth paying more.
Except this time there was a kid. 40 minutes into the movie, I start hearing the sound of an infant starting the wake up and crying for attention sound. What had been so far a great movie was suddenly ruined. All I hear now is that kid. All I can focus on is that kid. I can't hear a thing the actors are saying, I'm just wondering when the next cry will start.
I left and got a refund, at least as much as I could. I already drank my overpriced soda, and they won't refund Fandango fees. Props to them, though, for immediately running into the theater to take care of it. The guy said [b]in his 2 years working there they've never had a kid in that theater, and that it's illegal since they allow alcohol in there.[/b[ But the movie was ruined. I had already missed enough of the movie I couldn't go back in to that one, and the next showing is 4 hours later.
Thanks a lot you son of a bitch.
My husband and I have been living away from home for work for 4/5 years of our relationship. Now that we are moving back home, we have had the infamous BINGOs begin haha.
"Just wait until you have kids.."
"Enjoy this life while you can...."
"So, now youre going to start your family. Right?"
Etc, etc, etc.

quote:

My study stop is no longer sacred

To preface: I don't not like children, I will probably adopt within the next 10 years. But misbehaved children and negligent parents annoy the crap out of me.
I'm studying at my favorite tea house in my favorite part of town. This place is awesome. No loud music, amazingly fast wifi, power sockets every where, hundreds of types of teas, and buffalo wild wings is next door for when I get hungry. I am not changing my study spot. I love this spot. This has been my spot for the past 3.5 years of my undergrad. I have another 6 months to go in this spot. Yes, I realize I sound like Sheldon Cooper, but this is my spot.
It's usually filled with college students here to study and tonight is no different. Until about 5 minutes ago. 2 moms and their 5 collective kids are here. 2 of the kids have already tried to mess with my notes and one asked to play games on my laptop. The last kid is less than 3ish months old and he's currently breastfeeding. If he stops breastfeeding, he starts crying. Moms are on their cell phones.
UGH THEY JUST SAT DOWN WHICH MEANS THEY AREN'T LEAVING ONCE THEY GET THEIR DRINKS.
Update: 1 of the kids was messing around in a chair, fell over backwards and started wailing. Mom finally got up and took the kid outside after everyone glared at her.

quote:

Yesterday I decided to take an Uber, it was a 20 minute ride so the driver and I chatted a bit.
It started out just asking what I do for a living and I mentioned what my husband does. The discussion was pretty nice at that point, just talking about new technology and it's necessity.
However he then asks if I have any kids, of course I don't. I told him that I don't and we actually plan to not have any children. He said "and your husband is okay with this?" I said of course he is.
He then asks me what's the point of marriage if you aren't going to have children? "Because I love him" was my response. He chuckled and told me that doesn't answer the question!? So I went on to say that you can have be a family without children, you can want to be with a person and have it just be the two of you.
He said that I'm not that young and will regret it when I'm in my 50's to not have children. Who is going to take care of me when I'm old.
His body language/facial expression was very perplexed/dumbfounded. He made me feel stupid and like I didn't know what I was talking about.
I told him that my siblings have nothing to do with my parents. If they didn't have me they'd have no one to "take care of them". Having children doesn't mean they'll take care of you when you're older. It's a gamble. He agreed but still thought it is worth gambling on it and the reason people get married is to have a family (children).
What bothers me most about this is that he was driving and I was in his vehicle, I couldn't walk away from this. I did not leave a good review because I was so uncomfortable. Additionally he is a driver, that's his job, drive and stfu. If you can't have a conversation with someone without making them feel uncomfortable you shouldn't be talking.

Joey Freshwater posted:

I live in Chicago and have no loving clue what this means. What is a 'downstate' look?


\/\/\/ Oh

Henchman of Santa posted:

I've lived here for two and I've heard or read it a bunch of times, usually in the context of newspaper articles that refer to towns south of Chicagoland (or sometimes to avoid repeating "Springfield").

chitoryu12 posted:

Ah yes, someone who knows the victim is black but doesn't know them well enough to actually be in their phone.

Fezz posted:

This nickname being short for "God, your'e such an rear end in a top hat"

gschmidl posted:

The only thing I could think of is attempting to put the IV into an artery, which... would be immediately obvious, and you can watch it here (or don't if you can't stand blood):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCZHcx0fz6k

yeah I eat rear end posted:

I can believe being a little late realizing football season has started if you don't talk to people into it and don't watch TV much or look at newspapers.

Generally though the further into the season you get, the more that comment is just a way of snootily saying they are above watching such crude things as "sports", much like people who smugly have to inject "oh, I don't own a TV" into every conversation about something on TV. Like if someone said that now with the superbowl not far away, it would definitely be STDH - nobody lives that far under a rock.

quote:

Don’t Chew The Fat With Me If You Can’t Handle It

GROCERY STORE | OR, USA | AT THE CHECKOUT, BAD BEHAVIOR, HEALTH & BODY

(I’ve recently given birth to a gorgeous baby girl, and while I’ve now returned to my job, I haven’t yet managed to shed the weight I put on during my pregnancy.)

Customer: “D***, you’ve really gotten fat!”

Me: *silently checking out his purchases*

Customer: “I mean, I’ve only been coming here for like a year so that is some incredible weight gain!”

Me: *just shrugs and keeps scanning his purchases*

Customer: “So…what’s the deal? Boyfriend left ya? Job getting to ya? Feeling like the only reason for living is to get to the bottom of your third tub of ice cream?”

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

(The customer doesn’t pull out his wallet just yet.)

Customer: “Well, are you gonna answer me, whale?”

Me: “First off, let me ask this: what is your endgame here?”

Customer: “Huh? My what?”

Me: “Your endgame. What do you hope to accomplish by insulting and belittling me here? Because so far all you’re doing is making yourself look like a complete idiot to everyone around you.”

(The customer turns and notices the rest of the line is staring at him, some in shock and some in quiet disdain.)

Customer: “I… uh… well… so you know you’re a fat-a** and do something about it!”

Me: “I am doing something about it. I put on this weight because I was pregnant. Now I’m hitting the gym at least four times a week so I’ll no doubt lose it again.”

Customer: “Well… uh… I dunno, then! I didn’t think you were going to quiz me about this!”

Me: “Your total is still [price].”

Customer: “No! F*** you, fat b****! Now I feel bad and it’s all your fault!”

(He storms off, leaving me to have to void his entire transaction.)

Me: “I apologize for this. It won’t take me more than a minute.”

Next Customer In Line: “How… How did you keep your cool through that?”

Me: “Ten hours of labor and a baby that made every bit of pain totally worth it. After that, it takes a lot more than a moron’s poorly chosen words to hurt me.”

Captain Monkey posted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6eg4mo/tifu_by_being_called_hot/

YA BOY ETHAN COUCH posted:

Haifisch posted:

Never forget.

Zamboni_Rodeo posted:

Mom is in for a rude surprise when the schools won't accept her special snowflake because it's not vaccinated

Drunk Tomato posted:

Looks like someone slashed her tires with some iceberg lettuces

Verisimilidude posted:

BrigadierSensible posted:

Don't know why, but this reminds me of some middle class fuckwit who got himself on food stamps, and then went and bought lobster with them.

To somehow prove that all people on welfare are eating lobster and drinking champagne and storing both in *gasp* their fancy fridges.

Trebek posted:

You can get around 120 chicken McNuggets for 30 bucks here in the states.