The next President of the United States is... umm.. is Coca Cola?

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deep dish peat moss

2024. The Coca Cola corporation runs for the office of President of the United States. In a shocking move it announces Pepsi Cola as its Vice President. The methodology is simple - anyone who does not love Coca Cola loves Pepsi Cola.

The pair is a shoe-in and wins by a landslide. Four months later Pepsi Cola declares bankruptcy, a shock to everyone. The Juul Corporation moves in as a replacement Vice President.

The U.S. Government, by now synonymous with Coca Cola, deciphers the secret Pepsi Cola formula and begins manufacture of it. Pepsi Cola soon flows freely through taps and faucets across America.

By the next year, people bathe in Pepsi Cola. They brush their teeth with Pepsi Cola. Babies are nursed on Pepsi Cola. You think this was a bad branding move by Coca Cola? WRONG! With Pepsi Cola converted to a public service, the American People rush out their doors to spend their hard-earned money on Coca Cola - the better one, the Presidential one.

# ? Jul 4, 2021 00:26

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 11:49

deep dish peat moss

The U.S. Government officially remixes the concept of a Soda Fountain and includes their new technology in every type of Fountain on earth. Soon enough, international law forbids the flow of any other liquid through a fountain.

# ? Jul 4, 2021 00:27

deep dish peat moss

In a State of the Union Address, the Coca Cola company announces that the name of Cocaine will be changed to something less similar to a U.S. staple such as Coca Cola. This is important to clean up America's image, it says. The new name hasn't been finalized yet, but among the frontrunners are Barq, Faygone, and Jone.

# ? Jul 4, 2021 00:30

deep dish peat moss

The United States briefly considers rebranding itself as "New U.S." in an attempt to be more appealing to foreign governments. It would be the same government, but with a little more sweet talk and a new name.

# ? Jul 4, 2021 00:32

your friend sk: (ヤイケス!)

Join the BYOB Army

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# ? Jul 4, 2021 00:35

selan dyin

deep dish peat moss posted:

2024. The Coca Cola corporation runs for the office of President of the United States. In a shocking move it announces Pepsi Cola as its Vice President. The methodology is simple - anyone who does not love Coca Cola loves Pepsi Cola.

The pair is a shoe-in and wins by a landslide. Four months later Pepsi Cola declares bankruptcy, a shock to everyone. The Juul Corporation moves in as a replacement Vice President.

The U.S. Government, by now synonymous with Coca Cola, deciphers the secret Pepsi Cola formula and begins manufacture of it. Pepsi Cola soon flows freely through taps and faucets across America.

By the next year, people bathe in Pepsi Cola. They brush their teeth with Pepsi Cola. Babies are nursed on Pepsi Cola. You think this was a bad branding move by Coca Cola? WRONG! With Pepsi Cola converted to a public service, the American People rush out their doors to spend their hard-earned money on Coca Cola - the better one, the Presidential one.

i have anxiety

# ? Jul 4, 2021 02:12

FutonForensic

I am going to drink the President of the United States.

# ? Jul 4, 2021 04:25

biosterous

i'm pepsi's dad and this is a very disappointing development but really i should have seen it coming

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he/him

# ? Jul 4, 2021 04:47

Moo Cowabunga: [Office Worker.

Coca Cola has my vote. so sweet 🥲

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# ? Jul 4, 2021 05:18

Escape From Noise

Is there an uptick in interest in the classic Negativland album Dispepsi among the general population, or just weird music nerds like me?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrYXvNSTcmQ

# ? Jul 4, 2021 16:41

Escape From Noise

Out in the wilderness, soda survivalists run pop up pop shops selling their contraband beverages made from roots, bark, berries, herbs, and spices foraged from the forest or traded for along secret supply routes.

# ? Jul 4, 2021 16:43

Escape From Noise

RC Cola tries to run under a third party ticket, briefly gaining momentum midway through the race after Coca Cola's "Coca Cola and Pepsi are basically the same" gaff, but ultimately gets only a handful of votes, and no electoral college wins.

# ? Jul 4, 2021 16:51

Macnult

FutonForensic posted:

I am going to drink the President of the United States.

# ? Jul 4, 2021 18:22

biosterous

president's choice cola had some strong grassroots momentum until fox news ran the story about its canadian origins

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he/him

# ? Jul 4, 2021 19:02

Armitage: "Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."

