2019 MLB Postseason Toxx Thread

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > 2019 MLB Postseason Toxx Thread

Pancakes: May 21, 2001; Crypto-Rump Roast

And we're back! October baseball has returned everyone and it's time to put our money where our shitposts are.

For those of you who don't know, we've got a tradition around here of making stupid conditional bets based around postseason games, often involving giving to charity. Think of it like gambling on the games except that society wins rather than you. Assuming you ever really win.

Why do we do this?

It's a way of having a stake in the postseason games even if your team isn't involved Cubs fans. The past 3 years my team's been out of it and having various Toxx bets on the line added another incentive to pay attention to every game. My favorite postseason Toxx remains the charity bets. Over the past few years MLB goons have raised thousands of dollars each year for good causes while cheering for various outcomes. Major league baseball has a proud tradition of emphasizing doing good while playing well. Even if our posts are bad, our intentions can be good.

With that in mind, the Toxx thread isn't only for fundraising. You can Toxx for avatar changes, forum upgrade bets or just go hog wild like forums superstar Intruder and eat the bananas. Eat the bananas, people. Do it.

Non-Charity Toxxes

This space reserved for any and all non-charity Toxx bets.

If the Cardinals win the World Series Kevlar v2.0 will eat an entire Imo's pizza.

The square beyond compare!

~~If the Rays win the ALDS marioinblack will get a stool-related avatar.~~ A Bartman for our times!

Charity Section

As always, a moment to reflect on one of the greatest of all time:

Recurring Toxxes

This space reserved for recurring charity-related Toxx bets. An example from last year was $1 by Kevlar for every Daniel Murphy total base in the postseason to the Center on Halstead. Giving money to a good cause out of spite for a player's terrible behavior is something I encourage.

Big Mean Jerk: $2 to RAINN for every Roberto Osuna strikeout. $8 through 10/10/2019.
Big Mean Jerk: $5 to No Kid Hungry for every Verlander or Cole start with 9 or more strikeouts. $10 through 10/10/2019 because Gerrit Cole isn't human.
Big Mean Jerk: $1 to The Sunshine Kids for every Astros home run. $6 through 10/10/2019.
Big Mean Jerk: $5 to The Sunshine Kids for every Astros grand slam. $0 through 10/10/2019.
elentar: $1 to RAINN for every Atlanta Braves win. $2 total.
HOTLANTA MAN: $50 to the ACLU as an estimate of $1 for every time the Chop was aired on TV.
Pancakes: $25 to Fundacion4 for every Cardinals win. $75 through 10/10/2019.
Pancakes: $25 to Big League Impact for every Cardinals win. $75 through 10/10/2019.
Pancakes: $25 to Chicago English Bulldog Rescue ($50 minimum) for every Nationals win. $100 through 10/10/2019.
Pancakes: $25 to the National Keratoconus Foundation ($25 minimum) for every Rays win. $75 total.
Pancakes: $25 to RAINN for every Yankees win. $75 through 10/10/2019.
Pancakes: $10 to the National Eating Disorders Association for every home run by a DH. $30 through 10/10/2019.
President Peanut: $1 to RAINN for every Atlanta Braves win. $2 total.
Sydin: $25 to Shelter Inc. ($25 minimum) for every A's win.

One-Shot Toxxes

This space reserved for one-off charity-related Toxx bets. An example from last year was $25 to RAINN by iospace when the Brewers won the NL Central.

Big Mean Jerk: $15 to RAINN if the Astros win the ALDS.
Big Mean Jerk: $20 to RAINN if the Astros win the ALCS.
Big Mean Jerk: $25 to RAINN if the Astros win the World Series.
Intruder: $100 to RAINN if the Astros win the World Series.
Intruder: $100 to a charity decided by the fan of any non-Yankees team other than the Astros that wins the World Series.
iospace: $25 to the Milwaukee Bike Collective if the Brewers clinch a playoff spot.
~~elentar: $10 to RAINN if the Braves sweep the World Series.~~
Pancakes: $100 to the Cherokee Nation Foundation if the Cardinals win the NLDS.
~~President Peanut: $10 to RAINN if the Braves sweep the World Series.~~

Competition!

If you want to get really competitive up in here, post your preferred team next to your charity Toxx. I'll keep a running total in this space of what each team's poster has pledged. In years past the Cubs posters have led the field both as a function of how many Cubsposters we have as well as the fact that they were actually playing in October. Will this year make a difference? Let's find out!

Updated through the end of the Divisional series as of 10/11/2019. I've bolded any pledges that have completed and struck out any pledges that fizzled.

