you whore bitches don't deserve a nice guy like me .ppt

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > you whore bitches don't deserve a nice guy like me .ppt

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

PallasAthene posted:

One of my "best friends" in college was this guy who swore that he didn't want any kind of relationship with me. For years. He made it so clear when we first met, so I believed him. We would go to the gym every day and we'd go to minigolf or the movies or out to Applebee's or some such place at least every other week. He was also huge into going to places for poetry readings and coffee shops. He was so adamant about not wanting a girlfriend but not fitting in with guys, and after a couple years he told me how he'd never been attracted to girls and had never gotten an erection over a girl. By then we were really close and I assumed this was sort of a clumsy trial run for coming out (this was the early 2000's in the South), because he used to always love to help one of my friends with braiding and styling her really long hair, and he used to always suggest things like calling a bunch of girls over to watch romantic comedies, and whenever a girl from my social circle had a relationship end, he would always want to have everyone get together and drink wine and make fun of the offending ex.

There was no real big dramatic ending except one day a year or so after we graduated my brother told me he ran into Tyler in a bar downtown. He said that he recognized him from my Facebook and he introduced himself, and Tyler blew up right away and said "Dude your sister is so loving stuck up! I tried to gently caress her for FOUR YEARS and she never put out."

Opposite Land: A girl I hung out with in highschool and early university who I thought I was really good friends with turned out to have a thing for me but never made a move. I found out years later from a mutual friend and was like "drat... I would have gone for that!

# ¿ Jul 25, 2016 18:43

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 22:43

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Howard Beale posted:

you can tell xkcd nice guy was just chewin off all his stick fingernails waiting for this chance

An old room mate of mine was both a huge xkcd fan and a huge Nice Guy, I wonder if he has the introspection to... no, nevermind

Edit: The other Nice Guy one they did was better

# ¿ Jul 26, 2016 21:48

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Ratjaculation posted:

this kid is not a Nice Guy, and look how much pu$$ay he is wreckin

Holy poo poo the English aren't even people drat

# ¿ Jul 27, 2016 16:43

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

DreamShipWrecked posted:

It's just bizarre because I am a lanky rear end goony dude, I am not cool at all.

In high school there was a girl I was friends with and I decided that I liked. I literally built my schedule and extracurriculars around spending the most time with her. Then I got shot down after two years of this poo poo and asking her out over text, and was incredibly depressed for a very long time afterwards. Holy poo poo was I a pussy.

E. I also owned a trench coat and several fedoras. These posts are like looking in a mirror -10 years.

I'm surprised I wasn't a school shooter or something.

I think they have those in Japan

Send her flowers

# ¿ Jul 27, 2016 17:31

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

In all seriousness Virginity is very important to these guys, probably because they have no confidence and don't want their future wives to know better

# ¿ Jul 27, 2016 23:43

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

You know what's cooler than wearing a fedora to be different from other ~~guys~~ jerks? Wearing a regular ballcap with a local team on it, then you can talk to people about sports and develop social skills! Strangers will talk to you about sports, it's weird.

# ¿ Jul 28, 2016 00:28

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Lt. Tanaka posted:

So hot he'd burn his way out of a garbage bag.

I bet he treats women like crap

# ¿ Jul 28, 2016 00:33

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

SaltLick posted:

Black people allowed to get away with fedoras as well. Well...jazz singers at least

I was at a music festival and like 4 artists in a row came out wearing fedoras and vests

# ¿ Jul 28, 2016 00:36

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

CubanMissile posted:

This is what I have to do. Baseball hats with curved brims or else it looks like I'm trying too hard to be out of my age group. No snapbacks. And straight brim New Era caps make my head look huge. I basically have to wear the kind of worn in sports cap that people from south think REAL AMERICANS have to wear.

Wearing a baseball hat and drinking White Trash beer makes feel like one of the people

# ¿ Jul 28, 2016 01:27

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Profondo Rosso posted:

lmao lil bitch like a real time like the sox

How many trains can you take to see a Red Sox game?

See! Now I'm talking to someone!

