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Scruffpuff
Dec 23, 2015

Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

Wrecked Angle posted:

For gently caress sake CIG. You're 4 years into development and you have nothing to show. A 30 minute video of 4 middle-aged nerds sat in director's chairs talking about vague ideas of 'this might happen' or 'we're thinking it could be like...' or 'maybe it works like...'.

You've blown through ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS!!! Stop loving talking. Go and show me these systems, show me the work in progress, show me the proof of concept, hell show me the loving design documents.

You're promising to make the most ambitious and complex game ever created and you're still talking about concepts for basic functionality like a loving logoff timer... or fuel rods for ships... after 4 loving years!

Do you know what I thought of when I was watching that? Those 'Relay' nerds or whatever they're called. Tell me, what is the difference between Crobbler and Tony Z sitting there talking you through their ~~DREAMS~~ and Dolvak or bowtie dude talking you through his? Neither are gonna loving happen! It's pie-in-the-sky, 'imagine how cool in would be' bullshit which they ask you to pledge hundreds of dollars to prove that you believe.

Don't give them any money. If you've ever given them any money apply for a refund to get it back. This is my Star Citizen meltdown and you can have it for free.

gently caress Chris Roberts.



And this right here is why this game will never come out. Derek maintains the viewpoint (or did in his July Blog™) that it's a technical impossibility, and that may be true. Others maintain that the scummy business practices are to blame, others point to just how awful a job they've done so far as the necessary evidence against its completion. All valid points. But ultimately, even in a parallel universe where all other problems are solved, Star Citizen was never possible with Chris Roberts heading it. The man has no idea whatsoever how to make a game - he just thinks of "cool poo poo" like some 10-year old kid theorycrafting on a playground, with no idea how or if it would work in a game. Wing Commander was released because the tech of the time forcibly constrained him into a little box. The box is gone, and the idiot is free. He's taken over $100 million dollars of other people's money, opened several studios and employed hundreds of workers, and he has no idea what to tell them all to do. He has no idea what they're all supposed to be building, how it's supposed to work, and how any of it fits together. Meanwhile money is getting spent - every paycheck, every rent check, every space door - money gone - with nothing to show for it. Still no game, still no usable code, still no functioning tech demo, still no design, still no plan. Just the sweet smell of burning cash.

We're in 2017, a little more than 2 weeks in, and nothing's working. But it's time to talk about what "might be cool if." In 2 more weeks, nothing will be done. In 2 months - still nothing. At some point this year there will be a 30GB "patch" labelled "3.0" and it will be the same broken poo poo with a tacked-on vestigial feature like "Atmosphere 2.0" where they found a way to decouple the airlock <USE> prompt from your spacesuit and actually track whether or not the zone you're in has air in it (admittedly a very tricky problem that was somehow solved in 2001 by the Everquest guys, and probably earlier than that).

They can't build a basic space station without you clipping through the walls, but they're gonna have fleet battles with intelligent NPC AIs everywhere. They can't get the flight model working, but they're going to have procedural hand-crafted planets so big you can find things the developers didn't intend and have "emergent gameplay". They can't code a patcher, but they're going to have a system where you can mine asteroids and make custom additives for your fuel that will have an effect on the game and usher in a new supply/demand economy based on the new fuel tech that you've discovered yourself but kept secret from rival corporations.

You can't even hide in a loving crate yet.

But all this is going to happen. Chris saw the Matrix and thought it was a documentary, so now all he has to do is make the same exact thing but have 100 star systems in it instead of just one measly planet. This is a totally reasonable and achievable goal, certainly for a man whose highest life achievements are getting the boot from Microsoft, getting blacklisted from Hollywood, and loving a witch. Put this fucker in charge - he's got this. He just needs a little more money to complete the refactoring; the pipelines are looking good, and subsumption is a go. Once he's done rebuilding other people's long-optimized technology to not work right, he's just one more engine switch away from things really taking off. Partnerships with Amazon are removing the blockers, and manchildren everywhere who have inexplicable reproduced are using their kids' college funds to prop this project up when they're not busy building Constellation replicas in their basements.

