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Who will be the champs? This poll is closed. |
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| Johnson, Ferguson |
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21 | 56.76% |
| Johnson, Lee somehow |
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8 | 21.62% |
| Borg somehow, Ferguson |
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2 | 5.41% |
| Borg somehow, Lee somehow because I live in a goddamn topsy turvy fantasy world |
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6 | 16.22% |
| Total: | 37 votes | ||
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 Hello dears, it’s Adalaide Byrd back again to talk about a very special Unlimited Fisting Contest fence punching sport event, UFC 216: Ferguson vs. Lee, 10 p.m. Oct. 7 on PPV. I’ve got my eyes straining extra hard to see if you post any streams, so don’t do it! I’ve been in the news a touch lately with people being very mad at me for my scores on the Triple H vs Carmelo Anthony rope punching fight, and even my boss Mr. Bob Bennett said I needed some time off and even said I probably wouldn’t get to be the judgeree at this UFC. I think that was awfully unfair of him to discriminate on a little old lady like me who hasn’t done anything wrong but take a few naps for a few rounds, which when you get to be my age you’ll understand that those matches take place well after bedtime! So I marched right down to his office and I sat right down and said listen, my husband still has the video from our little car key fishbowl party, so I am pleased as punch to say I have the opportunity to write this and prove I understand the Unlimited Fisting Contest rules and what my scores will be. For the light weight big belt!9g  Tony el Cucuy Ferguson vs.  Kevin the Motown Phenom Lee Tony Ferguson is a scary man, he reminds me of the monster from that motion picture Nosferatu that came out when I was a little girl, before the talkies made theater organists like my mother go unemployed and have to start teaching piano lessons for a quarter again. My husband tells me he’s real fast and sometimes lays down on the ground to fight. Could you imagine such a thing! I hope he doesn’t stand up real slow or walk up the steps and cast his eerie shadow, that scene used to keep me up all night with fright! Ooh but motown! Robert and I used to dance all night to my motown records when our hips still swayed and our knees still bent. I remember the first time he said he loved me, Please Mr. Postman was playing from my window upstairs as we were eating plums on my old brownstone porch in the summertime. Oh I’m sorry I’m rambling again, you’ll have to forgive an old woman for remembering the better times when the milkman would bring a dollar’s worth of milk right to your door and it would last you for a week and people were friendlier so long as they looked like you and you were allowed in their restaurants and laundromats. Oh but excuse me, there I go again reminiscing about the good times. OFFICIAL BYRD SCORE: 50-42 Lee  For the Flyweight Title  Demetrious Mighty Mouse Johnson vs.  Ray the Taxmexican Devil Borg Oh that Mighty Mouse, he’s such a nice young boy. He reminds me of my grandson when he was 8. My grandson was a little bit taller then, but they both liked their computer games so. And his nickname takes me right back to Saturday mornings, when Pops came home from the coal mines and was too passed out tired to beat on mama so us kids didn’t have to make our own breakfast and we could watch television programs on our great big 8-inch screen. You could even see him when daddy gave you a nickle to go down to the motion picture house, before the movie started and after they were done showing all that boring footage about the war. Oh and I understand he is here to win some awards for most defenses! Isn’t that lovely, I hope the little dear does his best. That Taxmexican Devil came a touch after my time though. Our children watched him but I always thought he was rude, he wasn’t heroic at all and was always making all those toilet noises with his mouth while he spun around real fast. And he was always so mean to the rabbit person and his duck friend! I also got to meet him one time and I offered the young boy a Werthers Original and would you believe it, he snatched up the whole bag! Then I went into the judges quarters at the arena and found all of my little hard candies wrapped in the strawberry foil that you can only find out where to buy once you receive an AARP card and I just know it was him that took them. I hope that scoundrel gets his due! OFFICIAL BYRD SCORE: 50-45 Mighty Mouse Heavyweight  Fabricio Werdum vs.  Derrick the Black Beast Lewis Ooh that Fabricio may not be the champion any longer but he will always be my favorite. He always looks so handsome on the cover of my large print Harlequin stories about Brazilian princes and oil barons who fall in lusty love with innocent secretaries and fruit stand girls! Oh it just makes me blush thinking about it. I have to admit I know the Black Beast, though. He is a frequent guest at our special fish bowl car key parties. OFFICIAL BYRD SCORE: 47-46 Black Beast Women’s flyweight  Mara Romero Borella vs.  Kalindra Faria I don't know anything about any of these ladies but by law I am allowed frequent breaks to use the restroom and take my insulin so legally Mr. Bennett cannot punish me for doing so at the time of this fight. OFFICIAL BYRD SCORE: 60-41 Colander Ferrigno Lightweight  Beneil Dariush vs.  Evan Dunham That Beneil Dariush comes from the overseas where I read on Freedom Eagle dot facebook they try to make us worship the sharia law and want to put poor Melania in a special head scarf, but he seems like a nice enough boy. That Brazilian pirate hurt him real good last they fought, but I would not have seen that knee coming either. I will just come right out and say it, I met that Evan Dunham once at the casinos one night. My eyesight isn’t what it used to be these days and I saw him sitting on one of the penny slots and I thought my grandson had snuck into the gambling rooms again and left his giant stuffed Little Critter lying around. I went to pick it up and he turned around and scolded me! He said it was tantamount to sexual violence that I would touch his arm without permission and that there was a special place in hell for me if I did not vote for Hillary Clinton, and that he was sure to write about this on his blog and for his new season of Girls and then no self respecting college age woman would ever come to Caesar’s Palace ever again. I thought it was so rude! And he smelled so foul. OFFICIAL BYRD SCORE: Dariush 50-43 OTHER FIGHTS TO WILDLY MISJUDGE FX Prelims, 8 p.m. ET Bantamweight Tom Duquesnoy vs. Cody Stamann Lightweight Bobby Green vs. Lando Vannata Women's Strawweight Pearl Gonzalez vs. Poliana Botelho Flyweight Matt Schnell vs. Marco Beltrán Fight Pass Prelims, 6:30 p.m. Heavyweight Walt Harris vs. Mark Godbeer Flyweight John Moraga vs. Magomed Bibulatov Middleweight Thales Leites vs. Brad Tavares [b]OFFICIAL MMA SNACK RATING: prunes, a tasty and nutritious snack naturally high in fiber 
Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at 21:04 on Oct 7, 2017 |
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Oct 7, 2017 20:39
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Oct 7, 2017 20:42
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lmao
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Oct 7, 2017 20:51
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Jesus christ
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Oct 7, 2017 20:55
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Is that Meisha Tate as Dunham? Because holy gently caress.
