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Who Is Paul Blart
Oct 22, 2010




This is a thread for adults who fight other adults regularly. We can use this space to trade tips and tricks for committing violence against other grownups. Here are some ideas:

- Start fights with other adults. Threaten to kick their asses in front of their kids.
- Donít be afraid to use kicking.
- Always try to hit people when their backs are turned.

Any other ideas?

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ChubbyChecker
Mar 25, 2018



Who Is Paul Blart posted:

This is a thread for adults who fight other adults regularly. We can use this space to trade tips and tricks for committing violence against other grownups. Here are some ideas:

- Start fights with other adults. Threaten to kick their asses in front of their kids.
- Donít be afraid to use kicking.
- Always try to hit people when their backs are turned.

Any other ideas?

always start with a proper kick in the nuts

Uncle Enzo
Apr 28, 2008

I always wanted to be a Wizard

I've watched a ton of Russian dashcam fights and here is what I've learned:

-Don't be blazing drunk
-Keep your fists up to block
-Don't kick
-Take your time to size up your opponent-don't rush the fight. Let them throw the first punch. Get a feel for how they are fighting.
-Go for short opportunistic jabs. Wait for an opening.
-Watch your footing and what's behind you
-A weapon of any kind >>> fists
-If there's more than one of them, unless they are all totally smashing drunk you should run. If there's more than 3 you're hosed no matter what
-If there is more than one, don't let them behind you (see point about watching your footing and behind you)

By following this method my research indicates that you will win any fight that you ever had a chance of winning in the first place.

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

I am Nooner


ChubbyChecker posted:

always start with a proper kick in the nuts

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

I am Nooner


Uncle Enzo posted:

I've watched a ton of Russian dashcam fights and here is what I've learned:

-Don't be blazing drunk
-Keep your fists up to block
-Don't kick
-Take your time to size up your opponent-don't rush the fight. Let them throw the first punch. Get a feel for how they are fighting.
-Go for short opportunistic jabs. Wait for an opening.
-Watch your footing and what's behind you
-A weapon of any kind >>> fists
-If there's more than one of them, unless they are all totally smashing drunk you should run. If there's more than 3 you're hosed no matter what
-If there is more than one, don't let them behind you (see point about watching your footing and behind you)

By following this method my research indicates that you will win any fight that you ever had a chance of winning in the first place.

this guy is a pussy, just kick for the nuts that is some day1 poo poo

PokeJoe
Aug 24, 2004

hail cgatan




The Bananana
May 21, 2008

This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.






Let's see that technique again, and in slow motion

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mosX7L25HV8

i am kiss u now
Dec 26, 2005



College Slice


"Sir, this is a Chili's, you can't do that in here"

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


Just spin with your fists clenched, your foes will be in awe of your whirlwind assault

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the President is dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin


Most if not all pro wrestling moves also work perfectly fine in a real fight, although you might need to do some minor alterations to make them truly effective.

Some guy is getting a little too close to your girl? Set up a table, carefully lay him on it, then jump off the roof of your house onto him. He won't be messing with you again, trust me.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


Just pretend that you have eldritch powers and do some cool poses like wrestlers, you got this

old beast lunatic
Nov 2, 2004



only release the choke hold once your opponent has poo poo his pants

poo poo your pants to immediately escape choke hold

mds2
Apr 8, 2004


Australia: 131114
Canada: 18662773553
Germany: 08001810771
India: 8888817666
Japan: 810352869090
Russia: 0078202577577
UK: 08457909090
US: 1-800-273-8255


Fighting pro tip: Headbutts.


and biting.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



Well I've seen Roadhouse thirty times. Instead of the dialogue I memorized the fights.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVPz-9YNLBQ

Who Is Paul Blart
Oct 22, 2010




When I get in fights with other grown up adults I tend to also do a lot of yelling. Stuff like "I'm standing my ground" and " I'm crazy bro (regardless of gender), I'll gently caress you up"

Edit: I also have been known to do poppers in front of my enemies prior to fighting.

Who Is Paul Blart fucked around with this message at 19:23 on Oct 1, 2020

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Suck My Balls*~

Fun Shoe

I dont fight people I just shove their heads into toilets and flush em.

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006
Probation
Can't post for 25 hours!


I like to charge a kaoiken x 10 kamehameha and then use instant transmission to unleash it point blank.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020



From what I've seen wear a track suit

agrielaios
Dec 25, 2009


Seen some scary poo poo, guy dropping his pants and mentally beating his opponent down into the panicked run

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


That's a beat off

William Henry Hairytaint
Oct 29, 2011



When you're out in public looking to fight but don't want to be seen as the aggressor, I've found nothing, and I mean nothing, works better than spanking somebody else's child.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


Just scream "I'm not looking for trouble!" as you whirl a half brick in a sock over your head

ChubbyChecker
Mar 25, 2018



Colonel Cancer posted:

That's a beat off

Xaintrailles
Aug 14, 2015



Maintain 1.5 arms length distance, aggressive posture, hold eye contact, then BOOM - flank with your cavalry reserve.

bossy lady
Jul 5, 2006



Cancel your tackles into EX aegis reflector. It's safe on block and if the tackle hits, you can combo into crouching jab cancelled into a hard tackle.

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006
Probation
Can't post for 25 hours!


bossy lady posted:

Cancel your tackles into EX aegis reflector. It's safe on block and if the tackle hits, you can combo into crouching jab cancelled into a hard tackle.

You gotta be careful because the cancel window is only five frames and if miss it your opponent can easily punish with a level 1 super into a juggle combo.

redm
Feb 20, 2016




Sugartime Jones

Who What Now posted:

I like to charge a kaoiken x 10 kamehameha and then use instant transmission to unleash it point blank.

