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Something Offal posted:I'm not convinced this isn't a very elaborate fake post thing. The guy makes little sense. But if it's true and it's that easy to land these offers post-college with the right project portfolio, goddamn. There are just too many little things that seem not to add up am I wrong? It's my understanding that specialties fall out of favor faster than you can train enough specialists. Colossal sums chase one tiny pre-existing labor pool after another. OP, strike while the iron's hot. Just read Japan.jpg while sighing wistfully and make hay while the sun shines. SAMPLE CONTENT: 
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Jan 27, 2019 00:25
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Well, I've decided to take the NY job. Thanks goons for the advice, mockery, and place to vent my anxieties.
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Jan 27, 2019 01:21
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mmm11105 posted:Well, I've decided to take the NY job. Good choice. mmm11105 posted:Thanks goons for the advice, mockery, and place to vent my anxieties. Always a pleasure.
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Jan 27, 2019 02:01
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theHUNGERian posted:Good choice. I needed some people to yell some sense into me. Sadly, having decided and committed hasn't really helped the anxiety at all- I keep seeing things that remind me of my time in Japan and worry I made the wrong choice. Hopefully over time this will fade as I start making concrete plans for everything. I may take a nice long vacation before starting through more of Japan and Hong Kong, though I'm now unsure if that will help or hurt - I really want to do it but am worried visiting Japan again before starting work may make me regret my choice.
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Jan 27, 2019 17:13
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mmm11105 posted:I needed some people to yell some sense into me. Sadly, having decided and committed hasn't really helped the anxiety at all- I keep seeing things that remind me of my time in Japan and worry I made the wrong choice. Hopefully over time this will fade as I start making concrete plans for everything. I may take a nice long vacation before starting through more of Japan and Hong Kong, though I'm now unsure if that will help or hurt - I really want to do it but am worried visiting Japan again before starting work may make me regret my choice. You didn't hth.
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Jan 27, 2019 17:26
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mmm11105 posted:I needed some people to yell some sense into me. Sadly, having decided and committed hasn't really helped the anxiety at all- I keep seeing things that remind me of my time in Japan and worry I made the wrong choice. Hopefully over time this will fade as I start making concrete plans for everything. I may take a nice long vacation before starting through more of Japan and Hong Kong, though I'm now unsure if that will help or hurt - I really want to do it but am worried visiting Japan again before starting work may make me regret my choice. The anxiety/uncertainty will remain until you have settled into your new life. If you have clinically diagnosed anxiety, I recommend seeking help. But if it's just regular jitters (moving to a new country/home, transitioning out of college to your first job), rest assured that things will work out.
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Jan 27, 2019 19:34
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theHUNGERian posted:The anxiety/uncertainty will remain until you have settled into your new life. If you have clinically diagnosed anxiety, I recommend seeking help. But if it's just regular jitters (moving to a new country/home, transitioning out of college to your first job), rest assured that things will work out. He already has clinically diagnosed anxiety, he takes anxiety meds says one of his posts. One of the many interesting tidbits.
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Jan 28, 2019 04:44
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Something Offal posted:He already has clinically diagnosed anxiety, he takes anxiety meds says one of his posts. One of the many interesting tidbits. Sorry, I missed that.
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Jan 28, 2019 04:49
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mmm11105 posted:I needed some people to yell some sense into me. Sadly, having decided and committed hasn't really helped the anxiety at all- I keep seeing things that remind me of my time in Japan and worry I made the wrong choice. Hopefully over time this will fade as I start making concrete plans for everything. I may take a nice long vacation before starting through more of Japan and Hong Kong, though I'm now unsure if that will help or hurt - I really want to do it but am worried visiting Japan again before starting work may make me regret my choice.