I hope Windows 24 can run a DOS launcher.

Scruffpuff fucked around with this message at 03:52 on Jan 18, 2017

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alf_pogs
Feb 15, 2012


Thoatse posted:

You're not wrong, you're just an rear end in a top hat

fucken a man, i got a rash

Wrecked Angle
May 12, 2012

"JURASSIC PARK!"


:lol: This one really made me laugh.

So being badly designed, susceptible to hackers and riddled with bugs tends to make for a bad game experience? Good job Star Citizen doesn't have any of those issues.

Wrecked Angle
May 12, 2012

"JURASSIC PARK!"

Scruffpuff posted:

...
You can't even hide in a loving crate yet.
...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4YBmyCgrdQ

Checkmate goonie! :smuggo:

Samizdata
May 14, 2007

MeLKoR posted:

3.0 is coming in less than 300 months and it's going to change gaming as we know it

FTFY.

Samizdata
May 14, 2007

Colostomy Bag posted:

If you don't mind kind sir, after you film and then edit the footage I can transport it across the verse with my Herald for rapid delivery.

Forget that! Capitalism rules! I will move it for 75% of HIS costs with my Herald INSIDE my Idris!

Fat Shat Sings
Jan 24, 2016

"Wait why don't them seem to even know what the game is going to be?!?!

At Citizen Con when they talked about how the Vanduul, the stars of Squadron 42, were still in the concept phase that somehow filled me with optimism because i'm a loving retard!"

TrustmeImLegit
Jan 14, 2017

by FactsAreUseless

good burn, definitely doesn't make you look desperate.

Colostomy Bag
Jan 11, 2016

:lesnick: C-Bangin' it :lesnick:

JugbandDude posted:

What the gently caress is the point of a planet covered by factories? Real state is never the issue, it's always logistics.

Is it because Coruscant and Trantor already took up housing and office space?

Goddamit, and here I am putting more thought than Crobbers into this non-game.

This bad boy is heading into the direction of Dwarf Fortress, Factorio, Sim City, Second Life, Minecraft, Wing Commander and other random games with a dash of Custer's Revenge to satiate the rape mechanics.

Arms_Akimbo
Sep 29, 2006

It's so damn...literal.

Sappo569 posted:

Chrisp Robberts is like that guy that got caught pretending to be a sign language interpreter, he knows gently caress all about what he's talking about but projects himself onto the world stage and hopes no one will see him for the lying sack of poo poo he is

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpPvGP_GUXs

I really wish one of these web shows like Bat Girl would just bring Chris on and straight up ask him the hardest questions there are in relation to this farce of a game, and see what he mumbles out

https://youtu.be/-34zQJbG-VQ

Colostomy Bag
Jan 11, 2016

:lesnick: C-Bangin' it :lesnick:

Samizdata posted:

Forget that! Capitalism rules! I will move it for 75% of HIS costs with my Herald INSIDE my Idris!

This is sickening and heartbreaking.

Tell you what, let's meet up at the GrimHEX Bar and Grill and talk this out over a couple of Hairy Roberts. I'll buy with my referral credits. Perhaps we can help each other.

Thoatse
Feb 29, 2016

Lol said the scorpion, lmao

Tokamak posted:

the worm is turning?


yes but shortly after it glitched out and reset back to the beginning

TrustmeImLegit
Jan 14, 2017

by FactsAreUseless

Colostomy Bag posted:

This bad boy is heading into the direction of Dwarf Fortress, Factorio, Sim City, Second Life, Minecraft, Wing Commander and other random games with a dash of Custer's Revenge to satiate the rape mechanics.

I know you guys make jokes about rape n such but in a game as lifelike as SC there needs to be consequences for your actions, whether you are a pirate or you hosed up and crshlanded on a planet with no food.

Tokamak
Dec 22, 2004

Thoatse posted:

yes but shortly after it glitched out and reset back to the beginning

This is closer to the truth. I don't think it's the first time I've wondered if they starting to figure things out. A week later and they are back to '3.0 - soon', and 'it's an alpha'.

