2017 NFL Season Redux: Third Time's the Charm

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > 2017 NFL Season Redux: Third Time's the Charm

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a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

I have done this the past two seasons, and if I start it now and update it once a week for the remainder of the offseason, it'll take us right up to week 1 of the 2018 season. So let's do this.

The 2018 NFL Season sucked for 31 teams. Congrats Eagles fans, feel free to ignore this little exercise

Here's the breakdown. I will be using a simulator to replay the entire 2017 NFL season from week 1 through the playoffs. These sims will take into consideration perfect health from your teams' rosters in week 1, so we get a true representation of every team at full strength. The one exception I will be making is I will be using Jimmy G for the 49ers, and I am doing that because that is what the default is and I know I'll forget to change it to Hoyer at some point. Sims will be done on Sundays, and they will be one and done. No best 2 of 3 or 3 of 5 or whatnot.

I will be keeping track of Chargers stats throughout the duration of this sim because they are my team and I don't care about yours. If you want to do that, be my guest.

So without further adieu, let's get this started with Week 1.

Week 1

Chiefs 36, Patriots 28
Bills 23, Jets 17
Eagles 20, Washington 13
Titans 25, Raiders 24
Jaguars 30, Texans 17
Lions 20, Cardinals 16
Steelers 33, Browns 16
Falcons 26, Bears 0
Ravens 29, Bengals 3
Rams 40, Colts 13
49ers 34, Panthers 13
Packers 41, Seahawks 20
Giants 26, Cowboys 22
Saints 40, Vikings 22
Broncos 38, Chargers 21

AFC East:

1. Bills 1-0 (1-0)
2. Dolphins 0-0 (0-0)
3. Patriots 0-1 (0-0)
4. Jets 0-1 (0-1)

AFC North:

1. Steelers 1-0 (1-0)
2. Ravens 1-0 (1-0)
3. Browns 0-1 (0-1)
4. Bengals 0-1 (0-1)

AFC South:

1. Jaguars 1-0 (1-0)
2. Titans 1-0 (0-0)
3. Colts 0-1 (0-0)
4. Texans 0-1 (0-1)

AFC West:

1. Broncos 1-0 (1-0)
2. Chiefs 1-0 (0-0)
3. Raiders 0-1 (0-0)
4. Chargers 0-1 (0-1)

NFC East:

1. Giants 1-0 (1-0)
2. Eagles 1-0 (1-0)
3. Washington 0-1 (0-1)
4. Cowboys 0-1 (0-1)

NFC North:

1. Lions 1-0 (0-0)
2. Packers 1-0 (0-0)
3. Vikings 0-1 (0-0)
4. Bears 0-1 (0-0)

NFC South:

1. Falcons 1-0 (0-0)
2. Saints 1-0 (0-0)
3. Bucs 0-0 (0-0)
4. Panthers 0-1 (0-0)

NFC West:

1. Rams 1-0 (0-0)
2. 49ers 1-0 (0-0)
3. Seahawks 0-1 (0-0)
4. Cardinals 0-1 (0-0)

# ? Apr 29, 2018 20:24

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 26, 2024 06:23

Cavauro: Jan 9, 2008

stank results, won't finish

# ? Apr 29, 2018 20:39

Edward Mass: Sep 14, 2011; 𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen𝅘𝅥𝅮

e: nevermind

# ? Apr 29, 2018 20:54

Athanatos: Jun 7, 2006; Est. 1967

This sim has the biggest hard on for rushing

# ? Apr 29, 2018 20:58

Strobe: Jun 30, 2014; GW BRAINWORMS CREW

I love how the Chiefs dumpster the Patriots even in the sim of the opening game. :allears:

# ? Apr 29, 2018 21:28

Coldforge: Oct 29, 2002; I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

49ers are still undefeated with Jimmy G :dance:

quote:

PLAYER OF THE GAME
'17 Jimmy Garoppolo (2017 San Francisco 49ers)

code:

PASSING
Comp	Att	Yards	TD	INT	 
24	32	314	3	0

Edit:
This sim knows me.

code:

RECEIVING
 	 	Rec	Yds	20+	40+	L	TD	 
George Kittle	3	57	2	0	26	0	 
Trent Taylor	4	52	1	0	28	1

Coldforge fucked around with this message at 21:57 on Apr 29, 2018

# ? Apr 29, 2018 21:54

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

Are we using Kamara and Ingram instead of Adrian Peterson?