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Oct 7, 2017 20:56
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too conservative on the blur ratio. nice hustle though
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Oct 7, 2017 20:58
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i think the black beast might get choked out tonight
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Oct 7, 2017 21:01
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werdum could probably beat him stood up too
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Oct 7, 2017 21:05
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yeah hes gonna tire him out on the feet beating him up then choke him out imo
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Oct 7, 2017 21:10
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Captain Log posted:Is that Meisha Tate as Dunham? Because holy gently caress. that is lena dunham. jokes. great op.
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Oct 7, 2017 21:11
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hahahah
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Oct 7, 2017 21:15
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These are clearly the best game day threads.
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Oct 7, 2017 21:46
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This is a top 118 to 110 GDT op
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Oct 7, 2017 21:59
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GOAT OP Please win Black Beast because I'm mostly paying my cover charge tonight to hear his post fight interview in the octagon.
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Oct 7, 2017 22:35
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Bluedeanie you are a treasure. Never change. Also, T-Ferg gonna murder a man, and it's going to be cool.
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Oct 7, 2017 22:42
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This card just lost a fight out of nowhere. Werdum/Lewis is off due to Lewis having back issues. Early Prelims will now start at 7pm. I'm Jon Anik. Le Saboteur fucked around with this message at 23:37 on Oct 7, 2017 |
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Oct 7, 2017 23:35
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Word is Werdum/Lewis got canned, shows starting 30 minutes late https://twitter.com/Jon_Anik/status/916790726129627136
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Oct 7, 2017 23:35
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https://twitter.com/Jon_Anik/status/916790726129627136 Fuuuuuuuck
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Oct 7, 2017 23:36
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Le Saboteur posted:This card just lost a fight out of nowhere. Werdum/Lewis is off due to Lewis having back issues. Early Prelims will now start at 7pm. gently caress.
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Oct 7, 2017 23:37
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InfiniteZero posted:GOAT OP Is it too late to get a refund?
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Oct 7, 2017 23:38
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Lmao Lewis
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Oct 7, 2017 23:42
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goddamnit
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Oct 7, 2017 23:43
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lol at them playing the video package with Lewis/Werdum still featured
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Oct 7, 2017 23:48
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqIHDKYA650&t=205s some derrick lewis arguing w/ coach about food since he's not fighting
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Oct 7, 2017 23:48
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God drat it. Derrick Lewis missed out on the McRib for nothing.
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Oct 7, 2017 23:50
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His back wasn't working in the Hunt fight either rip da black beast.
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Oct 7, 2017 23:54
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Captain Log posted:Is that Meisha Tate as Dunham? Because holy gently caress. lol
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Oct 7, 2017 23:54
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All I see is Cyrus from Trailer Park Boys during Tony Ferguson's interviews. 
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Oct 7, 2017 23:56
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We almost had a card without a fuckup. Almost.
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Oct 8, 2017 00:02
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I'm really mad. What the gently caress kind of injury do you sustain 6 hours before a fight
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Oct 8, 2017 00:02
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Gay Horney posted:I'm really mad. What the gently caress kind of injury do you sustain 6 hours before a fight He's had back issues for months, he was just trying to fight through it but he woke up and couldn't move this morning apparently.
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Oct 8, 2017 00:04
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cams posted:that is lena dunham. jokes. My vision is fu-hu-hucked and this confirms it. I'm a black belt in discerning blurs. If I get tonight's card I'll be watching with my Pops. Any tricky new people that aren't randomly generated Create-A-fighters?
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Oct 8, 2017 00:04
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Fuckin hell Walt Harris got balls of steel to take on Werdum on hours notice.
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Oct 8, 2017 00:04
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If he kept in better shape he probably wouldn't have those issues but who knows
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Oct 8, 2017 00:05
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Le Saboteur posted:Fuckin hell Walt Harris got balls of steel to take on Werdum on hours notice. Came to say this. loving crazy.
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Oct 8, 2017 00:06
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Le Saboteur posted:Fuckin hell Walt Harris got balls of steel to take on Werdum on hours notice. Dear Lord, that's a ballsy gentleman. Good on him!
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Oct 8, 2017 00:08
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Holy poo poo, is the sound guy sleeping DC's mic sounds terrible.
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Oct 8, 2017 00:08
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Derrick The Black Beast Lewis is a national treasure and I choose to believe he aggravated his back carrying hurricane victims.
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Oct 8, 2017 00:09
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leites / alvey was one of the worst fights i've ever seen. go leites.
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Oct 8, 2017 00:10
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I laughed out loud when Joe talked up Leites making it all 5 rounds with Anderson.
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Oct 8, 2017 00:12
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