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Stubear St. Pierre
Feb 22, 2006



"...he played COD with them."

Allow me to paint a backdrop for the journey upon which we’re about to embark: imagine a menagerie of memories, played back in black-and-white from grainy 8mm footage, the media upon which they’re imprinted as much a relic of their time as the images they depict; each laying bare a different facet of a single unachievable Platonic ideal of heroism. The men depicted therein are no different than you or I, thrust forward inevitably through the inertia of a newly global human civilization, being forced one and all into carnage, death and terror for which there is no escape, and in which acts of incredible bravery are mere side-effects. Surrounded by a world boiling over into existential chaos, weapons designed to inflict violence on a scale never seen before or since in human history, the impact these men and women had on our society by virtue of their sheer existence will be imprinted in our minds, on our borders, and in our hearts and for hundreds of years to come.

Separately, imagine video games. The really lazy ones, where they rehash the same poo poo year after year and add references to Iggy Pop or whatever the kids are listening to these days.

Add all that together, and I present to you: Call of Duty 2: World at War 3: WW2: II: Vanguard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2jD9en5pgQ

Sometimes I honestly wonder what it's like to be working in executive leadership at Activision. I imagine a stinking room full of unshowered, mediocre dweebs with pedigrees from the sort of "state" schools offered as a consolation prize to C+ students playing JV football in their junior year, sitting around a giant mahogany conference table in a lavishly acquainted board room, intermittently wiping their noses on their shirt sleeves and angrily playing a copy of Pokémon White fused into a filth-encrusted Nintendo DS and shrieking "gently caress OFF" at anyone unlucky enough to interrupt their valiant attempts at catching whatever the gently caress fantasy animal has become the singular focus of their dull attention, pausing briefly to distractedly exhale the words "sure, go for it" muffled in a plume of cherry-scented vape smoke upon being approached with the first loving terrible idea that comes across their desks for the next COD. This year, that terrible idea was World War 2.


Think this is a horribly rehashed, stale reference??? That'll be $69.99

At this point, whether this garbage is the product of stupidity or sheer apathy is pretty much moot, as anybody involved in the production of something as stale as Call of Duty is necessarily as stupid as they must be apathetic about pushing out an innovative or fresh product. Much as the movie industry has collapsed into its own rear end in a top hat with the Marvel Cinematic Universe™ and the riskiest undertakings being remakes of 70's movies instead of 80's movies, the AAA game industry has been partaking in the creative equivalent of loving their own sisters for so long that no game series is really distinguishable from any other, each simply a terminally diseased clone of Fortnite and COD 4 with a two year lifespan at most and a slightly different mosaic of symptoms, the burden of utilizing whatever flavor of the month crap Nvidia pushes out to render the screen-space reflections within droplets of sweat under Lara Croft's tits having become the closest thing to "innovation" tolerable by publicly traded monstrosities subsisting on continuously increasing revenue in the absence of any kind of talent or fresh ideas.

But I digress.

Cutting right to the chase, COD 2 Again Part II Or III is about as much of a piece of poo poo as you'd expect. With all forms of war now clearly in the past and the United States now a pacifist utopia, we now have to look backward to the greatest armed conflict of all time, back when times were dire, food was rationed, war bonds were bought with pride, and there wasn’t even enough ammo to shoot up a single elementary school.


Did you know Imgur actually tries to show people ads now?

Hot on the heels of the groundbreaking success of COD: World at War and COD: World War II, which some of you may remember as that game that game you didn’t buy after COD4 and that game you didn’t buy that Wings of Redemption cried on YouTube about, Activision has decided to drop another 200GB turd on us about the subject, albeit this time admittedly focused less on the literal details of the war and more on mirroring the lasting impacts, evoking the same sorts of cataclysmic shrieking shitfits in today’s beleaguered 20-somethings as the Greatest Generation tended to throw for the next 50 years, before PTSD was invented by the homosexual agenda.