# ¿ Jul 28, 2016 01:34

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

SciFiDownBeat posted:

https://twitter.com/ceejoyner/status/339765081485238272

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 01:49

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Fat Shat Sings posted:

Also I had a friend who was a self defined PUA, it get's even crazier than manipulation and smooth slick bullshit. Sometimes it sounds like a creepy battle plan.

"Take special notice of any girl sitting at the bar. You should look for ones toward either end of the bar that have nobody sitting next to them. Once they have ordered their drink you immediately sit down next to them and begin. Being located at either end of the bar when you introduce yourself to the mix you are cutting them off from the large majority of the room and focusing their attention. If they have ordered a drink then they have no excuse to ignore you and you will catch them off guard as they were focused on receiving the drink and haven't had time to process what they would do after that. If you strike at the right moment they will be socially disoriented"

Man PUA poo poo really starts to sound like Rapist Planning Session stuff pretty quickly

lonesomedwarf posted:

The Door

Holy moley I'm glad I'm normal and have never had to work this hard or psychotically with women

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 12:21

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

IMO the failing English school system has provided the best material for this thread

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 14:40

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Seriously?

# ¿ Jul 30, 2016 01:50

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Tumble posted:

"Comedians" do suck though. Hanging out with them means listening to them try to "out-funny" each other, and if you tell an amusing story they'll ask you if they can use it in their next "gig". (Gig means enough failure comedians convinced some poor bar owner to host an open mic, but since comedians are broke as poo poo because they aren't funny, they don't buy that many drinks and then after a couple time the owner says 'No More.')

I dated a girl who was friends with a shitload of amateur comics. I would not recommend being friends with most amateur comics.

The funniest thing on Louie in a while was this scene with Todd Barry:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jzsw-xTJIOc

Sorry for the lovely youtube video, you'll get the jist of it, though

# ¿ Aug 5, 2016 13:54

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

lovely writers do

# ¿ Aug 5, 2016 15:30

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Pick posted:

I don't normally tell this story, but I think there are some lurkers trying to learn things in this thread (don't learn social interaction from the internet, you need to go outside and learn in person!), so here's an example of something a dude did which made me unhappy. No woman I ever dated has ever done anything similar, or seemed like she would, which I think says a lot about why it's easy to lesbian-date and hard to hetero-date.

I had been seeing this guy for a short while. We were only a few dates in, but things seemed to be going all right. He seemed responsible and fair and generally like a decent sort of person. He invited me to come meet his friends at the bar (and not like a dive bar, just one of the ones where normal folk hang out), and I accepted, because I thought that this was him showing trust in me and legitimate interest in having a relationship with me. I think trust is the most important aspect of a relationship, so I assumed this was a good sign. He came and picked me up at my place, and he drove me to the bar. We're having a good chat along the way, friendly a fun. Then, once we get to the bar, he goes around the side of the car to open the door for me. It's not a necessary gesture, but I don't mind it. However, as I'm getting out of the car, he says, "I want my friends to like you, so you will keep your mouth shut."

I was considerably taken aback by this, but I did as instructed. I barely spoke the entire evening, and mostly just nodded or let him answer questions about me. I didn't feel good about it but I felt confused and was trying to work out what was going on. Once we finished up, and got back into the car, he was elated. He thought everything went great. I still wasn't speaking much, since I was processing things. He just kept blabbering and blabbering about what a great evening it had been. At some point, I realize we're taking a route I don't recognize, and I'm like, huh? And he says, "We're going back to my place ". I hadn't been to his place before, and we weren't at the point where we were having sex. He had definitely not broached the idea of going back to his place beforehand. I said, "No, I would like to go home, please."

Of course, he lost his temper immediately, and accused me of being a horrible bitch who "ruined the perfect evening" and "why would [I] gently caress up everything now?" Eventually I convinced him that I was serious and he needed to take me home. He complained the entire way back, but he did take me back to my place, and I of course did not invite him in to follow me. He sent me a string of abusive text messages all night. A few days later they were all apologetic, but then they became hostile again. None of them ever seemed to realize why I had been unhappy, though, and they rang false considering that he was clearly only apologizing because he knew I was unhappy and not because he thought he'd done anything wrong. (In fact, a few were even "I don't know what happened but--") I got periodic texts for him for about a year after that, even when I told him not to contact me any more. He's probably told plenty of people about the crazy bitch who suddenly went ice queen on him and dumped him for no reason.

