Good Citizen posted:

it's really more a muffia than a cartel

Sagebrush posted:

A while ago someone posted this long run-on sentence about something or other (I think it was just an E/N post about stuff that had been happening in their life) and another poster commented that it sounded like a verse of "Blinded by the Light" which it absolutely did. Does anyone have that quote?

PopeCrunch posted:

The tortilla fedora caught fire in the oven when I was trying to crisp it up a little, the rice paper trucker cap just CRUMBLED INTO DUST when I picked it up after spending an hour making the loving thing, and the pancake hat was just floppy and dumb like my fat dumb asscheeks.

blk posted:

Counselor: OK, for our next session I want you to think of a totem that symbolizes who you are - some object, icon or picture.

Me: OK

*later*

Counselor: OK, did you choose a totem?

Me: Yes, I chose Concorde.

Counselor: The plane? Why's that?

Me: We both spend more money than we make, both can't see past the end of our nose, the 1% ride on our backs, we both like to go fast and we both have a drinking problem.

fool_of_sound posted:

I think someone asked for it earlier in this thread too, or maybe the Quote/Coat/Goats thread. Aren't archives still down though?

edit: PopeCrunch posted the original sentence in some LP thread.

edit again: found it

ToxicSlurpee posted:

Because juice is literally magic. Apparently. I don't know, I know people who religiously juice all sorts of stuff because reasons and nutrients. A lot of it goes back to wellness centers and stuff like "this particular blend of juices will cure X ailment and rebalance Y thing." It comes down to marketing; juice companies managed to convince people that juice is magic so a lot of people have glommed onto it.

Darth Freddy posted:

So the fact that I like V8 juice means that I will never get sick or get cancer?

Lumberjack Bonanza posted:

*bops a terminal, nearly skeletal kid on his deathbed*

Could'a had a V8!

Slugworth posted:

Everything in this thread, basically. Ridiculously convoluted and constantly evolving pet names, full blown conversations, and non stop singing about the wiggliness of their butts, or how Dottie is the dottiest Dotty that ever dottied.

And then one day, my girlfriend came inside from smoking and said "you know people outside can hear you, right?"

Whoops.

Travic posted:

Soda is called soda because it contains a Sodium compound (Sodium Bicarbonate).

flakeloaf posted:

I thought it was called that because of the "pop" sound the bottles made when you opened them.

cowboythreespeech posted:

No, people just use the brand name to refer to any kind.

Mans posted:

You know how there's this conspiracy theory that the United States, Saudi Arabia and Russia are all agreeing on not actually doing anything serious on Iraq and Syria because the civil wars are dragging an incredible amount of Jihadists into that area to be properly spied on via satelite and die like dogs by the thousands, meaning less Taliban in Afghanistan, less fundamentalists competing with Arabia's nutcase of a Sheikdom and less Chechens willing to blow themselves up in Moscow (preferring Allepo's Mediterranean weather)?


the fashion thread does to bad fashion what middle eastern civil wars do to islamic fundamentalists

cowboythreespeech posted:

Gorilla Salad posted:

It's ridiculous, who even pronounces sword as sword anyway

omg chael crash posted:

I say sword, don't know about you people. Might be an East Coast thing.

Cream-of-Plenty posted:

I say "s-word" because swords are a taboo concept in my culture.

dromal phrenia posted:

if koos is made admin i will probably post 'the koos is loose' a lot fyi

Cygni posted:

< Message:[F-serve active! Type "!killme" for access! Unlimited leech! Sharing thousands of hot hot soul crushing pics of your ex significant others in deep relationships with other people, your racist uncle implying Obama was born in North Korea, and a literal neverending supply of engagement and baby pictures to make you feel even more alone!] - SysReset2.45

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

i get a kick out of shooing futurewife out of the kitchen because i'm the cook and the kitchen is man's work and no place for a lady (as evidenced by the overwhelming majority of elite chefs being men)

Spooky Bear Ghost posted:

whats more manly than knives fire and dead animals?

