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Simone Magus
Sep 29, 2020


first of all, you're telling me that EVERY STUDENT falls into one of "nerd", "goody two shoes", "harmless doofus who probably specializes in like plant magic or some bullshit", and "literally evil"??

there's no "jock" house? there's no "art" house? there's no "house music" house???

FURTHERMORE,

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Supreme Allah
Oct 6, 2004

everybody relax, i'm here


Nap Ghost

My niece made me do like 4 quizes and says i'm a Ravenclaw. It sounds cool so i roll w. it.

Vim Fuego
Jun 1, 2000

I just had an epiphany: the internet is useless!





Ultra Carp

everyone at hogwarts gets head lice, it's a hazing ritual

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981



Harry Potter sucks my rotten dickhole. Rotten because of years of syphilis's

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here. It's gone now.




I thought Gryffindor was the jock house?

staberind
Feb 20, 2008

Klomping endlessly thru the gray void...




Fun Shoe

there are no hause.

there are only

Einstürzende Neubauten

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oRQh-cqJmQ#t=16s

IShallRiseAgain
Sep 12, 2008

Well ain't that precious?



Every person who is obsessed with what house they would sort into would almost certainly sort into Hufflepuff.

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Havin' a roni


Simone Magus posted:

first of all, you're telling me that EVERY STUDENT falls into one of "nerd", "goody two shoes", "harmless doofus who probably specializes in like plant magic or some bullshit", and "literally evil"??

there's no "jock" house? there's no "art" house? there's no "house music" house???

FURTHERMORE,

Um, the jocks are Evil, the art kids of goody two shoes and the music kids on the plant magic kids. Hope that helps.

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here. It's gone now.




I thought the rich kids were evil???
I do not understand Harry Potter at all.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Gryffindor is the jock house tho

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

It's jock, goth, nerd and cool guy houses

Rodney The Yam II
Mar 3, 2007




How the heck are we supposed to contain the pandemic with all these kids sharing a hat

syntaxfunction
Oct 27, 2010


I'm in the sexhaving house, unlike you non sexhaving nerds. Cause I am cool and strong and people want to have sex with me you can read it in my fanfic no it absolutely isn't projection gently caress you Brandon stop reading my blog

The Protagonist
Jun 29, 2009

The average is 5.5? I thought it was 4. This is very unsettling.


i work with a bunch of folk who are all universally harry potter/star wars/MCU obsessed types and, well




god bless 'em

Zeluth
May 12, 2001



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyiWYMDzeso

syntaxfunction
Oct 27, 2010


I don't know how Harry Potter is still around honestly. I get that people enjoy it but it seems like a moment in culture that just wants to hang around. The last book was apparently 2007. If it was just a cool thing people talk about from time to time I'd get it but it's apparently this huge force of culture.

I've heard people liken it to Tolkien and frankly they're complete dumbasses. At least Tolkien inspired countless works. gently caress, even Twilight inspired the lovely erotica book thing. Harry Potter has inspired nothing except milking the same things as eternatum. It boggles my mind.

In conclusion, unlike the world of Harry Potter, literature is a land of contrast and spectrum.

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009


Das Boo posted:

I thought Gryffindor was the jock house?

Das Boo posted:

I thought the rich kids were evil???
I do not understand Harry Potter at all.

No, you got it right. Harry Potter is a mediocre student who only gets by because of his one smart friend, but he's popular because he's really good at sports.

He's also pretty talented at wizard-fighting so he becomes a cop.

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

THIS NEW AV WILL LET ME POST LIZARD TITS TWICE AS EFFICIENTLY!

IT'S GIVING ME A FUCKING BONER RIGHT NOW!


I’m House Slitherin’

vaginite
Feb 8, 2006

I'm comin' for you, colonel.





Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

THIS NEW AV WILL LET ME POST LIZARD TITS TWICE AS EFFICIENTLY!

IT'S GIVING ME A FUCKING BONER RIGHT NOW!


Harry Potter is an isekai.

hbag
Feb 13, 2021


that bitch gave me hog warts

chaosbreather
Dec 9, 2001

Wry and wise,
but also very sexual.



there's a lot of wizard school books out there. for example, the magicians is pretty good although the sequels get pretty out there. someone should write a book about going to wizard school that goes through all the lessons as well as all the after school drama, because learning is cool and it's important for kids to know that, and also the magic you learn in the lessons works for real in the real world. i think that would be pretty popular

QuarkJets
Sep 8, 2008

It's a handshake in progress


OP is just mad that they weren't allowed to become a wizard because the sorting hat placed them in Fat Camp

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

an A+ poster (:

QuarkJets posted:

OP is just mad that they weren't allowed to become a wizard because the sorting hat placed them in Fat Camp

Lmfao

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015




If I were the sorting hat I would have sorted Harry straight back to the room under the stairs where Dudley molests him.

