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Burnt Dick
May 3, 2018


I'm working in Italy and it seems bidets are the way to go here. But they worry me because at least in hotels, the thought of having a water nozzle near me that has been in close proximity with other people's assholes is a real put off. Plus, what if you slip? Has anyone ended up with fire brigade/ambulance called for a tap penetration? Shudder. Also, at least on the ones here you can set the temperature with a mixer, what if the water pressure changes and you get 2nd degree burns on your taint?

I'm not seeing any positives, I'll stick with my caveman TP. At least they have it as an option here, although it ran out once and rather than get a look of disgust from the maid I just used facial tissues.

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friendbot2000
Apr 30, 2011



I clean it with a power washer. It really gets the algae and mold off.

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

500 GOOD DOGS/COMFY FLEECE SWEATER ALT ACCOUNT

Buglord

I didnt realize we was supposed to clean it?

butt dickus
Jul 7, 2007

top ten juiced up coaches
and the top ten juiced up players

A ILL BREAKFAST
Jun 9, 2007

*unsheathes katana*


take a trip down to the italian equivalent of the spca and get yourself a dog. then, with some carefully placed peanut butter,

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

In a world gone mad,
we will not spank the monkey,
but the monkey will spank us.

Burnt Dick posted:

I'm working in Italy and it seems bidets are the way to go here. But they worry me because at least in hotels, the thought of having a water nozzle near me that has been in close proximity with other people's assholes is a real put off...

Don't be so lazy. Lick each bidet nozzle clean before first use.

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012


TP but i use my LEFT hand

Uncle at Nintendo
Dec 31, 2000

MIYAMOTO-SAN... YOU HAVE MY AXE


Very carefully

Cry Havoc
May 10, 2004

This cyberpunk cartoon avatar is pretty dang ol' good, I tell you what.

A ILL BREAKFAST posted:

take a trip down to the italian equivalent of the spca and get yourself a dog. then, with some carefully placed peanut butter,

hes asking how to clean his rear end not his dick

1redflag
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!


Pull my buttcheeks apart, rub some soap in there until it's good and lathered, then let the warm water run over my anus. I'm not gay, but the warm water on my anus does make me wuestion it sometimes

E. Oh, he meant on the toilet. Embrace the spigot, buddy. Way better than what I had to do when I lived in India (basically, use a ladle to pour water down my asscrack).

Verisimilidude
Dec 20, 2006

Strike quick and hurry at him,
not caring to hit or miss.
So that you dishonor him before the judges


we have a bidet in our apartment and I hate that loving thing


it shoots way too powerful, has no variable for strength, is connected to the bathroom sink so there's this big ugly metal tube coming out of the faucet, and what are you supposed to do when you have a wet rear end exactly? use toilet paper that disintegrates on contact to dry yourself? use a hand towel?

just use toilet paper you perverts

Burnt Dick
May 3, 2018


Verisimilidude posted:

we have a bidet in our apartment and I hate that loving thing


it shoots way too powerful, has no variable for strength, is connected to the bathroom sink so there's this big ugly metal tube coming out of the faucet, and what are you supposed to do when you have a wet rear end exactly? use toilet paper that disintegrates on contact to dry yourself? use a hand towel?

just use toilet paper you perverts

Oh yeah I forgot about that as well, hanging above the bidet is a towel I assume for drying afterwards. I don't care how well you wash that towel, I'm not touching it

ContraBoss
Dec 6, 2005

Well *I* only read the New Yorker and eat Fancy Feast.





Keep em in your car or keep one in your pocket.

...or go ahead and laugh at me you ol' shitasses

The Science of Suck
Mar 17, 2009


i pay it forward by cleaning some ones rear end first

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010



Sparingly

onedayholiday
Dec 6, 2013


not wealthy enough for a bidet so I fill my bathtub and powerbomb into it holding my buttocks open

FlimFlam Imam
Mar 1, 2007

Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

I just wait for the frothy santorum to dry and then simply peel it away.

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004



Fan of Britches

Public bidets do sound kinda gross op, but you also plop your gross rear end down on the seat where 100 other gross asses have been, assuming public toilets. I mean the only way a bidet is worse is in the unlikely event that someone's poop is caked right on the bidet nozzle.

That said, I have a bidet on my home toilet and blast away til it's all clean. And I scrub il my filthy shithole in the shower every day.

myDad
Jan 20, 2010

ce n'est pas ma mre

College Slice

that's the maid's job

Nutsngum
Oct 9, 2004

I don't think it's nice, you laughing.

A carefully chosen array of varying grit whetstones adorned my bathroom floor. Simply dragging my buttocks across them hones my sphincter to a mirror polish.

SuperiorColliculus
Oct 30, 2011



In the immortal words of the Beastie Boys

"If you wash your rear end, you best use soap"

Pawn 17
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.





Grimey Drawer

Someday I'm going to get a Japanese toilet and treat my rear end right.

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003



Yams Fan

I wash my rear end with a rag on a stick.

yogizh
Oct 12, 2015

Whose face you're wearing today ?




also hydrochloric acid while listening to Busta Rhymes - Light Your rear end on Fire

FlimFlam Imam
Mar 1, 2007

Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

Iron Crowned posted:

I wash my rear end with a rag on a stick.

Just use a stick, no need for a rag. It's more fun that way.

Beefeater
May 17, 2003

I'm hungry.


Hair Elf

FlimFlam Imam posted:

Just use a stick, no need for a rag. It's more fun that way.

I too enjoy removing splinters from my anus.

fatal oopsie-daisy
Jul 30, 2007

^me reading ur shitty posts


with your wife's tongue

Myron Baloney
Mar 19, 2002



Dinosaur Gum

Well, they call it a garden hose, but I've found they can be used anywhere they reach.

Hometown Slime Queen
Oct 26, 2004

DOCTOR'S ORDERS!


Hehehe, with a pressure wa-

friendbot2000 posted:

I clean it with a power washer. It really gets the algae and mold off.

God damnit

TheToxicEuphoria
Feb 26, 2008



I wait till a sunny day then just use a magnifying glass to focus a beam of light into my bum.

ContraBoss
Dec 6, 2005

Well *I* only read the New Yorker and eat Fancy Feast.


seriously though just lol if you don't use banana leaves like nature intended

big nipples big life
May 12, 2014





Tortured By Flan

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

in einer anderen welt


Cannonball into the pool, making sure to spread my buttcheeks as much as possible on impact.

Then I just sit on the garden hose for a bit, followed by a trip to Mr. Air Compressor to dry off.

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...

Clapping Larry

Bidet go in b-hole, make you into a human water balloon.

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



Bath Tubs
Aug 6, 2013



I dunno about my own rear end but ladies call me bidet cause I clean their rear end with my tongue

DISCO KING
Oct 30, 2012

STILL
TRYING
TOO
HARD


Frequent self immolation

Lowtax
Nov 16, 1999


With ten dollar bills

1redflag
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!


Lowtax posted:

With ten dollar bills

So what do you do after the tenth time you poop?

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Tane
Feb 27, 2005



i remove the poo poo from my rear end with a finger then post it on here so everyone can read it

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