Pancakes fucked around with this message at 23:54 on Oct 11, 2019

# ? Oct 2, 2019 00:46

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 23:12

Pancakes: May 21, 2001; Crypto-Rump Roast

I'll get the bets started. Credit all donations to the Cardinals:

I love my team. Make me bleed and win some games you jerks:
:toxx:

For every Cardinals win I will donate $25 to Fundacion4, the charity of reigning Clemente Award winner Yadier Molina. :toxx:

For every Cardinals win I will donate $25 to Big League Impact, the charity of the Cardinals' current Clemente Award nominee, Adam Wainwright. :toxx:

Max Scherzer does a lot of good for animals. I love my rescue dog. Just look at her:

For every Nationals win I will donate $25 to Chicago English Bulldog Rescue with a $50 minimum, in case the Nats continue to suck rear end in October. :toxx:

Tommy Pham is awesome and a professional ballplayer despite having a degenerative eye condition.
:toxx:

For every Rays win I will donate $25 to the National Keratoconus Foundation with a $25 minimum. :toxx:

Aroldis Chapman is a domestic-abusing piece of poo poo who shouldn't be allowed to play baseball.
:toxx:

For every Yankees win I will donate $25 to RAINN. :toxx:

I haven't been exactly shy about my history with eating disorders.

:toxx:

For every home run by a designated hitter in October I will donate $10 to the National Eating Disorders Association. :toxx:

# ? Oct 2, 2019 01:02

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

Alright, my :toxx:

: for each of the following that the Brewers do, I will donate 25 dollars to the Milwaukee Bike Collective.

For clinching the playoffs
For winning the WC game
For winning the NLDS
For winning the NLCS
For winning the World Series

Final total: 25 dollars.

iospace fucked around with this message at 04:06 on Oct 2, 2019

# ? Oct 2, 2019 01:17

Big Mean Jerk: Jan 27, 2009; Well, of course I know him.
He's me.

Here�s my

$2 to RAINN for every postseason Roberto Osuna strikeout.
$15 to RAINN if the Astros win the ALDS.
An additional $20 to RAINN if the Astros then win the ALCS.
Another $25 to RAINN if the Astros end up WS Champions.
$5 to No Kid Hungry (a charity Gerritt Cole is involved with) for every postseason start in which JV or Cole accrues 9+ strikeouts.
$1 to The Sunshine Kids, a local charity championed by Craig Biggio for children with cancer, for every Astros postseason home run.
$5 to The Sunshine Kids for every Astros postseason grand slam.

# ? Oct 2, 2019 01:48

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

I'll make the donation to Milwaukee Bike Collective sometime in the coming weeks, but before the end of the post-season.

(Hopefully next week I can make it out there Wednesday evening!)

iospace fucked around with this message at 04:46 on Oct 2, 2019

# ? Oct 2, 2019 04:06

HOTLANTA MAN: Jul 4, 2010; by Hand Knit; Lipstick Apathy

one dollar to the ACLU for every time the Tomahawk Chop is heard over broadcast this postseason

# ? Oct 2, 2019 04:12

Kevlar v2.0: Dec 25, 2003; =^•⩊•^=

While probably not as gross as bananas hollandaise, it would at the very least provide a crippling blow to my Chicago pizza cred...

If the Cardinals win the World Series, I will eat an entire Imo's pizza. :toxx:

Pancakes has agreed to supply the Imo's. I'll pay him for any pizza I eat.

If they advance far, I might have to practice by eating saltines with ketchup and ez-cheez to get accustomed to the taste. :barf:

# ? Oct 2, 2019 06:41

Peanut President: Nov 5, 2008; by Athanatos
(and can't post for 8 days!)

I'm a poorman so I will donate 1 USD to RAINN for every game the Atlanta Red Stockings Baseball Club LLC win in the postseason with an extra 10 if they sweep the world series.

# ? Oct 2, 2019 08:24

Sydin: Oct 29, 2011; Another spring commute

I live in the Bay Area and the homeless situation here, along with the lack of anything even resembling public will to do anything about it, are absolutely loving appalling. Instead of actually trying to help the homeless, the most people around here seem to be willing to do is band together and throw heavy boulders on their sidewalks so the homeless can't set up tents there.

For every A's post season victory, I'll donate $25 to Shelter Inc., with a minimum of $25 in case they get blown out early tonight.

# ? Oct 2, 2019 18:12

elentar: Aug 26, 2002; Every single year the Ivy League takes a break from fucking up the world through its various alumni to fuck up everyone's bracket instead.

