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Cryogenically freeze our kids and thaw them out once we've figured this whole thing out.
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Jun 4, 2022 11:35
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Mahatma-Squid posted:Teach children to not react when their classmates are being shot, if the school shooter doesn't get a reaction he'll just get bored and stop. The real problem is the active shooter training we're currently teaching. Most of the shooters are fresh out of school themselves, so all active shooter training does is teach the next generation of shooters how to take countermeasures. Instead, dress each schoolchild in a bomb vest connected to a heart rate monitor. This way, the shooter is likely to be taken out by the first blast, ending the spree before it really gets going.
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Jun 4, 2022 11:50
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Install powerful jet engines on the schools to have them constantly flying around the Earth at approximately 12,000 feet above the surface. Load the children up in the morning, fly them around all day, drop them off in an undisclosed location so any bad guys with guns can't find them.
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Jun 4, 2022 11:54
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A Fancy Hat posted:Install powerful jet engines on the schools to have them constantly flying around the Earth at approximately 12,000 feet above the surface. You fool, how will good guys with a guns know how to protect them if they don't know where they are
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Jun 4, 2022 12:18
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If those fatcats in Washington won't do anything, we're going to have to take matters into our own hands. Let's start a citizen's brigade to burn all the fossil fuels we possibly can, accelerating climate change and the collapse of civilization as we know it! Most potential school shooters will end up victims of roaming cannibal gangs due to their inability to socialise and function within a group, and any that don't won't have any schools to shoot up anyway!
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Jun 4, 2022 12:28
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Strategic Tea posted:You fool, how will good guys with a guns know how to protect them if they don't know where they are Obviously we have 20-30 good guys with guns, preferably veterans, with jetpacks. They will follow the school around all day, adding an additional layer of safety to the flying school. Also I just need to note that these schools will be PRIVATE schools, I don't want my tax dollars funding a bunch of THUG KIDS getting a chance to fly in the air!!
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Jun 4, 2022 12:38
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Every classroom in the little cave where that boys football team got stuck, and the only entry point when class starts is Elon's coffin submarine
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Jun 4, 2022 12:53
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Pick our kids up from school early that day.
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Jun 4, 2022 13:13
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Ban girls from receiving education. Instantly halving the number of possible victims and also providing them with valuable experience in being in the kitchen all day as The Good Lord intended.
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Jun 4, 2022 13:22
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Mahatma-Squid posted:burn all the fossil fuels we possibly can, accelerating climate change and the collapse of civilization as we know it! Ooh good news on that front.
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Jun 4, 2022 13:23
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A rough cocktail napkin outline so far, but definitely an achievable framework with enough private backing: 1) Dam all the rivers 2) Restart Darpa's defunct Matrix projects. Note: brains in jar Sure it might lead to a centuries long man-machine war, but who's going to lone gun a virtual school when it's filled with IMMORTAL FORTNITE GODS?!
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Jun 4, 2022 19:13
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School is held at the city dump, so shooters are like "gross, I'm not gonna go to the dump"
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Jun 4, 2022 19:18
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The government should force all children to do their schooling from home over zoom for a few more years. that way they'll only be subject to the much less visible domestic violence
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Jun 4, 2022 20:57
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Ban birth control and abortions so the mass shootings aren’t as impactful to the overall number of children. This is an alignment of existing values. Man it hurt to write that aaa but it will be said at some point by someone in the public eye
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Jun 4, 2022 21:17
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Convert every child's and teacher's desk into a Maginot line style bunker Backpacks with some gimmicky made for TV style bullshit in them Slick new training package for cops Issue tazers to all children below 5th grade and firearms to all older children
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Jun 4, 2022 22:49
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Transfer every student to that Uvalde school There can't be 2 school shootings in the same school. It's just science Plus the cops are going to be super ready in case it happens again
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Jun 16, 2022 02:41
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Resume covid lockdown
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Jun 16, 2022 03:24
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schools + shooting ranges: same building
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Jun 16, 2022 03:27
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Comfy Fleece Sweater posted:Ukuleles are banned destroying all the ukeleles would make the world a little better in general
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Jun 16, 2022 03:34
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All school children will be classified as enemy combatants until they graduate, and we will celebrate school shooters Rittenhouse style by retroactively deciding that They Had It Coming, They Were No Angels.
