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The first one I kill with a three-point death strike to the meridian chakra, stopping it's heart instantly. The second one I daze with my Ultra-Mag flashlight, and then sit on it while it's momentarily stunned, but only to pin it and not crush it. This will give me ample time to take the first raccoon and, after saying a prayer to the gods to send it's spirit to rest, skin it and use it's bones to fashion into a knife. I will continue this tactic of stunning, pinning, and skinning until I have created a full set of raccoon leather armor and a raccoon bone katana. I am now capable of fighting the remaining raccoons all at once using my mastery of kenjutsu.
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Nov 23, 2019 17:27
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| # ? May 4, 2024 17:03 |
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Seriously though, just become friends with the first raccoon, the others have to wait forever for their chance to fight you.
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Nov 23, 2019 17:36
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The Human Crouton posted:gently caress you.
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Nov 23, 2019 17:37
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Why in the heck would you fight the raccoons? Trash pandas are our adorable friends. Don't fight them. 
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Nov 23, 2019 17:40
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Who What Now posted:The first one I kill with a three-point death strike to the meridian chakra, stopping it's heart instantly. The second one I daze with my Ultra-Mag flashlight, and then sit on it while it's momentarily stunned, but only to pin it and not crush it. This will give me ample time to take the first raccoon and, after saying a prayer to the gods to send it's spirit to rest, skin it and use it's bones to fashion into a knife. I will continue this tactic of stunning, pinning, and skinning until I have created a full set of raccoon leather armor and a raccoon bone katana. I am now capable of fighting the remaining raccoons all at once using my mastery of kenjutsu. *its
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Nov 23, 2019 17:49
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While you corrected spelling and grammar, I studied the blade
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Nov 23, 2019 18:00
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cancon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4c7m-EhQhFU
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Nov 23, 2019 18:09
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Matryoshka SexDoll posted:I am the king of varmints and my penis bone crown hangs heavy with the weight of my kingdom Show us the crown imposter
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Nov 23, 2019 18:56
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American raccoons or real raccoons?
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Nov 23, 2019 19:33
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At least 54. It just so happens that I’ve been helping the local animal shelter with its overcrowding problem by practicing my AC/DC hadoukens and suplexes on 3 legged pit bulls and PTSD suffering ex-police dogs. Where do I sign up
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Nov 23, 2019 19:44
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RocktheCaulk posted:Pretty simple premise. If raccoons lined up one by one to fight you, how many in a row do you think you could take before they raccooned you to death? Personally at my current cardio state I think I could take a dozen raccoons before one got me in the jugular, but that is just a guess. Never personally fought a raccoon so hoping to get some raccoon fighting expert opinions ITT. You dumb gently caress. Racoons are as strong as wolverines and have opposable thumbs. A friend of mine works pest control and he says they'll tip the collar sticks right out of their hands. My guess is you'll underestimate your first racoon and that'll be the end of you.
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Nov 23, 2019 19:54
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Before the battle sneak into their lair and replace all of their masks with blindfolds.
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Nov 23, 2019 21:07
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Thundercracker posted:You dumb gently caress. Racoons are as strong as wolverines and have opposable thumbs. A friend of mine works pest control and he says they'll tip the collar sticks right out of their hands. Yikes looks like the Tuna Helper brigade showed up
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Nov 23, 2019 21:27
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I imagine a Critters scenario where a giant ball of raccoons rolls over you and then all that's left is a skeleton.
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Nov 23, 2019 21:42
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I would defeat them easily. No problem destroying raccoons for me personally.
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Nov 23, 2019 21:46
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Like.... One. Maybe. Little fuckers are tough and intelligent
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Nov 23, 2019 21:51
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Cat Army
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Who What Now posted:The first one I kill with a three-point death strike to the meridian chakra, stopping it's heart instantly. The second one I daze with my Ultra-Mag flashlight, and then sit on it while it's momentarily stunned, but only to pin it and not crush it. This will give me ample time to take the first raccoon and, after saying a prayer to the gods to send it's spirit to rest, skin it and use it's bones to fashion into a knife. I will continue this tactic of stunning, pinning, and skinning until I have created a full set of raccoon leather armor and a raccoon bone katana. I am now capable of fighting the remaining raccoons all at once using my mastery of kenjutsu.
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Nov 23, 2019 21:52
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Racoons are ferocious as gently caress op. I'm a terrible human monster and I would only want, at most, 3 fully grown; grain fed, raccoons fighting me.
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Nov 23, 2019 22:00
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Im more of a possum fighting kind of guy
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Nov 23, 2019 22:17
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Raccoons are cool and my friends. When I worked into the night I'd see the neighborhood racoons pretty much every day on my way home, they even stopped being afraid.
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Nov 23, 2019 23:55
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Racoons are vicious bastards that will kill every chicken in your coop, not eating a single one
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Nov 24, 2019 00:23
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my bat mitzvah ROCKED posted:Racoons are vicious bastards that will kill every chicken in your coop, not eating a single one Raccoons literally did eat or dismember all my chickens so this hits home.