Peanut President posted:

I'm a poorman so I will donate 1 USD to RAINN for every game the Atlanta Red Stockings Baseball Club LLC win in the postseason with an extra 10 if they sweep the world series.

I�ll join this.

Elsewhere:

# ? Oct 2, 2019 18:26

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

elentar posted:

I�ll join this.

Elsewhere:

Are you saying that if Atlanta wins the World Series, you're going to make an eat that?

# ? Oct 2, 2019 19:25

elentar: Aug 26, 2002; Every single year the Ivy League takes a break from fucking up the world through its various alumni to fuck up everyone's bracket instead.

Oh gently caress no, my wife would turf me out immediately and be fully justified in doing so. I�m just adding it to the pile of future bad food ideas

# ? Oct 2, 2019 20:12

Miz Kriss: Mar 17, 2009; It's only an avatar if the Cubs get swept.

I have no horse in this race, but I'll be more than happy to suggest food crimes for others to ~~suffer~~ consume.

Like this "Washington state hot dog" which is a hot dog casserole that's consisted of split hot dogs with apple slices and cheese melted on top.

Or perhaps you'd like to keep it baseball related and do the "Phil Hughes Challenge" (I absolutely hate pickles and will avoid them at all costs. :barf:

)https://twitter.com/cut4/status/1167499257076748288?s=21

Maybe you're hankering for a sweet treat like a big ol scoop of mustard ice cream?

All in all, if you need a food crime/crime against humanity, I will find one for you.

# ? Oct 2, 2019 22:30

elentar: Aug 26, 2002; Every single year the Ivy League takes a break from fucking up the world through its various alumni to fuck up everyone's bracket instead.

Apple-cheese-sausage is a pretty classic and straightforward combo, dunno if that really ticks the boxes.

# ? Oct 2, 2019 23:09

Sydin: Oct 29, 2011; Another spring commute

Sydin posted:

I live in the Bay Area and the homeless situation here, along with the lack of anything even resembling public will to do anything about it, are absolutely loving appalling. Instead of actually trying to help the homeless, the most people around here seem to be willing to do is band together and throw heavy boulders on their sidewalks so the homeless can't set up tents there.

For every A's post season victory, I'll donate $25 to Shelter Inc., with a minimum of $25 in case they get blown out early tonight.

lol well that was quick:

If another team piques my interest or I get drunk enough I might do more, although I'm not in the most fantastic financial situation at the moment.

# ? Oct 3, 2019 21:03

Pancakes: May 21, 2001; Crypto-Rump Roast

OP updated with every serious one I could see. I have absolutely no idea how to tabulate Hotlanta Man's pledge and honestly, I'm not going to go back and meticulously listen for the Chop on each broadcast to even try.

# ? Oct 4, 2019 03:32

Squall: Mar 10, 2010; "...whatever."

Pancakes posted:

OP updated with every serious one I could see. I have absolutely no idea how to tabulate Hotlanta Man's pledge and honestly, I'm not going to go back and meticulously listen for the Chop on each broadcast to even try.

It's okay, it'll only be three games. :smithicide:

Here is where I'd do a cool toxx but I am not cool and have no ideas.

# ? Oct 4, 2019 05:57

Miz Kriss: Mar 17, 2009; It's only an avatar if the Cubs get swept.

Squall posted:

It's okay, it'll only be three games.

Here is where I'd do a cool toxx but I am not cool and have no ideas.

Doesn�t have to be cool if you don�t want it to be. I usually just have a SAS fan of the team that beats my team pick a charity for me to throw $10 to, but I�ll also throw in a bet for an avatar of the star player of the other team for a year if my team gets swept. I�m glad that didn�t happen and someone got me bubble gum Javy instead. (I still don�t know who bought it for me)

# ? Oct 4, 2019 15:56

HOTLANTA MAN: Jul 4, 2010; by Hand Knit; Lipstick Apathy

Pancakes posted:

OP updated with every serious one I could see. I have absolutely no idea how to tabulate Hotlanta Man's pledge and honestly, I'm not going to go back and meticulously listen for the Chop on each broadcast to even try.

I counted 19 at the game last night and will watch the replay tonight but so far im at 19 bucks. I meant it originally as a joke but now im not so sure. Braves fans suck.

# ? Oct 4, 2019 18:15

Pancakes: May 21, 2001; Crypto-Rump Roast

I'll update the OP with results after the divisional round ends but for now, :toxx:

if the Cardinals win the NLDS I will donate $100 to the Cherokee Nation Foundation :toxx:

because gently caress the Chop.

