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Vakal
May 11, 2008


Get out of my way everyone, I want to be the first guy on the ladder up the walls covered with angry men with swords so I can get first dibs on all the loot and comely maidens to ravage.

There is nothing that could possibly go wrong with this plan.

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Vakal
May 11, 2008


gently caress, now I'm covered in boiling oil.

Oh well, I'm sure current medical science of smearing honey and horse dung onto my horrific burns will fix me right up.

Matryoshka SexDoll
Feb 24, 2016

Encapsulated Indulgence


I was just climbing up the castle privy chute for fun didn't realize there was a siege going on

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.




Hey boys, look at that dumbass rapist go up the ladder first

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

An A+ Spooky Poster (:

i wanna be in charge of catapulting all the dead bodies over the walls so everyone in the castle all gets the plague and poo poo lol fuckers

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Well, I've got brain damage on the side of my brain, and I don't know which side, left or right, where I huffed gasoline for ten long years.




What if we just put ourselves in the catapults and fly over the walls

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS



Nap Ghost

I have an idea. First, we build an enormous, wooden rabbit...

GolfHole
Feb 26, 2004



*soldiers paid by the day*

*siege goes on for months/years*

someone good at the economy please help

blight rhino
Feb 11, 2014

EXQUISITE LURKER RHINO


GolfHole posted:

*soldiers paid by the day*

*siege goes on for months/years*

someone good at the economy please help

siege faster

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQh2C1VRYBM

ilmucche
Mar 16, 2016




I think i caught cholera waiting around

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.




GolfHole posted:

*soldiers paid by the day*

*siege goes on for months/years*

someone good at the economy please help

Order more frontal assaults

ChunTheUnavoidable
Sep 27, 2021


Iím going to dig under the walls. Hopefully the protagonist doesnít lead a daring operation to flood the tunnels near the end of act two

Buttchocks
Oct 21, 2020

No, I like my hat, thanks.


Eats my horse on day 1.

YoursTruly
Jul 29, 2012

Put me in the trash
Recycle Bin
where
I belong.


I'm just going to eat diarrhea inducing foods so my comrades have plenty of poo poo to fling over the walls. I'm doing my part!

Zybourne Clock
Oct 25, 2011

Poke me.

Has anyone tried knocking on the gate and asking to be let in yet?

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019





well time to forage for lunch again. the area around camp is pretty picked over at this point though, hope i can at least find some fresh twigs and a beetle or two.

Chief McHeath
Apr 23, 2002



The swimming pool has poop in it! The swimming pool has poop in it!

naem
May 29, 2011



it sure is great to think that by throwing ourselves into this horrible meat grinder of a war that Lord Fartington might one day regain the throne of all the land from his hated cousin Lord Ballocks

*gestures at several hundred acres of damp barley fields*

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Havin' a roni


Really attacking a castle is for the lazy armies. Just camp outside of it for a month until everyone inside dies or comes out to get killed.

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Well, I've got brain damage on the side of my brain, and I don't know which side, left or right, where I huffed gasoline for ten long years.




Hey don't look at me, I'm just the cook
Here's your slop, don't forget to pick up some hard tack

Vakal
May 11, 2008


Hey that Joan of Arc chick is kind of cute. I'm not sure about all this "talking to god" stuff she's always going on about, but if killing the English might get me a shot of getting into her breeches then I'm all for it.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004


here he comes
and he's gone again


Nap Ghost

Vakal posted:

gently caress, now I'm covered in boiling oil.

Oh well, I'm sure current medical science of smearing honey and horse dung onto my horrific burns will fix me right up.

actually, in these current times boiling oil isn't really used when boiling water is much easier to aaaaAAARRRAAARRRRGGGH

Vakal
May 11, 2008


This army doesn't have enough metal helmets to go around, but it does have a comprehensive compensation plan.

Anyone who gets clunked on the head by a rock and doesn't die will be given a cushy job as a poo poo bucket hauler for life.

Saalkin
Jun 29, 2008




GolfHole posted:

*soldiers paid by the day*

*siege goes on for months/years*

someone good at the economy please help

Tell them we'll pay them more but in a lump sum after the siege and just hope most of them die.

Mr. Crow
May 22, 2008

Snap City mayor for life


Nooner posted:

i wanna be in charge of catapulting all the dead bodies over the walls so everyone in the castle all gets the plague and poo poo lol fuckers

I just took a ballista to the face and offer myself up as tribute

BrianRx
Jul 21, 2007


Oh no, I pooped myself to death in a tent before even seeing an enemy soldier.

EorayMel
May 29, 2015


*Stands at the side of a catapult with my arms behind my back, looking Really Important and thus not obliged to go up the death ladder where all the barbarians are waiting as I watch 6 men fling giant rocks at the castle wall destroying it slowly but surely*

:smugbert:

Vakal
May 11, 2008


See those openings in the stone wall by the gate? Those are called the murder holes.

Don't let the name fool you, they are more of a trap door than a hole.

EorayMel
May 29, 2015


Move over fuckers I'll show you how its done!!!!!!!!

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Bula Vinaka
Oct 21, 2020

Beachside!


i dont wanna siege the castle

im scared

:(

Moon Slayer
Jun 19, 2007



EorayMel posted:

Move over fuckers I'll show you how its done!!!!!!!!



Pff. It'll never catch on.

ikanreed
Sep 25, 2009

Rise and shine, master leprechaun.





*designs new siege engines to get out of gym class*

"See it's like a ballista, but on the block chain"

Mr_Companie
Jul 4, 2003

ARE YOU INTERESTED IN AN EXCITING BUISNESS OPPROTUNITY?

It is a simple legal matter -

When upon exercising their right to bridal inspection no maidenhead could be discovered, the Princes rejected her outright as unfit for their nephews bed and marriage into the blood. When the whores family objected to her removal to a house for such women, they insulted the royal honours of our Dread Lords, and it is their wont to deliver satisfaction.

They say the first man to unfurl the royal banner from the granary will take on it's maintenance for five harvests. They bless us with such opportunity for advancement.

Chief McHeath
Apr 23, 2002



"AT DAWN... WE TUG!"

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970

A dick, but the biggest dick in the universe. No, bigger than the universe.

ikanreed posted:

*designs new siege engines to get out of gym class*

"See it's like a ballista, but on the block chain"

lmfao

GolfHole
Feb 26, 2004



*considers the dekenzian aspects*

Vakal
May 11, 2008


They call me Shitmouth m'lord.

Padical
Nov 29, 2004


I'm the first guy who makes it up the siege ladders, pulls two swords out and makes a menacing face and then gets stabbed from behind in the neck. AMA

Lawman 0
Aug 17, 2010





*poops self to death after drinking spicy water*

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Buttchocks
Oct 21, 2020

No, I like my hat, thanks.


What the.....Hey guys, this is just a *model* of a castle!

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