They actually think they can make money. They have a subscription service too. It's loving sadder than COD Vanguard

Touted by Activision Executives as a “Holocaust of Multiplayer Fun,” Vanguard features a campaign, multiplayer, zombies, blacks, and women, so no matter what your proclivities you’re sure to find something to get enraged about. I seriously don’t even know what to say about this one--honestly, what can anybody really add after Wazzit’s trailer--other than that I think there was an airplane in one of the ads and everyone who played the beta said it sucks. Play as Who The gently caress Cares, using an assault rifle with a red dot sight, or his arch nemesis, Who The gently caress Cares But Intersectionally Identity'd, who is also using an assault rifle with a red dot sight. Call in a UAV, or don’t, because it only lasts three seconds, and it’s probably called something else. Sit in a corner and stare at a doorway. And new for 2021: pay $70 for rehashed poo poo instead of $60.

And with that, I will leave you all with the most disappointing and underwhelming COD thread ever for what is sure to be the most disappointing and underwhelming COD game ever. Bon appétit, dickwads, Stubear out

previous thread: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3942360

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jabro
Mar 25, 2003

July Mock Draft 2014

1st PLACE
RUNNER-UP
got the knowshon




All I can say is that this is the OP the game deserves. Bravo.

Mr. Grapes!
Feb 12, 2007
Mr. who?

So they posted character-based trailers for the all the faceless gun-folk you are going to play in game.

Obviously they are chasing Woke Optics here by adding women and non-white folks. (Cool, plenty of them in WW2)

They've got a Japanese-ethnic dude in the US Army
A black guy with the UK
A woman with the Soviets


But this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8pFKKA6k44

They have an anticolonialist brown Indian woman fighting to liberate her country from colonialist oppressors.

These colonialist oppressors who control India are apparently... the Nazis?

Did this game forget which loving white people colonized India?

IM DAY DAY IRL
Jul 11, 2003

Everything's fine.

Nothing to see here.


no advanced movement, no buy. rip good cod

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007

I think I died and woke up in L.A.,
I don't know how I wound up in this place...

:canada:


IM DAY DAY IRL posted:

no advanced movement, has sbmm. no buy. rip good cod

:hmmyes:

Been fun gents, I look forward to next year's thread. :patriot:

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007

I think I died and woke up in L.A.,
I don't know how I wound up in this place...

:canada:


Mr. Grapes! posted:

So they posted character-based trailers for the all the faceless gun-folk you are going to play in game.

Obviously they are chasing Woke Optics here by adding women and non-white folks. (Cool, plenty of them in WW2)

They've got a Japanese-ethnic dude in the US Army
A black guy with the UK
A woman with the Soviets


But this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8pFKKA6k44

They have an anticolonialist brown Indian woman fighting to liberate her country from colonialist oppressors.

These colonialist oppressors who control India are apparently... the Nazis?

Did this game forget which loving white people colonized India?

I mean, isn't Gandhi on record supporting the British efforts to fight the Reich?

Mister Facetious fucked around with this message at 06:26 on Oct 28, 2021

IM DAY DAY IRL
Jul 11, 2003

Everything's fine.

Nothing to see here.


Mr. Grapes! posted:

So they posted character-based trailers for the all the faceless gun-folk you are going to play in game.

Obviously they are chasing Woke Optics here by adding women and non-white folks. (Cool, plenty of them in WW2)

They've got a Japanese-ethnic dude in the US Army
A black guy with the UK
A woman with the Soviets


But this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8pFKKA6k44

They have an anticolonialist brown Indian woman fighting to liberate her country from colonialist oppressors.

These colonialist oppressors who control India are apparently... the Nazis?

Did this game forget which loving white people colonized India?

who cares about historical accuracy in a call of duty game in 2021 lmao. a bloo bloo they got brown girls in my warcrimes franchise :qq::qq::qq:

Mr. Grapes!
Feb 12, 2007
Mr. who?

Mister Facetious posted:

I mean, isn't Gandhi on record supporting the British efforts to fight the Reich?

Yes, and millions of Indians served in the British armed forces. They joined for a variety of reasons. None of them joined to take a direct role in killing oppressors that were colonizing their own country because those people are British.