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Jun 16, 2022 03:38
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Pail of rocks or baseballs beside each desk to pelt the terrorist while the teacher gets the shotgun Alternatively, the desk transforms into a turret with bulletproof glass and now the terrorist has 30 tennis ball turrets trained on them, american gladiator style, while the teacher gets the joust to pound them into submission. In this exercise, the teacher's code name is always Blaze
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Jun 16, 2022 07:30
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Teacher is responsible for bringing a dog into the classroom to attack anyone with a rifle or is taught to shoot lasers from a shoulder-mounted turret.
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Jun 16, 2022 07:33
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Upload children to the cloud instead of sending them to school. Our gracious sponsors at SKYNET say that they've had wonderful results from their artificially intelligent teaching systems, far better than human teachers, and children universally come back much better behaved to boot!
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Jun 16, 2022 08:37
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sb hermit posted:Teacher is responsible for bringing a dog into the classroom to attack anyone with a rifle or is taught to shoot lasers from a shoulder-mounted turret. Autonomous dog-mounted laser turret.
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Jun 16, 2022 08:47
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Reduce society to small villages so that everyone can know everyone on an individual level and we can deal with societal and cultural deviations swiftly and in public.
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Jun 16, 2022 08:56
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Teach our children the secret Thousand Fists of Fei-Lang technique.
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Jun 16, 2022 09:57
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All children must wear hats which incorporate guns with systems which identify who is a Bad Guy* and automatically fire at them. *The details of this can be figured out later. All children are taught a password. This password changes hourly and must be given at every door within the school otherwise the floor becomes electrified. This system will not only electrify any potential intruder, it will also cleanse the school of forgetfulness.
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Jun 16, 2022 10:04
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Engineer an extremely contagious virus that makes non-remote learning way too dangerous to consider. Additionally, you also close most businesses and prevent large gatherings from occurring. There will never be enough people in one place for it to qualify as a mass shooting if people just follow the rules.
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Jun 16, 2022 10:39
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Make bullets children proof
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Jun 16, 2022 10:48
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Instill a sense of belonging and worth in children through discipline and hard work so they don't end up as shooters. This requires hard work by the parents and we all know most parents are not doing enough to teach their children how to act right. That goes double for the kids that end up in the system or with grandparents. Let's just give them the internet and hope the algorithm doesn't stream hateful content into their eyes (although that's totally worth them being quiet and easy to manage for awhile)
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Jun 18, 2022 19:04
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Maybe actually instilling a bit of empathy in children so that they're more inclusive of socially outcast peers could also help
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Jun 18, 2022 19:40
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so I guess a local solution is to convert the dilapidated ice cream parlor into the local fortnite gaming scene give the parents a little extra malt in their sodas to keep them satiated
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Jun 18, 2022 19:42
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Install empathy 98 SE on all children to the extent that as soon as the shooter fires the first shot (or ideally before) they feel the pain of a thousand victims and immediately cease their rampage. Electrify all school floors and link the switch to a gunshot sensor. That way if anyone bursts in and fires they (along with any errant children who are out of their seats when they shouldn't be) get a spicy surprise.
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Jun 18, 2022 19:49
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Sir Sidney Poitier posted:Install empathy 98 SE on all children to the extent that as soon as the shooter fires the first shot (or ideally before) they feel the pain of a thousand victims and immediately cease their rampage. kids being kids, some of the older ones might try to activate it on its own so that lil johnny can feel anything besides the ennui of a continued existence after he gets dumped by Jenny because they're going to different colleges. Soon, someone will hack it so that it automatically activates after listening to any Carpenters song, even an elevator music cover. The world watches in horror as 70s pop music sweetheart Karen Carpenter is summarily excised from the western music canon. 2030 goths are well known for playing Top of the World on repeat. quote:Electrify all school floors and link the switch to a gunshot sensor. That way if anyone bursts in and fires they (along with any errant children who are out of their seats when they shouldn't be) get a spicy surprise. Kids are going to sneak in fireworks or other explosive mechanisms as a prank and it will be a rising arms race to escape detection and also inflict massive amounts of pain on students between classes.
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Jun 18, 2022 20:42
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