I have a friend who was dating a guy for 7+ years and though he was always invited to go out with her and her friends, she was never invited to go out with him and his friends... she'd only met his friends a few times in passing or briefly while hanging out at his apartment. She was getting to the end of her rope with the relationship and eventually told him that she wanted to go out for the group dinner his friends had planned for his birthday, and he agreed.

When they went to the restaurant the guy didn't introduce her to anyone, so after a while she just announced to the table who she was and met everyone, who were pleasant and happy to finally meet her. She had a good time, and really liked a few of his guy friend's girlfriends.

At the end of the night he drove her home, and I guess as soon as the car door was closed he started losing his poo poo at her, telling her that she had no idea how badly she'd embarrassed herself and how foolish she had made him look. He dropped her off and went home, she was wreck, until she spoke to some friends and realized how hosed the entire thing was.

She broke up with him, found a great guy quickly, they're married now.

# ¿ Aug 6, 2016 19:15

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

My theory is that he had someone else on the side (or she was actually the side) and he needed to keep her separate from his friends, least it should all come crashing down by a stray comment or someone taking pity on her

# ¿ Aug 6, 2016 19:31

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Curdy Lemonstan posted:

Its absolutely okay to control your social circles.

Describe a normal way of doing this

# ¿ Aug 6, 2016 20:00

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

MY PALE GOTH SKIN posted:

Yes let's use this thread to discuss dumb stereotypes about overweight women sucking mean dick and women with mental health issues being "crazy" in bed

great idea

this kitty has CLAWS

# ¿ Aug 6, 2016 22:30

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Ratjaculation posted:

M'lady goons - Is male ~~impotence~~ impatience really common or?

It's like they build up the nerve to message someone and sit there holding their breath, and as soon as they give up they start ranting about how much they hate women.

# ¿ Aug 6, 2016 23:08

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

mind the walrus posted:

It's like a giant fart in their mouth that they can't hold in any longer.

Hey that's like art

# ¿ Aug 6, 2016 23:16

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

That chick needs some ice-cream and hamburgers imo, but that's just my opinion

# ¿ Aug 7, 2016 20:12

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

My vagina is so deep that only the biggest, blackest, thuggest dicks can fill me :sigh:

Man, can you imagine the reaction

# ¿ Aug 7, 2016 20:37

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Everything about that is really gross- the lips, the make up, the thing he's doing with his hair and his hat... ugh

# ¿ Aug 7, 2016 20:49

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Carmant posted:

if this stuff is true then men suck at life can any feminsit poster confirm/deny

It'd be nice if they could fit a couple more suicides in there to avoid me having to see graphics like these from now on

# ¿ Aug 7, 2016 22:25

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Facebook Aunt posted:

Sex is great and all, but if you think attractive young women are universally horrible monsters, why would you ever want to be in an intimate relationship with one?

Remember a while back how that former male porn star who went insane after he was forced out of the industry for being a huge weirdo created that website that doxxxed (

) hundreds of female porn stars? The sites bio for him talked about how the women were all disease ridden sluts, addicted to drugs, and lived pathetic lives opening their legs for any man... but also how this guy was a huge stud because he had sex with so many of them.

It was so irrational and contradictory that I couldn't put it as anything other than mental illness.

Nice Guys.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2016 22:50

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Facebook Aunt posted:

You think you're talking to a normal adult and then suddenly

Dude next to him is a true bro

# ¿ Aug 8, 2016 00:55

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Business Gorillas posted:

also lol that dudes would get offended at getting taken out to dinner

one of the reasons i ended up dumping my ex is because she kept on telling me she had literally no money and all she wanted to do was sit at home and watch netflix. whenever we went out, i had to go pay for it

Is this the same woman who would bring you beer? I hope not :ohdear:

Fat Shat Sings posted:

I like this mentality as I've been the boyfriend in 2-3 separate occasions.