If they wanted to do that, they could (and did!) join the Indian National Army, which was an anti-British resistance force that was supported by the Axis.

This video opens with narration (in UK accent) about "colonizers spilling blood" and "Padamavati Balan despised oppressors" and has Nazis in the jungle (meant to be India) getting war-crimed on behalf of a Freedom Fighter who is working hard to liberate her oppressors from the Nazis on behalf of her oppressors.

Yes, it is CoD and obviously it is completely stupid all the time and was never very historically accurate, but it seems in their quest for Intersectionality or whatever they are going to alienate their own target audience by making the brown woman fighting an anticolonialist war of liberation on the behalf of the white guys who actually colonized her country, with a straight face.

Mr. Grapes!
Feb 12, 2007
Mr. who?

IM DAY DAY IRL posted:

who cares about historical accuracy in a call of duty game in 2021 lmao. a bloo bloo they got brown girls in my warcrimes franchise :qq::qq::qq:

I would absolutely play Brown Girl Call of Duty. I just wish they had the balls to do that instead of whitewashing UK colonialism by somehow putting the Nazis in charge of India so you could liberate the homeland from the Acceptable Bad Guys.

Let me follow AI teammates to kick in doors and slow motion shoot Dutch colonizers in Indonesia. Let me have unlimited bullets in an on-rails turret sequence against the Foreign Legion in Algeria.

I would love if we had some Vietnamese based CoD where you could storm French trenches at Dien Bien Phu, but if they ever made it they would find a way to make the bad guy Hitler or the Russians.


Just for the sheer variety, I would enjoy them dipping into other wars or even theatres of their favorite. I have personally killed more Nazi soldiers in Stalingrad than Chuikov's 62nd Army. I have stormed the beaches of Normandy more times than I can remember, complete with an enforced slow-mo sound-out sequence of watching hordes of my buddies die while on fire until it gives me control back so I can be the One Guy Who Wins D-Day. I have watched my squadmate with the bazooka get blasted apart in a dozen different trenches so I can pick it up and fire the pivotal shot at The End Boss, Tiger Tank. Sometimes instead the radio-man dies and I have to hold off unlimited numbers of brainless suicidal maniacs until the timer decides I can call in the strings section backed up by the airforce.

I would like to do it somewhere else, against anyone else.

Mr. Grapes! fucked around with this message at 07:03 on Oct 28, 2021

omg chael crash
Jul 8, 2012

Macys paid for this. Noodle Boy and Bonby are bad at video games and even worse friends.



IM DAY DAY IRL posted:

no advanced movement, no buy. rip good cod

WattsvilleBlues
Jan 25, 2005

Every demon wants his pound of flesh

Mr. Grapes! posted:

I would absolutely play Brown Girl Call of Duty. I just wish they had the balls to do that instead of whitewashing UK colonialism by somehow putting the Nazis in charge of India so you could liberate the homeland from the Acceptable Bad Guys.

Let me follow AI teammates to kick in doors and slow motion shoot Dutch colonizers in Indonesia. Let me have unlimited bullets in an on-rails turret sequence against the Foreign Legion in Algeria.

I would love if we had some Vietnamese based CoD where you could storm French trenches at Dien Bien Phu, but if they ever made it they would find a way to make the bad guy Hitler or the Russians.


Just for the sheer variety, I would enjoy them dipping into other wars or even theatres of their favorite. I have personally killed more Nazi soldiers in Stalingrad than Chuikov's 62nd Army. I have stormed the beaches of Normandy more times than I can remember, complete with an enforced slow-mo sound-out sequence of watching hordes of my buddies die while on fire until it gives me control back so I can be the One Guy Who Wins D-Day. I have watched my squadmate with the bazooka get blasted apart in a dozen different trenches so I can pick it up and fire the pivotal shot at The End Boss, Tiger Tank. Sometimes instead the radio-man dies and I have to hold off unlimited numbers of brainless suicidal maniacs until the timer decides I can call in the strings section backed up by the airforce.