# ? Apr 30, 2018 00:44

Chris James 2: Aug 9, 2012

quote:

These sims will take into consideration perfect health from your teams' rosters in week 1

Already more unrealistic than Madden, Andrew Luck will never be at perfect health again

# ? Apr 30, 2018 00:55

Dubious: Mar 7, 2006; The Heroes the Vikings Deserve; Lipstick Apathy

this sim is bullshit and it's bad

# ? Apr 30, 2018 17:56

SKULL.GIF: Jan 20, 2017

Ah Marty B, what could have been.

# ? Apr 30, 2018 18:02

Darth Brooks: Jan 15, 2005; I do not wear this mask to protect me. I wear it to protect you from me.

The Vikings never do well with this thing.

# ? May 3, 2018 06:14

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

Since you're using Jimmy G, you can just skip to the end when the 49ers win the Lombardi.

# ? May 4, 2018 17:42

Mega64: May 23, 2008; I took the octopath less travelered,

And it made one-eighth the difference.

Looking forward to the Titans winning back-to-back sim Super Bowls.

# ? May 4, 2018 19:54

The Big Jesus: Oct 29, 2007; #essereFerrari

Mega64 posted:

Looking forward to the Titans winning back-to-back sim Super Bowls.

Hell yeah go tits

# ? May 5, 2018 17:47

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Week Two

Bengals 16, Texans 13
Ravens 37, Browns 6
Bucs 29, Bears 27
Vikings 30, Steelers 12
Saints 44, Patriots 14
Eagles 35, Chiefs 24
Jaguars 30, Titans 13
Cardinals 17, Colts 3
Panthers 23, Bills 13
Raiders 37, Jets 20
Chargers 28, Dolphins 6
Seahawks 26, 49ers 23 F/OT
Rams 37, Washington 19
Cowboys 33, Broncos 0
Falcons 19, Packers 17
Lions 37, Giants 35

AFC East:

1. Bills 1-1 (1-0)
2. Dolphins 0-1 (0-0)
3. Patriots 0-2 (0-0)
4. Jets 0-2 (0-1)

AFC North:

1. Ravens 2-0 (2-0)
2. Steelers 1-1 (1-0)
3. Bengals 1-1 (0-1)
4. Browns 0-2 (0-2)

AFC South:

1. Jaguars 2-0 (2-0)
2. Titans 1-1 (0-1)
3. Colts 0-2 (0-0)
4. Texans 0-2 (0-1)

AFC West:

1. Broncos 1-1 (1-0)
2. Chiefs 1-1 (0-0)
3. Raiders 1-1 (0-0)
4. Chargers 1-1 (0-1)

NFC East:

1. Eagles 2-0 (1-0)
2. Giants 1-1 (1-0)
3. Cowboys 1-1 (0-1)
4. Washington 0-2 (0-1)

NFC North:

1. Lions 2-0 (0-0)
2. Packers 1-1 (0-0)
3. Vikings 1-1 (0-0)
4. Bears 0-2 (0-0)

NFC South:

1. Falcons 2-0 (0-0)
2. Saints 2-0 (0-0)
3. Bucs 1-0 (0-0)
4. Panthers 1-1 (0-0)

NFC West:

1. Rams 2-0 (0-0)
2. Seahawks 1-1 (1-0)
3. 49ers 1-1 (0-1)
4. Cardinals 1-1 (0-0)

# ? May 7, 2018 03:54

incompetent: Jun 4, 2013

why is mike nugent kicking for the cowboys?

# ? May 7, 2018 04:09

Coldforge: Oct 29, 2002; I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Blair Walsh kicking four field goals. What a world.

code:

'17 Blair Walsh	
Made		Missed	 
25,49,45,53	--

# ? May 7, 2018 04:25

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

So in this season, do the Saints win their first two and lose their next eight in a row?

# ? May 7, 2018 04:32

Flikken: Oct 23, 2009; 10,363 snaps and not a playoff win to show for it

incompetent posted:

why is mike nugent kicking for the cowboys?

The SIM is doing some goofy stuff by default, it has Josh Gordon and Corey Coleman listed as the Browns receivers #4 and #5.

# ? May 7, 2018 05:23

TSBX: Apr 24, 2010

Marcedes isn't with the Jags anymore homeslice.

# ? May 7, 2018 17:15

Mystic Stylez: Dec 19, 2009

AFC North:

1. Ravens 2-0 (2-0)
2. Steelers 1-1 (1-0)

theres a huge parqde in baltimore and the ravens have won the super bowl

# ? May 7, 2018 17:17

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

TSBX posted:

Marcedes isn't with the Jags anymore homeslice.

This is a simulator of last season, when he was with the Jags

a neat cape posted:

Seahawks 26, 49ers 23 F/OT

triggered

# ? May 7, 2018 17:25

JPrime: Jul 4, 2007; tales of derring-do, bad ~~and good~~ luck tales!; College Slice

Why is AP on the Cards in this universe.