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May 19, 2019 23:00
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Suspicious Lump posted:Come to Australia, I'll show you around. If you have hardcore japanese fever, go to Cairns there's plenty of Japanese tourists there. But don't go to Japan again, there are plenty of other countries out there you should explore. Have you considered Korea? Any of the south east asian countries? Thanks for the offer, but I just got back last night from my trip, which ended up being Taipei, Seoul and Hong Kong - figured I'd go the big East Asian cities outside of Japan. Was a nice trip, despite the best attempts of the weather to ruin it (super hot and humid in Taiwan and pouring rain the whole time in Hong Kong). Unfortunately, coming back from my vacation has got me feeling the worst about things I have in a while. Part if that may just be the jetlag messing with my brain, but I think part of it is that this feels like the end of an era for me - I've spent the last 3 years of my school's coop program getting to live in a different city for 4 months every 8 months (I've done London l, NYC, SF, and Tokyo), and I've really learned to love getting to really explore different places. It's kept me busy on nights and weekends while I'm there and busy in between work terms researching what I want to see in these places and looking forward to it. Four months seems like almost the perfect amount of time to feel like you've gotten to know a place and seen a lot of the things that are off the beaten track, without ever running out if things to see or do on nights and weekends or becoming bored with the work. On a more pathetic note, It's probably also let me justify not building very many relationships with people, because I was moving around so much and its given me motivation to get out of the house outside work hours that I often feel I'm lacking otherwise. With this vacation over I now have to move from getting to explore new places to living somewhere I've already pretty thoroughly explored and its got me worried that I'll just be taking the cramped, unreliable NY subways into work every day, working, taking the subway home and doing nothing of much interest outside that. I've got this oppressive feeling that my life is going to be a lot drearier and less fun from here on out. Sorry for the wall of text, hopefully once this jet lag wears off I'll feel a little better, and hopefully once I start in NY in August (and find a new therapist to see there now that I'm somewhere long term) I'll enjoy myself and find out my fears are overblown. I'm just not very hopeful right now, and this giant gap while my University gets around to actually issuing me my degree and then visa stuff gets sorted out is not helping, sitting around at my childhood home in Podunk nowhere with nothing to do all day but think. EDIT: Another 2 hours of sleep and I'm feeling a lot better mmm11105 fucked around with this message at 16:27 on Jun 2, 2019 |
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Jun 2, 2019 14:54
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mmm11105 posted:With this vacation over I now have to move from getting to explore new places to living somewhere I've already pretty thoroughly explored and its got me worried that I'll just be taking the cramped, unreliable NY subways into work every day, working, taking the subway home and doing nothing of much interest outside that. I've got this oppressive feeling that my life is going to be a lot drearier and less fun from here on out. get on meetup.com and find some after-work activities you like. there's tons of stuff on there. i found a running club in my neighborhood and a group that meets up to play board games at a board game club in the west village. another good way to meet people and be active is to volunteer with new york cares edit: also, come post in the NYC thread https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3032497&pagenumber=3649#lastpost i think some goons still meet up for poker night and board game night every few weeks, so that's a thing you can do Uranium 235 fucked around with this message at 17:39 on Jun 2, 2019 |
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Jun 2, 2019 17:33
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im the guy who thinks i thoroughly explored new york in four months
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Jun 2, 2019 20:20
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:im the guy who thinks i thoroughly explored new york in four months Didn't mean to imply that I'd seen everything there is to see in NY (I'm not sure that's possible in one person's lifetime) but more that I've done most of the bigger stuff that interests me (spent time wandering around the neighbourhoods in BK/Queens/Manhattan that seemed interesting to me, seen the permanent collections at all the big museums, and so on) that had previously meant I could wake up on any given weekend day and quickly find something to do for the day. By the very end of my four months there, I found myself spending more weekend days in my apartment, kind of bored (London was similar, SF I ran out of things I really wanted to do even quicker, Tokyo was the only one where after 4 months I still had a big list of things I wanted to do that I hadn't had the time to do yet). EDIT: I guess I'm also feeling somewhat unfulfilled and unmotivated these days - the other people I know from my graduating class are spending their spare time making art, or cool side projects, or organizing conferences and I can't really find the motivation to use mine for much of anything, even now when I have multiple months off - and I worry that this is just going to get worse when I'm also working full time. In the past I've used my time off while working to do urban exploring of the cities I was in, which while fun, wasn't exactly productive, and isn't sustainable living in one place long term. While I previously had the motivating goal of graduating and landing a good job, now that I've done that I don't quite know what I want next. mmm11105 fucked around with this message at 03:25 on Jun 3, 2019 |
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Jun 3, 2019 03:01
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Who let this dweeb into my glorious New York City? You're young and rich, go do whatever the hell you want to you weirdo.