I would like to do it somewhere else, against anyone else.

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to play something else.

Mill Village
Jul 27, 2007



So apparently the single player is an alternative history where WW2 doesn’t end with Hitler’s death and you have to kill Hitler 2.

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007

I think I died and woke up in L.A.,
I don't know how I wound up in this place...

:canada:


Mill Village posted:

So apparently the single player is an alternative history where WW2 doesn’t end with Hitler’s death and you have to kill Hitler 2.

They should have had each character you play as in the game team up like a D&D party; eventually facing der mechafuhrer of the Uberreich an an insane inglorious basterds pastiche, and at the end when you beat him, it pops up one of those death quotes but this time it says, "Based on a true story,"

Oh wait. Wolfenstein already exists. Yeah gently caress this game.

Happy Noodle Boy
Jul 3, 2002



Mill Village posted:

So apparently the single player is an alternative history where WW2 doesn’t end with Hitler’s death and you have to kill Hitler 2.

I believe the correct term is Mega Hitler

Mill Village
Jul 27, 2007



Kotick trying to get some good publicity for Activision before this game comes out. :laugh:

https://twitter.com/gibiz/status/1453686699893067782?s=21

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007

I think I died and woke up in L.A.,
I don't know how I wound up in this place...

:canada:


Mill Village posted:

Kotick trying to get some good publicity for Activision before this game comes out. :laugh:

https://twitter.com/gibiz/status/1453686699893067782?s=21

Go gently caress yourself prick, you're already a literal billionaire and wouldn't live long enough to spend all your money if you tried.

Happy Noodle Boy
Jul 3, 2002



Is anyone actually planning on getting vanguard or is this a joke thread

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007

I think I died and woke up in L.A.,
I don't know how I wound up in this place...

:canada:


Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Is anyone actually planning on getting vanguard or is this a joke thread

IM DAY DAY IRL posted:

no advanced movement, has sbmm, no buy. rip good cod

Qmass
Jun 3, 2003



omg chael crash
Jul 8, 2012

Macys paid for this. Noodle Boy and Bonby are bad at video games and even worse friends.



lmao I’m going to buy it

Mill Village
Jul 27, 2007



Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Is anyone actually planning on getting vanguard or is this a joke thread

Are you?

Happy Noodle Boy
Jul 3, 2002



I will listen to day day’s good thread advice on this one, I thinks.

Bonby
Jan 13, 2008


Here's to another year of disappointment where I tell goons I'll definitely play the new cod with them and then never actually do it.

Folks on the goon discord are starting to notice it

:negative:

Happy Noodle Boy
Jul 3, 2002



BobbyBaudoin posted:

Here's to another year of disappointment where I tell goons I'll definitely play the new cod with them and then never actually do it.

Folks on the goon discord are starting to notice it

:negative:

Oh we notice.

Bonby
Jan 13, 2008



I'm still buying it, so I can relive the experience of buying a cod, playing 5 matches, getting utterly hosed by zoomers on crack (despite having 2.0 kds in every cod up until black ops 4) and then never again as I wait for zombies to get more maps.

Trump
Jul 16, 2003

Cute

IM DAY DAY IRL posted:

no advanced movement, no buy. rip good cod

Is this what the movement system was called in Cold War? Because that can gently caress right off

Wazzit
Jul 16, 2004

Who wants to play video games?


Trump posted:

Is this what the movement system was called in Cold War? Because that can gently caress right off

We’ve had 4 COD games with double jumps and jetpacks but yeah, they are talking about the one where you can slide for 2 ft.

pacerhimself
Dec 30, 2008





Bonby posted:

Here's to another year of disappointment where I tell goons I'll definitely play the new cod with them and then never actually do it.

Folks on the goon discord are starting to notice it

:negative:

We still love you unconditionally.

Happy Noodle Boy
Jul 3, 2002



https://twitter.com/callofduty/status/1453770279906254853?s=21

They fly now???