MORE CURLY FRIES posted:

loving another dude

GOTTA STAY FAI posted:

REQUESTING A QUOTE

something something Parisian catacombs something something nigga have you tried LSD

Triticum Guzzler posted:

its really amazing how the actions of goons and mods are so freaking far beyond the pale that its actually impossible for a bystander to believe.

proposal: i am going to make an environmentally sustainable yoga retreat in hawaii

reality: a y2k survivalist paid goons a "food stipend" to help me clearcut a rainforest, dig a road by hand, torture and mutilate animals to death on camera, and bathe in/drink from an improperly filtered kiddy pool that wild hogs poo poo and pissed in

proposal: i am going to make a fun zipline for kids at camp

reality: a goon spent tens of thousands of dollars constructing a machine that kills children, entirely by accident

proposal: a fad diet thread in the exercise forum

reality: a mentally ill man resembling a melted candle, the pied piper of ham joints, told people that eating nothing but eggs and bacon and lard in paint buckets (they were literally buying and eating buckets full of lard in the name of good health) would not only make them lose weight, but was so healthy it would cure heart disease and cancer. an enormous fat powerlifter who cant run for 20 seconds probated and banned anyone who challenged this wisdom until it lead to a man barely in his 20s being prescribed statins.

proposal: a thread about animal husbandry in the pet forum

reality: a moderator unrepentantly killed animals with ac/dc hadoukens and probated people who asked questions

proposal: a forum for "responsible drug users" and "harm reduction"

reality: a man falls through the earth and into parisian catacombs. taking a torch from the wall he spies row upon row of skeletons. grasping the nearest by the shoulders, he shakes it madly, yelling "my nigga have u tried lsd"

door Door door posted:

Anyone have a link to the PI one? I'd heard of all the others but that one still managed to surprise me.

Mighty Stalker posted:

Snoop Dog had been shooting up so much that when they recorded his new album he had to be propped up on one of those Hannibal Lecter things. When they held up the microphone to his face for him, Snoop dog instinctively started singing "smoke weed everyday" in a low monotone voice. After about 20 minutes, snoop dog nodded off into a junk induced coma. The recording studio autotuned it anyway, note for tortured note.

Triskelli posted:

Jesus Christ, did those things happen in meatspace? How?

Triskelli posted:

Jesus Christ, did those things happen in meatspace? How?

cock hero flux posted:

All of them literally happened except the last one which is slightly exaggerated in that the skeleton was actually someone who was still alive but physically resembled a skeleton.

Effectronica posted:

jesus could kill you with a touch, being the first fist of the north star

Squirrel Burger posted:

The FYAD thread dedicated to following the Low Carb megathread is, post for post, completely quotable.

Kavak posted:

I've heard about one and two, but never in detail.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Dear Friend,

Hello! I am very sorry that you are reading this page right
now instead of posting hilarious comedy on the internet.
I'm sure this issue will resolve itself soon.
Thanks,

SA Support Robot

TetsuoTW posted:

A goon tried to build a zipline for a summer camp but built it with such a steep downslope on it that it was less a zipline and more a railgun that fired children.

Squirrel Burger posted:

Looks like the whole site is hosed up, I can't even access YLLS.

HOW COULD YOU posted:

yeah heads up, if you have archives and you used that little dropdown bar to change years on a board, you won't be able to access any board until you log out and back in.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Dear Friend,

Hello! I am very sorry that you are reading this page right
now instead of posting hilarious comedy on the internet.
I'm sure this issue will resolve itself soon.
Thanks,

SA Support Robot

cock hero flux posted:

All of them literally happened except the last one which is slightly exaggerated in that the skeleton was actually someone who was still alive but physically resembled a skeleton.

Raskolnikov38 posted:

It was a zipline that fired children directly at giant wooden posts that he wanted to wrap in mattresses to cushion their impact.

Meursault Horny posted:

That poo poo looks Treepunk as hell

Kimmalah posted:

If it's the poster I think you're talking about, she's probably an actual skeleton by now since it was pretty obvious her addiction was going to kill her and last I heard she hasn't posted in very long time.

A CRUNK BIRD posted:

She hasn't posted since February and she was slamming dirty junk into her muscles because her veins were all ruined. She's probably fine.

A CRUNK BIRD posted:

She hasn't posted since February and she was slamming dirty junk into her muscles because her veins were all ruined. She's probably fine.

Kimmalah posted:

If it's the poster I think you're talking about, she's probably an actual skeleton by now since it was pretty obvious her addiction was going to kill her and last I heard she hasn't posted in very long time.

syscall girl posted:

Ponce de Le0n posted:

Something that definitely happened was, proposal: a mod challenge to poo poo on a dreamcast

Reality: goons don't believe the op, they think he just poured beans on a dream cast so scores of goons set about showing him how its really done and begin submitting nintendos and ps2s full of poo poo to the thread, goons even begin cumming on remote controls, another begins blowing them up.