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Nov 24, 2019 00:26
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Dell_Zincht posted:^Wow, that's upsetting This. 
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Nov 24, 2019 00:31
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I feel like I could punt fifteen of them before getting a little tired or rolling my ankle. At that point, we go to the ground. Eventually I'm going to cheat a little and begin using one of the dead raccoon's bodies as a weapon. Given the fact that raccoons all magically disappear before the sun comes up, I think I could last until morning.
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Nov 24, 2019 00:43
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Imagining a slow pan across the line of waiting raccoons, ala Airplane. Each one tapping a little weapon in its hand impatiently; a little raccoon crowbar, a little raccoon baseball bat, adorable little raccoon brass knuckles, etc. As long as they come at me one at a time, I can go all night!
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Nov 24, 2019 02:54
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Through cunning I’ll get the raccoons to fight with all the five year olds I previously arranged a brawl with, and slink our the back door while they tear eachother apart.
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Nov 24, 2019 02:59
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I'm gonna gently caress all these raccoons up. You just don't even know, OP. Whatcha gonna do, when Raccoonapocalypse is runnin' wiiiiiild on you?!
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Nov 24, 2019 03:01
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Animal-Mother posted:I feel like I could punt fifteen of them before getting a little tired or rolling my ankle. At that point, we go to the ground. Eventually I'm going to cheat a little and begin using one of the dead raccoon's bodies as a weapon. Given the fact that raccoons all magically disappear before the sun comes up, I think I could last until morning. This is a fantastic username/post combo.
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Nov 24, 2019 06:47
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Here's that video of a homeless gentleman bringing a dead raccoon into McDonald's so don't click that unless you wanna see a dead raccoon and I guess I could take out about a dozen raccoons sequentially op
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Nov 24, 2019 07:44
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I feel like Bert would be easy, probably Ralph and Melissa too... would I have to deal with the Sneers?
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Nov 24, 2019 10:12
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i felt like this was an endless "rancor" situation, so in my case i think it would be around 10, where i could kill one, use it as a weapon on the next one, then dual wield, then eat dead raccoon, then use raccoon projectiles, so on and so on, then feel bad, succumb to rabies, accept my fate.
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Nov 24, 2019 11:04
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a "gaze" of raccoons? who comes up with these bullshit animal group names? EDIT: and probably like, 6 or 7 OP. i'm assuming these are some decently tough raccoons though
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Nov 24, 2019 11:49
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every 3rd raccoon I would just break it's legs and let it lay on the ground for a while so I could rest before finishing it off. with this method, and eatting the raccoons I feel this could become a sustainable lifestyle for many years. thank you
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Nov 24, 2019 11:52
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I assume they launch themselves into your face like a facehugger so I could probably fight off 0 Now if they run at you from the ground and go for the ankles, I am fairly confident I could fight off 0
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Nov 24, 2019 13:32
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just bring food and feed them, fight over
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Nov 28, 2019 02:11
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op, your question betrays a mindset of defeat as a student of sun tzu i would win first, then go to war with the raccoons
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Nov 28, 2019 06:28
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Sequentially? I dunno man
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Nov 28, 2019 06:35
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We used to trap them in live traps on the farm, and would sometimes catch as many as 5 per evening (sometimes two to a trap). The trick was to get a clean hit on the top of the head with the first blow of a baseball bat, or else you're going to just injure them instead of knocking them out or outright killing them (I've probably killed ~200 this way). Raccoons have a surprisingly tough skull, and if you don't have a weapon of some sort, you're going to have to somehow crush it to kill them. I've caught raccoons out in the open and put the boots to them, and I'm sorry to say that it was neither an easy or a relatively quick death for them. Even with a pair of steel-toed work boots, you're going to have a hell of a time killing them. The two times that I did kill them without a weapon it required probably a minute or so each, with me eventually having to jump on their head to make sure they died. Their bodies are very resilient, and they have enough fat on them to cushion a lot of blows that would kill a similarly sized animal. Back when we used to grow feed-corn we could shoot somewhere in the neighbourhood of 100 per night. They are the absolute most wasteful animal on the planet next to humans. They'll knock down a cornstalk, take a single bite from a cob, knock down another, take another bite, knock down another, etc. A raccoon can knock down a area of corn the size of a typical above ground swimming pool in a single night, and a full family can clear enough room for a game of half-court. Lining them up and fighting them sequentially? It would be all about your stamina and footwear. If you're wearing runners, then you're probably going to break a toe on the first or second one and be done. If you have steel-toed boots, then it just going to be a manner of how long before you can no longer kick effectively. If I had to put a number down, I'd say about 15 raccoons, maybe 20 (max) as 15-20 minutes is probably the longest I could keep up that kind of exertion. Also you should stay away from any place that has a lot of racoon feces. Their poop can carry parasite eggs that can kill you if inhaled.
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Nov 28, 2019 08:26
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JFC you are a loving psycho.
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Nov 28, 2019 08:27
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| # ? May 4, 2024 17:03 |
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Colonel Cancer posted:JFC you are a loving psycho. The guy posting above you? Yeah. He is.
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Nov 28, 2019 08:43
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