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Ten or so years ago I was a chef at a very, very upscale hotel/resort where once a year a delegation of strict orthodox jews from new york would come for a conference and essentially take the place over. Because I'm not jewish by birth or whatever, the rabbi had to make me and the staff temporarily jewish so we could handle the meats and the milks withouh condemning each and every diner to eternal torment in hell. We had to close our eyes while the rabbi said some words, and when he was done we could do whatever we wanted with the food and utensils and nobody would roast in hell for all eternity because I touched cheese and meat in the same general timeframe. My question is, am I still jewish? Does the spell of enchanting wear off after a set period of time? With great power comes great responsibilty so I want to make sure uncle ben doesn't get murdered by some degenerate (culinarily speaking) if I still posess these sacred gifts
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Nov 11, 2022 02:16
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 20:37 |
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Oh gently caress. We forgot to un-Jew this guy. He could be anywhere by now.
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Nov 11, 2022 02:20
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Do you have a foreskin? Quick, check your penis!
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Nov 11, 2022 02:22
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Nah if you are doing poo poo out of fear of hell you are definitely catholic.
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Nov 11, 2022 02:27
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One time a Jewish friend brought over cookies. After she left my brother in-law showed up and tried one, remarking, "These taste Jewish." He never really was able to explain what he meant. Does your food taste Jewish, OP?
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Nov 11, 2022 02:33
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Foreskin intact, kosher pickles taste good, but so do ham and cheese sandwiches 
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Nov 11, 2022 02:35
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Dang, a real head scratcher!
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Nov 11, 2022 02:37
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Jillian poo poo posted:Foreskin intact, kosher pickles taste good, but so do ham and cheese sandwiches Lol hey pal, if you want this meal kosher you’re gonna have to supply the paste-on temporary foreskins. 
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Nov 11, 2022 02:37
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It just occurred to me that maybe the rabbi made me jew-ish, not jewish
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Nov 11, 2022 02:39
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You're not Jewish, just kosher-style.
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Nov 11, 2022 02:40
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The Kosher Buff wears off around 24 hours after the Rabbi casts it.
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Nov 11, 2022 02:48
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why didn’t he just have you handle the food through a hole in a sheet?
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Nov 11, 2022 02:51
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That depends on the rabbi's caster level, I think
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Nov 11, 2022 02:54
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When I worked for Syrian Jews, they had three microwaves in the breakroom but only one Lavazza machine.
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Nov 11, 2022 02:54
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We are all Jewish OP.
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Nov 11, 2022 03:00
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Jillian poo poo posted:Foreskin intact, kosher pickles taste good, but so do ham and cheese sandwiches RE: foreskin; do you feel guilt or do you feel shame- if you feel guilt, the buff is still active. If you feel shame, you may have a residual Catholic blessing on you, if you're feeling horny you may just be an athiest and you will receive no effects from buffs (unless you want to). I'm half Jewish and I just smoke weed and get high but your milage may vary
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Nov 11, 2022 03:01
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I'm still confused. I don't feel anything! So am I jewish?
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Nov 11, 2022 03:04
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Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:RE: foreskin; do you feel guilt or do you feel shame- if you feel guilt, the buff is still active. If you feel shame, you may have a residual Catholic blessing on you, if you're feeling horny you may just be an athiest and you will receive no effects from buffs (unless you want to). Yeah I was always an athiest and am horny 24/7 so I dunno
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Nov 11, 2022 03:05
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The duration of the buff depends on the power level of the rabbi.
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Nov 11, 2022 03:20
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Not sure that's how the kosher rules work
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Nov 11, 2022 03:25
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Jillian poo poo posted:I'm still confused. I don't feel anything! So am I jewish? gently caress yeah, now you’re gettin it! 
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Nov 11, 2022 03:31
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wilfredmerriweathr posted:Not sure that's how the kosher rules work not sure you're a real rabbi!
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Nov 11, 2022 03:32
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Sophy Wackles posted:The duration of the buff depends on the power level of the rabbi. Yeah whatever cheap poo poo you got at the hospital is garbage, gotta go round 2 on that poo poo.
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Nov 11, 2022 03:33
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Don't be a cheapass OP, hire a rabbi to perform the ceremony on you again, and tip 'em enough to make it stick (be prepared to barter),
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Nov 11, 2022 03:51
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BigBadSteve posted:Don't be a cheapass OP, hire a rabbi to perform the ceremony on you again, and tip 'em enough to make it stick (be prepared to barter), I thought it was usually the rabbi that took care of the tip?
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Nov 11, 2022 05:18
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potato latkes with: A. Apple sauce B. Sour cream choose wisely
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Nov 11, 2022 06:21
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Only 1 way to be sure OP. Rub a bunch of bacon all over your body and cleanse yourself in the holy spirit of Jesus Christ.
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Nov 11, 2022 06:25
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reminds me of the french GIGN that had to convert to islam during the Grand Mosque seizure
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Nov 11, 2022 06:37
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Sorry OP, you now like Gefilte Fish. That's the rules.
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Nov 11, 2022 06:38
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I think after 90 days without a refresher it becomes a curse. Or wait maybe I just wanna watch drag me to hell
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Nov 11, 2022 06:45
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I need a shtickel of hummus for this pita bread
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Nov 11, 2022 06:45
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Can I have some latkes? Those always sounded pretty good.
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Nov 11, 2022 06:47
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Look down, at your balls. Are they matzah?
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Nov 11, 2022 07:15
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We're not giving you the vegetable, OP. That is our secret to keep.
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Nov 11, 2022 07:36
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well first off, how is business?
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Nov 11, 2022 07:47
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i think the most likely explanation is that the rabbi's spell fizzled. you would've noticed if you had turned jewish, and if you didn't feel anything then the spell didn't work. maybe you weren't properly grouped up when he cast it. it can only apply to party members. unfortunately that means all those people you served, they're going straight to jewish hell
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Nov 11, 2022 08:00
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I was a groomsman at a Jewish wedding, but they didn’t make me wear a yarmulke because they realized it looked stupid on my big fat Irish Catholic head.
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Nov 11, 2022 11:11
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the spell he cast was a shielding spell, meant to shield the food from your dirty, dirty hands. you were never actually jewish, even temporarily, and there's no such thing as a 24/7 shield spell without somebody dedicating a crapload of mana to it 24/7.
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Nov 11, 2022 11:20
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Protection from Food and Evil
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Nov 11, 2022 11:28
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Motherfucker posted:Protection from Food and Evil
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Nov 11, 2022 11:34
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