Dumb Sex-Parrot
Dec 24, 2020


just think of all the other weird poo poo Sorting Hat mindreads but isn't allowed to openly discuss

Xenocides
Jan 14, 2008

This world looks very scary....



Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:

just think of all the other weird poo poo Sorting Hat mindreads but isn't allowed to openly discuss

Pervert.
“Hufflepuff!”

Weirdly into origami.
“Gryffindor?”

Steals underwear.
“Slytherin!?”

Saw parents in a BDSM sex orgy.
“Gryffindor?!?!?!!?!”

Had sexual awakening watching Pinnochio when the kids turn into donkeys.
“Oh God!!! I mean Ravenclaw, I guess.”

Fantasizes about sex with horses.
“Therapy!!!!!!”

Has hat fetish.
“gently caress! I AM OUT!”

Pladdicus
Aug 13, 2010

"Sometimes life is too uncertain to have regrets."

it went to prove that you see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. but what we found out is that each of us is a brain, and an athlete and a basket case and a princess and a criminal.

Weka
May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`

syntaxfunction posted:

I don't know how Harry Potter is still around honestly. I get that people enjoy it but it seems like a moment in culture that just wants to hang around. The last book was apparently 2007. If it was just a cool thing people talk about from time to time I'd get it but it's apparently this huge force of culture.

I've heard people liken it to Tolkien and frankly they're complete dumbasses. At least Tolkien inspired countless works. gently caress, even Twilight inspired the lovely erotica book thing. Harry Potter has inspired nothing except milking the same things as eternatum. It boggles my mind.

In conclusion, unlike the world of Harry Potter, literature is a land of contrast and spectrum.

Harry Potter inspired terfs and liberals probably. I haven't read that trash but it seems to have anyway.

runnypoops
Mar 26, 2016

been there. done that. prove yourself to me.

I poo poo in the hat and now my poop is slitherin’ down your neck

Ventral EggSac
Dec 3, 2019



its the humours OP, the sorting hat looks at the humours in your body

Yaldabaoth
Oct 9, 2012


The only message to take away from Harry Potter and any other young adult novel is "You, the reader, are a special snowflake just like the main character and anyone who disagrees with you on anything is evil and will burn in Hell".

a dmc delorean
Jul 2, 2006

Live the dream



loving hell, lol

Simone Magus
Sep 29, 2020


Pladdicus posted:

it went to prove that you see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. but what we found out is that each of us is a brain, and an athlete and a basket case and a princess and a criminal.

please refer to my doctoral thesis on why Ally Sheedy changing into a conventionally-attractive dress at the end of that movie is a hate crime

chaosbreather
Dec 9, 2001

Wry and wise,
but also very sexual.



The best thing I’ve heard anyone describe about Harry Potter is it’s a book for kids that teaches kids that enemy is everywhere. Your friends, neighbours, friendly shop keepers, parents, teachers could all be secret neonazis bent on destroying you and everyone like you that are just waiting for the starter pistol to tear apart your world. Which is uh extremely prescient and of immense utility

IShallRiseAgain
Sep 12, 2008

Well ain't that precious?



chaosbreather posted:

there's a lot of wizard school books out there. for example, the magicians is pretty good although the sequels get pretty out there. someone should write a book about going to wizard school that goes through all the lessons as well as all the after school drama, because learning is cool and it's important for kids to know that, and also the magic you learn in the lessons works for real in the real world. i think that would be pretty popular

The Magicians is terrible because basically everyone in the story is hedonistic assholes. It ruins the message of the story because everything is lovely when you are a hedonistic rear end in a top hat. There is only one likable character in the story. The TV show makes everyone way less terrible. Also, the show removes the creepy scene where everybody has sex as animals that was in the book.

The Moon Monster
Dec 30, 2005
THIS CUSTOM TITLE WILL COME IN HANDY WHILE LURKING


Simone Magus posted:

first of all, you're telling me that EVERY STUDENT falls into one of "nerd", "goody two shoes", "harmless doofus who probably specializes in like plant magic or some bullshit", and "literally evil"??

there's no "jock" house? there's no "art" house? there's no "house music" house???

FURTHERMORE,

Actually the categories are good, evil, other, and other.

dee eight
Dec 18, 2002

The Spirit
of Maynard

:catdrugs:


the hat shouts "HUFFLEHUFF!"

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Yaldabaoth posted:

The only message to take away from Harry Potter and any other young adult novel is "You, the reader, are a special snowflake just like the main character and anyone who disagrees with you on anything is evil and will burn in Hell".

Yeah we really need to beat the idea that they're worthless shits that won't amount to nothing into are kids earlier in life, this shouldn't be a revelation in their 20s or 30s or god forbid during the "midlife crisis"

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Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

What is Dungeons and Dragons?


More like sharting hat

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