# ? May 7, 2018 20:10

Acebuckeye13: Nov 2, 2010; If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling
1-800-GAMBLER; Ultra Carp

JPrime posted:

Why is AP on the Cards in this universe.

Didn't the Cards pick him up halfway through the season?

Also I get the feeling that the sim is going to once again poo poo on the Lions this year, considering that it has Detroit barely beating two teams we completely demolished.

# ? May 7, 2018 20:35

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Acebuckeye13 posted:

Didn't the Cards pick him up halfway through the season?

Also I get the feeling that the sim is going to once again poo poo on the Lions this year, considering that it has Detroit barely beating two teams we completely demolished.

If the simulation is horny for rushing yards then that makes sense, the Lions rushing attack was among the worst in the league last season

# ? May 7, 2018 21:30

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Week Three :siren:

49ers 33, Rams 30 F/OT
Ravens 16, Jaguars 13
Browns 35, Colts 32 :siren:

Eagles 24, Giants 10
Jets 21, Dolphins 9
Broncos 30, Bills 10
Panthers 27, Saints 26 saints what are you doing stop it saints nooooooooo
Bears 27, Steelers 24
Falcons 45, Lions 31
Vikings 17, Bucs 12
Patriots 47, Texans 10
Titans 31, Seahawks 10
Packers 24, Bengals 13
Chiefs 23, Chargers 19
Washington 19, Raiders 13
Cowboys 20, Cardinals 12

AFC East:

1. Bills 1-2 (1-0)
2. Jets 1-2 (1-1)
3. Patriots 1-2 (0-0)
4. Dolphins 0-2 (0-1)

AFC North:

1. Ravens 3-0 (2-0)
2. Steelers 1-2 (1-0)
3. Bengals 1-2 (0-1)
4. Browns 1-2 (0-2)

AFC South:

1. Jaguars 2-1 (2-0)
2. Titans 2-1 (0-1)
3. Colts 0-3 (0-0)
4. Texans 0-3 (0-1)

AFC West:

1. Broncos 2-1 (1-0)
2. Chiefs 2-1 (1-0)
3. Raiders 1-2 (0-0)
4. Chargers 1-2 (0-2)

NFC East:

1. Eagles 3-0 (2-0)
2. Cowboys 2-1 (0-1)
3. Giants 1-2 (1-1)
4. Washington 1-2 (0-1)

NFC North:

1. Lions 2-1 (0-0)
2. Packers 2-1 (0-0)
3. Vikings 2-1 (0-0)
4. Bears 1-2 (0-0)

NFC South:

1. Falcons 3-0 (0-0)
2. Panthers 2-1 (1-0)
3. Saints 2-1 (0-1)
4. Bucs 1-1 (0-0)

NFC West:

1. 49ers 2-1 (1-1)
2. Rams 2-1 (0-1)
3. Seahawks 1-2 (1-0)
4. Cardinals 1-2 (0-0)

# ? May 13, 2018 21:16

fartknocker: Oct 28, 2012; Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair.; Wedge Regret

a neat cape posted:

Browns 35, Colts 32

lol

The Colts giving up 18 points in the final 50 seconds, including allowing an onside kick and throwing a pick to allowing the winning field goal with 5 seconds left... makes sense.

# ? May 13, 2018 21:24

Flikken: Oct 23, 2009; 10,363 snaps and not a playoff win to show for it

that 4th quarter.....

# ? May 13, 2018 21:25

Coldforge: Oct 29, 2002; I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Two heckin good QBs.

code:

PASSING
 	 Comp	Att	Yards	TD	INT	 
Goff	 18	29	292	2	0	 

 	 Comp	Att	Yards	TD	INT	 
Jimmy	 20	25	276	1	0

Not bad, not bad.

code:

RECEIVING
 	 	Rec	Yds	20+	40+	L	TD	 
Cooper Kupp	4	93	2	0	38	1

 	 	Rec	Yds	20+	40+	L	TD	 
Quise Goodwin	4	99	2	0	38	0

lol

code:

RUSHING
 	 	Att	Yds	20+	L	TD	 
Todd Gurley II	16	32	0	6	1

 	 	Att	Yds	20+	L	TD	 
Carlos Hyde	20	148	2	34	2

Coldforge fucked around with this message at 00:20 on May 14, 2018

# ? May 14, 2018 00:17

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Week Four

Bears 20, Packers 17
Saints 30, Dolphins 6
Titans 13, Texans 10 F/OT
Jaguars 20, Jets 12
Patriots 42, Panthers 27
Vikings 28, Lions 20
Bills 20, Falcons 10
Steelers 23, Ravens 16
Bengals 26, Browns 12
Cowboys 30, Rams 23
Eagles 28, Chargers 23
Giants 27, Bucs 24
Cardinals 34, 49ers 14
Broncos 27, Raiders 22
Seahawks 30, Colts 13
Chiefs 50, Washington 17