The more naive the girl is about what is going on the more annoyed I get. "What, James just wants to buy me an xbox, go out to bars with him, let him buy me jewelry and go to the mall because he is that good of a friend Sure he sends me huge rants about how I'm the only one that "gets him" and how I need a "real man" but I told him I'm not interested and he totally understands that. By the way he wants me to go out to dinner with him DON'T TELL ME I CANT HAVE FRIENDS"

It's less irritating when your partner realizes and goes "Yeah the guy is kinda creepy and all he does is talk poo poo about you despite never even meeting you"

I hate that guy. I dated a girl and her best guy friend was apparently always telling her that he didn't see us lasting for various reasons, then one night when my girlfriend and her friend were getting ready for the bar he and I were stuck in a room together and he told me he just didn't think girlfriend and I were right for each other and she'd always told him that I was a really good friend until the day he found out we were dating.

Anyway, a while after she and I broke up they started dating and living together. After a night out they got home and she was barfing and hosed up. He wanted sex and she said no, she woke up the next morning to find out he had raped her while she was passed out :stare:

Nice Guys!

# ¿ Aug 12, 2016 12:44

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

KomodoWagon posted:

You let this happen you total cvck

Shut the gently caress up and no I didn't

# ¿ Aug 12, 2016 13:37

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Doc Friday posted:

Did the guy guy end up in prison or a grave? Please tell me there's a happy ending to this story.

She broke up with him. I saw him a couple years ago at a concert and he strolled up to me with a big doofy grin and yelled "HEY!!!" and I said "Oh, hi..." and walked away.

zegs posted:

you got niced

:niceburn:

# ¿ Aug 12, 2016 16:34

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Troposphere posted:

my roommate took a performance art class because she knew it would be easy and it filled her with such rage her final project was her opening a bag of Doritos, placing each chip one by one on the floor, stepping on each one, and then going and sitting down in the audience and clapping for herself

she got an A

This is awesome

# ¿ Aug 13, 2016 13:28

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

I've owned a few straw hats that have been beaten to poo poo and destroyed because I use them for outdoor stuff and concerts, also idgaf, so they automatically cool

# ¿ Aug 14, 2016 23:36

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

If we're including other hats, I have an Ebbetts Field Flannel wool baseball hat for a long disbanded team. It makes me feel like I'm from a parallel universe because people are always trying to figure out what team it is. I also have a rabbit fur lined trapper because I'm Canadian, plus some random toque

# ¿ Aug 15, 2016 01:39

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

If you send me money I will tell you how to talk to women

# ¿ Aug 16, 2016 01:58

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

CubanMissile posted:

Rollo is the sexiest Viking putting aside how much of traitor he is.

Rollo is the smart one, he doesn't have to live in a cold hellscape and he gets to bang a hot French chick, and now he has loads of political power

(I've only watched up to Ep 8 of the latest season)

# ¿ Aug 17, 2016 13:00

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

cnut posted:

What I don't get is why they make such a big deal about going their own way. Are they expecting women to say "No! Please don't go! Forgive us! Let us gently caress you!" LOLOL Yeah, they probably are.

It honestly has some Ayn Rand Galt's Gulch dipshit feel to it.

"I chose... the Other Way " :smug:

# ¿ Aug 18, 2016 14:51

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Redjakk posted:

One of my friends is a flight attendant with an MMA boyfriend. One day she texted a male friend to tell him that she had his favorite celebrity on one of her flights and he texted back a smiley face. The next day MMA boyfriend showed up at the guy's former workplace because it was still listed on his Facebook bio saying he'd kick his rear end. He bellowed a bit more, shoved over a shelf, and split before the cops showed up.

The only guy I know who wears these almost certainly beats his girlfriend and probably his ex wife.

# ¿ Aug 23, 2016 11:46

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 22:43

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Your friend is an rear end in a top hat

# ¿ Aug 23, 2016 12:59

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > you whore bitches don't deserve a nice guy like me .ppt