Explain websites in terms of historical persons places things and events

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Explain websites in terms of historical persons places things and events

Animal-Mother: Feb 14, 2012; RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

I was trying to explain the social dynamics of Twitter to somebody today when it hit me. Twitter is basically the Roman colosseum. In the middle stands a seven foot tall barbarian cannibal that they found in some Germanic tribe. He's holding two giant jagged axes, he's protected by heavy armor, his body is covered in tattoos depicting brutality, and his face is painted with blood. You cannot hope to defeat him. No one can.

The crowd's bloodlust cannot be satiated. They find someone they don't like and throw him in. As soon as he's dead, they immediately throw in another victim. Occasionally, without any possible logical explanation given what everyone has witnessed, an idiot willingly jumps in himself.

In his role as Twitter's Diogenes, naked and masturbating, Dril holds a mirror up to the crowd.

# ? May 6, 2021 03:17

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 14:08

Oh Don Piano: Nov 4, 2009

I dont want to do that

# ? May 6, 2021 03:36

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

FYAD is like Mordor.

# ? May 6, 2021 03:43

Ventral EggSac: Dec 3, 2019

Facebook is like when all of those nobles drowned in poo poo

Deviantart is like when caligula hosed his horse and it ruptured his large intestine

Nextdoor is like when australians used wwii grade weaponry against emus and lost

# ? May 6, 2021 03:50

chaosbreather: Dec 9, 2001; Wry and wise,
but also very sexual.

Google is like World War 2

Everyone in every industry and every society is totally consumed with getting everyone else and no-one can even conceive of how it could ever be ended, governments just reshape themselves further and further to this conflict.

# ? May 6, 2021 03:52

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Forums are like jungles. Uncivilized, fatiguing to traverse, and at any moment a giant snake could appear!!!

# ? May 6, 2021 03:59

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

Reading your post made me feel like I�m being assassinated by John Wilkes Booth

# ? May 6, 2021 04:00

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Something awful is like a place where people lurk, which is something the OP should do more of

# ? May 6, 2021 04:02

Animal-Mother: Feb 14, 2012; RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

Applewhite posted:

FYAD is like Mordor.

someone posts goatse

"Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!" :getin:

I know that part didn't happen in Mordor but Mordor is not a real historical place either so we're even.

# ? May 6, 2021 04:12

Icochet: Mar 18, 2008; I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~; Grimey Drawer

Youtube is an old timey circus from where a bunch of freaks spread out and invite everyone over, just showing up everywhere posting links saying it's gonna be great but not elaborating why, and if you go you might get lucky and see a dancing animal but most likely it's just a boring as hell clown juggling badly for an hour

# ? May 6, 2021 04:39

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Shutting down Yahoo answers is not unlike the burning of the great library of Alexandria

# ? May 6, 2021 04:40

ikanreed: Sep 25, 2009; I honestly I have no idea who cannibal[SIC] is and I do not know why I should know.

syq dude, just syq!

Google is like a guy.

# ? May 6, 2021 05:59

BigBadSteve: Apr 29, 2009

Icochet posted:

Youtube is an old timey circus from where a bunch of freaks spread out and invite everyone over, just showing up everywhere posting links saying it's gonna be great but not elaborating why, and if you go you might get lucky and see a dancing animal but most likely it's just a boring as hell clown juggling badly for an hour

Something Awful is similar but you do something regrettable then the freaks all stalk you and cut you up and turn you into a geek and you get nothing to eat but live chickens but you no longer care.

# ? May 6, 2021 06:01

Zeluth: May 12, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

archive.org

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? May 6, 2021 08:52

Bula Vinaka: Oct 21, 2020; beach side

Applewhite posted:

FYAD is like Mordor.

FYAD is your high school cafeteria

# ? May 6, 2021 09:04

Cubone: May 26, 2011; Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Applewhite posted:

FYAD is like Mordor.

came here to post this

quote:

I think the real issue here is that a lot of people don't really understand what Something Awful really is. I have devised a theory that I think will answer a lot of questions. You see, SA is remarkably similar to Middle-Earth. Yes, that's right; Middle-Earth, the setting for the Lord of the Rings. Middle-Earth is just like SA, and when I explain it to you, you'll slap your forehead and go "Of course!"

First of all, Lowtax is almost exactly like Illuvitar. In the beginning, there was nothing. Then Lowtax/Illuvitar came forth from the dark voids of the Internet/chaos and forged their creation from the aether. They each have their own dominion, and they hover it like the creator-gods that they are. Both are legendary, and although they have an omnipresent persona, few people have directly interacted with them.
Now, in the world of Middle-Earth, Illuvitar is aided by an order of powerful holy spirits called the Valar. They are his first creations, and they help him maintain Middle-Earth. Here at SA, we have the admins to fill that role. They are second in the heirarchy, and together with Lowtax they keep SA working. Updates, changes, all are in their jurisdiction. Right below the Valar are the Maiar, which are less powerful, and act as intermediaries between the heavenly beings and the denizens of Middle-Earth. The mods of SA fill this role. They interact with the posters all the time, to a greater extent than the admins and Lowtax. The mods have lesser power, just as the Maiar have lesser power, but they have their own sort of authority that can be truly wrathful to behold!

Both Middle-Earth and Something Awful are populated with an array of beings. It is astounding to see just how closely they coincide with one another. At SA, posters can be ranked accordingly: Elves, Men, Dwarves, Hobbits, and Orcs. Elves are the oldest and wisest of all posters. These are the posters who have reg dates that go back to 2000 or early 2001, and perhaps 2002 as well. These posters are incredibly popular, and generally well-liked. Although they have no official authority, the Elves carry a lot of weight, and people listen to them, even the higher-ups. People marvel at them, because they are so beautiful and wonderful. Even if they somehow get banned (an incredibly rare occurance), the Elves seem to come back, good as new. Even their avatars are unaffected.
Below the Elves are the Men and Dwarves, who are of equal rank, but differ in their habits and mannerisms. Men are posters who have been around a good while, and know the ropes of SA pretty well. They fit in, they don't call attention to themselves too often. As far as anyone is concerned, they are normal people. Dwarves are crankier, grouchier, and may or may not be older than Men. They sometimes get in scuffles with Elves, and are a bit more inclined to flame others.

Newbies also come into two distinct types. But unlike the above example, the two types discussed here are drastically different. The first type are the Hobbits. Hobbits are newbies who are innocent and kind. They don't want any trouble from anyone, and are curious little things. They genuinely want to be a part of SA, but for the most part they are horrendously naive and clueless. Bless 'em. Now, the second type of newbie are the Orcs. Orcs are horrible creatures. These n00bs poo poo up every thread they appear in, and they vastly outnumber just about every other demographic. Lowtax and the others try to curb their numbers by banning, and the other posters flame and bash them at every opportunity, but the Orcs are relentless. More are created everyday, and they multiply like rabbits. Orcs usually wage large-scale assault on threads by using trolls and trolling tactics. Unlike Hobbits, not all Orcs are necessarily "new". In fact, some of them may have old reg dates. The vast majority of Orcs reside in Mordor, which is FYAD.

Finally, you have the Nazgul. There really isn't much to say about the Nazgul, except that these are the notorious posters who everyone has heard of, and HATES. They are few in number, and everyone knows who they are. They are old beings, and far more horrible than the Orcs. They poo poo up every thread they appear in, but for reasons unknown they have avoided being banned. Everytime a Nazgul appears, everyone covers their ears and screams because they don't want to here what the Nazgul has to say, because undoubtedly it will bring only madness.

With this scutinous analysis of the SA forums, valuable information can surely be gleaned.