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Jun 3, 2019 04:00
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mmm11105 posted:Another 2 hours of sleep and I'm feeling a lot better Sleep affects literally everything about you, especially your mental stability. Sleep better, dude. Also seek therapy because anxiety disorders/depression suck rear end and make life so much harder. You can afford therapy and if needed medication, so don't hesitate. Guilt about having those opportunities is useless, just use them.
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Jun 3, 2019 04:58
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Ritznit posted:Sleep affects literally everything about you, especially your mental stability. Sleep better, dude. Also seek therapy because anxiety disorders/depression suck rear end and make life so much harder. You can afford therapy and if needed medication, so don't hesitate. Guilt about having those opportunities is useless, just use them. Yeah, right now it's hard to tell where the jetlag end and my anxiety begins for a lot of how poo poo I'm feeling. Plus a strange combination of dreams of how much fun I had in the past on the recent vacation and in Tokyo and nightmares about how bad things will be in the near future probably isn't helping my sleep quality. I feel so awful about the fact that I have so many things going for me - good education, good job in a city so many people would love to live in, supportive family - but I just can't find any way to be happy, I just feel so aimless, inadequate and unmotivated. And now I'm so anxious that I'm ruining the last big chunk of time I'll have with my family for a long time, since I'm just a complete nervous wreck all the time. I also feel super guilty about inflicting myself in my family in this state - they try so hard to be helpful but I can tell they have no idea what do with me when I'm in this state and it's really hard on them. mmm11105 fucked around with this message at 13:19 on Jun 3, 2019 |
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Jun 3, 2019 13:00
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Just out of curiosity, did you ever look at consulting? It's kind of perfect for people straight out of college who are still excited about travelling/being away from home for weeks at a time in different locations.
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Jun 3, 2019 13:22
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Residency Evil posted:Just out of curiosity, did you ever look at consulting? It's kind of perfect for people straight out of college who are still excited about travelling/being away from home for weeks at a time in different locations. not a great field for those who are technically gifted but socially incompetent you can be an individual contributor for maybe 2-3 years at most, then you have to deal with people and if you're at a big firm on a big project as an analyst/associate you are going to be going to like, Peoria, every week for a year and this mother fucker thinks NYC gets stale after four months
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Jun 3, 2019 13:46
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A recurring though the last day or so is that the end of my trip feels like the end of an era for me - I've really enjoyed getting to explore all these cities I've lived in over the last few years, it's what's kept me entertained on nights and weekends, what I've been looking forward to whenever I'm bored during work weeks, what's kept from me from feeling lonely when I'm all alone. It's kept me busy and happy during my school terms thinking about all the things I want to see in these places and busy and happy during the work terms trying to see as much as I can in four months. But now that's over and I don't know what I want to do with myself now. I think that's also part of why my anxiety latched on to deciding between the Tokyo job and the NYC job so much, Tokyo was by a pretty big margin the city that was the most fun to explore on nights and weekends, so even if logically I know that can't last forever, it was a tempting way to keep doing that for the immediate future and avoid having to figure out what I want to do long term. For the last few years I've had such clear tangible goals - pass classes, get good co-op jobs, explore all the cool places I've ended up. And now I don't have those goals and I have no idea what I want out of life.
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Jun 3, 2019 13:55
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:not a great field for those who are technically gifted but socially incompetent Yeah, that's been my thoughts on consulting as well, plus the work itself seems less interesting than what I can work on elsewhere. But I guess it's a maybe for the future of I do find myself horribly bored staying in one place. Also, the nice thing about the whole university co-op thing is that 4 months seemed like almost the perfect amount of time for me, in that it was less being away from home and more moving home - I got to dig my roots in a little in each place, set up enough of a kitchen to do some cooking which I like to do, have enough time to really get acquainted with the area and the job - but not long enough to get bored with the place or the job.