Star Me Kitten
Aug 10, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 16 days!


Surprise attack by their car with a baseball bat.

Pawn 17
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.







Cast Raise the Dead and have an army of ghouls do your fighting as you sit back and chug Mtn Dew.

A White Guy
Dec 19, 2012

Never fear!
Japan is here!


A few things I've learned over the years, mainly from middle school and high school, but also from my early twenties:

- He who throws the first punch, tends to throw the last.

I'd say this generally true in most encounters I've seen and been where the two people engaged did not start the interaction already looking to fight. People getting in each other's faces can end very suddenly with a blindside haymaker, and even if that doesn't immediately end the fight, it can still dramatically push the odds in the favor of the party who strikes first.

-Don't let your opponent get up.

Unless you are fighting someone you've known for a while, you have absolutely no idea what kind of martial training or experience somehow has. I got into a fist fight with a roommate in 2014, only to discover he spent his childhood boxing. The fight ended in a messy win for me, but only because I was strong enough to literally smack him with a bookcase. Had he been as tall as me, I'm pretty sure he would've beaten the hell out of me. Basically, if you start a fight, finish the fight. I have seen crackheads get completely dusted three times in the span of an hour, and still get up looking to scrap. You have no clue what somebody else is truly capable of - so don't give them the opportunity.

- Size matters.

While you see fight videos all the time where a little dude beats up a larger dude, the truth is that size really does matter in most fights. Buff body builder man probably doesn't have martial training, but if your stereotypical goon challenges him to a fist fight, odds are you're about to get your face aggressively remodeled. Think Lowtax getting his rear end beat by Uwe Bole, or Johnny Knoxville getting his poo poo pushed in by Butterbean in a thrift store. Even a horribly out-of-shape morbidly obese goon can still beat the crap out of a smaller guy if he can get ahold of him. Sure, you might have years of MMA training, but if you have a three hundred pound man sitting on your chest punching you in the face, it will be of little help to you.

Additionally, odds are you probably aren't Muhammad Ali or Mike Tyson in his prime. I've saw two or three kids try the punch and back up routine in high school, and it ended with vicious pile drivers. Generally speaking, I highly doubt that if you post on this forum you are also a boxing legend. Don't try it if you aren't deadly certain of your skills in boxing, because if you're wrong, it's going to end with a serious rear end beating.

- There are no rules in a street fight.

If you've found yourself in a street fight, this Marquis of Queensbury nonsense should go right out of the window. One very well placed punch can literally kill you. Do not be afraid to bite, eye gouge, genitalia punch, and armbar your opponent to victory.

- Oftentimes the best fight is the one never fought.


Having been on the receiving and giving ends of an rear end kicking, even a fight where you beat the gently caress out of someone and he/she never leaves a scratch on you is going to leave you with some seriously jacked up hands, arms, knees, etc. If you don't have to fight, don't fight. It doesn't feel good to relocate fingers after a brawl, and it certainly doesn't feel good to ice your face after getting punched a bunch. If you can escape the situation, escape the situation. I've had an eighty year old man try to punch me - if I truly stood up and boxed him, I would have killed him. So instead, I fled. Was it the most ego-smoothing thing to do? Absolutely not. Was it the right call? Definitely. Do not fight unless you have literally any other option. At that point, the only thing you should be doing is being incredibly aggressive.

ChubbyChecker
Mar 25, 2018



Star Me Kitten posted:

Surprise attack by their car with a baseball bat.

that's a peasants weapon

a true gentleman uses the long blade

A White Guy
Dec 19, 2012

Never fear!
Japan is here!


Some other thoughts I had:

The people who shout about how they'll gently caress you up/how tough they are/where they're from are often times gigantic pussies. The real tough people are the ones who will kick your rear end without so much as a single word uttered. Real tough people already know they're tough - they have no need to tell you about it. If you've ever seen that Jane Allgood documentary where her French body guard stands there as a 600 lb gorilla charges him, without flinching, you kind of get an idea of what screaming wannabe toughs and actual toughs are.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



Star Me Kitten posted:

Surprise attack by their car with a baseball bat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCcKBcZzGdA

Zeluth
May 12, 2001



Don't use the "I wear glasses defense".

RandomFerret
Apr 18, 2008

WHAT IS A JUGGALO?
A HULKAMANIAC

HE POWERBOMBS MOTHERFUCKERS INTO THUMBTACKS


Sucker punch them in the gut and when they're doubled over slam their face into your knee. Never had anybody get back up from that one

ChubbyChecker
Mar 25, 2018



Zeluth posted:

Don't use the "I wear glasses defense".

use it, and then shank them with the sharpened temple

w0o0o0o
Aug 26, 2007
bloop.

I normally open up with a few lunges to stretch out the inner thigh muscles (triceps?) so i can pull off my signature backflip kick without losing bowel control.

Star Me Kitten
Aug 10, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 16 days!


cough on them repeatedly.

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Who Is Paul Blart
Oct 22, 2010




A White Guy posted:

Some other thoughts I had:

The people who shout about how they'll gently caress you up/how tough they are/where they're from are often times gigantic pussies. The real tough people are the ones who will kick your rear end without so much as a single word uttered. Real tough people already know they're tough - they have no need to tell you about it. If you've ever seen that Jane Allgood documentary where her French body guard stands there as a 600 lb gorilla charges him, without flinching, you kind of get an idea of what screaming wannabe toughs and actual toughs are.

I'll kick your rear end

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