DapperDon
Sep 7, 2016

Chin posted:

Ecosystems and planet terrain: Chris: "We're planning to have..." "The concept is that..." "We're definitely going to have..." "And I think that'd be cool, and longer term we're hoping to make it so there will be..."

Implementing ArcCorp, a planet entirely covered in factories: TonyZ: "We've talked about this in the past and basically the idea is that..."

Handling disconnections in multicrew scenarios or players logging in and out on long-term guild run campaigns: Chris: "The concept we're going with is that..."

Ship security: TonyZ: "Eventually we're going to have..." "I can see..."

Stealing ships: Chris: "We will have those systems in." "We wanna make it so..."

Scaling mission difficulty: TonyZ: "Yeah, what we have right now is actually far simpler than what we're gonna have very shortly..."

Environmental or manmade risks in the PU: Todd Papy: "From a design standpoint we want to be able to create..."

Ship maintenance, components wearing out: Chris: "We're also gonna have..." "We've talked about -- it's not in..." "The idea is that..."

Throughout: TonyZ: "Y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know y'know..."

STILL EARLY DAYS

All of these :words: point to one glaringly obvious thing. They have absolutely nothing of what they have sold backers on and was in fact supposed to be delivered in full last year. These are the operating words that although made of different words, they sing a chorus of "Nope". The technical debt is astoundingly obvious right now.

TrustmeImLegit
Jan 14, 2017

by FactsAreUseless

Tokamak posted:

This is closer to the truth. I don't think it's the first time I've wondered if they starting to figure things out. A week later and they are back to '3.0 - soon', and 'it's an alpha'.
People get emotional and then once they have time to rationally think through the correct response usually wins out.

Tokamak
Dec 22, 2004

TrustmeImLegit posted:

People get emotional and then once they have time to rationally think through the correct response usually wins out.

i wonder what that says about goons. makes u think.

TrustmeImLegit
Jan 14, 2017

by FactsAreUseless

Tokamak posted:

i wonder what that says about goons. makes u think.

You guys aren't normal people in the technical sense. Like at some point most of you just became bitter husks that cynically lash out at everything you see. This self reinforces because if you see anything is good their entire worldview might collapse.

The Titanic
Sep 15, 2016

Unsinkable
As promised! lovely programmer art incoming.

alf_pogs
Feb 15, 2012


TrustmeImLegit posted:

You guys aren't normal people in the technical sense. Like at some point most of you just became bitter husks that cynically lash out at everything they see. This self reinforces because if they see anything is good their entire worldview might collapse.

message received and self hosed

Colostomy Bag
Jan 11, 2016

:lesnick: C-Bangin' it :lesnick:

DapperDon posted:

All of these :words: point to one glaringly obvious thing. They have absolutely nothing of what they have sold backers on and was in fact supposed to be delivered in full last year. These are the operating words that although made of different words, they sing a chorus of "Nope". The technical debt is astoundingly obvious right now.

Just accept it.

The weird one to wrap your head around is every concept they sell they are basically losing money. The Starliner is the greatest example. That abortion brought in 500K in sales and spawned NPC passengers, the Mixmaster 5000, the AV hot swap racks with selected movies, etc. etc. That sale was basically Bus Simulator set in space x 100 in the details. All for a measly 500K.

The masterpiece though might be the Endeavor. Looking forward to farming and colliding atoms in my chariot.

The Titanic
Sep 15, 2016

Unsinkable
And the last for now.

Colostomy Bag
Jan 11, 2016

:lesnick: C-Bangin' it :lesnick:

TrustmeImLegit posted:

I know you guys make jokes about rape n such but in a game as lifelike as SC there needs to be consequences for your actions, whether you are a pirate or you hosed up and crshlanded on a planet with no food.

Would you give me the honor to present a hypothetical situation to you and in return, you would give me an honest response?

Goobs
Jan 30, 2016

Doxcat is watching you PU.