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Jun 3, 2019 14:05
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the boredom comes from within, friend
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Jun 3, 2019 14:47
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:the boredom comes from within, friend
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Jun 3, 2019 14:53
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:the boredom comes from within, friend Yeah, I definitely need to find some more constructive, creative, hobbies. I do quite like to cook, and am still trying to learn Japanese (I started studying it a bit before going to Japan, and found myself liking the learning the language, though when I'm having bad days studying Japanese does often get me second guessing my decision again which doesn't help). I like to travel, but that's kind of restricted now by my limited vacation time. I just feel super unmotivated these days, I guess partially because whenever I'm alone with my thoughts, which is necessary for a lot of constructive stuff, my anxiety finds a way to the front. I am envious of my friends who have the motivation to work all day and then come home and work on side projects and the like. It's a vicious cycle where I need to keep myself distracted to avoid panicking, but needing to stay distracted prevents me from doing things that might make me feel better about myself. I also worry about having a really rough patch while I'm working, which would definitely impact my ability to be productive at work. So far the fun of exploring a new city has mostly prevented my anxiety from being an issue during work terms, but I don't have that anymore. mmm11105 fucked around with this message at 15:17 on Jun 3, 2019 |
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Jun 3, 2019 15:03
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Once more, I'd like to say  because even just a few sessions might be very well what you need right now before you get proper depression and/or your anxiety gets worse.
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Jun 3, 2019 15:10
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Ritznit posted:Once more, I'd like to say I was seeing a therapist during my last school term, but it never seemed to click that much for me - it was a lot of CBT worksheets, which always came off as overly generic (a lot of clever acronyms for things), and never seemed to work that well for me when I'm actually having a panic attack (it's easy to write down a list of evidence against the things you're panicking about in hindsight, much harder in the moment). I did only get a chance to see him for about 5 sessions, so maybe he could have helped more if I was seeing him longer terms. Plus he's now a 2hr drive each way away from where I currently am, which would make seeing him pretty inconvenient. Not sure whether it's worth seeking out a therapist where I am now, since I'm moving to NY to start work at the beginning of August, and I'm unsure whether by the time I find one I like here (who doesn't have a massive waitlist which seems to be an issue for psychologists these days) I'll have enough time to get much out of it, though I may be wrong about that.
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Jun 3, 2019 15:28
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:not a great field for those who are technically gifted but socially incompetent I seem to recall he's a quant at a Citadel/Optiver type of shop. The heavy social interactions of Consulting will eat someone like this alive.
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Jun 3, 2019 15:32
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jbusbysack posted:I seem to recall he's a quant at a Citadel/Optiver type of shop. The heavy social interactions of Consulting will eat someone like this alive. Pure developer, not a quant, but yeah that industry. Tokyo job would have been a mixed dev/quant job.
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Jun 3, 2019 15:58
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mmm11105 posted:I was seeing a therapist during my last school term, but it never seemed to click that much for me - it was a lot of CBT worksheets, which always came off as overly generic (a lot of clever acronyms for things), and never seemed to work that well for me when I'm actually having a panic attack (it's easy to write down a list of evidence against the things you're panicking about in hindsight, much harder in the moment). CBT isn't the correct group of skills for when you're actively having a panic attack. DBT distress tolerance skills are for when you're at a 9 or 10 on the emotional escalation scale. CBT is for the lower-grade generalized anxiety that you report having. Ask your next therapist to explain to you when you should be using each skill.
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Jun 3, 2019 16:32
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turing_test posted:CBT isn't the correct group of skills for when you're actively having a panic attack. DBT distress tolerance skills are for when you're at a 9 or 10 on the emotional escalation scale. CBT is for the lower-grade generalized anxiety that you report having. Ask your next therapist to explain to you when you should be using each skill. Good to know, thanks. Have to decide whether it's worth trying to find a therapist where I am now, even though I'm leaving in two months. I had previously hoped I would be able to keep busy and keep things together well enough until I'm in NY and can see someone long term, but I'm worried now that I'm going to get worse as the move approaches and not be in a very good state to be moving and starting at work. I had been alright the first month or so I had off, but I think the combination of the jetlag and not having the vacation to look forward to anymore is hitting me hard.
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Jun 3, 2019 17:49
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What's your support network like? Do you talk to friends, family, anything? Do you socialize with them in person?
