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SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


something about the fact that trump being a perpetual diamond club member is enshrined in law is hilarious to me

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Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008



It's hairpieces, isn't it?

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Blasphemaster posted:

It's hairpieces, isn't it?

That’s Putin’s thing...

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Nyaa posted:

Anything, eh?
Write-in

Here are the conditions for living / working in 'Trump-Land':

1) Pledge loyalty, fealty, and service to us only, and forever renounce all other ties.

2) Never share the secrets of 'Trump-Land' to outsiders.

3) Maintain the infrastructure of 'Trump-Land' during their 'studies'.

4) Become the production and manufacturing 'base' of 'Trump-Land'

5) Start the geological study and mineral extraction / refining of 'Trump-Land'

6) Figure out ways to improve on the 'wondrous treasures' of 'Trump-Land'.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



CourValant posted:

Here are the conditions for living / working in 'Trump-Land':

1) Pledge loyalty, fealty, and service to us only, and forever renounce all other ties.
You discussed with Green for your idea, and he answers, “That would vastly reduces the amount of migrating Dwarf since most of them are serving their king for the war.”

quote:

2) Never share the secrets of 'Trump-Land' to outsiders.
“I heard Dwarf keeps their promise well.”

quote:

3) Maintain the infrastructure of 'Trump-Land' during their 'studies'.
You decided to ask this to them at the table enjoying the ‘cake’ that makes them drunk in happiness.

Of course we would want to perserve it! What use to us if these wonderous mechanism stopped working!

We might have to open up these things to look at the inside... and then put it back of course.

quote:

4) Become the production and manufacturing 'base' of 'Trump-Land'
Yes! We will do anything to make more of these cakes!

The other dwarves nods in agreement.

quote:

5) Start the geological study and mineral extraction / refining of 'Trump-Land'
That’s what they came to do in the first place, but not everyone is here yet, so they might study the machine for now.

quote:

6) Figure out ways to improve on the 'wondrous treasures' of 'Trump-Land'.
They certainly would try.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Nyaa posted:

You discussed with Green for your idea, and he answers, “That would vastly reduces the amount of migrating Dwarf since most of them are serving their king for the war.”

That's perfectly acceptable actually; I don't want dwarves who would pick up and leave should their King ever 'call' them back into this service.

Nyaa posted:

You decided to ask this to them at the table enjoying the ‘cake’ that makes them drunk in happiness.

Ummm, what are these cakes??

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



quote:

Ummm, what are these cakes??

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?


I don't like you very much right now.

CourValant fucked around with this message at Jan 2, 2018 around 23:27

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Sorry, phone post failed on the image.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



It’s quite easy to negotiate with someone in a high mood just from a little sugar. These dwarf ate these cheap ‘guest cake’ that only looks good and plain tasting. Ha! They would faint if they sees the REAL cake in my large fridge. That’s mine only, of course. Even if I got tired of it, I would rather trash that that letting someone else taste my unique heaven of sugar bliss.

Anyway, the dwarf are hesitant of leaving the war when I make my first condition, and the Jelly maid shows up in time to double dip more cake on these hungry dwarf.

“Please takes these extra to your kinfolks as a gesture of my appreciation of your race.” I said kindly and nicely like when I want to get something from something, which is now. “It’s unfortunate that many would not come to live here and enjoy all the cake they desire.” I make a sad, sad expression like the cartoon adult that is nice but got sad. I forgot what is that cartoon. There are ton of them.

“We will… Surely tell our kins of your generosity, Mr. Trump.” They replied with guilty conscience. Dumb asses.

I pretend to be a bit relief and happier. Thing are going as pla-

“Oh!” One of the dwarf suddenly Oh-ed like an idiotic midget. Is that how they burg? He continues, “Our King wouldn’t be pleased if that happen.”

The other dwarves agrees and begins to murmur between each other. drat it. I forgot all about the King’s feeling because I don’t give a drat about other kings and the shithole cave they live in. But as a negotiator, the King would be a third party that need to be appeased. So it’s only logical to make the final push with giving a gift to their king.

But, what should I give to their King? This is a big deal, obviously.
Write-in gift, can be anything modern that a wealthy mansion would have.

Nyaa fucked around with this message at Jan 16, 2018 around 00:27

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Nyaa posted:

But, what should I give to their King? This is a big deal, obviously.
Write-in gift, can be anything modern that a wealthy mansion would have.

A used nine iron that I don't care for anymore.

Because, what else would one king give to another, and yet remind him that he is only good enough for my cast-offs.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Are we going to tell them what the nine iron is use for?

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


No just give the iron and say it's from the intricate kingly game.

A toilet, but no pipes or knowledge to make more (assuming they don't already know)
E: They will be shocked at our wealth to flush waste using drinkable water

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



Should we give them the kiddy ver but still real 9 iron? Their king might be short too?

SniperWoreConverse posted:

A toilet, but no pipes or knowledge to make more (assuming they don't already know)
Should we show them how to use it, kid method.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


For the toilet they need to understand to get the full implication but can't make their own. We wanna get them on the hook for our single source game changing technology. Obviously have some jelly give use details but say we want to provide the most suitable version for the dignity of the kings stature

Then send the correct sizes of stuff. Maybe couple golf balls, but act like the dwarf king OBVIOUSLY knows about the game and how to play, we wouldn't insult directly by sending instructions, then these guys can go back to their poo poo hole until they come back with something useful

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

SniperWoreConverse posted:

. . . then these guys can go back to their poo poo hole until they come back with something useful

This makes me such a sad panda. I think I'm just going to stop watching the new.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


Greatest president fantasy trump maybe will stumble into an actual good country so that's positive at least.

