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  • Locked thread
KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

HUSS
HUSS
HUSS


For anybody interested, Liquid Communism over at Something Offal is running a Chili Competition with prizes - sounds fun and maybe you can stealbe inspired by some good chili recipes!



____________________________


No Mercy: Sept. 24th

WWE Universal Title Match
Brock Lesnar (c) w/ Paul Heyman vs. Braun Strowman

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns

WWE Raw Tag Team Championships Match
Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Sheamus & Cesaro

WWE Raw Women's Championship Match
Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax vs. Emma

Bray Wyatt vs. Finn Balor

WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match
Neville (c) vs. Enzo Amore

____________________________

Raw Results

Raw opened with a moment of silence with people shouting and wooing through it.

Roman Reigns defeated Jason Jordan.

John Cena came out and confronted Roman Reigns after his comments last week. He said Roman is the Guy but he could barely put away just a guy tonight. Roman says he's had better matches this year than Cena has had his whole career, which is a lie. Cena laughed and said he doesn't even need to say anything for Roman to bury himself. Roman says WWE doesn't need Cena because with Roman ticket sales and revenue is up and John can't even break into Hollywood, not even with a Transformers movie. Cena says no one has ever cut Roman down to size or put him in check before, but come No Mercy Cena will be like a drug test and Roman won't pass him.

Sasha Banks defeats Emma. Nia Jax and Emma were on commentary.

Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman come out and Heyman cuts his regular promo. Heyman puts over Strowman as a real challenge but he then said that Strowman isn't badder than Brock. Heyman references UFC and the "Fighter are you ready" saying before a fight starts. He demands Braun come out. Braun comes out and fights with Brock until Brock suplexes Braun. However Braun no sells it and Lesnar is stunned. Braun tells him he's not going to Suplex City then kicks Lesnar's rear end. Braun poses with the Universal title before leaving it on his Brock.

Bray Wyatt defeated Goldust. Goldust's scouting angle and heel turn were completely forgotten about it seems. Bray's whole thing is being against face paint it seems and he wipes the paint off Goldust after their match until Finn Balor comes out for the save.

Sheamus and Cesaro are interviewed about their match against Gallows and Anderson tonight. They say that those two are a bigger threat than Rollins and Ambrose are with their Shield reunion. Remember, they are The Bar!

Gallows and Anderson vs. Sheamus and Cesaro never starts as Rollins and Ambrose are on commentary and all 3 teams brawl and get pulled apart.

Ambrose and Rollins demand a match against both teams tonight, but Kurt Angle says he can't have that, but can have an 8 man tag. Ambrose and Rollins need to find tag partners and Ambrose says he'll go down to Disney and get Mickey Mouse and Batman. Kurt says he wants them to find real partners, even if those two would be good team mates.

It is announced that Asuka has signed on to be part of the Raw roster as a video package airs.

Nia Jax is watching her video package and is disgusted. In comes Alexa Bliss who is also disgusted. She tries kissing Nia's rear end and pretending they are friends but Nia doesn't buy it. Nia asked for her vs. Alexa next week since Alexa has wanted that match so badly.

Elias is out playing a new song about Anaheim sucking. He then defeats Kalisto in a match.

John Cena defeated Braun Strowman by DQ when Braun used the steal steps on Cena. Cena got his rear end kicked all match.

Dean and Seth are looking for tag partners tonight. First Dean asks some tech hands, then Jamie Noble and Dean Malenko, but finally settle on The Hardy Boyz.

MizTV is next and the Miztourage come out. Maryse and Miz announce that they are having a baby!!! The crowd is ecstatic and then Enzo comes out. Enzo just gets verbally buried by Miz, for everything. His wrestling ability, his unlikability, his fake celebrity status, just everything. Enzo says he'll come back from 205 Live and take the IC title instead.

Enzo defeats Miz by DQ when the trash talking on the mic gets too rough and asks who their kids daddy really is. The Miztourage beat Enzo's rear end and rightfully so.

Enzo is stumbling around backstage after getting his rear end kicked and Neville is there to laugh in his stupid face.

Seth & Deand & the Hardyz beat Gallows and Anderson and Sheamus and Cesaro when Sheamus and Cesaro abandoned the match. This ended Raw.

____________________________

Smackdown Results

SMACKDOWN IN SIN CITY!
  • A recap of the Shane/Owens stuff from last week played, along with the announcement Vince McMahon would be there live tonight.

  • Kevin Owens came to the ring, insisted Smackdown was now The Kevin Owens Show (starring Kevin Owens), and his first act of business would be to fire Sami Zayn, and that Tom Philips and Byron Saxton on commentary had to fit themselves into one suit now since they were indistinguishable. He canceled The Fashion Files (big boos from the crowd) and then called out Vince McMahon, but Shane's music played instead and out came... Dolph Ziggler.