# ? Oct 8, 2019 02:49

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003

If the Astros win the WS I will donate $200 to RAINN

If the Astros don't win but a non-Yankees team does I will donate $100 to a charity of the choosing of a fan of said team unless it's the Braves in which case I'll find some charity for natives to donate to

# ? Oct 8, 2019 06:09

Peanut President: Nov 5, 2008; by Athanatos
(and can't post for 8 days!)

2 wins + an extra 10 for "gently caress the cardinals, the most racist fanbase in all of sports"

# ? Oct 10, 2019 04:50

HOTLANTA MAN: Jul 4, 2010; by Hand Knit; Lipstick Apathy

I didnt count all the chops but ill throw 50 to the aclu when i get a chance

# ? Oct 10, 2019 05:40

Pancakes: May 21, 2001; Crypto-Rump Roast

Updated the OP through the beginning of each league's LCS.

# ? Oct 11, 2019 23:54

Big Mean Jerk: Jan 27, 2009; Well, of course I know him.
He's me.

quote:

I will donate $5 to RAINN for every NYY/HOU ALCS game after this one [Game 2] in which mcmagic can somehow resist whining about sign stealing in the GDT.

Update 10/15: mcmagic didn't even post during Game 3, so there's one.

Big Mean Jerk fucked around with this message at 07:05 on Oct 16, 2019

# ? Oct 14, 2019 01:32

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003

Big Mean Jerk posted:

Matching donation from me

Pancakes my donation if the Astros win is 200 not 100

# ? Oct 14, 2019 01:32

elentar: Aug 26, 2002; Every single year the Ivy League takes a break from fucking up the world through its various alumni to fuck up everyone's bracket instead.

I'll send my 2 bucks plus a little extra once this whole baseball thing wraps up for the year.

# ? Oct 14, 2019 02:53

Kevlar v2.0: Dec 25, 2003; =^•⩊•^=

I have been spared from eating the terrible pizza.

# ? Oct 16, 2019 04:10

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003

That's one game from mcmagic, though he managed it by not posting

Running tally: $5. Further updates will simply be updates to this post

# ? Oct 16, 2019 06:20

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003

Well I am now obligated to donate minimum $100 to charity which I'm totally OK with

e: make that $120 since I already owe $20 for the mcmagic toxx

# ? Oct 20, 2019 06:32

Edward Mass: Sep 14, 2011; 𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen𝅘𝅥𝅮

I would do a Toxx, but I�m already on the hook for $100+ because Haas F1 shat the bed this year :negative:

# ? Oct 20, 2019 06:33

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

# ? Oct 26, 2019 18:28

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003

Need a Nats fan to tell me which charity to donate to

# ? Oct 30, 2019 04:26

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

Intruder posted:

Need a Nats fan to tell me which charity to donate to

The reverse jinx is for cowards.

# ? Oct 30, 2019 16:56

Big Mean Jerk: Jan 27, 2009; Well, of course I know him.
He's me.

My totals:

code:

To RAINN - $73 Total
$2 per Osuna K - $18 
$15 for winning the ALDS
$20 for winning the ALCS
$5 per each ALCS GDT in which mcmagic didn't bring up sign stealing - $20

To No Kid Hungry - $25
$5 for each JV or Cole start with 9+ Ks - $25

To The Sunshine Kids - $29
$1 per HR - $24
$5 per Grand Slam - $5

# ? Oct 31, 2019 23:26

Pancakes: May 21, 2001; Crypto-Rump Roast

I owed a lot of money:
$300 to CEBR, $125 to RAINN, $75 to UC Irvine (the eye one for the Rays because of Tommy Pham), $75 to Big League Impact, $75 to Fundacion 4 and $40 to NEDA.

Total of $690.

# ? Nov 1, 2019 02:08

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003

Intruder posted:

Need a Nats fan to tell me which charity to donate to

I'll give it until next Monday and then I'll just donate it to RAINN if I don't hear anything

# ? Nov 1, 2019 02:25

Kevlar v2.0: Dec 25, 2003; =^•⩊•^=

Pancakes posted:

Total of $690.

Nice

# ? Nov 1, 2019 03:29

Bilirubin: Feb 16, 2014; The sanctioned action is to CHUG

Kevlar v2.0 posted:

Nice

# ? Nov 1, 2019 04:09

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 23:12

Popete: Oct 6, 2009; This will make sure you don't suggest to the KDz
That he should grow greens instead of crushing on MCs; Grimey Drawer

Kevlar v2.0 posted:

Nice

# ? Nov 1, 2019 06:46

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