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Jun 3, 2019 19:07
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Ritznit posted:What's your support network like? Do you talk to friends, family, anything? Do you socialize with them in person? My support network is fairly good - I talk to my family a lot (I'm also currently living at home with my parents until I leave for New York. I have a small but pretty tight knit group of friends, though now that we've graduated we're scattering all over the place so I don't really see them in person now. One of them is an especially close friend who was very helpful when I struggling with deciding between jobs - he's a ways away now but will be moving to NY at around the same time as me which will be nice. I also planning on heading up to where I went to university (~2hr drive) to hangout with a few of them who are still there sometime in the next couple weeks. Don't really have any friends here in my hometown anymore, I grew apart from them when I went to university, and the few I do still occasionally hear from have all moved elsewhere.
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Jun 3, 2019 20:12
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:not a great field for those who are technically gifted but socially incompetent For sure, I'm just going off the fact that there was a lot of overlap between the consulting/ibanking kids in college. To be honest, to the OP it sounds like none of your issues are going to be solved by living in Tokyo vs NYC. Tokyo may be a more unique experience for a few months, but the location alone is not going to fix whatever problems you have. Start your job in NYC, work there, and see if therapy/etc helps you figure things out. You've got a good opportunity that starts in August, and you should be set up well for many different careers down the road. I'm a bit over 10 years out from graduating college and being in a similar position. Ultimately I didn't go in to banking, but I'll say most of my friends who started in banking/consulting are no longer in the industry and have jumped ship to industry, and seem much happier. 
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Jun 3, 2019 20:43
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Peer support groups can be really good and don't require making an appointment. I attend a DBSA one but it looks like there are several different options for groups in the NYC area. It's definitely worth checking out when you move.
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Jun 3, 2019 21:39
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Residency Evil posted:For sure, I'm just going off the fact that there was a lot of overlap between the consulting/ibanking kids in college. I will say that for the most part the both places I considered run more like tech companies than traditional ibanking, hours are reasonable, very little formality and hierarchy. NY one is slightly more traditional finance feeling, but that mostly a result of their bigger size bringing certain requirements. And yeah, logically I know that the location probably doesn't matter that much long term, and that the novelty of anywhere would wear off eventually, but when I'm feeling panicky it's easy to look back at how much fun I had in Tokyo, how nice everyone was and how good all the infrastructure for daily living was, and think that maybe that would have been nicer. It's a grass is always greener thing for sure - I'm sure if I had picked the Tokyo job I'd be thinking wistfully of being closer to my family and having a more stable position.
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Jun 4, 2019 04:10
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turing_test posted:Peer support groups can be really good and don't require making an appointment. I attend a DBSA one but it looks like there are several different options for groups in the NYC area. It's definitely worth checking out when you move. Thanks, I'll look into those once I'm in NY. Now that the jetlag has started to wear out, I'm definitely feeling a little better, but still definitely in a high anxiety state - having to keep myself constantly distracted to avoid thinking too much and panicking. It probably doesn't help a lot though that a big chunk of the media I consume is out of Japan though (some anime, the social media accounts of people I worked with in Japan, some Japanese design magazines I really like and try to read despite my terrible Japanese, my Japanese language practice I need to keep up on), which serves to constantly remind me of how much I liked my time there. Even though I know, logically, I'd probably be panicking about different concerns if I had gone the other way, I'm still having a hard time getting past the 'what if'.
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Jun 5, 2019 15:08
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mmm11105 posted:Thanks, I'll look into those once I'm in NY. Now that the jetlag has started to wear out, I'm definitely feeling a little better, but still definitely in a high anxiety state - having to keep myself constantly distracted to avoid thinking too much and panicking. It probably doesn't help a lot though that a big chunk of the media I consume is out of Japan though (some anime, the social media accounts of people I worked with in Japan, some Japanese design magazines I really like and try to read despite my terrible Japanese, my Japanese language practice I need to keep up on), which serves to constantly remind me of how much I liked my time there. Distractions such as hobbies and exercise did a good job of getting past my 'what ifs'.
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Jun 5, 2019 19:28
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extremely late post, but OP, while I share your love for Japan (spent a year there in study abroad in Osaka, Kansai rules Kanto drools) I think you are severely understating the difficulty you would have had seeking effective mental health treatment in Japan. As for your current therapy, I'd recommend you look into mindfulness (though I've done the same and I've had poo poo luck with actually implementing it) as well as seeing if there is a DBT group that you could meet with.
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Jul 14, 2019 21:03
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