  • After Ziggler and Owens congratulated each other, Ziggler left and Daniel Bryan came out to remind Owens he didn't run the show, Bryan did. He told him Vince would be there soon, and Owens wouldn't like what he had to say. Owens calmly responded that Vince wouldn't like what HE had to say.

  • AJ Styles retained the US Title via submission after making Tye Dillinger tap out to the Calf Crusher. Baron Corbin had tried to interfere but was knocked off the apron by AJ's Phenomenal Forearm, and Dillinger almost managed to score a pinfall in the flurry of moves that followed, but AJ was able to hold him off. After the match, AJ and Tye shook hands but then both were assaulted by Corbin who declared HE was AJ's next US Title opponent.

  • Backstage Rusev talked about going home to Bulgaria as a loser and being shunned by his family. But he wasn't a loser, and he knew what he had to do to get his mojo back - he had to break a legend.

  • Jinder Mahal and the Singh Brothers came to the ring and did a bit mocking pictures of Nakamura and making fun of the way he acts and speaks. He then criticized the (silent) crowd for laughing, because Americans were xenophobic and even if he was to become Champion they would taunt him for being a foreigner. So he advised Shinsuke not to even bother to come to Hell in a Cell, and if he did Jinder would retain again.

  • Backstage Kevin Owens discussed with a worker backstage the changes he'd like made for HIS show, including private flights for his wife and kid to each show, and a limo for him and his buddy Jimmy (Jacobs). He saw Sami and taunted him with the prospect of having to go back to wrestling in armories. Sami retorted he'd rather do that than ever work for Owens.

  • The New Day defeated The Usos in a Sin City Street Fight to become the 4 Time Tag Team Champions. As always the chemistry between the teams was excellent and built up well to an exciting finish.

  • Nattie retained her Women's Championship in a rematch against Naomi, after Naomi was distracted after going for a crossbody to the outside of the ring and taking out Carmella and Ellsworth instead. This allowed Nattie to get the sharpshooter on her back in the ring and force her to tap out.

  • English was singing backstage, admired by Kevin Owens who asked him to sing the lyrics to HIS new show. English was happy to comply.

  • Ziggler showed up complaining that everybody should just love him for showing up but they only ever wanted big flashy entrances, so he'd give them one. He then did Bayley's entrance complete with inflatable wacky waving arm men, then the Ultimate Warrior's. He complained anybody could do what he'd just did but only he could do what he does in the ring, but none of them care about that so he doesn't care about them.

  • Shelton Benjamin and Chad Gable defeated The Hype Bros in a quick match. They shook hands with Mojo afterwards, but Zack refused and walked out of the ring.

  • Backstage, Vince McMahon was seen chatting happily with Daniel Bryan.

  • Kevin Owens came to the ring and waited for Vince McMahon, who came out to loud applause from the Vegas crowd. Owens suggested that Vince was intimidated by him, but Vince said he was nauseated by Owens words' about Shane and didn't believe Owens hadn't found back last week because he respected authority, but because Shane was beating his rear end. He didn't see how Owens could look at himself and have any respect, and rather than fight back he choose to sue instead. He claimed that if Owens filed a lawsuit, Vince would call his lawyer and declare,"KEVIN OWENS! YOU'RE FAAHHHHHHH!" - Vince wasn't scared of any lawsuits, he'd been in plenty and never lost one, because he was a billionaire and society was designed for people like him.

  • Owens reminded Vince that Shane had put his hands on him, and Vince explained he didn't suspect Shane for hitting Owens, he suspended him for not finishing the job. Owens talked poo poo about the family so of course he got hit, and now Vince was going to reinstate Shane not as an authority figure but a wrestler, and Owens and Shane would face each other in a Hell in a Cell match at that PPV. Owens agreed to the fight but demanded Vince's word that he wouldn't be fired for beating "a McMahon" senseless. Vince gladly gave it and shook Owens hand... and Owens headbutted him (and drew blood!) and reminded him he'd given him his word. Vince staggered up, tried to throw a punch and Owens knocked him on his rear end, then booted him in the gut while he was down. Refs tried to clear him out and he was about to, till he saw Vince getting up so hit him with the Superkick instead, tossed out the refs and went up top. Adam Pearce rushed to the ring to try and stop him, Owens faked getting down then hit Vince with the Frogsplash. Owens left with a 1000 yard stare, and medics, Pearce and Stephanie McMahon helped Vince to the back.

Somebody fucked around with this message at Sep 13, 2017 around 11:56

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Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.


Braun popping straight up out of that suplex and the look of dawning horror on Brock's face...