TrustmeImLegit posted:

I know you guys make jokes about rape n such but in a game as lifelike as SC there needs to be consequences for your actions, whether you are a pirate or you hosed up and crshlanded on a planet with no food.

i cant wait to kidnap babies in star citizen.

TrustmeImLegit
Jan 14, 2017

by FactsAreUseless

Colostomy Bag posted:

Would you give me the honor to present a hypothetical situation to you and in return, you would give me an honest response?

I'll answer it tomorrow. I always try to be honest in any case.

Fain80
Jan 18, 2013

Free Hugs

Goobs posted:

i cant wait to kidnap babies in star citizen.

I miss kidnapping and selling people in Age of Wushu.

Goobs
Jan 30, 2016

Doxcat is watching you PU.

Fain80 posted:

I miss kidnapping and selling people in Age of Wushu.

i just do it IRL. dont doxx me.

Tokamak
Dec 22, 2004

TrustmeImLegit posted:

I'll answer it tomorrow

:troll:

Beet Wagon
Oct 19, 2015





The Titanic posted:

As promised! lovely programmer art incoming.




The Titanic posted:

And the last for now.



Holy loving poo poo

:five::five::five:

Samizdata
May 14, 2007

TrustmeImLegit posted:

good burn, definitely doesn't make you look desperate.

Ask anyone NOT a Johnny Come-Lately. Been using that schtick FOREVER. Also, want to talk desperate? You have to come at me every other post or what? Why are you even here and not off playing SC, or having private time to the Sandi/flag photo?

Fat Shat Sings
Jan 24, 2016

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hgaGPV4eHw

Goobs
Jan 30, 2016

Doxcat is watching you PU.

Samizdata posted:

Ask anyone NOT a Johnny Come-Lately. Been using that schtick FOREVER. Also, want to talk desperate? You have to come at me every other post or what? Why are you even here and not off playing SC, or having private time to the Sandi/flag photo?

you're so desperate. not like trustmeimlegit who spent 10 dollars on a gay dead comedy forum to defend a scam that they've dumped thousands of dollars into.

check mate goonie :smuggo:

DapperDon
Sep 7, 2016

Colostomy Bag posted:

Just accept it.

The weird one to wrap your head around is every concept they sell they are basically losing money. The Starliner is the greatest example. That abortion brought in 500K in sales and spawned NPC passengers, the Mixmaster 5000, the AV hot swap racks with selected movies, etc. etc. That sale was basically Bus Simulator set in space x 100 in the details. All for a measly 500K.

The masterpiece though might be the Endeavor. Looking forward to farming and colliding atoms in my chariot.

:stare:

VealCutlet
Dec 21, 2015

I am a marketing god, shave that shit
wp Titanic

:discourse:

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010



Gun Saliva
poo poo I just got positrons all over the blueberries

A Neurotic Corncob
Nov 12, 2016

A light wind swept over the corn, and all nature laughed in the sunshine.
Dolvak angry

https://twitter.com/PapaDolvak/status/821569239026909184

Samizdata
May 14, 2007

The Titanic posted:

And the last for now.



Far better than I could ever do.

Brazilianpeanutwar
Aug 27, 2015

Spent my walletfull, on a jpeg, desolate, will croberts make a whale of me yet?
Someone mentoned dwarf fortress earlier and i'm going to come right out and say it......I don't loving get it, like how the gently caress do you even start anything in dwarf fortress? I look at the screen and i'm just dumbfounded and overwhelmed, like chris Roberts in front of his own "game".

Samizdata
May 14, 2007

Goobs posted:

you're so desperate. not like trustmeimlegit who spent 10 dollars on a gay dead comedy forum to defend a scam that they've dumped thousands of dollars into.

check mate goonie :smuggo:

You are more desperate! You live to lick Densa Smartbutnotreallythisisthebesticouldcomeupwith's booty sweat, you dink so toxic even goons will not accept you!

Also, you are fat.

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Ghostlight
Sep 25, 2009

maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me




dolvak shouldn't sign his posts

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