Trump
Jul 16, 2003

Cute

Wazzit posted:

We’ve had 4 COD games with double jumps and jetpacks but yeah, they are talking about the one where you can slide for 2 ft.

double jumps and jet packs are nice, zero inertia spazzing around like you're on angel dust isn't.

omg chael crash
Jul 8, 2012

Macys paid for this. Noodle Boy and Bonby are bad at video games and even worse friends.



Trump posted:

double jumps and jet packs are nice, zero inertia spazzing around like you're on angel dust isn't.

hey pal, get good at it

omg chael crash
Jul 8, 2012

Macys paid for this. Noodle Boy and Bonby are bad at video games and even worse friends.




They fly now!!!

Roman
Aug 8, 2002



So are they finally removing Warzone from MW and attaching it to the Vanguard client instead? Since only WZ and Vanguard are getting the anticheat I would assume so

mfny
Aug 17, 2008


Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Is anyone actually planning on getting vanguard or is this a joke thread

I will likely be buying because Battlefield also looks pretty meh this year and I do enjoy COD more then BF overall historically so will perhaps tolerate more meh for that reason ? idk.

eonwe
Aug 11, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

Bonby posted:

Here's to another year of disappointment where I tell goons I'll definitely play the new cod with them and then never actually do it.

Folks on the goon discord are starting to notice it

:negative:

hey bud, I do this too

I want to play with people and then i'm like

but then id have to talk to people and then i just play multiplayer without a group lmao

Bonby
Jan 13, 2008


So there's a bunch of changes that are coming to the game day one, here's a video on them https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6iS3YKng04

Here's a tl;dr

- Dead silence is back as a perk but they've put it in the same selection row as ghost.

- They're making visibility much better overall, reducing the smoke and muzzle flash that comes out of guns (which would absolutely cover your target in the beta)

- They've fixed a bunch of effect ''haze'' effects that would distort ADS (like aiming near a fire)

- They've done a complete overhaul for audio, which is good because the mixing was friggin terrible.

- Footsteps are silent if you are crouched or even ADS'd WITHOUT dead silence equipped.

- Getting hit with a nade or incendiary won't slow you down like it used to in the beta

- a bunch of gun changes, the highlight for me is that ammo conversions have more tradeoffs instead of being straight up better than anything else.

- the UAV and CUAV (spyplanes) have reduced health and are easier to hit with launchers (it was literally impossible before)

- I haven't listed them all, just those I felt were the most relevant.


Those are all good changes, but they've admitted that spawns are essentially STILL gonna be hosed for a month or two, rip.

mfny
Aug 17, 2008


Bonby posted:

So there's a bunch of changes that are coming to the game day one, here's a video on them https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6iS3YKng04

Here's a tl;dr

- Dead silence is back as a perk but they've put it in the same selection row as ghost.

- They're making visibility much better overall, reducing the smoke and muzzle flash that comes out of guns (which would absolutely cover your target in the beta)

- They've fixed a bunch of effect ''haze'' effects that would distort ADS (like aiming near a fire)

- They've done a complete overhaul for audio, which is good because the mixing was friggin terrible.

- Footsteps are silent if you are crouched or even ADS'd WITHOUT dead silence equipped.

- Getting hit with a nade or incendiary won't slow you down like it used to in the beta

- a bunch of gun changes, the highlight for me is that ammo conversions have more tradeoffs instead of being straight up better than anything else.

- the UAV and CUAV (spyplanes) have reduced health and are easier to hit with launchers (it was literally impossible before)

- I haven't listed them all, just those I felt were the most relevant.


Those are all good changes, but they've admitted that spawns are essentially STILL gonna be hosed for a month or two, rip.

A developer responding to feedback .. I am shocked.

Happy Noodle Boy
Jul 3, 2002



bonby can't fool me by posting his own videos

Roman
Aug 8, 2002



I thought the holosights in the game were stupid but apparently they did have reflector sights back in the 40s and earlier, though not widely used IRL



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RCarr
Dec 24, 2007



Is there not a way to preview finishing move animations?

I could have sworn there was.

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