DarkstarIV
Apr 6, 2010

Mr. Intensity


Please remember to pour one out for the RAW Womens Division when Asuka debuts and murders everyone.

I'm sorry dromal phrenia.

AsInHowe
Jan 11, 2007

Goal, assist, fight.

Congrats to Miz

Rhonne
Feb 13, 2012

Do you want to know what we do to artists?

Braun loving rules.

VJeff
Jun 2, 2011

#HEKNOWS
#SCOOPS
#IGNOREMYPOSTS


Was this an episode of Monday Night Raw that would be worth watching in full through completely legal means or was this an episode of Monday Night Raw best followed via youtube clips?

rovert
Jun 10, 2013

I got your scoops right here.


Enzo got a skull loving finale.

VJeff posted:

Was this an episode of Monday Night Raw that would be worth watching in full through completely legal means or was this an episode of Monday Night Raw best followed via youtube clips?

Mostly full. The main event match was filler.

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007



Grimey Drawer

rovert posted:

Enzo got a skull loving finale.


Mostly full. The main event match was filler.

Yeah. Genuinely a good Raw and even though the main was filler it was fun filler. Watch it if you have time to kill and like Raw's tag scene. Otherwise just watch the rest.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.


Yeah, not a bad show, the main event should have been at the top of the first hour probably and I'd have ended thinking better of the show. The Roman/Cena and Brock/Braun stuff was great, as was the Braun/Cena match. Miz tearing Enzo to pieces was pretty fantastic too.

Jerusalem fucked around with this message at Sep 12, 2017 around 03:36

im cute
Sep 21, 2009
Probation
Can't post for 4 days!


Test did 9/11

21 Hoot Salute
Feb 8, 2005

Night-time, turn around
Lonely is the city tonight
Night-time, all around
Lonely in the city tonight


Jerusalem posted:

Braun popping straight up out of that suplex and the look of dawning horror on Brock's face...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQyi3HGf2eY#t=183s

Braaauuunnnnn

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

HUSS
HUSS
HUSS


im cute posted:

Test did 9/11

test is dead

Beef Jerky Robot
Sep 20, 2009

"And the DICK?"


Did matt fall over trying to get in the ring to break up that pin or what

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007



Grimey Drawer

KungFu Grip posted:

test is dead

rip Test

Also actually WWE uploaded the full unedited first Roman/John promo-off, flubs and all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36cLMYMrOTk

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.


Beef Jerky Robot posted:

Did matt fall over trying to get in the ring to break up that pin or what

Seemed like it, yeah.

TV Zombie
Sep 6, 2011

*Cues Saint Agnes and the Burning Train*


Dinosaur Gum

The Miz/Enzo segment was good but the jaw jacking while the match was going on ...was strange.

im cute
Sep 21, 2009
Probation
Can't post for 4 days!


KungFu Grip posted:

test is dead

well i mean, he didn't do it recently

SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007



They really need to put the belt on Braun for at least a month or two just to make sure to make him a big time main event guy and not just somebody for Reigns to beat later

Dimebags Brain
Feb 18, 2013


Bah gawd is that Kissinger's music!

im cute
Sep 21, 2009
Probation
Can't post for 4 days!


DarkstarIV posted:

Please remember to pour one out for the RAW Womens Division when Asuka debuts and murders everyone.

I'm sorry dromal phrenia.

im looking forward to another bayley vs asuka

it won't be as good as takeover dallas, but it'll be better than whatever else is going on

AsInHowe
Jan 11, 2007

Goal, assist, fight.

The Miz is really living everyone's dream, getting Maryse pregnant, punching Enzo in the face

drrockso20
May 6, 2013

Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl and FOURTEEN KARAT GOLD!!!

Warning: SU Season 3 Spoilers


We really need to start having separate threads for the West Coast feed for RAW and Smackdown, cause I'd love to talk about this live without spoilers

Also I am loving Cena's weekly trash talking of Roman Reigns

Also there's something hilarious about how all the advertising for Brock Lesnar just has Paul Heyman hovering behind him

Erebus
Jul 13, 2001

Okay... Keep your head, Steve boy...


drrockso20 posted:

We really need to start having separate threads for the West Coast feed for RAW and Smackdown, cause I'd love to talk about this live without spoilers

There are barely enough people to talk about the shows in one thread, especially for Smackdown.

Just be one of the cool kids and watch the east coast feed at 5

Aphrodite
Jun 27, 2006



drrockso20 posted:

We really need to start having separate threads for the West Coast feed for RAW and Smackdown, cause I'd love to talk about this live without spoilers

Also I am loving Cena's weekly trash talking of Roman Reigns

Also there's something hilarious about how all the advertising for Brock Lesnar just has Paul Heyman hovering behind him

You could just start at the last page of the Raw thread.