We already don't have slaver guilds that's ahead of the curve

Obviously the dwarves have literal poo poo holes and no plumbing

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

SniperWoreConverse posted:

Obviously the dwarves have literal poo poo holes and no plumbing

Thanks for at least trying to cheer me up.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



They totally didn’t poo poo in some deep pot hole and covers it with a rock.

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


If we could provide a power source, the tacky chandelier would be perfect, or a refrigerator to keep beer cool or the freezer to provide ice.

The toilet is a terrible idea, it's a really simple device that can be copied with rough tools, we'd be giving away our shitter monopoly before we can roll out IP law.

Edit: Bifocals. A magic device to aid in reading and writing your most sensitive missives, and your decrees, for a wise and literate king. We sure as heck don't read, so there's no loss.

Volmarias fucked around with this message at Jan 16, 2018 around 23:47

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



If you want it very difficult for them to copy, you might want to try something very complex or very huge factory-made things, preferably both.


But I can see the NEEDS for LIBERATING these CAVEMAN to UN-poo poo their hole with... Plumbing? But only to impress them... So they will still poo poo in their cave hole???

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


You try crafting bifocals. The dwarves will be impressed by our kens ground within a lens, our lensception.

We can probably give a clock. A wrist watch would be nigh impossible to replicate the teensy gears on, and I can 100% see Trump giving a "genuine" "Rolex" as a mandatory gift.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



I won’t want to discourage simple item either. They could also give the dwarf king certain impressions.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


Yeah change my vote to Trump Clock, like a grandfather clock but more bigly & sealed mechanism. They will see the gemstone crystals and think it's magic and go the wrong way to figure out how it works

Make them realize we have plumbing tho, nobody else has luxuries like this

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



So the Trump Tower Clock?

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


perfect, they'll cry when they see the best clock & hightest craftsmanship
anyone who sees will know that this is the place to come to prove you have the most skills

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?


Why not, its better than anything else I can come up with.

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



“Ah, yes. I have a gift for your wonderful, wonderful king.” My perfect interruption broke their argument just as they reach the point of calling each other’s loyalty into question. Not because I just happened to finish burger.

The three dwarf turns their attentions to me with twinkle sparkle eyes of pure admiration of me. “A gift for our king?” One of the dwarf validates what he heard with a dumbfounded look on his face.

“Yes! A gift to the king! For your king is great, I have great things about him, and I am sure we will be best pal! Please accept it and bring it safely to your amazing king!” I read out my mental praise scrips.

The smiles and nodding approval spread among them. “We are very grateful for your generosity!”

Another impatient greedy dwarf follows up. “What gift shall we be expecting, Mr. Trump?”

“Please, call me Mr. President.” I gently offered them my proper titled in this Trump Land.

“Ah, yes… Mr. President.” The greedy dwarf corrected.

I stood up high above these dwarf from my chair. Towering over time like a… Their respected parent. “Come with me.” It’s time to show these kids their new toys.

-------------
After taking the longer route of walking more hallways to show off my prestige modern rich infrastructure and dedicated designs, those dwarf almost forgotten there were going to pick up a gift as they admires the greatest sightseeing tour of their life.

Alas, my leg got tired, so the tour will have to cut short and arrives at the nice private reading room filled with books that are supposed to be expensive and smart-looking.

“Here it is.” I called their wildly marveling eyes that stares at every features of the room to the attention of this piece of fine furniture.












“T-this is…” The dwarf are in awe of my golden image and the beauty of the Trump Tower Clock that mash perfectly to the bust. This thing is beautiful.

“This thing is beautiful.” I repeated what I have in mind, with semblance of regret for wanting to gift this away. “It’s the Trump Tower Clock with my golden bust commissioned by a friend in the government.”

“Wh-what is it doing?” One of them asked as they stares at the tick-tock mechanism of the clock moving its hand in circle. This followed by how it work, what magic powers it, what is this 12 hours thing, etc.

I gave them as much information that I can. For those that I have no answer to, I pretend it is state secret and can’t tell them. Regardless, they are deeply impressed and more confused by the modern term that they have no idea what it mean. They thank me many more time as I beg my leave for other business, but it’s really just me getting tired of babysitting them.

The dwarf left almost immediately the next morning with the Trump Tower Clock on a protected wagon. Hey! They are supposed to survey my land! Bah, slacker! Smoocher! They better come back as soon as they are done or else they will be downgraded to SILVERMEMBER!

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010


haha so we basically got poo poo all done. greatest negotiator

I wonder who the dwarven king really is tho

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Nyaa posted:

The dwarf left almost immediately the next morning with the Trump Tower Clock on a protected wagon. Hey! They are supposed to survey my land! Bah, slacker! Smoocher! They better come back as soon as they are done or else they will be downgraded to SILVERMEMBER!

The Hell!!? That's a mark against them in the ledger!

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Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010

Q.E.D.



They technically was tasked by me to deliver, but it’s not my fault they can’t carry it with just one or two of them! Incompetent!

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