I wouldn't be too surprised if something like this happens in our lifetimes

# ? Jul 4, 2021 19:55

deep dish peat moss

Yeah actually this thread is not a joke and was based on the realization that corporations count as people and they meet all the requirements for running for president of the US.

# ? Jul 4, 2021 21:05

take the moon: by sebmojo

FutonForensic posted:

I am going to drink the President of the United States.

drat

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# ? Jul 4, 2021 22:38

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

FutonForensic posted:

I am going to drink the President of the United States.

posts like this is gonna get byob deleted :ohdear:

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# ? Jul 4, 2021 23:52

Moo Cowabunga: [Office Worker.

I for one am going to eat me a lot of peaches.

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# ? Jul 5, 2021 00:08

Armitag3: Forget it Jake, it's cybertown.

And there goes President Coca-Cola accompanied by the Fizz Lady

# ? Jul 5, 2021 01:29

deep dish peat moss

President Coca-Cola doesn't fly in Air Force One. All the turbulence makes the president fizz, and that's not a great public image.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 01:31

Escape From Noise

Coca-Cola's as good as won the election
They're free to just sit and gloat
But a new candidate has entered the race
A dashing buckskin coat!

# ? Jul 5, 2021 01:45

Escape From Noise

Armitag3 posted:

And there goes President Coca-Cola accompanied by the Fizz Lady

# ? Jul 5, 2021 01:46

Ass-penny

Nosfereefer posted:

posts like this is gonna get byob deleted

In before mods close thread and make "STOP THREATENING THE LIVES OF POLITICIANS YOU IDIOTS" thread.

thank you so much to nesamdoom for the scurry fall sig!

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# ? Jul 5, 2021 08:15

Ass-penny

Displeased Moo Cow posted:

I for one am going to eat me a lot of peaches.

Doesn't matter if you move to the country, Coca Cola is going to step on each of dreams, individually, and there's nothing we can do to stop it at this point.

thank you so much to nesamdoom for the scurry fall sig!

(┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻ #YesNutNovember - add this to your sig if you love and support BYOB's own nut

# ? Jul 5, 2021 08:17

Moo Cowabunga: [Office Worker.

millions for free though

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# ? Jul 5, 2021 11:56

Moo Cowabunga: [Office Worker.

millions

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# ? Jul 5, 2021 11:56

Queen-Of-Hearts: "I want to break your heart💔 and give you mine🫀"

Don't blame me, i voted for Dr. Pepper.

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# ? Jul 5, 2021 15:37

snergle: A kind little mouse!

Queen-Of-Hearts posted:

Don't blame me, i voted for Dr. Pepper.

its weird coca cola made dr pepper the director of hud they know nothing about housing they live in a bottle.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 16:47

Queen-Of-Hearts: "I want to break your heart💔 and give you mine🫀"

Wolfschmidt Vodka's first name is Naomi and she was unbelievably somehow an adviser to President Cream Soda in the late 90s.

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# ? Jul 5, 2021 16:56

WithoutTheFezOn: Oh no

George A&W Bush.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 17:54

poverty goat

Great news everyone: diet coke is now officially vegetables

# ? Jul 5, 2021 18:52

Queen-Of-Hearts: "I want to break your heart💔 and give you mine🫀"

mmmmmmmm Celery flavored Shasta!

# ? Jul 5, 2021 18:54

take the moon: by sebmojo

WithoutTheFezOn posted:

George A&W Bush.

lol

making me think of the president o'burger denies waterboarding thread or whatever it was

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# ? Jul 5, 2021 20:23

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

while coca cola won the presidency in a land slide, the senate would end up entirely in the hands of mcdonalds due to the electorate getting hungry later on

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# ? Jul 5, 2021 21:38

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

*as president cola starts another doomed middle eastern military adventure*
"eh, don't blame me. i voted pepsi"

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# ? Jul 5, 2021 21:43

deep dish peat moss

WithoutTheFezOn posted:

George A&W Bush.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 23:58

FutonForensic

WithoutTheFezOn posted:

George A&W Bush.

# ? Jul 6, 2021 01:17

frump truck: hello... again!

FutonForensic posted:

I am going to drink the President of the United States.

# ? Jul 6, 2021 04:02

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 11:49

barfdog

faygo is still only drunk by juggalos, and sees much more use by Coca-Cola as a promotional tool against "deviant behaviors"

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jul 6, 2021 17:15

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > The next President of the United States is... umm.. is Coca Cola?

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