AFC East:

1. Bills 2-2 (1-0)
3. Patriots 2-2 (0-0)
2. Jets 1-3 (1-1)
4. Dolphins 0-3 (0-1)

AFC North:

1. Ravens 3-1 (2-1)
2. Steelers 2-2 (2-0)
3. Bengals 2-2 (1-1)
4. Browns 1-3 (0-3)

AFC South:

1. Jaguars 3-1 (2-0)
2. Titans 3-1 (1-1)
3. Colts 0-4 (0-0)
4. Texans 0-4 (0-2)

AFC West:

1. Broncos 3-1 (2-0)
2. Chiefs 3-1 (1-0)
3. Raiders 1-3 (0-1)
4. Chargers 1-3 (0-2)

NFC East:

1. Eagles 4-0 (2-0)
2. Cowboys 3-1 (0-1)
3. Giants 2-2 (1-1)
4. Washington 1-3 (0-1)

NFC North:

1. Vikings 3-1 (1-0)
2. Bears 2-2 (1-0)
3. Lions 2-2 (0-1)
4. Packers 2-2 (0-1)

NFC South:

1. Falcons 3-1 (0-0)
2. Saints 3-1 (0-1)
3. Panthers 2-2 (1-0)
4. Bucs 1-2 (0-0)

NFC West:

1. Seahawks 2-2 (1-0)
2. Cardinals 2-2 (1-0)
3. 49ers 2-2 (1-2)
4. Rams 2-2 (0-1)

# ? May 21, 2018 06:58

Benne: Sep 2, 2011; STOP DOING HEROIN

I like how the Colts defense is so bad it made the Seahawks running game look credible

# ? May 21, 2018 07:11

Coldforge: Oct 29, 2002; I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Pack it in and shut it down, the simulation is already broken.

code:

PASSING
 	 	Comp	Att	Yards	TD	INT	 
Jimmy G		13	29	182	2	2

# ? May 21, 2018 08:12

Quiet Feet: Dec 14, 2009; THE HELL IS WITH THIS ASS!?

Coldforge posted:

Pack it in and shut it down, the simulation is already broken.
code:
PASSING
 	 	Comp	Att	Yards	TD	INT	 
Jimmy G		13	29	182	2	2

Is precognition of future stats a flaw though?

# ? May 21, 2018 12:45

Randaconda: Jul 3, 2014; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Simulation loving the Jags.

:smugdog:

# ? May 21, 2018 12:52

Hizawk: Jun 18, 2004; High on the Lions.

Randaconda posted:

Simulation loving the Jags.

So thats where Crimson Ghost ended up.

# ? May 21, 2018 13:45

hifi: Jul 25, 2012

Coldforge posted:

Pack it in and shut it down, the simulation is already broken.
code:
PASSING
 	 	Comp	Att	Yards	TD	INT	 
Jimmy G		13	29	182	2	2

benched for cj beathard, lol

# ? May 21, 2018 17:50

Phyein: Jun 19, 2009; ~Sucka Tried To Play Me
But You Never Paid Me, Never, Oh No You Didn't~
~Pay Back Is A Comin, You Will Be Runnin Forever~

Coldforge posted:

Pack it in and shut it down, the simulation is already broken.
code:
PASSING
 	 	Comp	Att	Yards	TD	INT	 
Jimmy G		13	29	182	2	2

It's gonna be really funny when this minus a TD or two is a typical Jimmy G game this season after all the hype

# ? May 21, 2018 18:35

Coldforge: Oct 29, 2002; I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

You�re all adorably foolish. Jimmy forgives your doubts.

But not this simulation, which is the vilest heresy.

# ? May 21, 2018 19:11

Flikken: Oct 23, 2009; 10,363 snaps and not a playoff win to show for it

Coldforge posted:

You’re all adorably foolish. Jimmy forgives your doubts.

But not this simulation, which is the vilest heresy.

The Browns 2 best receivers are 5th and 6th on the depth chart, this SIM sucks.

# ? May 21, 2018 23:11

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 26, 2024 06:23

Coldforge: Oct 29, 2002; I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Flikken posted:

The Browns 2 best receivers are 5th and 6th on the depth chart, this SIM sucks.

What's a Seth DeValve? Is that like a type of rotolock?

# ? May 21, 2018 23:38

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > 2017 NFL Season Redux: Third Time's the Charm

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