I guess you'd get a bit of main event spoilers but this week it was bad.

Push El Burrito
May 9, 2006

SKATE FAST
EAT ASS


Grimey Drawer

I bet I could beat up Braun Strowman.

Fenrir
Apr 26, 2005

We will fight them to the last. And we will defend those that cannot defend themselves. Today we fight, brothers and sisters. Today we stand up and never, ever relent. Brothers and sisters -- prepare yourselves. Today we go to WAR!


Lipstick Apathy

God drat it. I've worked a week straight and I'm just too tired to stay up late enough to finish raw. Was BRRRRRAAAAUUUUNNNN/Cena as good as I hope it was?

Pinwiz11
Jan 26, 2009

"I think you'll find that when it comes to Sandwich Montoya, the sky is the limit!"

- Too Much Mustard


YAY MIZ AND MARYSE!!! Mazel!

drrockso20
May 6, 2013

Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl and FOURTEEN KARAT GOLD!!!

Warning: SU Season 3 Spoilers


Erebus posted:

There are barely enough people to talk about the shows in one thread, especially for Smackdown.

Just be one of the cool kids and watch the east coast feed at 5

Don't think my provider has an East coast feed for USA

Big Coffin Hunter
Aug 13, 2005



loving killer raw. BRAAAAUUUUUNN is the best as always, I don't think he's beating Lesnar but if they're not stupid he's a loving STAR and is possibly the quickest to improve and rise to the level they're asked to since Okada. Not that I'm implying he will ever be an Okada-level talent but he's definitely on the path to be one of the biggest stars in the company for a long loving time.

The Miz and Enzo segment was great and made me want this to transition to a long term program between the two. gently caress drat Miz owns and Enzo can just nail it even if he's poo poo in the ring and has had some misfires

Plus the main was fun as hell and I'm glad I stayed the final hour. The Good Brothers may not really have much steam but they're alright and all the other teams are really fun at the moment

ijii
Mar 17, 2007
I'M APPARENTLY GAY AND MY POSTING SUCKS.


Miz has continuously been MVP of the last several Raws with Braun as a close second. I seriously hope Enzo doesn't win the CW title.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.


Fenrir posted:

Was BRRRRRAAAAUUUUNNNN/Cena as good as I hope it was?

It was a lot of fun.

Big Coffin Hunter
Aug 13, 2005



ijii posted:

Miz has continuously been MVP of the last several Raws with Braun as a close second. I seriously hope Enzo doesn't win the CW title.

me too, because i now want to see him in a feud for the ic belt

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007



Grimey Drawer

Guys I want Dean Ambrose to be a top champ again but in a company with Braun and Finn and Joe on one brand and Shinsuke and AJ on the other I don't know if I can justify it and it makes me really sad.

Big Coffin Hunter
Aug 13, 2005



I wouldn't worry about it. This tag run is really fun. I just hope he's moved to SD as soon as they put him in a singles run. A Wrestlemania US title match or a post Wrestlemania feud against Nakamura or AJ would be cool

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007



Grimey Drawer

Big Coffin Hunter posted:

I wouldn't worry about it. This tag run is really fun. I just hope he's moved to SD as soon as they put him in a singles run. A Wrestlemania US title match or a post Wrestlemania feud against Nakamura or AJ would be cool

I will say this. He never got chumped out of the SD title scene. He could easily be kayfabe slotted in if they moved him. And don't get me wrong, this tag run is the most fun Dean has been in a long time, I'm loving it. I'm just speaking generally.

Waffleopolis
Apr 24, 2005

Now....face the fury of the Phoenix Force!

Is Enzo really that hated backstage ala early career Miz?

oldpainless
Oct 30, 2009



KungFu Grip posted:


Raw Results


Sasha Banks defeats Emma. Nia Jax and Emma were on commentary.



What a talent!

DarkstarIV
Apr 6, 2010

Mr. Intensity


Waffleopolis posted:

Is Enzo really that hated backstage ala early career Miz?

Yes. He has a tremendous amount of heat on him backstage for various reasons, all of them legitimately terrible (by terrible i mean enzo is terrible, not wwe for once).

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003

this is a job for the Punk

Yeah, I was pulling for Enzo to be a thing in the WWE but he seems to have managed to totally gently caress that up by virtue of just being a dillhole to the point that his Mizocentric curbstomping was incredibly gratifying. And a whole lot more convincingly Real-feeling than the Roman/Cena stuff of the last couple weeks, which is getting super, super forced.

also, Goldust

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SunshineDanceParty
Feb 7, 2006

That man has the largest penis I have ever seen. I actually don't even know if he has mumps, forgot to look. I was distracted - by the largest penis I have ever seen


I just love everything about the Miz, Maryse and the Miztourage right now. Everything about that group works.

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